She practically runs to me and wraps her arms around my shoulders, crying as she says thank you and sorry over and over again. I pat her back and try to comfort her until I can send her away.
I stare at the closed door and feel sick to my stomach. She hasn’t paid a single dime on the mortgage. So there’s a couple grand that I owe there. But what’s even worse are the credit cards. Cash withdrawals of thousands of dollars at 22%. I’ll consolidate. I don’t know who’s going to give me a loan for that amount. But I’ll find a way. I sift through the papers and mentally calculate what I need. A little over 26k in total. My heart sinks. I made 22k a year at my old college, and a measly 14k being the night shift part-timer in the lab. I have nothing saved up because of her last “situation”. And I make 26k at this university and haven’t found a job here yet.
My head falls into my hands. There’s just no way. I don’t see how anyone would loan me the money.
I’ll try. The least I can do is try. I stand up from the desk and breathe in deep. I’m not going to cry because that accomplishes nothing.
I take one step and wince. I can still feel him inside of me. I feel raw and sore, but I love it. It’s a strange feeling, finally giving myself to someone.
I shake my head and sigh as I lay down on the bed. It’s not even made. All my stuff is still in moving boxes, along with my sheets. I don’t have much. But it’ll feel better once this room looks like my old bedroom.
I close my eyes and remember his hands on me. The heated looks he gave me as he fucked me. I moan and clench my thighs, loving the soreness. I want him again and again. I loved the way he fucked me. I’ve really been missing out.
I pop up and and dig in my purse for the birth control pills. It’s a few hours late, but it’ll be alright. I bite the inside of my cheek. Maybe I should get the morning after pill too. I feel my cheeks flame and I start feeling … dirty. I don’t like the tightness in my chest. I wanted the whole experience and I got it. Maybe I’m naïve or stupid. I don’t know, maybe I’m a slut for wanting that. I swallow the lump in my throat and grab my bottle of water to swallow down the pill. It doesn’t matter now. I got what I wanted.
My heart hurts. I don’t know what to think. One moment he’s noncommittal, the next he’s kissing me like he needs the air in my lungs to breathe.
I understand it probably seemed like a hookup last night, but I can’t help wanting more.
I roll my eyes. Of course I’m being a clingy bitch. No man wants that. And that’s not what this was. It may have felt like more to me, but I’m sure that’s only because he was my first. I wonder if I told him that last night. I’m too embarrassed to ask. I pick up my phone and scroll through the contacts. Before we left he called himself from my phone so he’d have my number. I like that. I like how in charge he is. My eyes widen as I look at the screen and see it light up with a text from him.
Shit! I didn’t press send or anything, did I? I stare at it for a moment trying to figure out what the hell I did before I realize he’s the one who sent me a text. My heart beats rapidly and I find my body heating with nerves.
What the hell? I feel like I’m in high school again. I calm my nerves and realize the reason he's texting is just that I've left one of my textbooks back at his place.
That was stupid of me. Also… I’m gonna need that so I can sell it. These books aren’t cheap.
As I’m debating how to reply, another text comes through:
Meet me at my parents' house, it’s closer to you and I’ll be there tonight at 5.
The text is followed up with an address. I wonder if I should wait a few minutes before responding, but I’m pretty sure he can see that I’ve read them anyway. I cringe. I wonder if that looks clingy. I don’t want to look that way. I wanna seem laid-back. Eh. Whatever. I shrug my shoulder and send a reply.
Thanks. I’ll see you then.
And thanks for the orgasms this morning. May I have another? I laugh at my inner thought. I am not sending that, although it’s exactly what I want to say. He’s sweet and funny. And fucks my body like it was made for his dick. My thighs clench again.
Damn, one time and I’m a sex addict. I put down my phone and sit up, ready to get my mind on something else. But then I remember the shit my mother left me saddled with, and my heart sinks. I bite the inside of my cheek. I need to get my ass up and go look for a job. Make that jobs. One for myself, and one fit for a recovering alcoholic. I’m not going to waste my life taking care of her. She needs to get her shit in order. I nod my head with anger as I pull my laptop from my bag and open it up on the desk.
Everything’s going to be just fine. Even as I think the words and try to believe them, something deep in my gut is telling me it’s a lie.
Chapter 13: Vince
I put the phone back in my pocket. She’s quick to answer and agreed to meet me tonight, just like I knew my sweetheart would. She’s giving me a clingy vibe--usually that turns me off, but on her, I like it.
I blow out a long exhale and face the docks. If only the rest of my day could be this easy.
“Boss, we got another problem.” Tommy walks up behind me. I turn to look at him and see his chin is bruised up nice. Seeing it almost makes me feel like a prick. Almost. I know he was doing what he thought was best for the family, but fuck that. I’d do it again if I had to.
“It’s all fucked today.” I shove my hands in my pockets and stare at the water, listening to the waves beat against the dock. Three orders came in, but all three were only partially filled. “What’s wrong with this one?”
“Supposed to be 50 pounds.” I nod my head. I know how much we should be getting from the Marzano Cartel. It's the same we’ve been getting for nearly 7 months now. “We’ve only got 42 here.”
“Someone is skimming. Who is it that counted? I want all the names, Tommy.”
“I was there for this one, boss. I saw it opened.”
“And the container?” It’s possible someone fucked with them on the ship. In which case we have all their names and addresses. Someone would have a real rough night if it came down to that.
“Locked and untouched.” He’s confident, and that tells me everything I need to know.
“So it’s their end that’s fucking with us.” That’s not good. It’s never good ending business relations in the line of work we do. But I’m not putting up with this shit. “Did they think we wouldn’t notice 8 pounds were missing?” Not to mention the guns. They were light, too.
“Could be someone in packing on their end.” Tommy’s got a point.
“I’ll send a message to Javier. We need this shit dealt with immediately.” I have to walk back to the docks to get the phone we use for that shit. Tommy walks with me.
“How’s the other situation going?” he asks. My hands flex and I crack my neck trying to keep my temper at bay. I know he’s concerned, but I don’t like him asking about her.
“It worked. She doesn’t remember shit.”
He nods his head and grins. “That’s fucking fantastic.” He doesn’t sound as thrilled as he’d like me to believe he is. “You sure about that?”
“Positive.” He shuts his mouth and nods his head, walking silently beside me. I’m the underboss, he knows not to question me. I can see his worry though, so I decide to put him out of his misery. “She’s easy to read, and she’s gonna come over tonight for a quick second to grab a book I took from her.” I open the heavy door and grin at him. “You can see for yourself, Tommy.”
“So what’d she think? You two just had a wild night together?”
I give him a smug look that lets him know that’s exactly what she thought and that I got some this morning too.
“Are you fucking for real? You tapped that ass?” He’s grinning from ear to ear, but shaking his head in disbelief.
“Damn right.” I hesitate to say more, but I figure why the hell not let him in on it. “I want her again, too.”
He cocks an eyebrow at me. “Going back for seconds
isn’t your thing.”
“Wasn’t. But this girl is real sweet.” I don’t usually brag, but this broad is different. I want everyone to know I had her. More than that, I want them to know she’s mine.
“Good girls like bad boys. I want me one of those.” He says.
“A good girl?” I ask.
“Yeah.”
“Then go get one.” I park my ass at my desk and unlock the desk drawer. I reach in and grab the right cell phone and flip through the info on my notepad. I appreciate Tommy’s distraction, 'cause this shit fucking sucks.
“They aren’t all that easy to find, not with how often you’ve got me working.” He sits at one of the opposite seats and stretches his legs out in front of him. He nervously runs his hand on the back of his neck and opens and shuts his mouth a few times.
“What’s going on?” I just want him to say whatever the fuck is on his mind.
He spits it out without the need for further prodding. “I’m real fucking sorry, Vince.” His eyes turn sad. “You know I didn’t want to. I was just doing things according to protocol.”
I look him directly in the eye. “Witnesses don’t live to be witnesses.” That’s still protocol. It was stupid of me to risk this shit. Everyone knows it. I worry a bit that they think women make me soft. Specifically, this woman. After all, I’m going to be the one taking over. I can’t have them thinking that. “This was a one-off, Tommy. You did what you should’ve.”
“Alright boss.” He taps his hands on the armrests and looks like he’s getting ready to take off.
“Everything else good for going out tonight?” I ask him, while I have his attention.
“Everything is set. Unless you want to add anything in the shipment going to the cartel.”
I smirk at him. “Not yet, let’s make sure we play this smart.” Sending a message like what he’s thinking would be bad for everyone. I gotta make this call and let our business partners know what’s up. Eight pounds missing is over 200 grand of our money gone, but it's over a million in gross after it’s cut and sold. Whoever took it wanted a reaction from us. They’re going to get one. I just have to figure out exactly who it was that tried to fuck us over and what they thought they’d get from pulling this shit. Stealing some product to profit on the side is one thing. Skimming off the top--I’ve seen that, too.
But fucking with a shipment to start a war is also a possibility. The thought gives me an uneasy feeling. War is something we’ve dealt with not too long ago, with my brother Dom. And his woman got caught up in that shit. An uneasy feeling settles in my gut. I’m not gonna let that shit happen again.
Chapter 14: Elle
I’m feeling more and more pathetic as I scroll through my phone. I literally have no one to talk to. I want to tell someone that I lost my V-card. Anyone. But I feel a bit pathetic that it took me this long, and who am I going to talk to anyway? I just realized I’ve essentially lost touch with all my friends from undergrad. We like each other’s FB posts, but I haven’t had a real conversation with Michelle or Amy in almost two years. Michelle is married now, and I think she’s pregnant. Yeah, she’s definitely pregnant. I remember seeing a picture of her with a huge belly, opening a box of blue balloons. Damn. I’m really out of touch.
That’s alright though. I’m going to start today. After all, I need to meet people in this town so that I can find a job. I applied for 20 positions, everything from waitressing and working at the hardware store, to working as a library assistant at the university. I’m almost out of gas now, too. I picked up a few applications for Mom, but she needs to get her shit together first.
The more I think about it, the more I realize I need to get mom to just sell this house. I can get a part-time job and still go to school, just like I did back in Maryland. I can do it again here. Only this time I’ll have Mom live with me so I can keep an eye on her.
I shove my phone into my clutch and take a look at myself in the dresser mirror. I have to back up and stand on my tiptoes to see my outfit fully. I like it. I think I look pretty in this yellow and white, striped cotton sundress, but still laid-back. The dress flows out from my hips in an A-line shape, but hugs the little dip in my waist. If only my boobs were bigger. I scrunch my nose wondering if I should grab my padded bra. My lips purse as I decide no, I don’t need that. He knows they’re little. It’s too late to fool him now.
I’m guessing he just wants me to run in and grab the book, which is fine. I want to look good though. And I’m not going to be clingy or anything like that. I’m going to play it cool. He doesn’t want strings, and I get that. I don’t need strings or a commitment. It’s not like I have my shit together anyway. But I don’t like the idea of it being just a fling.
I’m sure that’s what I was thinking last night, trying to hook up with him. I bet I took an extra shot or two so I’d have the courage to go through with it this time. It’s not like I’ve been saving myself. I just haven’t gotten around to it.
Each step down the stairs makes the soreness between my legs obvious. I can’t hide from what I did. Part of me is feeling ashamed. Like I should have saved myself for someone who would’ve loved me. But I keep shoving that feeling down. My father never loved my mother. Most of my friends growing up were the products of divorced parents. Love is something that comes and goes, I suppose. I don’t know if I’ll ever even fall in love. I don’t know if I have it in me.
But a quick fuck with no strings attached was something I thought I could handle. I always chickened out though. I’m not sure if I was more afraid that I’d fall for the guy and get hurt, or that I would be sorely disappointed afterward. I wince at the bottom step and try to bend down to relieve some of the ache between my thighs. So far, so good on both fronts, although the possibility of falling for Vince is high on my list. A sexy man who knows how to fuck, with his own house and an adorable puppy? Yes, please! But there’s always a catch. So I’m going to hold back. I’m not going to put my heart out there to be stomped. And everything is going to be just fine.
I look straight ahead and see my mother passed out on the couch. I close my eyes and take a deep breath to calm myself. It will all be fine. Everything will be fine. I walk over to her and brush the hair out of her face. One of her arms is hanging off of the side of the sofa and she’s drooling on a pillow. She doesn’t even have any pants on. Just a saggy old tank top and her underwear.
I bet if I looked in the kitchen, I’d find the bottle. I lean down closer and smell gin on her breath. Tears prick at my eyes. How can she keep doing this to herself? And to me, too? I spent all afternoon searching for a job while she got drunk. Deep down I know I can’t stand for this. I need to do something. I just don’t know what. I don’t know how to say no to her without hurting her. And more than anything else, I don’t want to hurt her. I put a hand on my heart and try to relieve the ache. My throat dries up, and I will the emotions away.
I’ll go to AA with her. I will help her like a daughter should.
I take a step away and reach down for my keys, and I hear her mumble my name.
“It’s your fault he hates me.” I barely make out the words she speaks in her sleep.
I know what she’s talking about. It’s not the first time I’ve heard it either. I was the mistake that ruined my mother’s chances at a real life. At least that’s what she says when she’s drunk. Angry drunk perfectly describes my Mom. But I’m going to help her.
I’m extremely quiet on my way out. I haven't lived here long enough to know where all the creaks in the floorboards are just yet. I wish I knew though, so I could make sure to avoid them as I leave. I don’t want to wake her up. Not when she’s thinking those thoughts. I don’t want to get into another fight with her. Not over that. I don’t even breathe until I’ve shut the door.
I twist the handle as I shut the door to avoid the loud click it would make otherwise, and then lock it. When I turn around, I lean back against the door for a moment. I take a deep breath, and my eyes catch sight of a p
lain, white car. It looks old and I’ve never seen it before. It’s really out of place parked on the opposite side of the street. I see two women sitting in the front seats, each on their phones and any anxiety I had about the car is washed away.
I try to remember what I’m supposed to be doing. What I was so scared to hope for.
Vince.
I shake my head and feel stupid for even thinking about him. He’s just giving me the book back. It was just a fling. I get in my car and look at my makeup. This is all so pointless and stupid. Just like this dress.
He’s just going to give me the book, and then I’ll leave. I’ll probably never even hear from him again. That would be best anyway.
Chapter 15: Vince
“How much is gone?” Dom asks as soon as I walk in the dining room. Becca’s in the backyard picking basil leaves or some shit. And she’s getting big. She looks like she’s going to pop any day now even though they’ve got a few months left before their little one is supposed to be here. Apparently I’m an asshole for saying that. Next time I’ll keep my mouth shut or say she’s glowing or some shit like that. The kids are with Ma and Anthony. So it’s just Tommy, Pops, Dom, and Becca for now, and everyone else will show up later. No one ever misses Ma’s Sunday dinners.
“We’re off by about half a mil on this shipment.” I answer him and Dom’s eyes go wide, then the anger settles in.
“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.” He’s pissed. He’s “lying low” with his fancy professor job, but he’s still in charge of the money. I knew he wouldn’t want to hear this shit.
“It’s a setup for sure.” I say.
“The cartel?” he asks.
“No. Javier had no clue. Said everything is monitored and would check it out. Right now I'm just waiting to hear back, but my money is on someone in packing. Someone with connections here who wants the territory.”
His Hostage: Valetti Crime Family (A Bad Boy Mafia Romance) Page 8
