by Lainy Lane
"Are you ever going to talk to me again?" They walked through the woods as close to each other as they could get without actually touching.
Calandra had been internally arguing with herself the entire walk. She wanted to talk to him, her lips literally ached to speak to him. But she had been able to keep herself from doing so up to this point. She had determined that she would keep up the mad front for as long as she possibly could. Calandra shrugged to answer Drake's question.
"What would you have had me do, Calandra?" he challenged.
She shrugged again. She wanted to have a response to his question. Truth be told, deep down, she knew he had been pushed into making the choice he had or letting her die. She was happy he hadn’t allowed her to die, but she still wasn’t pleased that he had bonded their souls without her consent.
"Fine," Drake scoffed and sped up their pace.
Goosebumps formed along Calandra's arms as the déjà vu crept up on her. The line of trees that surrounded them on either side, the way the branches knotted through each other and formed a canopy over them. This was straight from her dream. It was the exact path she had taken that had led her to a cave with one voice calling for her on the inside and another calling from the outside.
Suddenly she found herself wondering if this meeting with her mom had been such a good idea. Not that she could turn back now. She had sold her soul to Ankou for the ability to have this meeting, backing out now would be pointless. Everything she had gone through would have been for nothing if she were to chicken out of the meeting. The thought of what she would say or do upon meeting her mother sent an overwhelming shot of anxiety through her.
Before she realized what she was doing, or had a chance to decide otherwise, she grabbed onto Drakes' hand. He chuckled and tightened his grip on her.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Truthfully
Pivotal moments in life. Moments that you know will forever change who you are and what you will become. Things that cause a ripple and directly affect every future aspect of your life from then on out. This was the kind of moment Calandra found herself walking into. She found herself feeling entirely unprepared.
She stood on the hill from her dream a few nights back, with the cave several feet away. There was a cool breeze rolling in, and a thick fog covered the area, giving it an ethereal feel. The world seemed to be foreshadowing something cold and dreary coming in for her. Whether that something was the meeting that was about to take place or something that was still yet to come was the fear that overtook Calandra at the thought. A shiver ran through her and threatened to steal the composure she had worked so hard to build-up for this ordeal.
When the scent of lilies and primrose rolled in, Calandra felt her knees try and buckle out from under her. Thanks to the soul connection, Drake felt it coming and wrapped his arm around her to steady her before she could lose it altogether. She wanted to be irritated about their relationship, but acts like this were making it hard to feel anything but thankful at the moment.
"You're welcome," Drake said with a smirk.
Calandra rolled her eyes, despite the voice in her head echoing the words thank you. It occurred to her that he could probably hear as well. This was quickly proving to be a very inconvenient connection.
"Calandra," the voice whispered before the person saying it appeared. She walked gracefully out of the cave. Her hips swayed melodically with the wind, and her dirty blonde long and wavy blonde hair blew flawlessly in it. Her body was slightly see-through, the same as Calandra's had been on her trip to the Underworld. Her eyes were sea green, and her face was soft and conveyed a spirit of kindness. Hollyn wore a dark blue dress as deep as the midnight sky that cupped around her figure flawlessly.
Calandra opened her mouth in an attempt to say something, but quickly realized there was no protocol for what to say when you met your mother for the first time, let alone when you were in Faerie, and she was dead and only there because you made a deal with death. Her head was spinning around and attempting to come up with something intelligent to say, but it came up with very little.
"Hi," the word squeezed out and lacked all emotion.
Drake tightened his grip around her, and she felt a slight ease of nerves. Hollyn stopped several feet away from her and stared at her with adoration filling her eyes." You're so beautiful." Hollyn breathed the words out.
A tear threatened to fall from Calandra's eye, and she squeezed at Drake's hand by her side for support. She choked back the fit that threatened to break through her chest. Her mother was standing just feet away from her, telling her she was beautiful. The mother she had only ever seen before in pictures and through visions. The mother she had longed to hold forever. The mother that left had her alone with Kailen as a father. It was a dream come true, yet so many emotions flooding Calandra made it feel closer to a nightmare.
"Why Calandra?" Her words caught Calandra completely off guard, and her mouth dropped open.
"Why what?" she asked, unsure of whether she wanted to hear the response.
"Why would you make a deal with Ankou just for a meeting with me?" She seemed troubled as she spoke.
"I needed some questions answered regarding this." Calandra pulled out the note her mother had left hidden for her in the chest and handed it to her.
"You found it." A faint smile crossed Hollyn's face.
"I did, just the other day." Calandra forced her brain not to allow the memory of that day to creep back in.
"And yet you still decided you needed to give your soul away to ask me questions personally?" Calandra could tell that Hollyn wasn't trying to be rude by the concern laced on her face.
"I had a lot of questions. And it was more or less Jarreth's idea anyway." Calandra shrugged and Drake cleared his throat next to her. "Well, partially Drake's too." She corrected her statement, mainly just to please Drake.
"Yes, I know them fairly well myself." Hollyn appeared to be displeased. "You were supposed to talk to Drake about your father, not me." Hollyn looked to Drake as if she knew exactly what had happened to lead Calandra there.
Calandra sighed, "He was— less than helpful."
"And yet here you are, tied to him." Hollyn continued looking at Drake even though she was clearly speaking to Calandra.
"How did you know?" Calandra felt shocked and embarrassed and felt the offense from Drake course through her.
"Calandra dear, your souls are actually connected. As someone who's already dead and part of the Underworld, I can see them holding fast to each other as we speak."
That image was one that Calandra hadn’t wished to see run through her head. Poetic as the thought might sound, it actually made Calandra want to hate the connection even more. Yet, that picture in her head brought a smile to her face that she couldn’t keep in.
"Calandra, you must watch yourself carefully," Hollyn warned in a stern tone, a very motherly tone that set a tinge of irritation off in Calandra.
"Mother, as much as I'd love for you to make up for all the lectures you haven't been able to give me, which just so you know Chase gave me plenty, we are limited on time here, and I really need some answers," Calandra pleaded. She was unsure of how much time she had, but she knew it would be wise not to waste any.
Hollyn winced when Chase's name came up. "What is it you need to know?"
"What is it you needed me to know about my father exactly? And just to save yourself the trouble, I already know he is a Gancanagh."
Hollyn appeared to be taken aback at that piece of information. "How did you figure that one out?"
"He told me." Calandra shrugged it off as if it was nothing. She hadn’t thought it was. After all, anything that Kailen gave away freely was usually menial information.
Hollyn seemed surprised at the revelation. "Is that all he told you about it?"
Calandra nodded and tried to prep herself for what would come next since she had apparently, once again, been fooled by her father. This time, she wasn’t surprised, but she
was curious as to how he had deceived her now.
"Figures he would leave out the other part." Hollyn rolled her eyes. "He is also the leader of the Ly Erg's. He is their captain, so to speak, and you," Hollyn pointed her finger to Drake, "will explain exactly what that means to her without hesitation and you will not leave a single detail out, understood?"
Wow, her mother could scorn when she wanted to.
She turned back to Calandra before she spoke again. "Your father is not a force to be reckoned with, he can and will cause more destruction than you can imagine. But he does have good in him somewhere inside of him as well, please remember that before you get in too deep."
Good? Calandra had yet to be able to find even an ounce of good in him. Even in his human form, he had seemed closer to evil disguised as trying to be good taking the form of a hypocritical Christian. Now that she had seen him in his true form of Kailen she couldn’t imagine how there could possibly be anything good about him.
Hollyn closed the gap that remained between her and Calandra and smiled brightly. She picked up Calandra's free hand and squeezed it tight as if she never planned to let it go. "I need for you to know why I did this, Calandra, why I chose to leave you." Her voice was soft and sounded like it was on the verge of breaking.
Calandra's heart tugged at her, and she knew she didn’t want to discuss this, not now, not ever. Though, with such a limited amount of time together, she had assumed this conversation would be inevitable. It was something she would much rather pretend hadn’t happened. If she could go on believing that her mother had passed away giving birth to her, she would have much preferred to do so. She could tell, by the look of desperation in Hollyn's eyes, that not having this conversation wasn’t an option. Hollyn needed to do this, she needed the closure of explaining herself and her motives. Calandra couldn’t deny her of that no matter what emotions were coursing through her in anticipation of hearing it.
"I did this all for you, and I didn't know all of the ramifications of it when I initially did it. I was desperate though, Calandra, your little body was just so blue and helpless and Akiye showed up, and I couldn't say no. I had to do anything I could to save you it was my only option being out in the middle of the woods and having just found out what your father was and—" Hollyn rambled on, and each word out of her mouth stumbled over the one that came after it. She was a mess, and none of it made any sense to Calandra. She attempted to follow along and piece it all together, but she couldn’t seem to make the story come together in her head.
"Mom?" Calandra butted in. "Slow down just a bit, cause I'm lost as to what we're talking about at the moment."
Drake brushed his arm up against her as she pleaded with her mom. "She's out of time, Cal." As if in response to what Drake had said Hollyn's body began to fade.
"What else do I need to know?" Desperation filled her, it couldn’t have been fifteen minutes already. It hadn’t been enough time to even chip into the iceberg of the mystery she needed to be answered. That tiny piece of information hadn’t been worth the eternal servitude of her soul. What had she gotten herself into? Calandra’s breath sped up, and her chest began to feel heavy as the panic overtook her body.
"Why is she so strong?" Drake called out to Hollyn as her body was being drawn back into the cave against her own will.
"Akiye, she has part of Akiye in her, that's how she saved her." Each word sounded quieter than the last as she disappeared completely into the cave. "I'm sorry." The words were barely audible, and then Hollyn was gone altogether, and Calandra knew she would never see her again.
Hollyn's body had faded completely into the cave, her voice attempted to linger still, but it wasn’t working. Calandra stood, unmoved and completely stunned. Her meeting with her mother had gone nothing like she had expected it to, not that you could actually plan for something like that. The emotions that coursed through her in the aftermath simply couldn’t be put into words. She felt totally overwhelmed by it all.
"Well, that explains your eyes." Drake shrugged it off as if it was no big deal. "And your hair." Drake played with a small chunk of her hair with red and orange streaks through it. Her body naturally shuddered in response, she hated that it did that.
He was right though. She had part of an Equinox Fae in her, part of Autumn lived inside of her. At least they finally knew why she seemed to have more magic in there than what made sense for her to have been part human. That was the piece to the puzzle that Kailen hadn’t planned for with his path to overpowering her. The piece that she needed to keep top secret now. The problem was that the person that had discovered it along with her may or may not be on Kailen's side. Calandra wondered whether she could trust Drake to keep her secret. As much as she'd like to, she had a feeling she probably shouldn't count on it.
Hollyn had made a deal with Akiye to trade her own life for Calandra's life. That was the part that was hard for Calandra to fully understand. Sacrificing your life for someone else, Calandra wondered if she would do the same if she ever stood in that place. As much as she hated to admit it, she has a strong feeling that fear would prevent her from doing so.
To love someone so much that you would give your own life for them, that was a kind of love that Calandra longed for. But laying your life down willingly because you care more about them and their opportunity to grow also left a burden on the person you made the sacrifice for. Calandra now had a lot to live up to, if she couldn’t accomplish the things she was expected to then her mother had given her life away in vain. No pressure though. Life couldn't get much more complicated than this, right? Calandra hoped not at least.
"I'm afraid it can and will, deary," Drake read her thoughts thanks to the stupid connection, and Calandra rolled her eyes. "Your magic is strong for a reason, Calandra. You serve a purpose greater than anything you can plan for."
Yeah, there was the pressure that scared her so much. Expectations that were far too high for her to feel she could ever reach them. An entire world relied on her as a savior, and as far as she was concerned, she could use a hero herself. That was what Tristan was supposed to have been for her until she had screwed him over enough for him to decide she wasn't worth saving anymore. Not that she could blame him for that, she didn't think she was much worth saving either. But her mother had saved her all those years ago, no questions asked. Here she stood, trying to figure out how to make up for the sacrifice.
"I need a drink before we discuss anything any further." She sighed.
"Fair enough." He took her hand and began leading her away from the cave.
"Calandra," the other voice from her dream came from inside the cave behind them.
Calandra stopped dead in her tracks as chill bumps formed over her skin. She realized suddenly that the voice in her dream that had been calling her from outside of the cave had been her mother’s. She had the hunch of that after the dream, but having never actually heard her mother’s voice until today, she couldn't have been sure of it before. Now the question was whose voice was calling to her from inside of the cave. Drake’s body tensed up as if he knew what she was wondering, but didn’t want to know the answer to this issue.
"Drink?" he asked again with a wicked grin.
Calandra nodded frantically and found herself ready to leave and forget about the voice altogether. They took two steps further from the cave, and the voice called again a good bit louder this time.
"Calandra," it called.
Calandra decided to keep walking and pretend that nothing was happening, but Drake stopped and pulled her back.
"Are you crazy?" she muttered.
Drake’s eyes were wide. "Calandra, trust me if you don't answer it now, it's still going to come for you one way or another." His eyes looked pained as he admitted this truth to her.
"What is it exactly?" The term it wasn't doing anything to calm her nerves in the least. Even Drake was unsure of what it might be.
"It is your calling." Drake’s mouth curled slightly in a failed attempt to rea
ssure her.
"I'm sorry, what now?"
Drake had been right, life could get more complicated. Calandra rolled her eyes at herself for having challenged it to do so in the first place. She should’ve known better, especially after the last several months.
"Just go, I'll be here waiting for you." Drake nudged her toward the cave.
The look on his face was in no way reassuring and fear built up inside of her like a pressure cooker ready to explode. She could tell he wasn’t going to allow her to leave the area until she went to check it out, so she gave in and decided to face the fear.
The cave was at least ten degrees cooler than it had been outside of it and a shiver ran through Calandra when she entered it. The cold air added to the eerie feeling that surrounded her as her imagination ran wild with the possibilities of what she might encounter within the next few moments.
She suddenly wished that she had made Drake come with her for moral support and that thought scared her even more than what she might find inside the cave. She didn’t want to be, shouldn't have been, craving Drake's company, stupid soul connection. Once again, he had deceived her, tricked her into something she never would have agreed to on her own. Unfortunately, at this point, the only thing she could do was to accept what had been done and learn to live with it. At least until she could find another way around Ankou's trickery for her soul — this was why you shouldn't play with Death, he was far more cunning than anything you could prepare for. Drake had known that going into the situation, yet he'd willingly let Calandra enter into the meeting blindly. Part of her wanted to believe he had done it to protect her, but another part screamed that it was a selfish act, just like he had told her Jarreth’s act had been.
"Calandra," the voice came again and brought her out of her thoughts.
The cave curved around slightly and there was another opening slightly hidden by a large rock where the sound was coming from. Calandra took a deep breath and decided to pull from her powers to give her the courage she needed to inspect further.
