by Hadley Quinn
“Well who knows if it will be for long,” Melanie tried to assure her. “I mean it could just be for six months and… I don’t know. I don’t really want to bounce around everywhere—I’d like to find some stability somewhere—but I can’t say if this decision is going to work out in the long run or not. For now it feels like the right thing to do unless…”
She left it unfinished. Stating the long-shot possibility out loud was only going to break her heart.
“Mel, you can’t put your life on hold for him,” Camryn frowned. “You’re right. You’re totally right. And as much as I know how it kills you inside, you’re decision is a very intelligent one. I’m proud of you.”
“Well people change most often when they’ve been thrown a life-altering circumstance,” Melanie chuckled, motioning to her round belly. “Sometimes I have regrets, but then I remind myself that good things have come from some of those mistakes. I’ve learned, I’ve cleaned up my priorities, and I feel like I’m a better person now. I wish I could make other stuff go in my favor too, but maybe I’m undeserving of those things.”
“What do you mean ‘undeserving’? You feel like you’re being punished?”
Melanie slowly shrugged. “I don’t know how that stuff works, but maybe I feel that way sometimes. I feel that life comes in balance, but because I’ve made some shitty decisions in the past, maybe I haven’t earned the really good stuff yet. I don’t know,” she smiled. “I have no idea what I’m talking about.”
“I understand what you mean, though,” Camryn answered, sitting on the bed. “But what do you mean about having regrets?”
Melanie sat down on the bed next to her as she took a moment to contemplate. It was yet another thing that she wasn’t sure she could explain very easily.
“Well… I made a mistake with Jordan, that’s for sure. And I’ve learned from it, and it is what it is,” she added, patting her stomach. “He’s not going to be much of a presence in this baby’s life, and I’m okay with that. But I know for a fact that I’m not done dealing with him. I’m sure at some point in the future there will be issues. I’m not sure what or how much of a hassle he’ll be, but I’m expecting something. And I’ve accepted this. I really have. But sometimes… Well, sometimes I can’t help but wonder how things would be if I’d never met him, you know? What if I met Jay and…”
The what ifs were surfacing again, and instead of suffering in silence like she usually did, now her sister had to witness her moment of weakness. Melanie wiped the tears from her cheeks and took a deep breath as Camryn put her arms around her.
“You did meet Jay,” Camryn said softly. “And no, it hasn’t been the fairytale ending it could have been, but you gotta know that you deserve to be happy, Mel. I have no doubt about that. Maybe it’s not with Jay, but if it is, then you’ve been through ups and downs already and you have a better understanding of life in general. And relationships. You’ve been through some schooling, so to speak. See? You don’t need that college degree.”
“Pssh,” Melanie laughed with a sniffle. “Too bad I’m going to try for it anyways.”
“You’re putting a lot on your plate, sweetheart.”
“I’m waiting until after the baby is born and then I’ll take it a class at a time online.”
“I know, but I just want you to know I’m here to help if you need it.”
“I know. Right now I just need to start moving forward on the decisions I’ve made. I’ll never know what I can accomplish unless I try.”
“You’re right. And again, I am so proud of you.”
“Thanks,” Melanie smiled. “That means a lot to me. But you can still say ‘I told you so’. I won’t get mad.”
“I told you so about what?”
Melanie barely shrugged a shoulder. “About Jay.”
“Oh honey,” Camryn shook her head. “I would never do that. And who knows, he still has a chance to stop being a stubborn jackass, right?” she smiled.
“Nah, I don’t think so.” Melanie stood and returned to packing the same box. “I heard through the grapevine that he’s back together with Sophia Nixon.”
“Don’t believe rumors, Mel.”
“I heard Tyse telling Teague he went home with her a few nights ago. Apparently I’m not supposed to know, but whatever.”
“They just didn’t want to hurt you,” Camryn said softly. “And no, I didn’t know about it but… God, I don’t even know what to say, Mel. I’m sorry. Maybe you heard him wrong?”
“Doesn’t matter,” Melanie answered. “He still avoids me—even a damn text—and I’m better than that. I’ve made as much of an effort as I can for now without going completely berserk, but I need to think about my baby for now.”
“I agree. But I know it’s hard. I understand, I really do.”
“I know,” Melanie forced a smile. “But let’s do some packing the right way, okay?” She put some dance music on and turned the volume up. In between choruses being belted out in every song, her room was almost entirely packed up an hour later.
***
“Jay, you need to slow down, bro,” Tyse advised, sitting next to him on the couch.
The house was full of friends—and friends-of-friends—as bets were still being fought over on the baseball game that was on TV. But Jay had only sat there, drinking beer after beer while stuck in his own head.
“Where you drinking yourself to?” Tyse asked.
Jay barely shrugged. “Don’t know. I’ll let you know when I get there.”
“You’ll be passed out on the floor when you get there.”
“Here’s to hoping,” Jay grinned.
He stared ahead at the television until the third out of the inning happened, and then grabbed another beer.
“You know you can just talk to her,” Tyse said.
“Talk to who?”
Tyse chuckled and shook his head. “You know who the hell I’m talking about. She leaves tomorrow. There’s still time.”
“Time for what,” Jay stated dryly. “She’s better off with Jackoff.”
“Do you really believe that? I mean seriously, Jay. Do you believe she should be with someone else?”
Tyse was waiting for a response so Jay looked him square in the face. “She should probably be with someone else, but I don’t want her to be.”
“Well no shit, because she belongs with you, dumbass. Come on, little brother. Get your shit together and don’t let her leave.”
“She’s not going to change her mind just because I tell her to. She’ll probably go just to spite me. And I would deserve it because I sure as hell don’t deserve another chance with her. And I don’t expect her to give me one.”
“Then earn it, asshole,” Tyse told him angrily. “You need to fucking stop this, I’m not kidding. When are you going to realize that you are so damn miserable because you’re doing the wrong thing. Seriously! Do something about it!”
“You don’t get it,” Jay scowled as he pulled himself up from the couch. He teetered on his way to his room but Tyse stopped him before he got to the hallway.
“No, you don’t get it,” Tyse growled as he shoved him up against the wall. “Listen to me. I had a girl back in Arizona, okay? We were engaged. In fact, the wedding date was supposed to be tomorrow. She was sleeping with my best friend, understand? I even walked in on him banging her against the wall in my own fucking house. Two people that I trusted more than anyone in the world and they were sneaking around behind my back. I am so damn envious of you right now,” he said, shoving a finger in Jay’s chest. “You know why? Because you have never experienced that before. Teague has, but not you. And as much as you piss me off sometimes, I would never wish that upon anybody. You have an amazing girl. She’s incredible, and you know that. It’s why you are scared shitless, and I am telling you right now that you can’t let fear—and pride—get in the way of the best thing that has ever happened to you. Are you hearing me, Jay? Stop letting your fucking pride run your life!”
&nb
sp; “I make my own damn decisions, so back the fuck off,” Jay retorted, shoving Tyse out of his face. “She is amazing, which is why she deserves better.”
“Says who? You’re being self-deprecating.”
“No, I’m being honest. See, I’m man enough to do that. You love someone enough, you let them go for something better.”
Tyse took a step back and studied him for a minute. Jay felt the hallway spin once there was distance between them but he tried to fight through it.
“So you’re finally gonna say it out loud?” Tyse questioned. “You love her? Say it again. I mean you should be saying it to her and not me, but say it out loud once more and maybe you’ll get a damn clue.”
Jay took a deep breath to steady his head. “Fuck you.”
“I’m not kidding. Say it again so you realize it’s a fact, idiot. Say it,” Tyse shoved Jay into the wall again.
“I’m in love with her, goddamn it!” Jay pushed back. “Stay the fuck off me, you prick!”
“I just want you to know you’re in a real moment here, bro,” Tyse laughed at him. “You feel that?” he asked, shoving Jay into the wall again so he hit his head against it.
“I’m gonna beat the shit out of you, asshole,” Jay growled, pushing him back again.
“Good, nice to see you get all riled up for something again,” Tyse smiled at him. “Tomorrow you fix this, and you’re gonna do it right. She’s heading out before noon, so you… Hey, what are you doing?” Jay headed for the front door and Tyse followed behind him. “Where the hell are you going?”
Jay picked up Tyse’s keys from the coffee table and handed them to him. “You’re taking me there. Now.”
“Oh no,” Tyse chuckled, shaking his head. “Your drunk ass stays put. You talk to her tomorrow.”
“The liquid courage is not going to be there in the morning,” Jay told him. “You take me now so I can at least tell her what’s on my mind and she can think about it.”
Tyse didn’t respond for a few beats but finally shook his head. “I don’t know, man. Showing up drunk is not going to win her over.”
“Even if I show up sober it’s not going to win her over. I just need to do this now before I lose my nerve. She’s gonna rake my ass over the coals.”
“And you’d deserve it.”
“I know. So let’s do this. If you don’t take me, Kyle will. I’d rather it be you, but at this point, I don’t fucking care.”
“You’re taking the easy way out? Liquid courage? Professing your love for her while you slur it isn’t going to get you points, kid.”
“Just drop my ass off at her door and let me handle it. It’s a step in the right direction so let’s go.”
Tyse sighed and shook his head. “I disagree with your approach, man.”
“Hey Kyle,” Jay called across the room.
“Fine, let’s go,” Tyse said. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
Chapter Thirty-One
Something woke Melanie abruptly. It had already been a restless night of sleep mixed with anxiety about her move and her feelings for Jay. Now she was wide-awake and she didn’t know why. Did she have another nightmare? The only thing she was sure of was that Jay had called her name.
But that was impossible. She was at Camryn and Teague’s, not Jay’s. But after a few seconds of trying to see across the room, a familiar figure in the doorway made her jump.
“Jesus Christ!” she hissed as quietly as she could.
What the hell was he doing in her room? And was he actually there? He had to be. She was fully awake right now, shivering from the covers coming off when she sat up. His presence hit her with a ton of emotions; fear from being woken up, excitement from hearing his voice, and a strange desire to start bawling for some reason.
“Wrong bedroom, Jay,” she finally forced herself to say.
He’d taken a few steps across the room but she heard him pause. “Doesn’t sound like it if you’re in here,” he said. She could even hear the smile on his lips, but not only that, his speech was a little slower than usual.
Great, he was drunk. All of her hopes and dreams flushed down the toilet once again.
“Nice try, but I’m serious,” she told him. “Go to your own room. Err, I mean the couch since you’re in the wrong damn house.”
By then she could tell he was at the foot of her bed, and after the mattress shifted from the weight of his knees on it, he crawled forward and dropped to his stomach.
“I don’t think I can make it,” his muffled voice said into the sheets.
Melanie lay there in silence for several seconds, unsure if she should be furious with him or concerned. When his head turned to face her, his hand also came over her belly and stayed put.
“I’ve had the worst fucking night, Mel. Please don’t make me leave. Wow, you’re stomach is so big.”
The comment caught her off guard but she replied, “Still not as big as your ego.”
He lightly laughed. “You’re probably right,” he mumbled.
She sighed to herself, torn between yanking his hand off her stomach and pulling him over to keep him close. But the fact that he’d been out drinking again totally stifled her need for his affection.
Until he came closer to her on his own. His head was now sharing her pillow and his lips pressed against her shoulder. Melanie’s entire body pulsed with the need for his lips to be all over her; for his hands to hold her close again and some sweet words to come out of his mouth.
His hand slid across her bare thigh. “Can I finger you?” his drunk murmur spoke against her shoulder.
And just like that, reality slapped her in the face. “No,” she brushed his hand away.
“I’m only kidding,” he smiled against her skin. “But…why not?”
“Because you’re drunk.”
“Not much anymore. But even if I wasn’t I’d want to touch you, Melanie.”
Her heart started thudding even harder in her chest. The heat from his hand still lingered on her skin… Oh, because it was there again, comfortably blanketing her thigh. But as much as she wanted to punch him in the nuts, she needed him here with her. She liked knowing where he was and that he was okay. Her burdens felt lighter when Jay was around, even with all the crap he put her through. Just his presence in the same room was assuring.
She felt tears prick her eyes as she lay on her back. Then she blinked and they rolled down her face, across her temples and into her ears. She used her arm to blot them away but another set replaced them just as quickly. The conflicting emotions of having him against her were overwhelming.
“You shouldn’t be here, Jay,” she barely got out. “I can’t handle this with you. I really can’t.”
There was silence for so long she thought he’d drifted to sleep, but finally he said, “I’m so sorry, Melanie.” It was hardly a whisper, but she heard it. And there was emotion in his throat, whether it was from the alcohol or not, she could hear it easily. “I didn’t want to hurt you,” he added just as quietly. “I’m so sorry…”
This was so unexpected and she didn’t know what to say. If she remained quiet long enough, he would probably go to sleep. Coming into her room drunk like this to apologize was not good enough, but on the other hand, she knew he was being completely sincere.
Why was it such a challenge to be with Jay…?
“Please say something,” he finally said. “I know I don’t deserve you but…I want you to stay, baby doll. I don’t want you to move. Please stay here and…I shouldn’t even be asking, but please give me another chance. Please.”
His hand returned to her stomach, just as the baby kicked. Hard. She winced and turned away from him onto her side to ease the discomfort.
“He’s agreeing with me,” Jay said. “Yeah, I said he ‘cause I think it’s a boy.”
“I’m sure it’s a girl because she’s disagreeing with you, and telling you to get the hell away.”
“Nooo,” Jay answered. “He’s on my side. I guarantee it.
Us guys stick together.”
His lips came against her shoulder again as he scooted closer to her. He pulled her against him, and even though it felt amazing to have him holding her like that—and to have the back support—his affection was absolutely killing her inside.
“You need to go, Jay. Take the blanket from the chair and go sleep on the couch.”
He sighed as he rested his forehead against the back of her head. “Please, Melanie. I don’t want to leave you.”
“Well now you know how I felt every time you pushed me away,” she answered, choking back a sob. “I’m not trying to punish you, but I just can’t do this, Jay. I’m leaving tomorrow—”
“All you have to say is that you want me, Mel,” Jay said meekly. “That’s all. Just tell me you still want me and I swear I will do what it takes to keep you here.”
With all the pleading that she had, Melanie tried not to cry anymore when she answered, “I need you, Jay.” In a whisper she repeated, “I need you.”
He held her against him even tighter and said, “I’m here, babe. I’m here.”
She waited. And waited. And she waited for more words to come from his mouth, words that would keep her in town in a heartbeat, but they never came.
Twenty minutes later it was apparent he’d fallen asleep, and even though she felt comfortable and safe that he was here with her, the disappointment kept her up for another hour before she finally drifted to sleep.
Her mind was already made up by then.
***
“Hey you hear me, sleeping beauty?” a voice said, shaking Jay out of a deep sleep. “Get the fuck out of Melanie’s bed so we can load it in the truck.”
Jay jolted upright. “What? She’s not moving, she’s staying.”
Teague tilted his head with confusion. “Uh, sorry man, but she’s outside about to get in her car to go. I need to load her bed and I’m heading out right after her.”
