The Foul Mouth and the Mancy Martial Artist
The King Henry Tapes #5
By Richard Raley
Copyright © 2015 by Richard Raley
http://richardraley.blogspot.com
www.twitter.com/richardraley
[email protected]
Edition: 2015
This book is a work of fiction. The names, characters, places, and events are fictitious and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, actual events, places or organizations is entirely coincidental.
All rights are reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission from the author.
NOVELS BY RICHARD RALEY
THE KING HENRY TAPES
The Foul Mouth and the Fanged Lady
The Foul Mouth and the Cat Killing Coyotes
The Foul Mouth and the Troubled Boomworm
The Foul Mouth and the Headless Hunny
The Foul Mouth and the Mancy Martial Artist
The Foul Mouth and the Artificial Court (forthcoming)
STANDALONE NOVELS
Gush (forthcoming)
Sky-Island 1827-E
The Betrothal: Or How I Saved Alan Edwards from 40 Years of Hell
NOVELLAS AND SHORTS
Prime Pickings: An Eater Short
Little King Henry: A KH Short
Conquering Hero: A KH Short
Friendship is Madness: A KH Short
Second Take: A KH Short
Griefing: A KH Short
Meet the Bonnies: A KH Short
As always, a toast to Jeff, Josh, Matt, and Brandon
Who taught me so many wonderful new words in high school.
Table of Contents
List of Mancy Types
King Henry’s Class
Staff of the Institution of Elements
DRAMATIS PERSONA
Session 145
Session 49
Session 146
Session 147
Session 50
Session 148
Session 149
Session 51
Session 150
Session 151
Session 52
Session 152
Session 153
Session 53
Session 154
Session 155
Session 54
Session 156
Session 157
Session 55
Session 158
Session 159
Session 160
Session 56
Session 161
Session 162
Sky-Island 1827-E Sample
About the Author
List of Mancy Types
Mancy Type – Element (Ultra Title)
Necromancy – Death (Bonegrinder)
Pyromancy – Fire (Firestarter)
Geomancy – Earth (Artificer)
Aeromancy – Air (Winddancer)
Hydromancy – Water (Riftwalker)
Electromancy – Lightning (Stormcaller)
Cryomancy – Ice (Winterwarden)
Sciomancy – Shadow (Shadeshifter)
Spectromancy – Light (Beaconkeeper)
Floromancy – Plant (Forestplanter)
Faunamancy – Animal (Beasttalker)
Mentimancy – Mind (Mindmaster)
Corpusmancy – Body (Facechanger)
King Henry’s Class
Student’s Name (Mancy Type)
King Henry Price (Geomancer)
Heinrich Welf (Necromancer)
Valentine “Boomworm” Ward (Pyromancer)
Asa Kayode (Hydromancer)
Miranda Daniels (Aeromancer)
Estefan Ramirez (Electromancer)
Debra Diaz (Electromancer)
Curt Chambers (Spectromancer)
Malaya Mabanaagan (Spectromancer)
Quinn Walden (Spectromancer)
Ronaldo Silva (Cryomancer)
Raj Malik (Cryomancer)
Hope Hunting (Cryomancer)
Miles Hun Pak (Sciomancer)
Eva Reti (Sciomancer)
Naomi Gullick (Floromancer)
Preston “Pocket” Landry (Floromancer)
Tamiko Lewis (Floromancer)
Nicholas Hanson (Floromancer)
Sandra Kemp (Floromancer)
Patrick “Rick” Brown (Faunamancer)
Jesus Valencia (Faunamancer)
Jessica Edwards (Faunamancer)
Robin White (Faunamancer)
Athir Al-Qasimi (Mentimancer)
Isabel Soto (Corpusmancer)
Samuel Bird (Corpusmancer)
Yvette Reynolds (Corpusmancer)
Jason Jackson (Corpusmancer)
Nizhoni Sherman (Corpusmancer)
Staff of the Institution of Elements
Name – Institution Position (Mancy Type, Level)
THE LEARNING COUNCIL
Maudette “The Lady of the Lake” Lynch – Dean (Hydromancer, Ultra)
Delores Dingle – Head of Mathematics, King Henry’s Math Teacher (Faunamancer, Intra)
Christopher Erikson – Head of Languages (Cryomancer, Ultra)
Phineas Farraday – Head of Sciences (Mentimancer, Ultra)
Benedict Massey – Head of History (Geomancer, Intra)
Morgana Lancaster – Head of Physical Education, Facechanger Teacher (Corpusmancer, Ultra)
Keith Gullick – Head of Elementalism, King Henry’s Elementalism Teacher (Floromancer, Ultra)
Mordecai Root – Head of Physical Theories, Bonegrinder Teacher (Necromancer, Ultra)
Antigone Hyde – Head of Mental Theories, Winddancer Teacher (Aeromancer, Ultra)
Rudolph Meyer – Head of Electives (Faunamancer, Ultra)
Ceinwyn Dale – Head of Recruiting (Aeromancer, Ultra)
Russell Quilt – Head of Testing/Non-Voting (Mentimancer, Intra)
Nigel Rowland – Firestarter Teacher (Pyromancer, Ultra)
Paul “Plutarch” Nixon – Artificer Teacher (Geomancer, Ultra)
Leander Marlow – Riftwalker Teacher (Hydromancer, Ultra)
Noelle Clarke – Stormcaller Teacher (Electromancer, Ultra)
Alberto Cervantes – Beaconkeeper Teacher (Spectromancer, Ultra)
Rin Yukimura – Winterwarden Teacher (Cryomancer, Ultra)
Tristan McBee – Shadeshifter Teacher (Sciomancer, Ultra)
Leslie Van Houten – Forestplanter Teacher (Flormancer, Ultra)
Wolfgang Von Welf – Beasttalker Teacher (Faunamancer, Ultra)
Yuri Jakovic – Mindmaster Teacher (Mentimancer, Ultra)
OTHER STAFF
Evelyn Strange – School Doctor, Head of the Infirmary (Hydromancer, Ultra)
Kumiko Ambrose – King Henry’s History and History of Elementalism Teacher (Geomancer, Intra)
Jethro “Jet” Smith – King Henry’s Languages Teacher (Necromancer, Intra)
Nevada Slaton – King Henry’s Science Teacher (Cryomancer, Intra)
Harvey Pride – King Henry’s P.E. Teacher (Corpusmancer, Ultra)
Fines Samson – King Henry’s Survival and Defense Teacher, King Henry’s Elementalism as a Weapon Teacher, Partially Retired (Sciomancer, Ultra)
Audrey Foster – King Henry’s Theory of Anima Teacher (Aeromancer, Intra)
Rainbow Greenbrier – King Henry’s Elementalism as Art Teacher (Spectromancer, Intra)
Wilbur Fisk – King Henry’s Theory of Elemental Prophecy Teacher (Faunamancer, Ultra)
DRAMATIS PERSONAE
(When we last
left our heroes)
KING HENRY AND HIS ALLIES
King Henry Price – Geomancer, Ultra? – The Foul Mouth, Artificer for Hire, Wielder of a World-Breaker, Chosen of Meteyos, the Dirt King
Valentine “Boomworm” Ward – Pyromancer, Ultra – A Recruiter, Ceinwyn Dale’s Heir Apparent, King Henry’s Girlfriend, The Fire Queen
Tyson “T-Bone” Bonnie – Electromancer, Ultra – Electronic and Online Security Consultant, Video Game Geek, Keeping King Henry Out of Too Much Trouble for Ceinwyn Dale
Ceinwyn Dale – Aeromancer, Ultra – Head of Recruiting for the Asylum, The Last True Dale, King Henry’s Former Financial Backer, Friend of Annie B and Ward of Nii-Vah, Likely Candidate to Replace the Lady
Miranda Daniels – Aeromancer, Ultra – A Teacher at the Asylum, The Ginger Nemesis, Valentine Ward’s Best Friend and Roommate
Jason Jackson – Corpusmancer, Ultra – A Recruiter, Best Friend of Heinrich Welf
Estefan Ramirez – Electromancer, Ultra – A Junior ESLED Agent Assigned to Northern California, Married to Debra Diaz
Eva Reti – Sciomancer, Ultra – ESLED Agent, Learning Council’s Fixer, King Henry’s Ex
Naomi Gullick – Floromancer, Ultra – A Teacher at the Asylum, King Henry’s Ex, She Doesn’t Like Talking About It
Old Man Price – King Henry’s Dad, Works in a Warehouse, Finally Began Dating Again
Susanna Belle Price – King Henry’s Eldest Sister, Whereabouts Unknown, Last Heard About in Seattle
THE VAMPIRE EMBASSIES
Nii-Vah – Vampire Divine, Mistress of Justice, Guardian of Ceinwyn Dale, Friend of Humanity?
Inanina – Vampire Divine, Mistress of War, the Headless Hunny, Sister and Slayer of the Divine Eresha
Pwent – Vampire Divine, Mistress of Coin and of the Great Bank, Plays All Sides
Moshi – Vampire Divine, Master of Flesh
Annie B – Vampire Baroness, Wears the Shell of Anne Boleyn, Had a One Night Stand with King Henry, Killed Joannie D, Knows the Truth about King Henry Price
Moore – A Gentlewoman Vampire, Assigned to the San Francisco Embassy, Has Trice Crossed Paths with King Henry, Offered Information on “The Fall of Atlas”
Linebacker – A Gentleman Vampire, Security for the San Francisco Embassy
Eresha – DECEASED, Vampire Divine, Slain by Inanina with the Help of Mordecai Root
Joannie D – DECEASED, Wore the Shell of Joan of Arc, Vampire Countess, Slain by Annie B with King Henry’s Help
THE WERE NATIONS
Horatio Vega – Werecoyote – King of the Coyote Nation, a Poly-Shifter, King Henry’s Brother-in-Law
Jordan Josephine “JoJo” Vega – Werecoyote – King Henry’s Sister, a Poly-Shifter
Hector Vega – Werecoyote – DECEASED, Vega’s Nephew, Attempted to Kill King Henry, House Burnt Down by King Henry, Accidentally Slain by King Henry at the Auction of Illicit Wonders
Zoey Vega – Werecoyote – Hector’s Maybe Wife At Least Baby Mama
Overcoat – Werecoyote – DECEASED, One of Hector’s Boys
Tatterdemalion – Werecoyote – Assigned by King Vega to Guard Hector, Current Status Unknown
Sharp – Werepython – Vega’s Bodyguard and Enforcer
The Tsar – Wereraven – An Information Broker and Major Underworld Figure
Jarvis Washington – Faunamancer, Intra – Head of the Pitbull Nation, Lying About Being a Were, Officially Recognized by the Asylum
George Joseph “Go-Joe” McKenna IV – Wereotter – Vice President of the Otter Nation, Owns a Club, Total Mega Douchebag
THE CURATOR AND HIS ALLIES
Obadiah Paine – Geomancer, Ultra – The Curator, The Broken One, Thought Dead by the Asylum, Once in Love with Ceinwyn Dale, Wants King Henry as his Apprentice, Seeks to Save the World
Conan Sapa – Corpusmancer, Intra – Gunman for Hire, Kidnaps and Procures Missed or Passed Over Mancer Children for Paine’s Purposes
OTHER POWERS
METEYOS – Dragon – Lord of the Geo Realm, The Killer of Fools, One of the Thirteen, Imprisoned
POUGPAELLIETH – Sawaephim – Templar of Meteyos, Friend of King Henry, Imprisoned in the Geo Realm
Session 145
I believe men love more than women do.
Stepped in it already, didn’t I?
Now, now, ladies, don’t get all bent out of shape. Only one sentence into this story of pure fucking divine comedy, you can’t already be ripping your twat off and throwing it on the ground in indignation.
I understand why you want to claim the lofty, untouchable high ground that is ‘love’ and perhaps I was inelegant in my words. King Henry Price being inelegant, who fuckin’ saw that one coming?
Maybe it’s better for me to say that men have a higher capacity for love than women do. We can focus it all on the single devotional task. You can’t do that. Have the kiddies to think about first and foremost, after that got family and the village and on and on—concerns, connections, strings . . . whatever you want to call ‘em. You spread that love around, then give us handsome gents what’s left . . . and due to our higher capacity, what’s left is enough to get us through the hard day in the mine shaft cogging away, dust rotting our lungs, pick swing by pick swing.
I also ain’t putting men on a pedestal. It’s a capacity that’s seldom reached after all. Men are assholes most the time when it comes to love, just like they’re assholes when it comes to everything else. They fake it for a warm hole; they spout words and convince themselves they love a woman because they’re supposed to. Tradition. Manners. Family Values. Bunch of crap. So nope, I ain’t pretending men are some special breed of dreamer and you ladies are callous pragmatists, not that at all.
I think some of this higher capacity for love comes due to men not being all that good at love most days or weeks or years of their life. But when that emotion actually takes hold, when a man ain’t lying to either himself or the woman in question, when he actually loves her . . . that’s some scary, powerful shit.
But on the other side . . . maybe it’s also enough to save the species. Woman sacrifices for kiddies. Man sacrifices for woman. Maybe it’s enough.
I believe in this higher capacity for love. I’ve felt it. Felt both sides of it. Felt it lifting me up, felt it breaking me apart. A wiser man would have mentioned this love to the woman of his affection, to Valentine Ward, the very minute, maybe even the very second he knew it existed.
I wasn’t a wise man.
So I kept it to myself.
I was scared of it.
Scared of how good it made me feel. Scared of how much of a better person it might be able to turn me into. Scared of how something so wonderful felt an awful lot like a string. Scared of what I might do if I admitted that string existed and it was sheared away.
Ain’t been a fan of strings. My whole life really, but especially since I hurt myself so bad ripping a bunch of Ceinwyn Dale labeled ones out a few months back.
So I kept my foul mouth shut about it.
Kept it shut through Paine kidnapping Val’s sister.
Kept it shut through my adventures in the bloodsucking kingdom of Los Angeles.
Kept it shut after I told Ceinwyn off.
Kept it shut for the few months afterwards when our relationship kept on as it had before: a few stolen nights every couple weeks.
So wonderful, so fragile, don’t mention it or you might break it, King Henry.
You’re good at breaking things.
Especially glass.
So I kept the foul mouth shut.
Kept it shut even when Val broke up with me.
[CLICK]
February 2019
In one part of Fresno, a commercial district among many commercial districts, there was a store pretending to be something it wasn’t. That particular district was known for its small shops, its artsy cliental, and for a burger joint that had been open for over sixty years and was good enough to fight off fast food chains. The shop . .
. did not fit in.
AT ALL.
King Henry’s Nerd Nirvana read a bright neon sign that one of the owners had insisted upon after the store’s third remodeling.
First, there had been machine guns.
Second, a fire-bomb.
Each time law enforcement and insurance adjusters had been left flabbergasted and nodding their heads respectfully when CIA agents appeared out of thin air to quiet complaints; but even so, word had gotten out: something was not right with this store.
It claimed to be a comic book store. Yet those were never busy and this store was always busy. It had all sorts of strange people coming and going at odd hours. Young adults with a certain something-extra about them, who always had the same type of modern but non-descript cars. Men with quick smiles and women of unearthly beauty who appeared from the backseats of classic limos or armor-lined SUVs. Other men arrived in groups, guns bulging in their pockets or pants, all of them entering at once and exiting with new copper rings on their fingers.
Something was going on in that store.
Yet those that went inside without knowing the secret of the store couldn’t figure out what exactly was going on. A drug sniffing dog pretending to be a seeing-eye dog came out confused by the trip. Other businessmen, journalists, even politicians were greeted with a smile by a friendly Asian woman—unfortunately named Prunella Lin-Loeb—who knew too much about comics and nerdy memorabilia for her own good.
The ‘store’ itself was crowded with overhanging collectables, shelves of comics, and all sorts of items that the owners knew would never make them a single cent of profit, but as Prunella would quickly tell those questioning the clutter: it’s a classic replica, man! We wouldn’t be Nerd Nirvana without one! You think you can find one on Ebay? Go try!
A comic store, a busy comic store, yet there were more signs for the vigilant observer to pluck among the back-issues, action figures, boxes of card games, and oversized posters. King Henry’s Nerd Nirvana didn’t have a single window, not one, but it did have the type of world-class security camera system that one would expect at a bank, perhaps even a federal reserve bank. The walls were lined with metal bars, invisible now, but a particularly dedicated detective named Ribera had done the leg work to question the construction company responsible for refurbishing the store in the last go around.
The Foul Mouth and the Mancy Martial Artist (The King Henry Tapes Book 5) Page 1
