by Lainy Lane
"And that is what?" she pressed.
"He had a tragedy, these kinds of muses pick people who have a great emotional pain happen." His smile was sympathetic.
"So she's feeding on his overflow of emotions?" Calandra was still unsure as to how this made sense.
"She's healing him, Calandra," he replied, "that's why he stays, it's not technically forced. He wants to stick around because she makes him feel better."
Her heart clenched at that thought. "Well I guess that's not completely horrible," Calandra sighed. His pain was another thing that had been caused by her. She hated herself for being the reason he felt he had to stay with Trinity. As much as she hated Trinity for whatever reason, she couldn’t hate that Tristan needed someone to heal him from the pain that she had caused him.
"It doesn't come without a price of course," Drake explained, "I mean, she is a dark Faerie after all."
"Dark enough to burn down a sanctuary?" Calandra remembered the look of joy on Trinity's face as she stood in the rubble. She had seemed quite proud of herself for causing so much pain and destruction.
"I don't think she's the one who did this. I believe that you know who did, even if you don't want to admit it. This didn't break Tristan, but it has the power to break someone else." Tristan looked away from her as he spoke.
Calandra looked around at her sanctuary that had been transformed to a burned, empty hollow. Her sense of peace and belonging had burned away along with it. There were only a few people that knew enough about Calandra to know exactly what this place meant to her. Only a very select number of people that would know exactly what taking it away would do to her. One of those people was lying motionless thanks to her spell that had been meant for Trinity, one of those people was standing right next to her, that only left one other person that knew the importance this field held for her.
Jarreth. His name rang in her head as an unwelcome guest that refused to leave. An image of Jarreth burning the field flashed through her mind. She didn’t want to believe that. After the man she had fought with the previous night, she knew she had no idea what Jarreth was or wasn’t capable of.
"Jarreth?" She worded it as a question despite really needing to know his answer.
Drake just nodded in agreement.
A part of her wanted to say that Drake was overreacting because he didn’t like Jarreth and wanted him out of the way. But another part of her knew that he was probably right. Calandra didn’t know who Jarreth had become lately anyway, so she couldn’t assume she knew whether he would or wouldn't do something evil.
All at once, Calandra was hit with exactly what she had lost. She had hurt Tristan enough to lead him into the arms of a muse. Now she had lost the love she thought she had found to some kind of unknown evil counterpart. Just as she had felt she was starting to get a hold of her new life and her new self, instead everything was falling apart. The weight of the loss settled in on her, and her chest felt heavy, her breath caught in her throat, and she collapsed on the ground.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Black Star
Pitch black and muffled voices surrounded Calandra and woke her from her slumber. The air around her had become nothing but a reminder that she had to breathe to stay alive. Over the last few days, she had begun to wonder if that was even still such a desirable fate. She hadn't actually given up the will to live, but she couldn’t say that the thought hadn’t crossed her mind. When she closed her eyes all she saw were flames. Her heart wasn't broken, not really, but it was trying to break. Inside her chest, it literally felt as if it was trying to pull apart into separate pieces, but something was holding it together against its will. The pressure inside of her seemed unbearable, and it crept from her chest into her throat. Her eyes were aching as the heaviness from her chest attempted to push tears out of them, but she was all cried out finally. She had lost track of time and had no clue of where she even was. Part of her didn’t really care. Another part reminded her that it would be good to at least check to see that she was safe. She opened her eyes despite them feeling they had been glued shut and looked around.
She didn’t recognize the room. The bed she was on was a large four poster bed with intricate vine woodwork along the posts. The bedspread was midnight blue and there was a single black end table with nothing on it to the right side of the bed. She couldn’t hear any noise at the moment and there didn’t seem to be any lights on anywhere. She sat up and her head pounded at the shock of moving again. A shadow moved from the corner of the room and she gasped.
"It's just me," Drake assured her before he stood and walked over to the bed. His body seemed frigid as if he hadn’t moved much in a while.
"What happened?" she asked, placing her hands against her throbbing temples. She actually thought there was a possibility of it exploding. She couldn’t remember ever experiencing a headache so excruciating.
"Emotional overload?" His answer seemed more of a question. "You've been in and out for the past two days, I brought you to my house. Can I get you anything?"
Calandra looked up at him, her eyes throbbing in the process. "A drink? Preferably with an extra something to make my head stop beating me from the inside."
"You sure that's such a good idea?" Drake surprised her by questioning her request.
"Lay off it, Tristan," she scoffed at the unusual judgment coming from Drake. "Just go make me a drink would you?"
Drake smiled and left the room. She felt as if her heart seemed slightly less confused the moment he walked out of the room. The first time she had been at Tristan’s house, she had started being led to Drake’s room, but had been distracted when she noticed a photo that exposed the secret identity her dad had been hiding from her all her life.
Calandra rubbed circles against her temples. She could hear Drake talking to someone just outside of the room. Confused, she stood up slowly, and dragged her feet on the floor, forcing them against their will to carry her into the living room. Tristan was sitting on the couch and seemed surprised to see her up.
"Hey..." she mumbled and squinted against the ambient light filtering through the curtains. For once she was glad Drake kept his cabin so dark.
"How are you?” Tristan asked, looking sincerely worried.
Calandra wondered why he cared, technically speaking she had gotten exactly what she deserved. She had shattered Tristan's heart for a man that had, in turn, destroyed hers. Karma had served her what she deserved on a silver platter, and when she tried not to take it, it was slammed into her face anyways. She shrugged her shoulders, unable to come up with a logical response to the question. Tristan offered an awkward smile just as Drake returned with a tall glass containing her favorite strawberry mixer drink and a small glass with a bright pink liquid that she recognized all too well.
"No!" she said immediately and took the large glass from him before she took a seat on the couch. She fought to prevent herself from rolling her eyes at him, she didn’t have time for the drama that would ensue from that.
"It'll help you feel better, you don't have to take it. I just thought I'd offer." Drake took a seat on the coffee table so he could be directly across from her. His eyes were more tender than she knew was possible for Drake. They were a softer shade of purple than usual, they reminded her of the way that Jarreth use to look at her. That was a thought she immediately banished from her mind.
Calandra knew that the pink liquid was some kind of emotion, though she was still unsure of which one it might be. Whatever it was, it was Jarreth's go to for a quick fix when he needed it. Before she had any idea of what it might be, she had drunk a couple shots of it, which had also led to her first transgression with Jarreth and her decision to be with him in the first place. It was what had led her to crush Tristan. What had forced karma to now crush her as well.
"That's what got me to where I am now," she said simply and began sipping on her drink.
"No Calandra, you're the one who got you where you are now, you can't blame your decisions on anythi
ng, even if it makes it easier to deal with," Tristan said, his voice was cold.
She knew she deserved it, but that didn’t make it any easier to hear. Her heart shrank into the background, as an attempted refusal of the pain that he was presenting her with. She had written that one off, she had more than enough to deal with in other aspects of her life.
Drake handed her a piece of paper with messy handwriting strewn in less than straight lines across it. The words were barely written on the page as if the pen hardly made contact with the paper when it was written.
"Do you remember this?" he asked as Calandra took the paper. She eyed him suspiciously through her eyelashes before she looked down and read it.
How I wanted to be yours
How I wished to be loved
The thoughts of it are forever etched in my mind
What I would give to be what you desired
I guess sometimes fate can be so unkind
As I try to stand strong
And figure out where I belong
The dreams of us will always lay on my heart
Nothing could compare to how you’ve made me feel
And never do I think I will be able to heal
I dream that you will feel the same
I will spend the rest of my days
Trying to put out this burning flame
Forever I will now remain a black star
"What is this?" she asked as she read the paper a few more times. The words seemed familiar because they sounded like the nightmares she’d been having since her argument with Jarreth. Kicking him out had left a scar on her heart, and she knew she’d never completely heal from it.
Tristan looked over at Drake and then back to Calandra. "We were hoping you could tell us.” His voice was timid.
"How the hell would I know?"
Her head was still too clouded up with emotions and doom and gloom thoughts to deal with some sort of puzzle at the moment. She took another long sip of her drink and, without realizing what she was doing, grabbed the swirling pink shot and downed it as well.
"Because, Calandra," Drake said softly, "you wrote it."
Her heart skipped several beats. That explained why it sounded so familiar.
“I thought you said I’ve been out for the last few days?” She couldn’t peel her eyes from the paper.
“Which is why we were hoping you could explain it?” Tristan spoke his words cautiously. “Do you remember any of it? Maybe a dream you had while you were out?”
She stared at Tristan momentarily, attempting to come up with something to say to him. She knew the last thing he wanted to hear was how she truly felt about Jarreth. He had asked, but she didn’t need to answer. She didn’t want to answer.
The words on the paper were true. There were more words along the same lines in her mind. She had wanted to be wanted by Jarreth. In a way that she shouldn’t have ever desired. Part of her needed him still, even though she was aware he didn’t want her. There was a part of her that was dead inside, blackened and hollowed out from the loss.
This was the way she had expected to feel when she cut off Tristan. It was the way she imagined Tristan felt, the reason he had turned to a muse to help him to feel better. Trinity was fixing him from the black star she had created in him. In turn, karma had handed her the same pain. It was appropriate payback. Yet, no matter what she knew was right or wrong, she still wanted Jarreth. She still wanted him to come back.
Calandra waded the paper up and tossed it to the ground. There was nothing else to say or do. She wanted nothing to do with any of it. She sat the empty glass on the table and headed back into Drake’s room.
“I don’t want to talk about it. Not now, not ever. Don’t follow me!” she called back to Tristan and Drake as she slammed the door and let the dark of the room overtake her.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Rise Again
"Tell me again why I have to do this," Calandra whined, she knew it was childish, but she didn’t care.
Drake grinned at her, which had been his only response to any of her questions since he had told her what they needed to do. "You know why," he told her quietly.
They sat at the bar and Glyda had already brought Calandra a second strawberry mixer as well as bringing out Drake's contraption for his feeds. Calandra decided to bite her tongue and take another gulp of her drink when Glyda sat it on the table. Unfortunately, she didn’t have the ability to keep her mouth closed for long.
"Jarreth told me what it is by the way," she told him as she watched him pour the thick crimson liquid into the triangular shot glass. She swallowed down the nausea threatening to overtake her.
"Did he now?" Drake's sounded intrigued as he used the long slender lighter to start the burner at the bottom of the device. The flame turned from blue to purple and the liquid boiled it for a few short moments before Drake took the shot quickly. Even if she was sickened by what he fed on, she found herself unable to peel her eyes away from the ordeal.
"So why the whole weird ritual exactly?" Her nerves increased as she watched the clock creep closer to the time that Jarreth was supposed to meet them.
"It’s not a ritual," Drake seemed slightly offended, "it's a cleansing. Besides haven't you ever taken one of those shots they set on fire first? Hits you harder that way."
Calandra rolled her eyes at him. “I didn’t drink before I came here.” She felt immature after saying it and immediately wished she could take it back.
"What? Too much info, love?" he smirked.
"Just because you've taken care of me the last few days doesn't mean that I have to like you, Drake. You still have no heart." She gave him a glare before going back to her drink.
"Hmm, and this is in comparison to who? Jarreth? Turns out he doesn't have much of one either, right?" His smile was accomplished, he was proud of being able to use something against Jarreth.
The comment hit her harder than it should have. Healing had been an interesting and prolonged process. She had found she didn’t like to be alone. She couldn’t be trusted in her own head, so she only left Drake's house to sleep. As much as she hated to admit it, he did seem to be growing on her. Of course, she would never tell him that tidbit of information. She wasn’t ready and wasn’t sure she ever would be, to give him the upper hand.
Drake made himself one more shot and turned to face Calandra. "You ready?"
"Nope!"
"Well get ready, it's time to go," he told her, his face turning serious.
Calandra scoffed and chugged the rest of her drink. "Fine, if we must."
They walked out and through town, her elbow looped into his. Calandra had decided to dress for the occasion in an all-black get up for once. It may have been immature of her to dress as if she was in mourning, but she felt as if she was. She was wearing a black velvet tank top corset and a long matching skirt with knee high boots underneath it that had a silk lace to tie them together. Just to accentuate the mourning of the occasion she had also included deep red velvet sleeves that went from just above her elbow to her wrist and draped down to a V-shape. What she hadn't thought about when she put the outfit together was the fact that Drake always dressed in all black. They looked like a couple heading to a funeral as they walked to the field. Technically speaking, that didn’t seem too far from the truth of the matter.
Jarreth was already waiting in the field when they arrived. He leaned against the dark charred tree that used to mean so much to Calandra. He seemed disinterested as they walked over to him. "So, what's this all about exactly?" Jarreth's voice had turned cold.
"Well hello to you too," Drake rebutted.
Jarreth ignored Drakes remark and turned to Calandra with an evil grin. "Well hello, my love. Still think you can cross me without consequence?"
"Let's not start with the mind games, Jarreth." Calandra used her powers to ensure her voice remained steady as she spoke. She had tried to prepare herself for this before they came, but at that moment, she realized she hadn’t done a
very good job. She leaned into Drake, feeling the need of support from someone, and he instantly wrapped his arm around her shoulder.
"Moved on already, have we?" Jarreth smirked at their embrace. His face tried to convey an unaffected front, but his eyes disclosed a different emotion entirely.
"Can't move on from something I never had in the first place." Calandra's confidence somehow picked up a notch under Drake's touch. Why did his touch feel so good this time? If she were being honest, it had been becoming increasingly favorable to her of late.
"So, is this what the big announcement was?" Jarreth asked.
"Tristan is with a muse," Drake started in on the explanation.
"And I care why?" Jarreth waved his arm in front of him as a symbol that he was growing increasingly bored with the conversation at hand.
"You're going to stop him from getting to the point of no return," Drake answered simply.
"Why would I do that?" His voice grew colder by the moment.
"Because," Calandra jumped in at her queue, "I've discovered a new power."
Jarreth gave her an intrigued stare.
"I can keep you from your little dream feeds." She smiled assuredly at him. It was a feeling she didn’t feel as deeply as she was letting on, but she had a part to play in this encounter, and she was going to play it well.
Jarreth's eyebrows furrow in confusion.
"It’s true, I've been her Guinea pig," Drake said with a smirk. “She can stop mortal visits at will.”
"Terms?" Jarreth asked; he didn’t seem interested in pushing the matter further.
"You take enough of Tristan's emotions away for him to not need Trinity anymore, and I don't stop your mortal world visits, simple as that." Calandra smiled.
"And you know that Drake has his own mortal world visits now?" Jarreth asked.
