by Jake Bible
“You are an ass,” she said, but cracked a small smile across her fanged mouth.
Finding a quality orthodontist would be a good idea too, but I didn’t say that.
“What about my soul?” she asked. “Don’t you need to salvage it?”
“I have a theory,” I said. “Just came to me when I was telling Mgurn not to kill you. If I’m right, we don’t need to worry about your soul. If I’m wrong, well, it wouldn’t be the first time, and we’ll deal with the consequences when they come.”
“How right do you believe you are, Joe?” Mgurn asked.
“Fifty-fifty,” I said.
“So your usual,” he replied.
“Exactly,” I said. “I’m totally still on my game even with Minotaur gore on me and my body broken as fo.”
“Miss Horne,” Mgurn said. “I will open the cargo ramp for you. But, I must admit I am not comfortable with you boarding our ship. I would prefer if you remain in the cargo hold for the duration of our return trip to SMC headquarters.”
“Of course,” Alya said. “Mgurn, is it?”
“Yes, ma’am,” Mgurn answered.
“You’re a good assistant,” Alya said. “I wish I had one such as you when I was Salvage Merc One. It may have saved me from my unfortunate fate.”
“Yes, well, thank you for the compliment,” Mgurn said. He motioned with the H16. “But if you will slowly, and I do mean slowly, make your way to the rear of the ship as fast as possible, we can lift off and get out of here.”
“Mgurn, she can’t go slowly and as fast as possible,” I said. “Make up your Leforian mind, buddy.”
“I understand what he means,” Alya said. “I will go slowly and also make sure I do not hold you up.”
“That would be appreciated,” Mgurn said.
He tapped at the tablet strapped to his hip, and I could hear the distinct grinding of gears as the rear ramp descended onto the iron door.
“We need to oil those gears,” I said as I staggered my way over to the iron door, careful not to slip and fall in the Mighty Minotaur Joe sludge. “That ramp is loud enough to wake the dead.”
Mgurn looked around, his eyes wide with alarm. He tightened his grip on the H16.
“No, buddy, I don’t mean wake the dead here,” I said. “There aren’t any dead to wake.”
“Are you certain of that, Joe?” Mgurn asked. “There are an awful lot of skeletons.”
“Uh, well, pretty certain,” I admitted. “I mean, there shouldn’t be any dead to wake.”
“So you do not know,” Mgurn said.
“Okay, no, not really,” I said. “It is technically possible there are dead here that we might wake up.” I nodded at the iron door as I tried to climb up over its edge to get to Mgurn. It was a big door, it was a big edge. “But if any dead are around to wake up, and I’m excluding the skeletons because they haven’t woken up yet, I think your entrance would have already done the trick.”
“That seems plausible,” Mgurn said and helped me to my feet.
“Is it? Good,” I responded. “I wasn’t sure. My head hurts.”
“Your head always hurts,” Mgurn said. He looked at the ladder and sighed. “You will not be able to climb that.”
“I will not be able to climb that,” I said in almost exact mimicry of his voice.
“I am here for less than five minutes, and you are already mocking me,” Mgurn said. I almost apologized, but he kept speaking before I could. “It is good to have found you, Joe. I was worried.”
“Well, thanks, buddy,” I said. “I’m sorry you were worried, but I’m glad you found me too.”
I draped my unbroken arm over his shoulders, which meant he had to stoop low since he was over two meters tall. It wasn’t graceful, but he managed to help me get to the ramp and up into the cargo hold quicker than I thought my body could handle. Probably because he was basically carrying me the last stretch there.
Alya had settled herself in a corner, using cargo netting as a makeshift seat.
“You good?” I asked her.
“I am,” she replied. “Please be prepared for the worst, Joe. I know you are trying to help me, but I do not know what will happen when we leave this place. The labyrinth has had its hold on me for so long, longer than you can imagine, that I fear I will waste away to nothing when removed from its circle of influence.”
“Oh, don’t worry, it’ll still have its influence on you,” I said and tapped my head. “That’s what post-traumatic flashbacks are for.”
She did not smile. Mgurn sighed.
“What?” I asked. “Too soon?”
“They have not created a measure of time that can define how too soon that was, Joe,” Mgurn said. “I will get you to the lift and up to the med bay now. Miss Horne, please make sure you are secure. This could be a very bumpy lift off.”
“I’ll stay down here with her,” I said. “Keep an eye on her.”
“No, you will not,” they said together.
“Sweet baby sheezus,” I muttered. “This is going to be a long trip home.”
“Go to the med bay, Joe,” Alya said. “I will be fine here.”
“We don’t know that,” I said.
“We do know that you will not be fine if you remain in the cargo hold instead of seeking proper medical attention per SMC regulations,” Mgurn snapped.
“Damn, chill, buddy,” I said. “I’ll go up to the med bay. But once we’re off and I’m cleared, then I’m coming back down here.”
“If that is your choice,” Mgurn said.
“Yep, that’s my choice,” I replied. I gave Alya a smile. “See ya soon.”
“Get well, Joe,” Alya said.
We’d gotten to the lift when she called my name again.
“Yeah?” I asked, turning painfully. Maybe Mgurn was right, maybe the med bay was a good idea. “What’s up?”
“Thank you,” Alya said. “I wanted to say that in case I don’t get a chance later.”
“You’re welcome,” I said. “But no need to thank me. I wouldn’t have made it through what I made it through without you. We’re going to have to talk about that at some point.”
“Yes, I suppose we will,” she said. “Go rest up.”
I nodded, and Mgurn helped me into the lift. The doors shut, and he glanced down at me.
“She is not a threat?” he asked. The defensiveness was gone from his voice.
“Not to us,” I replied. “She may be a threat to herself, but who isn’t, right?”
“I am not sure what that means, but if you are any indication, then yes, you are always the biggest threat to yourself,” Mgurn said.
“Flatterer,” I said.
By the time we got up into the med bay, and Mgurn had the med chamber open and waiting for me to crawl in, I was pretty much asleep on my feet. I will not say that Mgurn had to lift me up and set me in the med chamber like a baby. Not going to say that. Or that I might have asked him to read me a bedtime story. That for sure didn’t happen. Nope.
Six hours later, and the med chamber woke me up with that awful bleep bleep bleeping it does. It has other alarm sounds, but my guess was that Mgurn had locked in the most annoying one just for my sake. Such a giver, that one.
After a quick, and much needed, trip to the lavatory, I worked my way up to the bridge. Slowly. The med chamber may have cleared me, but my body was not exactly on board with the stress of walking and moving and breathing and living.
I slumped into the co-pilot’s seat when I reached the bridge since Mgurn was in the pilot’s seat and looked like he had zero intention of moving. I was good with that.
“How’d you get the ship back?” I asked.
“It took me a while, but I had plenty of time to search for it since I did not have you to look after,” he answered.
I let that one go.
“Where are we?” I asked.
“I am attempting to figure that out,” Mgurn said.
“Yikes, that doesn’t sound good,”
I said. “Are we lost?”
“We are not lost, no,” Mgurn said. “I am just unsure as to how we leave the Daedalus System. The quantum backdoor planet is no longer on the sensors, so I am trying to work out an alternate route.”
“Take the long way,” I said. “We aren’t in the same hurry we were when we got here. Point us out of the system and hit the thrusters.”
“That could take weeks, Joe,” Mgurn said. “We do not have enough supplies on board to last weeks in space.”
“We don’t have enough supplies?” I asked. “How can that be? We had plenty when we left SMC headquarters.”
Mgurn turned in his seat and stared at me. “How long ago do you think that was?”
“What do you mean?” I asked. “I don’t know. A few days, maybe? Not more than five. No way.”
“We have been gone for two and a half months,” Mgurn said. “I have been searching for the iron door for six weeks. It took me two weeks to find the ship. We were together for two weeks prior to our separation according to the synchronized chronometer.”
“No,” I said.
“Yes,” he replied.
“No,” I said again.
“Yes,” he replied again and held up a hand. “Do not continue to say no. We have been gone for two and a half months.
“Yowza,” I said.
“Yowza would be an appropriate response,” Mgurn said.
“I thought so,” I said. “So, time is different in the Daedalus System. It’s not Sterli time foed up, but close. Are the SMC Bosses worried? Any long range messages from them? A voicemail or two?”
“There has been no communication from SMC headquarters,” Mgurn said.
“Good to know they care,” I muttered.
I stared out at the planets that swooped and zoomed across the system. There wasn’t much of a pattern to their movement anymore, but it was far from pure chaos. I know pure chaos, and that was not it. Neither synchronicity nor chaos. The Daedalus System had gotten the Joe treatment, and it was confused. I have that effect on everything.
“Weeks, huh?” I asked. “That’s the quickest we’ll get to a working wormhole portal?”
“That’s the quickest we’ll get to an off-grid wormhole portal,” Mgurn said. “I searched the ship’s database and found logs of quite a few of the backdoor trans-space channels. Unfortunately, nothing about the Daedalus System is listed any longer. It is as if it wiped itself from the database as soon as we arrived.”
“Cheeky system,” I said and flipped off the view screen.
“Indeed,” Mgurn said. “Leaving does not appear to be as easy as our arrival. If only it was as simple as flying through a door again.”
I sat straight up and grimaced as pain swept through me.
“Go back,” I said. “Turn the ship around and go back.”
“What?” Mgurn asked. “Go back where, Joe?”
“To the iron door,” I said. “To the labyrinth. We aren’t done.”
“Oh, no, no, no,” Mgurn protested. “That is not a good idea, Joe. No, that is a bad idea. A very, very bad idea.”
“I didn’t say it was good idea,” I replied. “It’s just an idea.”
“A bad idea,” Mgurn replied.
“The only idea,” I insisted. “You say we can’t survive for weeks more out in space. I think I know why we can’t find an easier way out. Because we just left the way out. Go the fo back, Mgurn. That’s an order.”
“I’ve been flying around for weeks trying to find you and as soon as I do you are back to throwing orders in my face,” Mgurn said and sighed. “Welcome back, Joe.”
I clapped him on the shoulder.
“Good to be back, buddy,” I said. “Now turn the ship around and—”
“Go back,” Mgurn interrupted. “I know, I know.”
He did.
We had a few hours to kill before we reached the iron door that Mgurn had busted down. I made my way to the cargo hold and found Alya sound asleep. I watched her for a couple of minutes, making sure she was breathing easy and not gonna croak on us, then started back to the lift.
“Joe?” she asked, her voice clogged with sleep. “Joe, is that you?”
“It’s me,” I said and hobbled back to her. “How are you feeling?”
“Where are we?” she asked. “How long was I asleep?”
“Only a few hours,” I said. “And where we are isn’t as important as where we’re going.”
“Where are we going?” she asked then I watched as realization hit her. “Mgurn can’t find a way out of the Daedalus System can he? You told him to go back.”
“Yeah,” I said. “On both counts.”
“I understand,” she said. “It is because of me that you can’t find the way out. The labyrinth won’t let go.”
She must have seen the surprise on my face because she laughed and shook her head sadly.
“It’s alright, Joe,” she said. “I wasn’t meant to leave. I told you that.”
“What? No, you are way, waaaaaay off base here,” I said. “We aren’t going back to drop you off and save our skins. We’re going back so we can fly right back through that open door and shove this ship down the throat of the labyrinth.”
“We’re what?” she shouted and sat up straight. Her big snake body quivered with rage. “Have you lost your Salvage Merc mind? We cannot fly this ship through the labyrinth. That’s suicide!”
“Why?” I asked.
“Because…” She faltered and thought for a minute.
When she didn’t answer, I said, “You have to trust me on this. We’re flying through the labyrinth. That’s the end of it.”
“Joe, we have arrived,” Mgurn announced over the com.
“What? It’s been like twenty minutes,” I replied.
“That may be true, but we are most certainly back at the iron door,” Mgurn said. “I do not know how we arrived so quickly, but we did.”
“It wants you,” Alya said. “It wants me. The labyrinth must be fed.”
“Well, I’m about to feed it a load of crud,” I said. “Hang on tight. This is going to very interesting.”
I hurried back up to the bridge and found a familiar landscape waiting for me on the view screen.
“Joe, I am officially filing my protest,” Mgurn said.
“I’m officially not caring,” I replied. “Punch it, buddy. Let’s get the fo out of here.”
“We cannot get out of here if we are flying into there,” Mgurn said.
“Have a little faith,” I said. “I’ve seen much weirder things lately.”
Mgurn’s hands hovered over the thrusters. He waited a little too long, so I gave him a nudge by shoving his hand down on the controls, sending the ship rocketing through the open doorway.
“Joe!” Mgurn yelled. “Let go of my hands!”
“Yeehaw!” I cried as we zoomed past the entryway and into the pitch-black corridor beyond. “Ride ‘em, space cowboy!”
Twenty-Five
“We never talk about that trip to anyone ever,” I said. “Agreed?”
“Agreed,” Mgurn said.
“No one, hear me?” I snapped.
“I will go to my grave,” Mgurn said, refusing to look at me. “But can we talk about it with each other?”
“Fo no!” I exclaimed. “I don’t want to remember any of that!”
“It’s just that I have some questions,” Mgurn said. “None of that was real, I understand that part, but was it representative of our subconscious desires or underlying emotions towards each other?”
“Mgurn?” I said quietly.
“Yes, Joe?” he asked.
“Forget about it,” I said. “It never happened. If anyone asks how we got out, we’ll say we found another quantum backdoor, which, in a way, we did.”
“I am not comfortable lying about this experience, Joe,” Mgurn said. “I will never volunteer to speak about the subject, but if someone were to ask me directly, I’m afraid I won’t be able to hold back.�
��
“You’ll hold back,” I warned. “Or one night you may find yourself floating in space with nothing on but your jam jams.”
“That’s rather harsh,” he said.
“We. Do. Not. Speak. Of. That. Ever,” I growled.
I could see the conflict in his eyes, but he finally nodded and said, “We do not speak of that ever.”
“Good idea, buddy,” I said and stood up from the co-pilot’s seat. “How long were we in there?”
“Seventy-three seconds,” Mgurn said.
“Worst seventy-three seconds of my life,” I said.
“Agreed,” Mgurn said.
You want to know what happened, right? No, you don’t. Just no. Big whopping no. A plate full of no with a side of no.
I left the bridge and hurried, slowly, down to the cargo hold. For a few seconds, I panicked when the lift opened, and I didn’t see Alya’s big snake body curled up in the cargo netting.
“I’m over here,” Alya said from a jump seat she’d pulled down from the wall. “Hi.”
“Hi, yourself,” I said, stunned by her appearance. “Uh…you’re not Naked Snake Lady anymore.”
“No, I am not,” she said and looked down at her normal, human body. A body that needed some clothes. “What I am is a bit chilly.”
“Oh, right, yeah, here, hold on,” I said and popped open a storage cabinet. I yanked out a set of coveralls and tossed them to her. “May be a bit big, but you can change into a regular uniform up in the personnel section. I know we have extra SMC uniforms up there of all sizes. Just in case.”
“Just in case?” she laughed as she pulled the coverall on. “You get a lot of naked women that used to be naked snake women on board?”
“More than we should,” I said. “But that’s the job, right?”
“That is the job,” she replied and looked at me. “Thank you.”
“No need to go through this again,” I said. “Come on. Let’s see what we’ve got to eat. I’m foing starving.”
“I am also,” she said. “I would prefer rodent free meals, if at all possible. As a snake, I ate way too much of my share of rodentia.”
“Rat free food, coming right up,” I said.
It took us five days to get back to SMC headquarters. Partly because we popped out on Earth and that place sucks.
