Free? He meant alone. She looked away and he was suddenly silent, but it was a silence she could actually hear. It didn't matter. She pleased him no more now than she had done all her life, and she didn't care.
She didn't even care if he remembered the way she had reacted to him when he had said goodbye to her four years ago. He probably remembered it with disgust. What did it matter? She was so tired.
She slipped her jacket off and curled up in a chair, tiredness washing over her, and she was almost asleep when a waiter came and placed a tray discreetly by her on the low table.
'Eat, drink and be merry!' Dan said caustically, pouring tea for her and indicating the sandwiches. She didn't want them, but somehow she thought she should eat them. It was a good idea to duck when Dan was furious, and she had never seen him in a worse mood.
She fell asleep. Dan wasn't talking. He was pacing about the room and then he disappeared out of the door. The next thing she knew, he was shaking her gently. 'Come along! Bedtime.'
'Are you taking me back now?' It was all she could do to keep her eyes open, and she staggered as he let her go.
'No. You've got a room next to mine and you're staying here tonight, right under my intent scrutiny.'
'I can't.'
'You've never stayed out all night before?' he asked scathingly, and as he had clearly made his mind up about that she didn't disillusion him.
He looked very grim indeed as he led her to the next room and pointed to a soft-looking bed that beckoned to her invitingly.
The cough came back with worse effect and he just walked out, not caring if she choked. What could she expect? He had never cared! Yes, he had, she argued to herself. He had never doted on her, but he had always been kind. She was the one who had been awkward when she really analyzed it. Her lifetime's obsession with him had made her shy and prickly, impossible to deal with. He was just fed up with her now, and small wonder.
She suddenly realized that she had nothing with her, not even a nightie, but she was not leaving the bed now, it looked too good. She struggled to undress, sitting down to take off her shoes and then resting for a minute, the cough exhausting her.
Dan walked in while she was like that, and she was too far gone to care that she was only in her slip.
'I've been down to get this,' he said quietly, holding up a bottle of some cough mixture. 'You're quite sure that you haven't been drinking? These things are sometimes dangerous after drink. They make you drowsy.'
'One lemonade,' Anna said wearily. 'Nothing could make me drowsier than I am now!'
He gave her some on a spoon and she sat like a rag doll as he carefully screwed the bottle-top on and put the spoon down. Her eyes were closed and she couldn't make the effort to open them.
'Into bed,' he said softly, and he lifted her up and placed her on the cool sheets, covering her carefully and flicking off the lights.
'Thank you, Dan,' she murmured, but he said nothing and she was asleep before he left the room.
In the morning she was awakened by a maid bringing breakfast to her, and she sat up in bed and managed to eat most of it, knowing that Dan would come to check up on her. He did, just as she was finishing, and this morning she was not so tired as to be unaware that her slip was her only covering.
'You can get up now!' he informed her stiffly as she hastily pulled the sheets to her neck. 'I shall be checking out almost at once. I'll take you back to college and then I'll be on my way.'
It made her feel incredibly lonely, and she couldn't think of a thing to say to him. All she could do was sit there and stare.
'When you go to college, you should report to your tutor and tell her that you're ill.' He was staring back at her aggressively, and her eyes fell before the punishing look.
'I've only got a cold.'
'And utter exhaustion! Of such small beginnings, pneumonia is made. By the look of your companions last night, I would imagine they would ask rather vaguely where you were and then forget all about it.'
'We're all adults! We take care of ourselves. I don't suppose anyone took care of you when you were at university.'
'I had a bit more muscle about me than you have, and I hadn't just organized a wedding, lost my father, worked myself to a standstill and caught a cold. I tend to do one thing at a time!'
'It's just unfortunate that it's the finals,' she muttered, uneasy about his intense looks and his aggressive voice.
'True! No doubt you'll be taking them again next year,' he murmured sarcastically.
That put the cat among the pigeons! She felt a wave of fury, and without thinking she threw back the bedding and swung her legs out of bed, standing to glare at him.
'You're not likely to know! By then I'll be really on my own, thank goodness. If you imagine you can cart me away from my friends, dump me in a hotel and then come to lecture me the next day like a bearded old uncle, then you can think again! We know exactly where we stand on the subject of who wants a guardian. The island is calling-go!'
A little of the steam faded as she realized he was watching her through amused, narrowed eyes, the tawny gaze skimming over her small, vibrantly angry figure. 'Very well," he agreed, 'I'll go back to where I belong, but don't utterly discount my advice. Lose any more weight and you'll be more skinny than interesting!'
Frighteningly, the memory of his hands caressing her four years ago filled her mind. She could almost feel them sensuously stroking her skin. Color flooded into her cheeks and his lips twisted wryly before he walked out of the room, closing the door with a snap.
During the time of her finals, she realized just what Dan had seen when he had accused her of making herself ill. The great strain of Gavin's death, the effort needed to be at all natural with Dan in the house, the work she had put in for Elaine's wedding and her work for her exams had left her on the edge of exhaustion. The cold had taken weeks to even begin to go, dragging her down even further, and she knew she should have seen a doctor.
She looked at herself in the mirror and saw exactly what Dan had seen, only now, almost at the end of her exams, she looked even worse. Her hair was back in a braid because she had no time to bother with it. She wasn't eating and never went out. The rose flush of her cheeks had gone, the olive-tinted skin was lifeless and pale. She had lost so much weight that her thick, heavy hair seemed too much for her head. Nobody seemed to have noticed, and she was glad about that. When the hustle of the exams was over, they were going to notice then. Right now everyone was completely self-absorbed.
Only her brain seemed to work, and she fought her way through the finals as if it was a battle with no end in sight. In truth she had been devastated by being near to Dan again. He had always meant too much to her, and she couldn't face the fact that now he had betrayed someone.
When she was alone she found her mind searching for him, for the old Dan, the Dan she had loved so fiercely. It did nothing to help her in her state of exhaustion. It made matters worse, and sleep was always just out of her reach. He was gone, far, far away. She had images of him before her mind as she lay lifelessly waiting for morning, the sound of some distant sea murmuring in her ears.
The finals finished but she was unable to relax, not quite believing that it was allover. The others were celebrating but she had nothing to celebrate. All the years of work seemed to have been wasted. She might as well have never taken the exams at all. Bryan phoned her regularly but she didn't want to see him; everything was too much effort; even going for a meal was exhausting, and she kept the fact from Bryan. She needed no lectures. That was Dan's sphere.
She decided to stay on, to try to get some rest. She really had no idea what to do, in any case. At home she had talked blithely of going directly overseas. She had spoken of an interim job doing just anything until the exam results were out, an idea that had received Dan's frowning disapproval. She was in no fit state to do anything at all, and she had already turned down two interviews for jobs because she couldn't face getting ready to attend any interview.
In fact, she had nowhere to go at all. Certainly she could go not back to Langford Hall. It would be terrible without Elaine, and she would be thinking of Dan every day. She wasn't even sure if she had the right to go back now. Whatever he had originally said, they had become almost enemies before he went away.
He had not communicated at all. At least it was quiet here now. She was too pent up to sleep at nights, but she slept in short naps during the day. At least the cold had gone. Maybe next week she would feel fit enough to get out of here and begin a new life…
CHAPTER FOUR
SHE was asleep when Dan came, lying on top of the bed, sleeping as she sometimes did now in short bursts of time when exhaustion refused to let her mind continue functioning. She opened her eyes and he was in her room, standing over her, his face furious. Her tutor was hovering nervously in the background, not at all her usual forbidding self, and although Anna spoke Dan ignored her and turned his considerable wrath on the hapless woman in the doorway.
'Why wasn't I called before this? Is it the policy of this college to allow a student to simply fade away without informing relatives?'
He was violently angry and Anna couldn't get a word in anywhere. She couldn't believe that he was here!
'The activity-the finals-so many students ... They are, after all, grown up, Mr. Toren! Many students can't take the strain of finals. It was only when she stayed on and never left her room that we realized....'
'She's leaving her room now!' Dan grated. 'If there are any formalities, then you'd better complete them. In just about fifteen minutes I'll have her out of here!'
The swift bang of the door showed that tutors were rarely spoken to like this, and Anna was now sitting up on the bed, feeling shaky and slightly disorientated.
'Dan! What are you doing here? I don't understand.'
'They sent for me,' he said testily. 'At least, they rang the Hall and I was there. One more day and there would have been nobody there at all because I'd decided to go back to the island, after all. By sheer chance I was at the house. They had no idea that the family is now split asunder, and apparently they could get no sense out of you!'
'I-I don't remember them asking,' she said shakily.
'No.' His eyes narrowed on her pale face. 'I don't have to be a doctor to recognize mental and physical exhaustion. You probably don't know what day it is. Where was the boyfriend while you were fading away?'
'I've not been out. Bryan is working all hours and I...'
'Well, you're coming out now. Right out!' Dan rasped angrily.
'I can stay here. I...'
'It may have escaped your attention, Anna, but there isn't a finals student in the place! They've finished and gone! Were you going to stay here until you were found by an inquisitive porter? You're coming home with me.'
'I'm not going back to Langford Hall! I thought ... Why aren't you in the Bahamas?'
'I decided to wait a while. In any case, you're not going back to Langford Hall. I said you were coming home with me, and that's the island. I've already got my ticket and I'll have yours within few hours. They'll certainly not charge full fare for you!' he added sarcastically. 'You're nothing more than a set of beautiful bones!'
'I can't go to the island!' she gasped, her hand anxiously at her collar, plucking agitatedly at the white cotton. 'I can't go there because ....'
Daphne would have been there! Maybe that was where ... She couldn't face that!
'You're coming with me, Anna!' He suddenly knelt down beside her, looking up into her pale, distressed face. 'I won't leave you,' he said, softly but determinedly. 'You're on the point of total collapse. I'm keeping you with me until I can be quite sure that you're safely restored to your rightful mind.'
'There's nothing wrong with my mind!' Anna assured him with a burst of annoyance. 'I'll go to Elaine and Steve.'
'They're newly-weds! Have a heart,' he said mockingly. 'In any case,' he finished standing and casting a grim eye around the room, 'I'm going back to the island and you're going to be right there beside me when I fly out. It's no use arguing! Any argument will only make you more strained, and I can simply pick you up and bundle you into a trunk, by the look of you. Better to travel first class!'
'I won't have a guardian!' She didn't feel much like fighting him, but she made a token protest.
In actual fact, she couldn't stop looking at him. He had appeared like a fury, but she felt safe, her desire to cling to him only her physical weakness.
'You've got one, baby,' he grated harshly, 'and after these few weeks I'm beginning to have a great deal of admiration for your mother's foresight. Left to yourself, you'd never survive!'
He simply threw her wardrobe doors open and began to pack for her; and when she protested and stood up, he ordered her sharply back to the bed. In this tornado mood it seemed to be best to obey, and she watched him with wide eyes as he strode about, packing her things methodically.
'By the look of you nothing here fits you any more in any case,' he speculated grimly. 'Anything else you need we'll get in Nassau.'
'You-you can't just spirit me away like this, Dan!' she began plaintively, wondering why she couldn't fight him but knowing that she couldn't. He came and took her arm, leading her to the mirror.
There were dark smudges beneath eyes that seemed to fill her thin face; even her blouse looked too big for her. She seemed to be all hair and eyes, like a mere ghost of herself. Where had the days gone since the finals? She just couldn't remember.
'I intend to spirit you away,' he assured her grimly. 'I really pity anyone who tries to stop me!'
Before the hour was up she was in Dan's car, heading towards London, too exhausted to protest any more, her eyes constantly returning to his tight profile and the strong, graceful hands on the wheel.
'If you hired this car, it must be costing a fortune,' she said after a while. 'You've had it for ages.'
This inconsequential little remark merely drew his eyes to her in a quick flash of surprise. Maybe he thought she had gone mad.
'I bought it when I arrived, as a matter of fact!' He dismissed the subject as being trifling, but she hung on to it grimly, the whole thing taking on a great puzzle in her tired mind.
'What will we do about selling it? Will we have to sell it when we get to London?'
Suddenly she sounded like a child again. It had always been 'we'. What will we do about this, Dan? What will we say to them, Dan? He glanced at her worriedly, his eyes on her hands clasped tightly in her lap. For a moment he had almost expected to see the thin little hands clenched together, the way they had always been when he had spoken to her, but they were a woman's hands, pale and slender, the bones of her wrists too pronounced.
'At the moment I don't care if we abandon it on the M4!' he said grimy. His hand came and closed over hers. 'It's quite a way yet. Go to sleep, Anna.'
'All right. I'm really tired, Dan.'
'Yes.'
His voice was strange, husky, and she puzzled about that for almost a whole minute before she closed her eyes and slept, her head falling against his shoulder, her eyes not seeing the bleak look about his face as he drove on towards the airport.
After that it was all dreamlike. They stayed overnight in an hotel and, though she tried to sleep at once, Dan called a doctor who looked at her as if she had done it all deliberately and said she was suffering from exhaustion and the aftermath of a severe cold. She could fly, he said, but she must rest for some time afterwards. Dan received this news with raised eyebrows and a disgusted look, muttering as he closed the door on the departing doctor that he could have diagnosed all that himself.
Anna slept deeply for the first time in ages, her taut muscles relaxing. She ate a light supper merely to please Dan, her eyes following him as he went silently from the room and switched out her light. She was worried about everything, about the island, about being where Dan had taken others. She was back to her childish jealousy, only part of her mind anchored safely. She had loved hi
m so much.
How would she be when they got to the island? What about Dan's son? Did Dan see them still? Did he acknowledge the child? For four years she had imagined him married. Four years of her life had been built on that fact. Perhaps Daphne would visit? She drifted away into sleep, her hand clutching the sheets, and the sleep was black and deep, healing.
The islands lay like jewels in a clear, green sea, frothy white breakers edging them, and Anna gazed down, entranced. From the air the scene was everyone's dream of paradise: coral, ocean and sky. For the moment she was content, more content than she had been since Dan had gone away and left her. It was a brief interval of time, she knew, but for now there was no use denying it.
'Can we see your island from here?'
She turned to him eagerly, and for the first time he smiled. He had looked after her almost ferociously, but he was tense and somber, clearly not wishing to have her here at all, no more patient with the thought of guardianship than she was. It was a relief therefore to see the old smile edge his lips and soften his tawny eyes.
'No. It's too small. It's just over the rim of the horizon. If we were higher, perhaps. It's a very small island, only three square miles. Many of the islands are like that, some smaller.'
'Does it have a name?'
'Yes. Amara Cay.' He pronounced the word 'key'.
'What does that mean?' Her interest seemed to pull him even further from the somber mood that had been on him since he had rescued her from college, and he leaned back and relaxed more.
'Cay means "Small Island". There are over seven hundred in the Bahamas, maybe more. Nobody is exactly certain.'
'What does Amara mean? It's a beautiful name.'
'Amara? I don't know. Perhaps it was the name of some pirate's mistress. These islands were once haunted by buccaneers and very dangerous. There's quite a lot of smuggling going on even these days. It's not a very good idea to sail close inshore at night. You might say that pirates still haunt the place.'
'But not the sort with gold ear-rings and cutlasses!' Anna retorted wryly.
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