“We’ll see.” He deferred diplomatically. She knew he didn’t like admitting she had a point. But he couldn’t realistically expect her to stay cooped up in the apartment forever. He leaned back against the sofa and closed his eyes with a jaw cracking yawn.
He looked so damn tired. Kat found herself wanting to comfort him, but she had no idea how to begin. He had been trying and failing to avenge his sister for over a hundred years. She loved his strength and his humor, and even his ridiculously overdeveloped sense of responsibility. Dear Lord, she was falling in love with him! Probably not a good idea, even if she had the ability to control it. She barely knew him and though he might care about her, she was nothing more than an obligation that he felt responsible for at the moment. She could almost hear her mother’s voice; if you don’t go after what you want, how do you ever expect to get it? So, maybe she should take what she could get for as long as she had it. What did she have to lose besides her heart? She suspected it was already lost, anyway. She slid from the chair to sit at his feet, stacking her hands on his solid thigh and resting her chin on them. If he was surprised by her action, he hid it well and simply placed one large hand on her head and stroked her hair absently.
“Kassian?”
“Mmmm?” His head had fallen back and his eyes were closed again. He began winding long tendrils of her hair around his fingers.
“Why didn’t you tell me about Callista?”
He picked his head up, brows drawn together. “Who told you…never mind, I’ll be having a talk with my brother later,” he said tightly as he answered his own question before he finished it.
“Why didn’t you tell me yourself?”
“I don’t know…” He sighed and put his head back again, closing his eyes as if it hurt to look at her. “Maybe I needed you to believe I could protect you...maybe I needed to believe it. I sure as hell didn’t protect her.” Kat’s heart ached at the raw honesty in his voice. Part of her wished she had his sister in front of her right now; she would have liked to, well, slap her. Hard. Callista had known Kassian as well as anyone. Had she spared one thought for what her actions might cost the people who loved her? Why hadn’t she waited? She understood the risk and she went anyway. Kat quickly suppressed her reaction. She knew in her heart Callista had paid a higher price than anyone for her foolishness.
“McAllister, I know you’ll never admit that maybe I can take care of myself, though I might surprise you, but that aside, I do believe you can protect me. And I also believe that you protected your sister…inasmuch as she allowed it. She was a big girl who made her own decisions…you could protect her from a lot of things but no one could have protected her from herself. By all means, kill Rapier if you have to…but do it because it needs to be done, not because you have to make up for any failure on your part.”
He didn’t open his eyes, but the corners of his mouth tugged up slightly. “It seems everyone’s trying to let me off the hook tonight.”
“What?”
“Nothing.” He opened his eyes and pulled her up to lie beside him, tucking her under his shoulder. “Luca said something like that earlier.”
“Did he?” she responded thoughtfully laying her head cautiously on the pillow of his chest right over his heart and draping an arm across his flat middle. “Maybe he has more sense than I gave him credit for.” Her tank top had ridden up and his hand rested in the curve of her waist, his thumb stroking absently below her ribcage. His other hand tipped her chin up allowing him to reach her lips. His mouth was soft as he slowly rubbed his lips on hers, nipping at her lower lip with his teeth and flicking his tongue along the crease of her lips. She felt a slow coil of heat unfurl in her stomach and begin to spread lower. She extended the tip of her tongue to tentatively sweep along his full lower lip. His stomach muscles tightened under her hand in reaction and he pulled her closer, hitching her up by the waist to give him better access. His tongue swept inside, seeking, stroking, plundering, as if he couldn’t get enough of the kiss, enough of her. His hands moved restlessly, possessively over whatever bit of her skin he could find and left a path of fire in their wake. He skimmed his hand along her back, down her spine, to knead her smooth, firm buttocks through her flannel pants. Desire exploded through her body, and Kat moved restlessly, against him, wanting more. Her hand swept across his taut stomach, and splayed across his wide, smooth chest. As her nails lightly grazed his small, hard nipple, she heard him suck in a breath. Her fingers caressed a path that traced the well-defined muscles of his stomach and took her perilously close to the waistband of his jeans. As her seeking fingers, of their own accord, began moving lower, he snatched her hand with a painful groan and brought it to his chest where he held it trapped beneath his, and dropped his own hand back to her waist. She felt the force of his heart hammering frantically against her palm. She raised her eyes to his with passion and confusion clouding her vision. Her breathing was as harsh and ragged as his. He sighed, but it sounded more like a growl vibrating in his chest.
Kat had been so caught up in the unfamiliar sensations, she hadn’t been aware of a thing; she only knew that once again, Kassian had been the one to pull away. Her cheeks burned as she realized she’d practically thrown herself at him. Then she became aware of the sounds coming from behind the guestroom door. She had completely forgotten Alec was there! She started to pull away, but Kassian hauled her back against him.
“Just stay here and let me hold you while I sleep. Okay?”
He dropped a kiss on her mouth, tugged her tank down, and then tucked her head under his chin. He yanked the throw from the back of the couch and tossed it over both of them, effectively concealing the obvious bulge tenting his jeans.
Kat smiled into his chest. While he was kissing her, she’d gotten a brief glimpse into his mind. She hadn’t had time to read him too closely, but she thought maybe his feelings for her went beyond mere duty. It was a revelation she held close to her heart.
“Kassian…”
“Hmmm?”
“Do you remember when you said you thought I must have some Earthbound in me?”
“Mmm hmmm.” He didn’t open his eyes and his thumb continued to stroke the indentation of her waist in a lazy, relaxed fashion.
“I think you’re right. Does the name Lillian Brookes mean anything to you?” She wished that had sounded as casual and careless as she’d planned.
His hand at her waist stilled and his eyes flew open as though the question hit him like a slap. He didn’t answer immediately, but his reaction was answer enough. He definitely knew the name. His hand came up to tangle in her hair and he tilted her head back to look at her. Her wide gray eyes met his steadily.
“Why?”
****
She continued looking at him, raised a brow, and shrugged. The truth hit him like a freight train. He sat up so quickly that only his arm about her waist kept her from tumbling to the floor. The vague familiarity he sensed from the moment he met her, her incredible psychic sensitivity, the “static electricity” when she was angry or upset…her inexplicable hostility toward Luca. Everything suddenly made sense.
“She was my mother.” She drew a deep, shaky breath. “And I think it’s possible that Luca…”
“…is your brother.” He finished for her. It wasn’t a question. His voice was strangely flat.
Kassian only vaguely remembered Lilly Brookes, but he well remembered Nicola Fiorelli’s obsession with the woman. When the relationship ended, Nicola had gone on a solitary killing spree that eliminated more Fallen in one year than the Defensori had managed to eradicate in the previous three decades. Then he’d gone into seclusion, cutting himself off from everyone, including his only son. Luca had been left alone years before his father finally died. Kat said she was twenty-five…the timeline certainly fit.
Kassian released her and got to his feet. The tender lover of moments ago had left the building; a cold stranger had taken his place in the space of a heartbeat. Facing the fireplace, he braced
his hands against the mantel, the massive sword undulating over his taut and twitching back muscles.
“How long have you known?” The words were bitten out.
“I guess from the moment he appeared in my living room. I never knew my father. After my mother died… I found a photo of the two of them in a locket in her nightstand. I could see the resemblance and knew it must be my father…but I had no idea who he was or how to find him. Since he’d left before I was born and never attempted to contact me, I figured he wouldn’t welcome me looking for him anyway. I tried to forget about it…until I saw Luca. He looked so much like the picture of my father, I knew it couldn’t be a coincidence. All my differences suddenly began to make sense.”
“And you expect me to believe you had no idea what we were…what you were…or that Luca existed? You expect me to believe that your mother never told you any of this?” Kassian began in a low, controlled voice, then stopped and cleared his throat as if the words were stuck.
“What? Of course, I didn’t know!”
He didn’t turn, he couldn’t answer. Had she used him to get to Luca? His lungs suddenly felt too tight to draw in air. He knew he was throwing off waves and waves of emotion. He made no attempt to block it. Her empathy had to be sensing it and at the moment he didn’t care. Her easy acceptance of everything was suddenly so clear.
“Well, Nicola is dead so you can forget about a big, happy reunion with him and Lillian Brookes is a big part of the reason. Don’t expect Luca to welcome you with open arms,” he said harshly.
“My father was dead to me my whole life, and I never knew Luca existed, so I guess I’m really not missing anything, am I? Believe what you will, McAllister,” she murmured in a voice thick with hurt and disbelief. “I almost convinced myself that there was something for me here, that maybe I belonged in your world in a way I’d never belonged in mine. I thought you were different. I guess it was pretty naïve of me. At least in my world, I never got sucker punched; experience taught me to expect nothing; I always knew where I stood.”
He didn’t move. He didn’t speak. Kassian was exuding a chill that was palpable. Even the heat from the fire could not dispel the sudden drop in temperature.
****
Kat felt a sick jolt, as though someone had kicked her in the gut wearing steel-toed boots. Clearly, if Kassian McAllister had any feelings for her at all, trust wasn’t among them. And without trust there didn’t seem to be much point in anything else. She felt his emotions swirling about him and filling the space between them like a thick, dark cloud. She knew he could block them, so obviously he meant for her to feel them. He’d been in her mind, yet he clearly didn’t know her at all.
She wrapped every ounce of dignity she could muster around herself like a suit of armor and rose stiffly to her feet. She walked into the bedroom and closed the door behind her with a quiet click. Quickly pulling on jeans and a sweater, she pushed her bare feet into her tennis shoes and stuffed her few belongings into her duffle. Then she grabbed her car keys from the dresser where Kassian had tossed them, and shoved them in her pocket. She didn’t fit in here any more than she did anywhere else; she’d been kidding herself. Well, at least she’d learned exactly where she stood before it had gone any further. She’d been alone before and she could be alone again. Solitude was better than a brother who didn’t want her and a man who didn’t trust her. Being alone wasn’t so bad if you didn’t know any other alternative. And now that she did? Well, the hell with Kassian McAllister and his whole messed up world. She’d given him the benefit of the doubt and trusted him at every turn; and some of those turns had been real hairpins. In return he’d taken her heart and handed it back to her sliced and diced on a silver platter. She’d been fooling herself to think that she’d ever been anything more to him than an inopportune burden. And she probably didn’t love him anyway; she’d only allowed herself to believe she felt something because he’d been so accepting of her abilities. At the moment, she didn’t even like him. She took a last look around to make sure she hadn’t forgotten anything, and opened the door.
Kassian remained exactly as she’d left him, his shoulders bunched tensely, his hands white knuckling the mantel. He didn’t acknowledge her presence and if he read her distress, he gave no indication. She couldn’t speak beyond the painful ache lodged in her throat. It didn’t matter; there was nothing left to say.
She reached for the knob and wrenched open the door.
“Don’t even think about it.”
“Go to hell.”
****
He turned finally, and winced at the sight of her pain bright eyes, feeling like he’d kicked a puppy. He knew that his knee jerk reaction was three hundred and sixty degrees from the truth; too bad his insecurity hadn’t kept its opinion to itself until his common sense kicked in. From the moment he brought her home it had been all about him. He’d arrogantly decided what was best for her and whether or not he would keep her and never bothered to consider how she felt about anything. He’d selfishly and arbitrarily brought her into his life and his world and expected her to accept it while he never thought to learn anything about hers. There was no way she could have known about Luca. No one had known that Kassian would be at the party so she could hardly have planned the meeting; that aside, all he had to do was remember her reaction to Luca’s appearance in her living room. She had been shocked senseless. Not even a professional could act that well. He’d thought at the time that her reaction was all about the animorti, but in hindsight he realized that had only been part of it. Hell, she hadn’t known about anything until after she’d met him; he could see that now. When had he become such a complete ass? He swore softly and would have moved toward her if the coffee table hadn’t chosen that moment to slide across the room and slam into his shins right below his knees, painfully and effectively halting his progress.
“Did I forget to mention I was telekinetic, too?” She didn’t even try to keep the bitterness from her voice. “My bad…I guess I’m so used to weaving my complicated webs of deception that I can’t keep them straight, huh?”
“Kat, I didn’t mean it. I …” He didn’t have to be able to read her mind to know what she was thinking; the truth was written all over her face. He’d asked for her trust and she’d given it without hesitation. But he hadn’t trusted her in return. He wanted to kick himself…except at the moment his shins throbbed like hell from the hit they’d taken.
“Yeah,” she interrupted firmly. “Well, don’t worry about me, McAllister, I’m used to people’s misconceptions, and I’ve been dealing with them my whole life. Despite your cave man mentality, I’m not helpless and I don’t need some misguided champion looking to assuage his conscience by protecting me from the big, bad wolf. I’ve managed to take care of myself all this time, and I’ll continue to do precisely that. Consider yourself absolved of any responsibility for me. Good-bye, McAllister.” She walked out the door and pulled it closed behind her.
The soft click of the door was eclipsed by the crash of the coffee table smashing against the wall and the painful sound of breaking glass. Kassian stood with fists clenched, breathing heavily, surveying the results of the mess he’d made. Smoked glass and twisted metal was everywhere; and Kat was gone.
“Feel better?” Alec lounged in the doorway of the guestroom surveying the mess, arms crossed over his broad chest and a shoulder propped against the frame.
“Not now, Alec,” Kassian growled in warning. He needed to think, he didn’t want to be distracted trading barbs with his brother.
“Really, Kass? Then when?” Alec levered himself away from the doorway and came to stand in front of his brother. “That girl is the best thing that ever happened to you…whatever you did, you need to fix it.”
She was the best thing that had ever happened to him. He’d been fighting the knowledge since the moment he laid eyes on her. Having her here in his home only reinforced it. She was hurt and angry right now; but she would calm down soon, right? She would realize he
didn’t mean it. And then he would fix it. He didn’t think he could return to the emotionless void in which he’d existed before she came. He’d never realized how truly empty he was until she came along and reminded him of what was missing. He’d only been going through the motions. As empty as he’d been before she came, he knew that it was nothing compared to the hollow shell that would remain if she left him. His feelings for her were something he’d never expected, something he’d never wanted. He was beginning to believe she really might be his salvation and his destiny. But at the moment, she was out there on her own. He could stop her and force her back, but that wouldn’t exactly help his cause at the moment. He knew she needed some time. Still, his priority was her safety; he could not contemplate any harm coming to her. Alec slugged down his coffee and volunteered to play babysitter. After all, he smirked, she wasn’t pissed at him. He disappeared into the bedroom to throw on some clothes while Kassian grabbed his cell from the table and punched in Luca’s number. If there was one bright spot in this whole situation, it was anticipating the look on Luca’s face when he told him the news.
Chapter 9
Kat soon discovered that copious tears were not conducive to safe driving. Speaking of safety, her current watchdog, Alec McAllister, was about as subtle as a two by four across the forehead. The third time Kat pulled over to mop at her eyes, she almost found herself grinning despite her misery; damned if he didn’t pop up right on the hood of her car and wave cheekily before disappearing again. He was making no attempt to conceal the fact that he was tagging along to keep an eye on her, and she was sure it had everything to do with wanting her to know exactly who had put him up to it. She hadn’t spared a thought for her physical safety when she left McAllister’s apartment; she’d been more concerned with protecting her heart and what little pride she had left. Maybe she had subconsciously counted on his ridiculous sense of duty. He didn’t have to give a damn about her personally to feel an obligation to protect her; it was simply the way he was made.
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