by S. Van Horne
However, the thought of her in the emergency room makes my chest tighten.
“Why were you in the emergency room?”
“I’m a nurse.”
“I remember you saying you were an in-home caretaker the last time we were together,” I state as I pull into my parking spot.
“I was until my Pee Paw died. I ended up getting a job in the emergency room, and a few months ago, I was promoted to head nurse.” She’s looking at her hands, and I can sense the unease she feels talking about herself. I reach over and pull her to me, needing to touch and hold her close.
“I know we have some talking to do, but Lilly…I need to be inside you more than anything right now. Promise me you won’t run before we talk?”
At her nod, I crush my lips against hers, and her flavor bursts along my tongue. I moan at the unique flavor that is Lilly, a flavor I haven’t had since that one night. I need to get her inside because if I don’t, then my neighbors are going to get a show they never anticipated. And really, I don’t want them seeing something that is only for my eyes.
LILLY
Before I can process what’s happening, I’m flying through the air and hit something soft. Blinking, I look around and realize that somehow, we made it into his bedroom. The thought that he has done this often makes me freeze, and I start to rise off the bed.
“Jax, let’s talk—” I’m cut off before I can say another word.
“Lilly, I told you in the truck…I need to be inside of you.” He stalks toward me as he pulls his shirt off, and the wetness grows even thicker between my thighs.
“I can’t be in the same bed that others—” Again, he interrupts before I can finish my sentence.
“I don’t bring women back to my home, Lilly. You’re the first.” Before I can react, he has my sun dress stripped over my head and thrown on the floor. I instantly cover my stomach because there are a few stretch marks from Kasey, and I don’t want him seeing them.
Fear slowly trickles through my veins, and I think about the last time I was in this situation. There is no way I’m ready to go down this road again. Especially since he still doesn’t have a clue about Kasey. I really need to stop this now so we can talk and I can tell him the secret I’ve been holding onto for two years.
“Jax, wait—” His words stop me mid-sentence and have my body flooding with pleasure.
“Fuck me, you’ve gotten even more breathtaking than the last time.” He lays me back onto his bed and brings his lips to mine, causing my head to fill like a fog is rolling in. Hands grab my wrists, and they are pulled to lay above my head. Ripping of material somehow penetrates the cloudiness that my brain seems to be in. The realization that he tore my panties from me has my body heating even more. His hand slides between my thighs and finds the exact spot that’s throbbing for him.
“Soaked. Fuck, I need you now.” It takes me a few moments to realize he’s off me and stripping out of his pants. I watch him reach down and pull out a gold wrapper, and then swiftly put the condom on.
“I’m sorry, angel, foreplay isn’t going to happen this round. But I promise to make it up to you.” Then, he’s at my entrance. I need to tell him to go slow. It’s been awhile, and Jax isn’t a small man.
“Jax—” is all I can get out before he slams inside of me, making me scream in pain. He quickly leans his upper body off mine and stares at me as the tears begin to slide down my face. I squeeze my eyes shut and struggle to breathe through the pain.
“Lilly, when was the last time you had sex?”
“You were the last one,” I mumble through the pain.
“Fuck, Lilly. I’m sorry I hurt you. Shit…let me go, baby,” he whispers, and I realize I have my arms around his neck, clinging onto him tightly. He reaches up with one hand and wipes away the streaks of wetness from my cheeks while gazing at me with a look of sorrow.
“No, just give me a minute, please.” At my plea, he nods and holds as still as he can. After a few moments, I wiggle around, and pleasure flows through me. Him filling the aching part of me that has been without for two years has me moaning in pure ecstasy.
Shit, I forgot how amazing sex was.
“Are you okay? I really need to move, but fuck, I don’t want to hurt you again.” The tension in his voice expresses just how much he is holding back allowing me to adjust to having him inside me.
“Yes, please, Jax.”
JAXSON
Fuck me…hearing her say I’m the only man who has ever been inside this tight piece of heaven almost has me coming. What she doesn’t understand just yet is that I will be the only man, for the rest of her life, who will know what her pussy feels like.
“Jax, if you don’t move right now, I’m going to slap the fuck out of you,” she growls out, and I look down into her bright blue eyes. Her demand has a chuckle escaping and urges me to reach between us and find her clit.
“You want me to move, angel? You want me to make you come on my cock and show you who owns your body?” I smirk when she clenches around me. I slowly swirl my thumb, and she writhes in response.
“Shit, that feels so fucking good. Please, Jax…I need you to make me come. I haven’t had an orgasm from a man since that night. Please stop teasing me.” That does it, her confirmation that I’m the only one to make her feel this way…yeah, the caveman inside me is beating his chest.
Pulling out until only the tip is still barely inside, I then push in deep and hard, bottoming out, causing her to clench around me even more. She’s so damn tight, it’s hard to move. I rock harder and faster because I know the moment she comes, she’ll get tighter, and it’ll be what makes me fall over the edge with her.
“Fuck, Lilly, you feel so fucking good around me. Come, baby, I need to feel you tighten around me. I need to feel your sweet juice pour out of you.” I remember that talking dirty does it for her. With my thumb, I press firm circles faster around her clit. After a few more deep pumps with my cock, she tightens and screams out my name as she crashes over the edge.
Putting my hands beside her head for leverage, I begin to thrust faster and stronger than I ever have. The tightening of my balls signals that I’m about to find that release alongside her. I know this is going to be just like the last time—life-changing. She’s the one who I’m meant to be with.
I push in again, chasing my release, groaning when her nails dig into my back and she pants in my ear…but it’s what she says that has me shoving my cock in her once more before stars burst behind my eyelids from coming harder than I ever have in my life.
After a few minutes of simply holding her close, coming down from the most amazing high I’ve ever felt, I take a moment to understand that what she said really did seal her fate, as well as made me realize that my soul no longer belongs to me.
After rolling us so she’s now on top of me, I slowly rub her back. Sleep begins to claim us both while her words ring in my ears…It has always only been you.
CHAPTER FOUR
LILLY
THE SOUND OF A PHONE buzzing stirs me in my sleep. I really don’t want to wake up from the blissful dream I am having, but I have a feeling it’s probably the hospital. I haven’t had a day off in three weeks, and right now, I have two days.
I try to get up, then realize I’m held in place by two strong arms. I freeze, trying to figure out just who the fuck would be in bed with me. After a second, the night before rushes back, and I jerk away from Jax and stare down at him.
Shit…I need to get home before Es has to go to work.
The phone buzzes again, and I scramble to reach it.
“Hey, Es, I’m so sorry. I’ll be there in thirty minutes,” I rush out while I quickly get off the bed and start to get dressed. I grimace when I spot my ruined panties off to the side. “How late are you going to be? I need to order the Uber, too…” I trail off and head for the bedroom door. But I’m stopped short when arms wrap around me, and I’m pulled into a hard chest.
“I won’t be late if you get he
re in the next forty minutes…and just because you stayed out late doesn’t mean you’re going to get out of telling me about your night,” she giggles over the phone.
“Okay, see you soon.” I hang up and then turn in Jax’s arms. “I have to go, Es needs to get to work. I need to see you again; I really need to talk to you about something. Shit, I need to order my Uber.” I glance back down at my phone and start to open the app to order a ride, but before I can, my phone is snatched out of my hands.
“First, I want a kiss. Second, yes, we will meet up later today, and third…I’ll give you a ride home so I know where to pick you up at six tonight for dinner.” His lips descend, and I cover my mouth with my hand. He arches an eyebrow at me and begins to reach up for my arm. I furiously shake my head at his movement.
“I need to brush my teeth before you kiss me,” I mumble out from behind my hand.
He sighs and grabs my wrist, pulling it away; then his lips are on mine. Before I can react, he has one hand on my back, pressing me closer and the other in my hair, tilting my head while he licks my lips, demanding me to open. As the moan leaves my throat, my lips part, and his tongue dives into my mouth, making me melt against him. After what seems like an hour, but I know it has only been seconds, he pulls away.
“Come on, angel, let’s get you home to your friend.” Hearing the word friend has me tensing slightly and turning toward the door. Telling him about his son is going to be harder than I thought after what happened last night and just now.
JAXSON
After dropping off Lilly, I run back home and take a quick shower. I don’t want to wash her scent off of me, but I need to get into the shop to talk with Jason, and I’m sure he doesn’t want to smell sex on me. It’s my day off, and I don’t have any dates tonight, but I don’t want to delay the conversation I know needs to happen now that I have Lilly back in my life. So, I called and arranged a meeting with him to discuss how I want off the menu.
Now that I’ve seen her again, the memory of her vanishing two years ago can’t be ignored. It doesn’t sit well with me that she ran out of the hotel room. I need to know what exactly happened. Was she scared? Why didn’t she contact me before now? Was she hiding something? The last question has anger starting to build again inside of me, and I take a few deep breaths to try and calm down. I think back again to last night and this morning…the way she froze at certain things I said. That thought makes the realization that she is hiding something from me even clearer. I really need to get to the bottom of what it could be. If we’re going to have any type of relationship, then we need to be honest with each other.
The clock next to the bed says I’ve been home now for two hours. Jason is expecting me in about three hours. I decide on surprising Lilly with lunch because I have some time to kill. Since I forgot to get her phone number before she jumped out of my truck, I have to just stop by. I head out and grab what I hope will be the first of many lunch time surprises to come for my girl. Already looking forward to having her for dessert, I arrive at her building and realize I never got her apartment number either.
I pick up my cell just as it goes off. Just the guy I was about to call.
“I was just about to call you, Jay.”
“That’s convenient, seeing as I got an order for KC tonight. You game?” My brother isn’t one to draw out a conversation.
“Nope, like I said earlier, I need to talk to you about what happened last night.” He sighs, and I don’t know how he will react to my news.
Financially, the shop is safe now, but the orders and money coming in have been too good to quit. I’d be the first. I guess I’ll be the one to break the mold.
“Shit, you okay?” his voice snaps me out of my thoughts just as I look up and toward Lilly’s apartment.
“I’m fine, but I gotta talk to you, and I really don’t want to do this over the phone.”
“But you are okay? Right, Jax?” The concern in his voice sets my fears aside and reminds me that, first and foremost, I’m his brother, not his employee.
“I’m fine, it’s just…” my voice trails off into nothing when I spot Lilly coming out of her apartment complex with what looks like a stroller.
But that isn’t what has my words caught in my throat. What catches my eye is the child sitting in it. From what I can tell from the blue outfit, it’s a little boy, smiling brightly with excitement. The face looks so familiar to me, and I have an ache in my chest because I can also see Lilly in his expression. My stomach tightens as I try to comprehend the emotions that are running through me.
“Jaxson, you there, or did I lose you?” Jason’s voice comes through the phone.
“I’ve gotta go, Jason. I’ll call you back when I’m on my way.” Jabbing the end button, I watch her walk the other way, and I look down the road, trying to figure out where she’s going.
It takes a few minutes observing her to remember there is a park a few blocks away. I assume that’s where she’s headed, and if so…then I’m following because I need some answers.
CHAPTER FIVE
LILLY
THE WALK TO THE PARK is always something I look forward to and need badly right now. I need to think through what I’m going to tell Jax tonight. Plus, I want to wear Kasey out so we can take a nap. He’s been on the go since I walked in the door, relieving Es from her night of babysitting. She agreed to watch him again tonight as long as I tell her about my night. She only knew I was planning on meeting Kasey’s dad. She also told me she is considering going on a date. Which I’m happy about. She’s finally taking the step to move on from what her fucking late husband did to her. It’s been over a year now, and she really deserves to be happy.
“Swide, Momma. Swide!” Kasey’s voice breaks though my thoughts and causes me to smile.
“That’s right, baby. You see the slide. We’ll be there in a few minutes, and you can slide all you want,” I tell him, reaching down and rubbing his head. He claps his hands, showing me how excited he is while I push him in the umbrella stroller closer and closer to the park.
“Swide and wing!” he screams at the top of his lungs, making me chuckle.
He’s slowly adding to his vocabulary, and it makes my heart melt when I hear him say “Momma.” He’s advanced for being fifteen months old and speaks a bit more than most kids his age. I think he’s a perfect mix of Jax and me…he has my hair color and lips but the rest is all Jax. I named him Kasey thinking I was naming him after his daddy in some way. But now, I wonder how Jax will feel once he hears the name I picked.
The thing is, Kasey knows who his daddy is. When I left the hotel, and got back to my Pee Paw’s house, I saw pictures he took on my phone. I quickly looked through my contacts to see if he programed his number and saw he didn’t. I assumed he couldn’t get it unlocked to add it. Once I found out I was pregnant, I printed the pictures and hung them in the nursery. I show Kasey the photos daily and tell him his daddy loves him. I now have doubts whether I did the right thing.
“Swide. Momma!” Kasey screams out once we make it to the corner where the park is located. I glance around and find the park is pretty full for it being a Tuesday, however school is out for the summer.
“Okay, baby. Let’s go slide,” I answer him as I make my way to the baby area of the park. This is the only park that has a section made just for kids under the age of two. I like the fact that it’s fenced in, and there’s only one way in and out.
After unbuckling him, he runs as best as he can to the gate. My breath catches in my throat, and I pray he doesn’t fall. I move to the fence to watch my little man play with a little girl who was there before him.
How am I going to break it to Jax that he has a son? How can I explain why I kept Kasey from him? And furthermore, how can we continue a relationship after he finds out?
The events of last night and this morning run through my mind, and I can’t help but smile at the thought of finally having a family again. To wake every morning in Jax’s arms would be my every drea
m come to life. Quite literally speaking, since I dreamed about it so often since that night. Watching the kids play in the fenced area has me thinking about future children with Jax. Would he want that? Would he even embrace being a dad now? Fear of the unknown threatens to swallow me whole, and I try to breathe past the lump in my throat at the possibility Jax might walk away for good after finding out about Kasey.
After a few deep breaths, I paste on a fake smile and watch Kasey laugh with the little girl while they go down the slide. I can only hope and pray it ends with Kasey at least having his dad in his life, even if it would kill me not being in that life with them.
JAXSON
I slowly make my way over to where Lilly and the little boy are. When I saw him running into the fenced-in area, pain filled my chest at the thought of him falling down. I don’t know why there is this pull toward him, but I honestly feel the need to reach out, pick him up, and never let him go.
I’m about three feet away when I hear the sweetest sound, next to Lilly’s voice, scream out.
“Momma. Wing.”
“Okay, baby, let’s go swing,” Lilly calls out as she makes her way to the gate.
She bends and picks up the little boy. His giggles fill the playground when she kisses him all over his face. A smile starts to spread, and I have visions of sitting on a couch with him in my lap, making the same giggles as I rub my unshaved face in his neck. I close my eyes in an attempt to keep the image in my head and wait for the panic to start. When it doesn’t come, I take a deep breath and say a quick prayer that I can get to the bottom of who his father is. If he isn’t in his life, then I can only hope and pray Lilly might give me the chance to fill that void.
“Daddy. Momma. Ook.” His voice saying the one word I wished was directed at me has me snapping my eyes open, hoping to catch who this guy is.
