Rising to his knees, his eyes searched hers. “I don’t want your shadow to answer. I want this to,” he said, caressing her stomach on his way to resting his hand against her heart.
Now, she didn’t have an answer.
Getting to his feet, a steady waterfall of droplets fell from him, he stepped from the tub, worked his jeans off, revealing all of his glorious ripped SEAL form, wrung them out in the shower and flopped them over the top of the door, then left her.
There was nothing else for her to do but drown herself.
* * * *
That afternoon while Kayla napped Thane walked out onto the sprawling front porch and pulled out his phone. “Red—”
“You found her,” Red’s voice sounded strained, but hopeful.
“Yes.”
“Bring her home, right now.”
“I can’t, Red. She’ll leave as soon as I do. We’ve come to a compromise.”
“There is no compromise,” he bellowed into the phone. “She’s not thinking straight. No pregnant woman does. Pregnant women are half-crazy, and we have to be understanding and suck it up. Now bring her home.”
Red had been nastier than an animal with its paw caught in a trap since Kayla disappeared. He knew it was from worry, but Red had taken it out on everyone around him. “We have an agreement. She’s going to give me our daughter when she’s born.”
“What the hell does that…what? This is what I’m talking about. Son, do not accept that agreement.”
He lowered himself to the top step, and looked out onto the front of the property. Pinecones littered the rocky ground. Clumps of long grass, already giving way to the summer sun, bleached the green to brown. Guarded by the shade, moss crawled at the trees and blanketed the ground. The large area had once been cared for and cut back, but now that it wasn’t inhabited, nature was taking possession once again. “I don’t have a choice, Red.”
“Does she understand what happened in Syria was part of the mission? She’s reasonable. Explain it to her.”
“A woman is never reasonable when it comes to another woman, it doesn’t matter the circumstances. I don’t expect her to be. Right now, she’s safe and off the Shark’s radar. I’m going to keep it that way until the baby is born, and then….”
“I don’t believe for one goddamn second that you could turn away from Kayla.”
His heart soured. “I can do anything. I’m a SEAL. We accept what has to be and we find another way around it.”
Red’s breath hitched as if he were going to rip shreds off him and then said, “Find another way?”
“She fell in love with me once, and I’m going to make her remember.”
“Don’t think you’re coming back here without her. I don’t want to see your face until there’s two faces…or three.”
“She doesn’t want anyone to know she’s alive. That might not be a bad plan.”
A loud sigh crossed the line. “I’m putting you both on extended leave. Family-related reasons.”
“Thanks, Red. It could be days, but more likely weeks.”
“I don’t give a shit how long it takes. Just make sure you don’t fail.”
“Anything I’ve missed while I’ve been gone?”
“Cobbs is back on active duty. Passed his physicals yesterday. Mace has farther to go.” Red paused and then said, “I don’t know if you want to know this, but Zara called. I told her you were unavailable, permanently.”
“Good.”
“She doesn’t really take no for an answer. Those bluebloods are a pain in the ass. She knows you’re stateside. Said she was flying here today and to pass on the message that she wanted to see you to say thank you.”
“Consider the message passed. Unless she’s a bloodhound, she’s not going to find me.”
“It’s a little more complex than that, son. She says she’s pregnant with your child.”
“What?” A roar of disbelief shot through him. “Not—possible.”
“From what you told me, it might be.”
“It’s not mine. It can’t be. I didn’t…well fuck, Red, you know what I’m saying.”
“No need for details. If you say it’s not, I believe you, but that’s not the only thing you have to be concerned with. I don’t know if you’re keeping up with the news, but a woman was found mutilated.”
“On the base?”
The line was a little too quiet. “It wasn’t here on the base. It was in Lakeside.”
Now he was pacing the length of the porch. “When?”
“Two days ago. They’re sure it’s the Shark.”
“He’s looking for us. If he works on the base then his routine would have changed. Is Manchester….”
“He hasn’t stopped, son. I have to let you go. I need to try to convince some people out of a memorial service.”
“Memorial service? For Kayla?”
“Yeah, some of the friends she made here. One last thing, I talked to Lapierre yesterday. He called looking for Kayla. I told him she was safe.”
“What the hell did he want?” As if he didn’t know.
“Answers. He’s just returned from deployment. Said he was flying out this way in the next couple of days if he didn’t hear anything by then.”
“Did he leave his number?”
Silence was followed by a shuffle of papers. “Gave me his cell. Sure you don’t want me to talk to him?”
“Nope. Thanks Red, I’ll keep in touch.” After getting the number, he pushed the disconnect button.
Resting his arms on the railing, he looked into the blue heavens. He’d rather do a HALO jump without a chute than let Kayla find out about Zara’s lie. The future he envisioned began to blur. The whole damn thing had been an act on his part. He certainly hadn’t reached the end. Although Zara had lost herself and had most definitely orgasmed, he sure the hell hadn’t. He’d left Zara in Berlin, but she hadn’t given in, determined and trying to convince him, he felt something for her. The child she carried couldn’t be his. He entered the number, and waited.
“Bonjour,” Greg answered.
This conversation was going to suck.
“Captain,” Greg said with a resigned sigh, after he’d explained everything, and he didn’t lie or leave anything out. “I would have done the same thing in your position.”
He hated to admit it, but Lapierre was like the rock of Gibraltar, and if he wasn’t in love with Kayla, would probably become a damn good friend. “Thanks, but it’s Kayla’s confidence I need to find.”
“She’s stubborn as hell, and I know that doesn’t help.” A creaking of wood sounded in the background, maybe a chair.
“Did you…talk with your brother?”
“I was hoping you wouldn’t ask me that.”
He waited.
“Daniel has control of himself now. The doctors seem to have been worth the federal funds they get paid.”
“But?”
“No, it didn’t go well, but with an attempted manslaughter charge, he can’t enter the States legally, and that works to Kayla’s advantage or he’d already be there.”
“Great.”
“He’ll find a way, Captain. He always does. Daniel is a man who doesn’t give in easily.”
“Thanks for letting me know.”
“Merci, for calling me. If it would help, I can talk to Kayla.”
“Uh-huh,” he drawled, still not a hundred percent sure of his intentions.
A chuckle followed.
Chapter Twenty-One
Between walking and trips to the bathroom, she spent hours in the living room. Thane ignored the fact that she was trying to ignore him. She read there, slept there and tried to avoid him. It had been three long days since he’d invaded her bathtub.
Tonight she was restless, and so was the baby, when she woke from a short nap to find Thane with one leg propped over his thigh, watching her.
“Is she restless?” he asked, reading her mind for the thousandth time.
She nodded and
placed her hand on her stomach, rubbing the head, which she could plainly feel.
“Would you mind?” he asked quietly.
She didn’t want Thane to touch her. When he did, she teetered on forgiveness, but she added extra stubbornness to the scale always tipping it in favor of resistance. However, tonight, for some reason, she didn’t have the strength. “I suppose.”
Thane slowly crouched down in front of her. His hand paused and he darted another look at her to make sure. Curling her hand over his wrist, she guided it to the left side of her swelling stomach. “This is her head.”
The first true smile since he’d touched her last, finally graced his features. “She’s amazing.” He ran his hand gently across her stomach. “She is restless, isn’t she?” he said, feeling a knee prodding him. “Hi gorgeous, what’s got you so upset?” Thane let the weight of his hand stroke her body. “It’s time to give mom a rest. Time to sleep, my beautiful girl.”
Kayla couldn’t hold the tears back, seeing him talk to their daughter as if she was in his arms.
Thane’s hand stilled. “I hope you are a wee version of your mother. She’s so beautiful, ya know. I fell in love with her the moment I saw her. We’re both strong-willed people, and I imagine you’re going to be a handful too, and I can’t wait till I can hold you.”
Thane had fallen into a full-fledged one-sided conversation with his unborn child, and all she could do was listen.
“Sometimes—your mom and I are going to disagree. We’ll hurt each other’s feelings and argue, but your mother has a beautiful soul, and we’ll always find middle ground. She did something no other woman could do. Somehow, she took this hard-assed, lost cause of a sailor, and turned me into a blathering, blundering idiot. I was so sure I would never fall in love, but every time I see her, my heart pounds and my palms sweat. When she looks at me, it scatters my thoughts.”
A chuckle tripped from his lips. “When she’s angry at me, and that happens a lot, she gives it to me with both barrels, but I usually deserve it. Your mom is very smart, and I’m not too bad, which means you’ll probably be smarter than both of us. Maybe with your mom’s courage and my strengths, you’ll be the first lady SEAL.” Thane sat on the floor, hooking his arms around his knees, and his expression became reflective. “Then again, I don’t think I’d want you to ever see what I’ve seen. I’ve been very lucky. Your mom has too. We’ve both brushed too close to death, but we survived.” Thane nodded as if coming to a conclusion. “Maybe it’s because you were meant to be ours, and without one of us, you couldn’t be.”
Kayla didn’t move when Thane reached his hand up to her stomach, but instead covered her hand.
“I can see you already, running with a yellow dress and thick brown curls surrounding a face that looks like an angel. You’re ours, and we love you.” Thane’s eyes finally rose to hers with such love, such pain, and then tears swelled in his eyes. “I love you so much, Kayla. Please, believe me. Just one more hurdle, although I can’t make you put this behind us. I want it more than I’ve wanted anything. I want you.” His hand gently wiped the tears from her cheeks.
“I want you to leave, Thane,” she choked out. “We are not meant to be together. We never were. We are never going to have a life together.” She pushed herself up, and took the stairs as fast as she could to her room.
* * * *
He stared down at his hands as if they were covered in blood instead of her tears, rubbing one against the other. Grabbing the eight-foot long coffee table and thrusting it into the air, he watched it crash to the floor sending an echo through the cavernous room. Then he ran. Five miles. Ten miles. He kept running until he was on his knees. The wounds on his back screamed at him. His body screamed at him, and his heart screamed even louder. Why had he done it? Why hadn’t he found another way? Why wouldn’t she forgive him?
Although the hour was late when he made it back to the lake, he tore his shirt off and swam. The water was his element, any SEAL’s element. It consumed him and he lost himself in it, stroke after stroke, losing count of how many times he crossed it. But, for once, it wasn’t enough.
Feeling the silty bottom ooze through his toes, he dragged himself onto the shore and rolled onto his back, staring up into a dark heaven sprinkled with stars. Kayla was dangling on the edge, and he was pushing her closer to it. He’d lost his direction, and he couldn’t find her any more.
Would he give up? Could he? Their road had been crooked, forks of violence and then perfection, when it was just the two of them, before fate intervened to test him. He was changing, rebellious against anything that wasn’t peaceful. If he never heard another crack of a cartridge leaving a barrel, it would be fine by him. All he wanted was the sound of Kayla humming a song to herself, or to hear his daughter’s cry.
Looking into the heavens, he lay close to the spot where Kayla had finally admitted she loved him. Fate had offered him a no-win situation. It wasn’t betrayal, but he knew she felt that way.
When he opened his eyes again, the light of dawn sat on the horizon, and a voice he knew well was singing. Slowly he sat up, the pine needles covering his back like a blanket. Quietly he stepped through the trees, and saw Kayla sitting on the same outcropping of rocks where he first found her. Her legs coiled beneath her, her head bowed. He listened. Her voice was sad and sweet drifting on the cool morning air. She was singing to their baby. Could she really walk away from her own child? Stubbornness could keep Kayla away from him. Her pain had a long arm and it stretched between them. Nothing he could say would change her mind. He had to stop saying it, and he had to look forward, like she was.
He breeched the trees and walked up to her. “Don’t stop,” he said quietly when she saw him. “Don’t ever stop singing, Kayla. It’s the only time you allow yourself the freedom to be you, without your past holding you prisoner.”
“I thought you left,” she said, her brows coming together.
Without chancing a look to see if she wanted him there or not, he jumped to the rocks and sat on the boulder below her. Keeping his eyes on the lake, he said, “I have to accept you don’t want to have a life with me. I’ll agree to that sentence, but I won’t agree to leave. You have to meet me partway, and understand I’m staying to make sure you and the baby are safe. If you can do that, then I will raise our daughter—” He paused instead of choking on his words— “without you.” He waited as the sun climbed higher on the horizon, allowing her the time to reason it out. No matter what situation, Kayla’s mind always strategized the options, like him. He hoped she would see the sense in his offer.
“You can’t stop, can you?” she said, shaking her head.
He followed a crack in the rock with his finger. It spread only an inch wide, but it was deep. This is what he had done to her. Whether he meant to or not, it was the result of his actions. He wanted to be different from all the men who had betrayed her trust, then circumstance stepped in and forced him to do the same.
“I’m not in distress. I don’t need your help, Captain.”
“I know you can do anything without me, but I want our daughter to know I’m here. I want to walk this—mission with you, and then I’ll let you go.” He pinned his lips tight and his heart tighter. God, over the years he’d probably cried a total of five times, but every time his mind ventured to a life void of Kayla, it cut him to shreds. The thought of seeing his little girl grow up without the beautiful creature that was her mother hurt so goddamn bad.
Two ducks broke the stillness of the lake, and they both watched as the birds created a widening “V” behind each of them, eventually joining to make a single swath.
“How is Mace?”
A small spring released, allowing his pulse to beat easier. Kayla wouldn’t say the words, but it was her way of accepting his treaty. Finally, he looked up at her. Dark, swooping curls fell past her shoulders and surrounded her face. Her cheeks had become fuller, and her skin glowed. Dark beautiful eyes, holding deep pain looked into his. The muscles in hi
s legs jerked wanting to take her into his arms and die a hundred times over, if only she’d let him do it, but he remained still. “Mace gave it all he had to keep Nina away, but she’s stubborn.”
“She learned from the best,” Kayla cut in, her voice not as distant, not as severe.
A small chuckle found its way from his heavy heart to the light of day. “He’s healing. Nina and Mace have been to Canada three times already.” Better to steer away from their troubles and linger on Mace and Nina’s love affair. “He’s getting the best help from both sides of the border. I guess he really likes her family, and Gabby’s already twisted him around her little finger. He says she’s adorable and a handful.” He paused. “They need to know….”
“No, they don’t.”
“Kayla….”
“No,” leaving little room for argument. “Let them move on,” she said quietly, looking over the lake instead of at him. “Nina worries about everyone she loves. Mace and Gabby should be her only concern. If she knows I’m alive, she’ll be here trying to drag me back to San Diego.”
He nodded his ascent. “Mace hasn’t mentioned Gabby’s father.”
“Gabriella was unexpected. I don’t think the guy even knows. He and Nina had this one week—fling. He came to town on a U.S. Cutter, for a cross border exercise. They met at some dinner dance thing and got along right away.” Kayla changed position, shifting onto her other hip. “When Nina found out she was pregnant, he was long gone. She was freaked, but then happy she was going to be a mom.”
“He’s American?” he asked, a little surprised.
“Yeah, apparently American guys can’t keep it in their pants.”
“Maybe he’d want to…what? Hey, wait a minute, you can’t hang this on him if he didn’t even know.”
A tsk escaped Kayla’s lips. “Sure,” she said, tasting the bitterness on her tongue, preparing to serve it up. “All walking, talking, tall and alluring. Nina was twenty-three, living on her own in a big city for the first time. No doubt he was…“Come on, baby, I like it o-natural,” and Nina was too innocent and head over heels for the officer in the white uniform.” She sighed then flung a wave of hair over her shoulder and shook her head. “Stupid.”
Code Name: Kayla's Fire Page 23
