by Liz Cole
***
Another earth-shattering wave of pleasure engulfed Prudence; she raised her head and watched Kolton reach his peak. His body bowed, the tendons on his neck standing out, his muscles straining with effort. His eyes widened, an expression of astonishment flashing across his face before a look of painful pleasure captured his features, and he threw back his head, shouting her name.
They lay together in the aftermath, drained but satisfied, waiting for their harsh breathing and rapid pulses to return to normal. Prudence lay sprawled atop his chest, listening to the pounding of his heart.
He raised his hand brushed back the wild mass of hair covering her face and gently stroked her cheek with the back of his fingers.
“Marry me, Pru.”
Prudence stiffened. Did he have to ruin this moment by bringing reality crashing back?
She rolled off of him and covered herself with the rumpled sheet. “I thought I made myself clear on that topic.”
“You certainly did, when you spent the night in my arms, and just now, when you fell apart atop me,” he replied, rolling to his side to face her with a determined expression on his handsome face.
Oooh, it would be so easy to give in to his determined desire to be wed. But she had seen what forced marriages did to all those involved. She wouldn’t put herself through the hell her parents had lived.
He mother had wanted to make a real marriage with Prudence’s father. Prudence had heard them argue about it—it was one of her earliest recollections. But their last evening together her father went too far. Prudence was six at the time and playing in the study behind her father’s desk when the two entered.
“James, please. You’ve never given us a chance,” her mother pleaded in a tearful voice,
“Evelyn. I don’t want to do this again,” her father replied wearily. Prudence heard the sound of glass tinkling. Papa was drinking again. The fights were always the worst when Papa drank.
“Why, James? Just tell me why you refuse to make our marriage work.”
“I don’t want to discuss this again! Damn it, Evelyn, don’t force me to be cruel.”
“Cruel? How can you say you are not cruel, when I know you have taken up with another woman? I am your wife! Why do you go to her bed and not mine?”
“Our marriage was arranged; it was never a love match, Evelyn. Why can you not accept this and make a life for yourself? Why do you insist upon trying to make it into something it will never be?”
Prudence hugged her dolly tight. Papa was getting angry and that always meant he would make Mama cry. She didn’t want Mama to cry again. She would lock herself in her room and not come out for days.
“It could work, James, I know it could. If you would only get rid of that harpy and –”
“Harpy! She is no harpy; she is a gently bred lady. You will not speak of her like that in front of me, or at all for that matter!” he bellowed.
“I will speak of a woman who ruins my marriage any way I please. I am your wife! The mother of your children, I deserve better.”
“Children? We have only one child, lest you forget. You have failed to give me a male heir. In fact, you will never do so. The doctor was clear that there would be no more children after the last miscarriage.”
Prudence heard her mother gasp. “Are you saying that because I cannot bear you another child, that I am no longer worthy of your attention in bed?” her mother choked. “That this tramp can please you, whereas I cannot?”
“You will not talk about her that way; don’t make me warn you again.”
“A woman who would sleep with another’s husband is not a tramp?” she spat. “Please, James, spare me your misplaced honor where she is concerned. You were happy to warm my bed once. What has changed? What makes her so much better than your wife?”
“You want the truth, Evelyn? Fine, here is the truth. I have never been attracted to you. Your hair is too dark, your breasts are disgustingly large; your waist is small, I will grant you that, but it only emphasizes your big hips.”
Prudence peeked around the corner of the desk at her mother. Prudence had always thought her mother beautiful, but then again, she’d had few opportunities to compare her mother to other women.
“The only reason I entered your bed was to beget an heir,” her father continued, “and you couldn’t even give me that! Now you want me to give up a woman I do find attractive to be with a woman who excites me not at all? I think I have had enough of this farce of a marriage.”
Mama was sobbing harder than Prudence had ever heard her do so before. With a mournful cry, her mother turned and ran from the room. A moment later, Prudence heard a door slam, and her father let out a deep sigh. He sat heavily in a nearby chair.
“Damn it, Evelyn. I didn’t want it to go that far,” he said softly.
Her mother hadn’t run to her room, as Prudence had thought; instead, she had rushed out the front door on the coldest winter night on record. A search party had been dispatched, but had to be called off due to the blinding storm that night. Her mother’s body had been found early the next morning near the road leading to town.
Prudence shook off the memory of the dark night, which had changed her life so dramatically. It still haunted her, especially when she looked in the mirror. She shared her father’s unusual changing shade of blue-green eyes and slight up-tilt at the corners, but other than that she was the perfect image of her mother. The woman her father found so unattractive, so useless.
And now, twenty years after her mother’s death, she too faced marrying a man who didn’t really want her. Oh, he said he found her attractive – even beautiful – but that would change as soon as they went out in society and he was able to compare her to the truly beautiful women it hosted.
“Why do you fight the idea so, Pru?” he asked earnestly, reaching out to trace her jaw with his fingertips.
“I am not cut out to be a countess,” she admitted, shoving the past back into the neat little box where it belonged. “I am not beautiful and vivacious, nor am I socially inclined. I would make a horrible wife, and you would come to resent having to marry me. I-I don’t think I could live with that.”
Kolton blanched, his face registering shock. “I don’t know which untruth to address first,” he said slowly.
“But it is the truth. There is no use ignoring it, or trying to sugarcoat it,” she replied with a resigned sigh.
“Damn it, Pru!” he growled. Kolton climbed out of bed and began pacing, heedless of his nakedness. “Where did you get the idea I would resent you? My God, you make yourself purposely unattractive and hide yourself away. You don’t even make an attempt to socialize,” he stated with a frustrated waive of his hand. “Yes, this bothers me, not because I think you are lacking in any way, but because I have had the chance to see glimmers of the real Prudence. The Prudence who is smart, who has a delightful sense of humor, whose giggles are enchanting, and yes is, whether she wants to see it or not, beautiful.” He stopped and turned to face her. “If you would only be yourself, throw off the chrysalis, and spread your wings, you would see there are others – many others – who would see you just as I do.”
Prudence rolled her eyes. “Even if I did agree to ‘spread my wings’ as you so poetically put it, I would not have to marry you to accomplish such a tremendous feat,” she pointed out.
“No, you wouldn’t,” he agreed, “but we have coupled more than once, pet, and that only increases the chances of conception.” Pru’s eyes grew wide and Kolton gave a weary sigh before he sat on the bed next to her and took her hand in his. “Pru, I truly don’t want to scare you into marrying me, but you need to seriously consider the fact you might be with child.”
He reached up with his other hand and tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear, the gesture so gentle, his expression so tender, it made Prudence’s heart ache with longing, wanting so much to believe him.
Kolton cupped her cheek and brought his face level with hers, staring into her eyes, his
own urging her to trust him. “It’s clear you don’t believe I am truly attracted to you, and I am not sure why. But, my dear, I assure you I am,” he said, his voice thick with sincerity. “I honestly think we could make a good marriage if we try. Please don’t fight what we both know is the right thing to do. Marry me, Pru, and I will do everything in my power to make sure you never regret your decision.”
But he would make her regret her decision, she thought sadly.
The first time he turned to another woman—and he would eventually, she had no doubt—it would break her heart. But what if there was a child to consider? Could she bear to let it grow up fatherless? Or go off to France to have it, as she had suggested the day before, and let everyone believe it was an orphan? To never acknowledge it as her own? Giving away Kolton’s baby was not an option; she couldn’t part with any child of hers, much less a child conceived with the man she loved.
Loved?
Her mind balked at the thought. No, she told herself firmly, she wasn’t in love with him. Not yet. But she was afraid she was coming dangerously close.
Chapter Eight
Kolton paced the drawing room. Pru had asked for some time alone to think. It was progress at least. She hadn’t refused him outright this time. Either way, he wouldn’t give up on his decision to force the butterfly to emerge and show its wondrous colors—even if he had to drag her to the dressmaker kicking and screaming.
He smiled at the picture of him strolling into the dress shop with Prudence scandalously flung over one shoulder, sputtering and beating at his back. He liked the idea of Pru losing her cool mask and letting her spirit show. He enjoyed the fact that she didn’t agree witlessly with every word out of his mouth, or simper and fawn over him as so many of society’s miss’ did. This new Prudence he’d discovered was a constant surprise, and a powerfully intriguing, sensual woman.
Yes, he thought with a decisive nod, she would be a good addition to his life.
It seemed like hours before she finally entered the study and closed the door. She wore a blue morning dress that complemented her coloring but, as with all her clothing, was loose and did nothing for her figure. That aside, she had softened her appearance by pulling her hair back in a loose bun, allowing a few tendrils to hang free and frame her face. She had also dispensed with wearing her spectacles, which pleased him immensely. If he could only improve her taste in clothes, she would be ravishing indeed.
***
Prudence had come to a decision. But was it the right one? She had her doubts.
Kolton stood looking contemplatively out of the window as if the weight of the world resided upon his shoulders. Prudence took the opportunity to study him. Sunlight showered him with its rays, brining to brilliant life the hints of gold in his rich brown hair that framed his strong features. She would classify his face as square if it weren’t for the length of his clean-shaven face with its broad forehead. High cheekbones added to his aristocratic air; his chin, which he often rubbed when pondering something important, was too rounded to be considered pointed and sported just a hint of a cleft. His nose was straight, but for the slight widening toward the end that gave him a look of boyishness, his lips full and sensual. But those eyes of his! They were what had made Prudence melt. Their rich, chocolate brown, sometimes soulful depths, which, more often than not, twinkled with mischief and a passion for life, and unerringly drew not only her, but every woman he met.
She was fourteen when she had first seen him—really seen him—as a man. He was back from traveling the continent after graduating Oxford. At two-and-twenty, he made a striking figure of a man, at least in Prudence’s adolescent opinion. He was suave and elegant, yet undeniably male. He had greeted the young, self-conscious Prudence with a gallant bow, and not even a twitch of his lips gave any indication he noticed her clumsy attempt at a curtsey as he took her hand and kissed the air above it. It was the first time a man had treated her as the young lady into which she was quickly maturing, and she was touched by his thoughtfulness.
Now, after years of admiring him from afar, an opportunity she had never thought would be hers was being offered—marrying him. Would she accept, or turn her back? Prudence had allowed herself the occasional fantasy of a life with the Earl of Ravensbrook, but rarely since she left the schoolroom had she indulged in frivolity. She’d known dreaming about a future with him was just that—a dream. So she’d packed her girlhood fantasies away along with her hopes of attracting a husband when she had realized her body had betrayed her and blossomed into a mirror image of her mother’s. If her father had not died of consumption but a few months after her mother, he surely would have been as disgusted with Prudence’s rounded curves as he had with her mother’s. He would have likely settled a large dowry on her and sold her off to the first eligible man available, happy to have her off his hands.
Prudence had resigned herself to remaining unmarried long ago. She’d almost convinced herself spinsterhood was better than living under a husband’s thumb. However, fate possessed an ironic sense of humor and had chosen to intervene, dropping a difficult decision squarely in her lap. Could she marry Kolton without the hope that he might love her? Would his professed attraction to her wane and, when it did, could she live with knowing he warmed the bed of a mistress, possibly more than one?
This is what bothered her most. She didn’t want to be the kind of desperate creature her mother had been in her marriage: stripped of pride, clinging to a man who could not stand the thought of sharing her bed. Prudence refused to sink to that level of self-depreciation, begging for love from a man who didn’t want her, perhaps even grown to resent her. But, if she could keep from loving Kolton, refuse to let her attraction to him become something deeper, perhaps it could work. At least she prayed so. They had the potential to be friends. She enjoyed his company and, from what time they spent together out of bed, she thought he might have come to enjoy hers as well.
Kolton turned as she closed the door quietly behind her. She almost missed the brief flash of nervousness he masked behind an expression of mild curiosity as he approached her.
His lips formed a welcoming smile, the sight making her knees turn to jelly, and motioned for her to sit. She declined with a slight shake of her head and moved to the place by the window he had just vacated. She looked out over the small clearing between the house and the forest, while she organized her thoughts.
***
“Pru?” Kolton prompted, glad the apprehension churning his insides did not show in his voice.
Pru turned and faced him, her hands clasped calmly at her waist. “I won’t keep you wondering, my lord,” she began, her eyes not quite meeting his. “I have thought your proposal over quite seriously, and I have but a few questions I would like to ask first, if I may?”
He felt the hairs prickle at the back of his neck, a sense of unease adding to his already anxious state. Despite his determination to persuade, and seduce, her into accepting him, he was nervous.
When the rush of challenge she presented eased a bit, he’d begun pacing the room, realizing just how big a step he was forcing them both to take. Both their lives would change drastically. He would have a wife to answer to and she, in turn, would be dependent upon him. What would she expect from him? He couldn’t offer her love at this point. Who knew if he ever could? He did care for her to some degree. But would it be enough?
“Of course.” He cleared his throat against the thickness, which had suddenly taken it over. “You may ask anything, and I will answer whatever you wish to know truthfully.”
Pru straightened, if possible for her already rigid posture. “I am glad,” she replied in a no-nonsense tone, “because I believe being truthful with each other from this point forward is both necessary and important.”
“I will do all within my power to always be honest with you, Pru.”
She lifted her eyes and met his steadily. “Even if you fear I will not like what you have to say?”
***
Kolto
n thought this over for a moment. “I would never want to cause you pain or undue stress, but I will do my utmost to uphold my promise to you. And I am promising, Pru, to always tell you the truth.” He meant it. He believed that dishonesty would make a marriage between them miserable, and he did not want that.
His answer seemed to please her and she relaxed a bit. “Thank you.”
“What is it you wish to ask me?” Would he be prepared to answer as honestly as he had just promised? He hoped so.
“First, I would like to know what to expect if I should decide to marry you. Are we to live apart? Do you expect to return to your life in London after I produce the required heir?”
Kolton hadn’t really thought that far ahead. He should have, of course, but he’d been too wrapped up in gaining her acceptance to contemplate the matter.
He motioned for her to sit and this time she took a seat on the settee. Settling himself next to her, he took her hand in his and studied her expression. It was withdrawn, but he could tell his answer was important to her.
“To be completely honest, Pru, I’ll admit I haven’t thought about our living arrangements. So far, I have been focused solely on obtaining your agreement to marry me.” He frowned thoughtfully as he pondered his feelings in the matter. “Have you any preference?”
“I do not want my feelings on the matter to sway you in your answer. I want to know, honestly, what you want from a marriage,” she replied, the hint of a smile entering her eyes at his obvious attempt to stall.
He rubbed his chin absently. “Well, I always believed I would share a mutual accord with the woman I married,” he began, “and attraction is important as well. I have never really contemplated how we would live but, since I do want to have a successful marriage and not one of the indifferent arrangements so prevalent amongst society, I believe that one’s spouse should be a companion, not simply convenient for procreation purposes.”
