by Mary Calmes
“Why?”
“You have to understand how broken he was after the divorce, Stef. He left with his tail between his legs and went to work as a roughneck in the oil fields.”
“Then what?”
“Well, then James went to see him in Midland one summer. I don’t remember when––I think right after Charlotte was born––and when he came home, Tyler was with him. James made him foreman, gave him the foreman’s house, and he’s been living on the Red Diamond ever since. He has been devoted to the ranch and first to James and then to Rand.”
“That’s so sad.”
“Yes, it is, since his own son has a wonderful home and his daughter is a doctor in the same town. His kids are fine people. It’s a shame he doesn’t know them.”
“You think he would ever want to?”
“At this point, that’s not his call to make. It’s theirs. If they want to see him, they know exactly where he is.”
“Maybe he should extend them an invitation.”
“He did maybe six years ago, and they both told him to go to hell.”
I felt bad for Tyler, though his son and daughter’s reaction made sense too. “Your family is a mess, May.”
“The Holloways are a mess, Stef, not the Millers. My people actually talk to one another. They are not hard, stoic cowboys.”
“Is Dawn still alive?”
“No, she passed about two years ago. She had breast cancer.”
“That’s too bad.”
“Yes, it was. I still miss her.”
“Did she remarry?”
“No. Holloway men are hard to get over.”
It had taken May over twelve years to even think about loving another man after Rand’s father had died. She had ended up marrying a very sweet man, Tate Langley, who was the complete opposite of the force of nature that her first husband was.
“Maybe if Tyler had passed, but he broke Dawn’s heart. My cowboy never did that.”
“Okay,” I said, processing. “Now Rayland.”
“Yes?” She was suddenly breathless again.
“Is he married?”
“He was. He’s widowed now. Lily died five years ago come February.”
“What did she look like?”
“Strange question.” She hesitated.
“I’m just trying to figure something out, and I might have to draw out a Punnett square from high school biology class.”
“Well she was beautiful, part Comanche. Rayland’s son Zach has her eyes, that lovely chocolate brown.”
“I see. So Rayland has Glenn who has dark blue eyes like James and Charlotte, and his son’s Zach’s are brown.”
“Yes.”
“And Rayland and Rand have the bright blue.”
“Well, yes, they—”
“May?”
“Yes, Stefan?”
“Just because I’m blond, doesn’t mean I’m stupid. It’s a myth actually.”
Silence on the other end.
“About blonds.”
“Yes.”
“May.”
“Stefan, just—”
“I know why the man is so pissed, May, but he’s hiding it behind homophobia and land rights and a whole mess of other stuff.”
After a minute, I realized she was crying.
“Please tell me.”
“You know already.”
I took a breath. “Does Rand know that Rayland is his father?”
“No.”
“Does Charlotte know?”
“Of course not!”
She was going to have a seizure when she found out. “That was brave of you, not telling her.”
“Stefan, why are you even thinking about Rayland? How do you even know him?”
“Because we’re spending quality time together here at the rodeo,” I exhaled sharply.
“I’m sorry, where are you?”
“I’m at the Truscott Rodeo with the men, securing the grazing rights.”
Several moments of silence ticked by.
“Oh my God, Stefan,” she gasped. “How did you even know that—”
“A very nice lady called me.”
“Stef, honey, you can’t be there.”
“Too late, I’m here.”
“And Rand is where?”
“With Zach at his ranch.”
“Whatever for?”
“He’s helping run his dude ranch for the weekend.”
“And he has no idea that the rodeo was the same weekend?”
“No.”
“So you’re there in Truscott taking care of things.”
“Yes.”
“No, no, no, Stef, honey, if you’re there in Rand’s place, you have to participate in an event.”
I should have talked to her earlier. “Yeah, I just heard this.”
“Sweetheart, what are you planning to do?”
“Saddle bronc, bareback, or—”
“No!”
“At least if I rode the bull, it would be over fast.”
“Stefan!”
“Who cares, May? I’ll get thrown off either a horse or a bull tomorrow. That’s fine. The important issue here is not me but Rayland. You do know that it’s killing him not to claim his son. You do know that.”
“I do,” she whimpered, and I could hear the tears ready to pour out of her.
“Tell me what happened, May, please.”
It had been, she told me, a love affair.
The first time May Miller saw Rayland Holloway, she was smitten at first glance. He had loved her back, but he was young and had still been the roaming kind, not the settling-down kind. She was ready to be a wife, to get married and start a family. Just the thought sent him running to the rodeo circuit. A month after he left, May discovered she was pregnant. Alone and afraid, she turned to her parents, fearing for the worst. They had surprised the hell out of her. They were both looking forward to seeing their grandchild.
“You have no idea about some people, Stef, until you test them.”
So there was May, prepared to be a single parent, working at her father’s feed store when three months later, James Holloway returned from Vietnam, just stopping to see his father on his way through town, excited to start his own ranch and begin a life in Winston away from his family. He was ready to be his own man, removed from his father’s shadow. Henry Holloway had been thrilled at the change in his son, in the fire he saw in him, and gave him his blessing as well as the down payment for the land that he would build the Red Diamond on. James was excited to commit to his life, to the building of his dreams, and to finding a woman to share it all with. When he stopped at the store to pay his respects to her father, he saw May. She had grown up while he was away fighting on the other side of the world, and when he looked at her with his eyes on the future, ready to build his life from the ground up, he saw the woman whom he wanted to live his dream with him.
She had been flattered by the attention James lavished on her, but in the end it was only fair that she confessed the truth, that she was carrying his brother’s child. She was surprised for the second time in a short amount of time when James told her that he didn’t give a damn. He loved May—had, she found out, always loved her—and he would adore and shelter the child she was carrying. She wasn’t convinced. So he went first to ask her father for her hand, and then he brought her a ring. When she told him no, she went home to fall apart in her bedroom. Her father sat with her while she sobbed, and told her that the choice was hers, she could stay with him and her mother forever, but he thought maybe she should take a chance on a Holloway. The first had been too young, just a boy, but this one, James, was a man.
They were married and moved to Winston the following month. Rand was born five months later, and they waited to call and tell people until another four months had passed. No one could make the trip right away, and that was fine with James and May. With the timetable covered, they were free to go on with their lives without anyone knowing the truth, that Rand was not James Ho
lloway’s biological son.
Three years later, Rayland Holloway, finally ready to settle down, finished with the rodeo, and having married a woman he met in Tulsa, was on his way through Winston headed for home. He was bringing his new wife with him to his father’s ranch, a ranch he would take over when Henry Holloway passed, and decided to stop to visit his brother. He was planning to tease May about how one Holloway was, it seemed, just as good as the other. It was a surprise visit, but it turned out that James and May were not the ones in for the shock of their lives.
He had driven down the long drive that led to the main house, and when he and Lily got out, they saw a little boy hanging on the fence. When he turned to them, Rayland almost passed out. May came out on the porch, saw his face, made one of her own, and he knew everything that she had wanted to hide. But James was there, too, and he invited Lily inside for some lemonade. It took Rayland two days to finally get May alone and drag the truth from her. She had told him that James knew and that none of them would ever speak of it.
Rayland wanted his son.
May told him that Rand was James’s son and not his.
“You even named him after me.” Rayland’s voice had cracked wide open.
And she had, to be fair, but that was all in the past.
Rayland said he would divorce Lily and she could divorce James, and they could be married. But May would not do that to a man who was faithful and loving and whom she had come to love more than she even thought possible. As she had placed her hand on her abdomen, telling him that she was pregnant with James’s child, she told him that he should make peace with his life. He and Lily, she was certain, would have beautiful children of their own.
“Can I ask,” I sighed deeply. “What James thought about Rand?”
“No father was ever prouder or loved their son more, Stef,” she told me. “You have to understand, Rand loved James, and James loved both his children fiercely and protectively. He knew Charlotte was the only one who was truly his, but Rand and he were exactly the same. All the values, the love of their family, of the land, their way of life, all of it… they were the same person. James passed on everything to Rand. I look at my son and don’t see Rayland—I see James.”
I swallowed hard. “So what happened between you and Rayland?”
“He went home to his father’s ranch, the White Ash, and nine months after he married Lily, Glenn was born.”
“And after James died?”
“Rayland came to buy the ranch, and Rand told him to go to hell. It was hard, watching them, because Rand was grieving for his father, and Rayland was there, right in front of him, wanting to tell him everything. It was horrible.”
“Rayland says he didn’t want to buy the ranch, just put the two together.”
“When did he tell you this?”
“Tonight.”
“You asked him?” she choked out.
“May, you know me. Of course I asked him.”
“Jesus.”
“But like I said, he says he didn’t want to buy it.”
“Well, all I know is what Rand told me, and Rand said the man wanted to buy it and then sell it, and Rand was not about to ever let that happen.”
“Sounds like they maybe weren’t actually listening to each other.”
“Could be.”
“May?”
“Yes?”
“I know you loved James. I saw you at his funeral. When did you fall in love with him?”
“I loved him for a long time, but after Charlotte was born,” she sighed. “I saw how much he really loved Rand.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Well, for three years, I figured that James was doing the best he could to love Rand, but that when a child of his own came along, that I would see the difference, and I might have to leave him. Rand deserved to be loved completely by a father or not at all.”
“What happened after Charlotte was born?”
“Nothing.”
“You lost me.”
“I mean he didn’t change one bit toward Rand and treated Charlotte the exact way he had when Rand was a baby. James loved his children the same, exactly the same, and loved me like crazy,” she sighed. “And when I realized that James was a man who could love my child from another man as much as his own, I fell hard.”
I smiled into the phone. “You finally let yourself fall in love with your own husband.”
“Oh, yes.”
There was no way I couldn’t ask, I had to know. “Was he happy?”
“James used to say that the blessing of his life was being loved by a good woman and his children. The man loved his family more than anything.”
I knew that. I had seen him with Rand and with Charlotte. He was gruff and hard, a man of very few words, but he never failed to hug them hello and goodbye, and at the end, he had even warmed to me.
“Can I ask why you think that Rayland just doesn’t tell Rand the truth himself if he wants him to know so badly?”
“Because he knows as well as I do that there is no way in hell that Rand would ever believe him. It has to come from me.”
“He’s never tried to blackmail you into it?”
“He has no proof of anything. What’s he going to tell Rand, that they have the same color eyes?” She sighed heavily. “And the only other person Rand would have believed died a long time ago.”
“Rand is his son.”
“Rand is James Holloway’s son. It’s not who creates you, Stef, it’s who raises you. You’ll know what I mean once you and Rand have children. They might be half of you and half of Charlotte, but they will belong to you and Rand.”
My head hurt and so did my heart. Wouldn’t Rand want his own children once this came out?
“Stefan, honey, you’re going to be a wonderful father and so will Rand. Don’t let any of this put you off your plan. I know you. I know what you’re thinking.”
“I—”
“He wants you, Stefan, and if you think about it, Rand loves his father, and his father’s genes are carried in Charlotte, not him. So really, a child out of you and Charlotte is what he wants. Does that make sense?”
It did, sort of. “God, May, this is a heavy burden to carry all these years.”
“You have no idea.”
“Rayland wants Rand to know.”
“I know he does.”
“I think it’s tearing him up, and he’s striking out, trying to get Rand to see him, to stay in his life, and unfortunately, right now all he’s created is anger and animosity.”
“Yes.”
“Jesus, May, Tyler’s kids, Rayland’s kids, who isn’t messed up?”
“Tyler’s kids are doing fine, and Rand and Charlotte are both fine, thank you.”
“Rand is not going to be fine and neither will Charlotte.”
“Only if you tell my secrets, Stefan, and I would remind you that you have no right to. How people look at Rayland and Rand when they’re together and not see that the son is almost a carbon copy of the father, I do not know. It used to twist my stomach into knots, so I was glad that we only saw them once a year at Christmas. I would see Rand with James and watch Rayland lookin’ at them, and it would make me bawl like a baby.”
“I gotta go,” I said, as my eyes filled. Christ.
“Stefan, no, I want to talk to you about the rodeo.”
“It’s fine, May. I’ll be fine.”
“Not if you die being thrown off a horse.”
“Hopefully that won’t happen.”
“Stefan Joss!”
“Sorry.”
“You need to forget about the grazing rights and get on home. Rand cares more for you, love, than he does about some land.”
“No, I know.” I didn’t tell her that my plan was to go home with Rayland and Glenn. “Thank you for trusting me with the story, May. I love you.”
“Oh honey, I love you too.”
I hung up because she was crying and I was starting and God, what a mess!
<
br /> Chapter 6
I HAD gone down to where the bucking chute was, dressed, as requested, more conservatively. But I was no longer blending. The black jeans and Prada boots, the charcoal gray sweater and sunglasses looked more Hollywood than Dallas.
“Hey.” I smiled at Glenn when I found him.
His eyes ran over me. “What’re you doing here?”
“You asked me to come see you ride.”
“From the stands, asshole.”
“Oh.” I nodded. “Okay.”
But he caught my shoulder when I turned to go, and eased me forward toward the side of the ring.
“You can sit up here, but don’t fall off.”
“I’m actually pretty coordinated,” I assured him.
His eyes were locked on mine.
“Did your father tell you that he’s letting me come home with you guys tomorrow?”
If he was surprised, I never saw it. “No, he didn’t.”
“I can’t wait to see the ranch, Glenn.”
He cleared his throat. “So you should bring your horse around to our trailer tonight after the dance ’cause we’re leavin’ around four in the morning.”
“Okay.”
“You can ride with me.”
“Sounds good. Do you have room for Bella in your truck?”
“Who’s Bella?”
“My dog.”
“You’re bringing your dog too?”
“If that’s okay.”
“Sure,” he said softly, hand on the fence, leaning closer to me. “Bring your dog.”
I noticed the flecks of green in his dark blue eyes. Really, all the Holloway men were just gorgeous creatures. “When we get to your ranch, I’ll show you how well I can ride.”
“I look forward to that,” he said, reaching for me, his fingers sliding across my cheek. “Let me look at your eye.”
I tilted my head so he could see, and he pressed gently at my skin.
“I am gonna kick the shit out of Gil Landry.”
The man had no idea how possessive he sounded. “It’s fine.”
“It’s not,” he said as his fingertips slid down along the edge of my jaw and off me. “All right, get up there and don’t move.”
“Got it.”
He left me then.
“What the fuck was that?”
I turned and found Everett. “Wow.” I smiled wide. “Look at you. The chaps are hot.”
