This sad and confused broken soul.
This beautiful and intriguing being.
The strongest and most passionate individual I had ever met.
Beckett Fucking Cole was going to destroy me, and I was sitting next to him, riding passenger in his truck, knowing full damn well that I was going to let him.
Chapter 23
BECKETT
Most people look forward to weekends; me, not so much. Saturdays reminded me of loneliness and solitude, and I knew I was being dramatic. It wasn't that I didn't know Lotus would be coming home to me in the evening but still, she was off working and I was stuck at home, trying to fill the silence with odd jobs and faulty entertainment.
It might have been needy, maybe a little clingy, but I couldn't help but text her throughout the day. Pointless texts, little texts, but just enough for her to know she was on my mind. That was important, wasn't it? Girls seemed to like that stuff, I thought.
Me: Are we still going back to the village tonight?
I knew we were, it was a dumb question, but I liked how she always dropped what she was doing and paid attention to me.
Blue Eyed Beauty Queen: I’m totally fine with it if you still feel up to it.
I glanced up at the tree we brought home last night, the one we stayed up late just to decorate, and at the silver crystal sparkling star she surprised me with to put on top. I didn't have many possessions I was actually attached to. At the end of the day, possessions were just objects, not happiness, but the moment I unwrapped that star I knew, out of everything I'd ever owned, this had to be the most sacred. It felt special. Meaningful. Like there was an invisible tether connecting this fragile piece of glass and crystal to my heart. She gave me this, gifted it to me, entrusted me to keep it safe.
Me: I can’t wait ;)
I let another hour go by while I trimmed the grass, edged along the driveway and walkways and pulled some overgrown weeds in the flower beds that Lotus planted close to the front door. I’ll admit I was skeptical at first, because I’m a guy and I didn’t really need flowers, but since the moment they planted their roots into my property’s soil, I felt the need to keep them watered, fed and happy.
Pulling my phone from my pocket, I shot her another text.
Me: Ice cream tonight?
I smiled when I felt the phone buzz in my hand a few minutes later.
Blue Eyed Beauty Queen: Sure. I’ll grab some on the way home. I found a place that sells some for Ruins too. I’ve wanted an excuse to go there.
Me: He’ll love that, baby.
Blue Eyed Beauty Queen: :)
Me: Movie when we get home?
Blue Eyed Beauty Queen: It’s your turn to pick.
Me: Thanks baby. Hope you’re prepared for action.
Blue Eyed Beauty Queen: There’s always action when you’re around.
I chuckled at her response, then put my phone back in my pocket as I went into my garage, whistling as I searched for a bucket to wash the truck. I pulled everything off the shelf I would need, turned on the water, and began scrubbing the dirt and grime off my truck while Ruins laid lazily in the sun. The day was warmer than usual, but still had a bit of a chill in the air. I guess it was to be expected in December.
When I finished my truck, I moved on to my bike. Neither of them really needed a wash all that badly, but I found if I kept myself busy, the day passed a lot quicker than if I watched the clock. I never understood that old saying, ‘a watched pot never boils’, until I began waiting for Lotus to get home on days I didn’t work. Shit, it was torture. The logical part of me knew I’d spent years alone, confined to my own solitude, both physically and mentally, but the illogical part of me felt like I was suffocating when she was gone. The only way to breathe easy was to be able to touch her skin and feel her heart beat when she was close to me.
I was just winding up the hose when I heard the squeak of brakes in front of my house. I looked up just in time to see the familiar RV of Janet and Phil’s maneuvering into a spot in front of my fence. I tried to remember a recent conversation with Janet, but my memory was drawing a blank. I couldn’t think of any since we talked on Thanksgiving.
Walking toward the RV, I waved to Janet as she opened her door. “Hey, it’s nice seeing you.” I leaned over and kissed her cheek. She grabbed my shoulders and pulled me into a tight hug.
“I’ve missed you, boy.” She was smiling and I could see the mischief dancing in her eyes, reminding me so much of the sparkle her daughter had the first night we met.
“I’m surprised to see you, I didn’t realize you were stopping by today.” I told her when she finally released me.
“Well, we tried to call but we always got the voicemail and you know how I hate leaving messages. I would rather speak to a real person. Call me old fashioned, it just seems more personal. So I figured we would stop by for a night or two.”
“You know you’re always welcome.” I replied. That was the truth, only I would have liked a little warning first, something to prepare me for memories and blasts from the past. Maybe a little time to get myself looking my best and get a guest room in order so I could play host to the fullest capacity. It wasn't like they cared, but I did. I wanted to impress them with how far I had come, how well I was doing. I wanted them to be proud of me because they were all I had.
I looked toward Ruins who hadn't moved an inch from where he was bathing in the sun, and then turned my attention back to my house. Now was probably as good a time as any to jump right into the tour and show them around. “Do you guys want to stretch a bit? See my place? Ruins is fine outside and I know how much the both of you have been looking forward to seeing the house. I think you will like the updates I did, Phil.”
Janet clapped excitedly. “I can’t wait to see the kitchen. We stopped at the store, so I bought stuff to cook for dinner. I hope you don’t mind. I just know it’s probably been a while since you’ve had a home cooked meal and I just have to feed you. I also brought some casseroles for your freezer.”
I smiled down at her, “You can feed me whenever you want, Janet. I can’t say no to a hot meal.” Which was what I liked about Lotus, she was always feeding me something. Truthfully, she wasn't the best cook, but I’d noticed improvements and it was nice to share meals with someone.
I grabbed a few of the grocery bags Janet had retrieved from the RV and toted them toward my house, practically tripping over my dog who refused to move or acknowledge company. I opened the front door, and kept it open as I waited for Janet and Phil to follow me.
“That wreath is a nice touch, I never pictured you as the decorating type.”
I looked at the wreath I had watched Lotus make. A smile slowly crept over my lips as I remembered walking into the room to find her in a pile of colorful bulbs, ribbons, and hot glue sticks. Her hair was in one of those wild, messy, blonde buns I loved so much, a few stray curls had fallen free and kept falling in her eyes. She didn’t know for the longest time that I stood watching her. I did that a lot. Watched her. She didn't know it, but sometimes I couldn’t keep my eyes off her, like maybe if I blinked, she’d be gone.
“Thanks. It was a gift from a friend.” I told Janet. I knew maybe she suspected more, because she looked at me suspiciously, but I couldn’t resist the smile that tugged on my lips every time I remembered Lotus doing something for me, just because it made her happy.
She walked through the entry and into the living room, turning right to go into the kitchen. “This place is beautiful, Beckett.” She placed the bag down on the floor and went straight for the granite counter tops that I had installed a month ago and ran her fingers lightly over them. “I love it, did you pick it out yourself?”
“Yes ma’am.” I put my hands in my back pockets, rocking back on my heels, trying not to beam like a kid who had just received a jar of bubble gum.
“You did a good job, son.” I smiled, loving when they gave me any sort of praise; something my biological parents never could bother with. It wa
s probably wrong, looking for acceptance from my dead ex-fiancée’s parents but fuck, I liked them, they reminded me of comfort food and warm blankets and I couldn’t stay away from them for too long.
“Want to see the rest of the house?” I asked and Phil jumped on that offer quickly. I guided them through the living room, pointing out the original fire place, the new hardwood floors and the french doors leading out to my newly purchased patio furniture. Then I guided them down the hall, letting Phil examine the guest bathroom, done in dark cherry wood, with white marble and blue tiles. We passed two guest bedrooms, fully expecting to show them blank rooms with the exception of a plain bed, completely unaware that Lotus had set up a guest bedroom for me. She was good at that, thinking of the little things that I otherwise wouldn’t pay much attention to.
We got to my bedroom and I panicked. I couldn’t let them in there, knowing Lotus’ clothes hung in half of my walk-in closet, and her makeup and toiletries were strewn throughout my bathroom. I shut the door quickly. “My room’s a mess, but you get the general idea. What do you think?”
“Your carpenter did a good job.” Phil gave me a strong pat on my shoulder.”I hope you tipped him well.”
“I did. I will have him do some more work for me in the . . .” I never got to finish my sentence because the sound of Ruins’ crazy barking and my garage opening alerted me to the fact that I might have overlooked an important detail or two. Like the time of day, or the fact that I never texted Lotus and told her not to come tonight. Now I was trapped, stuck between one boulder and the next, and I wasn’t sure of the correct way to extricate myself from the situation. The barking stopped, and I knew it was because Lotus had exited her car and was most likely spoiling my dog with a belly rub.
“Aren’t you going to check and see what that entire ruckus is about?” Janet asked me, looking concerned.
“I’m pretty sure I know. I wouldn’t worry too much about it, Janet.” I offered comfortingly.
“But you know Ruins, he’s a snappy thing. What if he bites someone?”
“If Ruins felt the need to bite someone who is in my yard, I would have to believe they deserved it and they should have seen it coming.”
She nodded, agreeing, just as I heard the first creak of the front step. My heart rate skyrocketed, and as much as I tried to steady my hands, they still trembled slightly. I speed walked to the door, determined to cut Lotus off before she could use her key and give them any wrong impressions. I got to the door just as I heard her surfing around in her big bag, looking for my house key. I yanked the door open, she stopped her search, and looked up at me with the biggest beaming smile and my heart skipped a beat and sunk all at once.
“Hey you.” She told me and she sounded breathless and so damn sexy that I wished we were alone so I could lean down and kiss her red painted lips, catch them between my teeth and give them a playful nip.
“Hi Lotus. It’s so nice to see you again.” I told her, my tone sounded flat no matter how hard I tried to infuse it with appropriate emotion for the situation.
Confusion covered her face before she looked behind me and her eyes flickered with understanding. “It’s nice to see you, too.”
I pulled the door open, gesturing for her to come inside and meet the people who meant the most to me. She followed me into the living room where Janet and Phil were standing around, no doubt watching my interaction with curiosity. “This is Phil and Janet. They are sort of like parents to me.” I explained to her, hoping she caught the desperation in my eyes and understood my position.
She leaned over and offered her hand to Phil and then pulled Janet into a hug like they were old friends. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m . . .”
A thousand possible word choices flashed through my head and each one left me an anxious, disastrous mess. I couldn’t let her out us. I couldn’t let her be the one to tell these people . . . these people I cared about, that I had somewhat moved on, that their daughter was no longer the thought that got my heart pumping. So, I jumped in and said the only thing I could think of to save the situation.
I cut her off mid-sentence. “She’s Ben’s little sister. Remember Ben? You’ve met him a few times.”
I saw the smile on her face falter and I felt like shit for being the one to do it, but she’d forgive me because I knew she understood and she had always been okay with it. “Yes, I’m Ben’s little sister. I’ve known this guy since we were children, if you could imagine that. Anyway, I’m sorry to interrupt your visit. I just stopped by to drop this off for Ruins and Beckett.”
She reached down, fluffing the fur on Ruins’ head as he rubbed up against her leg. Then her body straightened, she gave me a smile that most people would think was radiant, but I knew better than that, I knew it was forced; strained, and unnatural. She pushed two paper bags toward me before politely saying her goodbyes and excusing herself. I didn't know why this time it felt different. Watching her walk, her strides long, and her pace swift, I felt something shift. I felt my lungs constrict and a sharp, stabbing sensation spread through my chest and I knew, without a doubt that this time, I had crossed a line and fuck me, I didn't even know how to step back over.
Chapter 24
LOTUS
I spent my day reminiscing about the perfect evening we shared last night and practically living on cloud nine. It was amazing how a good evening out, great fun, and some out of this world loving could make a girl weak with adoration. It was the truth, I’ll admit it . . . I adored Beckett Cole. I adored him so fucking much, that each time my phone buzzed with a message from him, my stomach fluttered with excitement and anticipation.
I looked forward to going out tonight again. Sure, it was a place we had already been, but to be out of the house, holding his hand, having him look at me like I hung the moon and the stars and created the whole galaxy . . . well . . . I wanted that. Whenever I could get it, however I could get it, for as long as I could get it.
I pulled into the driveway and into my spot in the garage, smiling to myself at the happy barks and joyous bounces Ruins gave me the moment he saw my car. I grabbed the paper bags filled with ice cream off my passenger seat and got out of the car, meeting Ruins by the driveway to give him one of this favorite belly rubs.
“I have to go inside, boy, your ice cream will melt and I bought this special treat just for you. After dinner, of course.” I gave his stomach one last scratch before climbing the steps to the front door. Trying to juggle the bags and my purse at the same time, I opened my purse in search of Beckett’s house key.
I had just wrapped my fingers around his key when the door was jerked open. Beckett was standing in the doorway, his broad shoulders taking up the width of space, his jeans slung dangerously low on his hips and his bare chest covered with a fine sheen of sweat. He looked hot, edible, and dangerously sexy in the best sort of way. “Hey you.” I breathed softly.
“Hi Lotus, it’s so nice to see you again.” His tone seemed off, not at all happy to see me, and it made me a bit uncomfortable. My eyes looked around, not wanting to make eye contact with him. They caught on a figure in the living room and understanding clicked into place. He was more comfortable acting as friends for the moment. I got that, I understood his need for discretion.
“It’s nice to see you, too.” I played along, giving him what he wanted. I went inside and he followed me to the living room, so close I could smell his soap mixed with sweat and that delicious spiciness that was him. He introduced me to his guests, Phil and Janet, and if my memory served me correctly, these were Alexa’s parents, but they meant something to Beckett, so therefore they meant something to me. The fact that they were there and I was too, but instead of texting me and telling me not to come, he had honored me with the privilege of meeting someone so special to him, well, I guess I was excited. Pleased. Overwhelmed with privilege.
I shook Phil’s hand and pulled Janet into my body for a hug. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, I’m . . .”
I never
got to finish my sentence because Beckett jumped in, cutting off my sentence before I could get the word friend out and inserting his own interpretation of us in its place.
“She’s Ben’s little sister. Remember Ben? You’ve met him a few times.” He hastily said and I broke. Every part of me shattered, crumbled, simultaneously disintegrating at the realization of all I was to him. I wasn't the love of his life; I’d always known that. I wasn’t technically his girlfriend, even though I was everything that a girlfriend was . . . without the title. But to be downgraded to below a friend? To a mere acquaintance after spending every waking moment I could with him. The pain in my chest was excruciating and I had to fight not to cry.
“Yes, I’m Ben’s little sister. I’ve known this guy since we were children, if you could imagine that. Anyway, I’m sorry to interrupt your visit. I just stopped by to drop this off for Ruins and Beckett.” I responded, all the while trying to keep my composure, fighting to hold it in, willing myself not to lose the battle against the tears that stung my eyes, threatening to appear and expose me.
I reached down and petted Ruins, using him as a momentary anchor to gain my composure just enough so that I could politely say my goodbyes, hand off the ice cream, and make my exit gracefully. I waited until the front door was fully shut behind me before I let the first tear fall. I quickened my pace, determined to get away from here, this place, and Beckett Fucking Cole. The man who had stolen my heart then single handedly obliterated it.
Obscured Love Page 18
