Gareth nodded. “But why? Why don’t you hate me? Something’s wrong with me. Nobody else is green, are they? Mother says they’re not. What if I really am a demon?”
“Well, maybe you are. Maybe all real demons start crying whenever someone calls ’em good.”
Gareth sputtered. “I’m serious!”
Evin continued stroking Gareth’s hair and comforting him until he was sure Gareth felt better. “You are really too easy.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means you’re like a little brother, I guess. Too trusting.”
Gareth looked away. “I don’t believe just everything you say.”
“Oh? But I haven’t lied to you.”
“Not lying. Just wrong. I know I’m ugly…and awful…and stupid, like you said.”
“Don’t be stu—I mean, what makes you believe all that? Why must your parents be right?”
Gareth put his head down on Evin’s chest.
“I…don’t know what to say.” He hadn’t meant to call Gareth stupid, exactly, when he said Gareth had been stupid to risk helping—but that was the word Gareth remembered.
I’m the stupid one.
“Gareth, I’m sorry I called you that. I didn’t mean it. Friends say that to each other all the time, just because they’re friends. They don’t mean it.” He gently lifted Gareth’s face back up, holding it between his hands, and looked into Gareth’s shining eyes. “I made a mistake. Your parents did too. We made mistakes. Those bad things we said, they aren’t true. Not about you. You are really, truly beautiful. You’re brave. You’re good.”
Gareth was mute, maybe afraid to ask for such reassurance, but Evin saw that he was desperate to believe. By the moon and their own supernal light, his eyes were pleading. They were the same as anyone’s but with whites, irises, and pupils distinguishable only by varying degrees of the yellow glow’s brightness. It was as if they had absorbed the shine of summer light bugs, and though they were terrifying when unexpected in the dark, Evin thought they were marvelous.
Using his thumbs, he traced slowly along Gareth’s eyebrows, temples, cheeks, demonstrating that he no longer had any fear. “I don’t care why you’re different. I don’t need to know where you came from before I can be your friend. I really like you, and I think you like me.”
Gareth nodded.
“We’re friends. That’s answer enough.” Evin drew his hands down to caress Gareth’s chest. “You said you saw me ‘being nice’ to Tyber, so you know what we do. But you came to me anyway. Do you want me to do those things for you?”
Gareth shook his head. “You don’t have to. Holding you here is good. You already been so nice to me.”
“You’re just afraid to ask for anything, aren’t you? You’ve learned never to let anyone know what you want. I’m like that with most people too.” Evin kissed Gareth again and pressed himself into Gareth’s crotch. “We don’t have to be that way, not when it’s you and me. I’ll do anything for you, I think. But I want you to show me you’re brave. I want you to tell me what you want.”
Gareth stared at him for a long moment, then pulled him close and spoke into his shoulder. “Just this, today. Okay, Evin? Can I ask you to do that other stuff…tomorrow?”
Evin tightened his arms around Gareth. “Just this is okay. Anything you want.”
Chapter Seven
The next night, Evin left his home as soon as darkness fell. The summer heat had been oppressive through the day, and it remained uncomfortable outside into the early evening. Evin had not worn a chemise all day—it was just too hot—but before leaving to find Gareth, he reluctantly put one on. So far, Gareth had been fully clothed each time they met, and Evin feared too much bare skin might be intimidating for him. Evin hoped to overcome Gareth’s fears tonight, not stoke them.
He left his family’s cabin and walked toward the edge of the village, where he would turn to circle around it. As he neared the workshop, a figure stepped from the shadows to face him.
Evin’s heart clenched. Not here! It’s too dangerous!
But then he realized this person was too small. He raised his lantern’s beam and saw that it was only Marc.
“He wants to see you,” Marc said. His face and voice were stern.
Evin sighed. There was a girl in Laforet who served Tyber much as Evin did, so far in ways that wouldn’t make a baby. She didn’t like Evin, which was fine with him, so he was free of Tyber on those nights when Ysabeau could satisfy Tyber’s whims. Tyber would have made do with her while he was too angry to treat with Evin, but not forever. Tyber’s attention had to return sooner or later. At least for revenge.
“Where?” Evin asked.
Marc motioned with his hand, then turned and led. Evin suppressed an urge to ask about Tyber’s mood. Marc’s demeanor suggested he thought this meeting would not go well for Evin.
Should have already been planning how to handle Tyber. I knew it was dangerous to embarrass him like that.
Marc led him around the workshop and then turned in toward the village’s center. They arrived at a boulder in the yard between the workshop and mill. Tyber leaned against the stone, his body tense and radiating anger. Evin stood before him and tried to keep a neutral expression and prepare himself. Not one word about Gareth. Not one word.
Marc glanced from one to the other, then broke the thick silence. “I brought him to you, just like you said.”
Tyber’s eyes never left Evin’s face. “You’re gonna pay for making me look bad.”
Memories flashed through Evin’s mind. Tyber throwing him backward into the darkened workshop. Tyber’s face in a shaft of moonlight, his vicious grin, in the instant before the world erupted in blinding pain. Hands that seemed to belong to someone else, scrabbling feebly on the floor as he was dragged back.
“Oh, I didn’t make you look bad,” Evin said. “You did that all by yourself. You could’ve killed me.”
“I’m talking about the demon! Why did you lie about it? Why are you protecting it?” Tyber’s eyes narrowed. “What did it do to you?”
“You’re the only one who tried to do something to me. What were you going to do after you—”
Tyber leaped up from the rock and shoved Evin hard in the chest so he stumbled backward. “Shut up! We’re not talking about that.”
“After you bashed my head in! What were you gonna do?”
Tyber’s gaze snapped to Marc, who looked on with startled eyes. “What’re you looking at? Go on home!” Marc stared as if unable to comprehend that Tyber had turned on him, or why. “Get!”
Marc flinched and backed away. He turned toward the village center and stomped away. “I did what you said!”
Tyber turned back to Evin. “And you. I’m gonna get you, Evin. I’ll find that demon, and I’ll prove to everyone that you lied.”
Yeah, and then what happens? You’ll lose your favorite plaything. But Evin was glad Tyber was more concerned about punishing him than finding the “demon.” He could work with that.
Evin calmed his voice. “Why, Tyber? Are you trying to get me killed? If that’s what you want, then you’ve already won.”
Tyber hesitated. “No, I—”
“You own me. I’m your dog, just like you said.” Evin shuttered the lantern, snuffing out the light on Tyber’s face. He stepped in to bring their bodies close. “I’ll show you right now, if you want.”
“You made me a fool,” Tyber said, speaking over Evin’s shoulder, but the heat was gone. It was a childish, empty complaint.
“You don’t have to prove anything. You can talk to your father and have me killed right now.”
“I could!”
Evin placed a hand on Tyber’s hips and leaned in, close enough to breathe his words against Tyber’s skin. “But then there would be no more hunting trips. You’d never get to use me again.” He pulled their hips together and kissed Tyber’s neck.
A shudder passed through Tyber’s body. He whipped an arm around Evin, pulled hi
s face up, and kissed him fiercely.
Evin called up his memory of the Tyber he had loved long ago, before the cruelty and callousness. The Tyber he had lost, whom Evin missed and mourned sometimes when a fleeting echo surfaced in this one’s face or manner. That was the boy he kissed: the lost boy.
He should have dealt with Tyber days ago, but he had avoided it because he knew they would come to this. This was the way to distract Tyber and assuage his bruised ego. This was the only power Evin had, one he had learned in bitter lessons through the years. The power of words and secrets, lust, and sometimes lies. He would use that power ruthlessly to protect the ones who mattered. For now Evin would be anything Tyber wanted. He would cool Tyber’s anger and end the dangerous talk about a demon.
Tyber’s fist loosened, and the quality of his embrace changed from possession to need. When their lips parted, they were breathing like soldiers after battle. Evin looked for Tyber’s face in the night and said, “See? Let it go. Be good to me again, and it can all be like it was.”
Tyber kissed him again and ground his hardening cock against Evin’s body. They parted, and Tyber took Evin’s hand and pulled him roughly toward the workshop. When they reached the door, Tyber let go and looked back. “This doesn’t fix it.”
“But you’ll let me try, won’t you?”
“C’mon.” Tyber slipped into the workshop’s shadows.
Before entering, Evin cast a glance toward the woods, hoping that, out in the darkness, he would not see twin points of light looking back.
* * *
On the third night after their last meeting, Gareth finally spotted Evin, walking alone under a dense forest canopy. The intervening days had been difficult. He didn’t find Evin on the first night, and on the second, he dared not approach the village because Tyber and Johan were wandering around. All the while, Gareth’s misgivings grew. What if Evin thought differently now? What if Gareth had been too embarrassing, crying like that over something so stupid? Such a baby. Could Evin really like him? Gareth twisted his hands together. But he’s here now. If he didn’t like me, he’d stay home, wouldn’t he?
He let his gaze slip from Evin for a moment as he looked around to see if anyone else might be near. No one. He approached carefully as always, avoiding debris on the forest floor so he would make no noise, until he was close enough to hear something he could only have dreamed of a few days ago: the sound of his name falling in a whisper from Evin’s lips.
All saints, he had been so nervous a moment ago, and now the relief of hearing that one word made him feel ready to cry again. He drew in a silent breath and composed himself, because he would not be a baby tonight.
“I’m here,” he whispered. He stood where Evin would be sure to see his eyes. Evin looked directly at him and beamed.
“Finally!” Evin whispered.
Gareth sighed. “Yes.”
“Let’s go where we can talk, okay?”
“Yes.”
They moved farther away from the village until they were confident of privacy. Then Evin said, “I’m sorry about the other night. I was busy.”
“Oh. That’s okay.” Busy doing what? Only he could imagine well enough.
“But tonight I’m all yours.” Evin looked down. “At least I hope so.” He looked back into Gareth’s eyes. “You’re going to ask me for something tonight. Whatever you want, right?”
Gareth’s cheeks burned. “Y-yes. Yes.”
Evin grinned. “Ask me now.”
“Wait, it’s too soon. There’s a place. I want to show you it, okay?”
“What place?”
“It’s up on the mountain. Where we can look at stars. I like it. I want you to see, and we can do stuff there. Okay?”
Evin stepped closer to embrace Gareth and kissed the hair on his chin. “That sounds perfect. Show me.”
Gareth led Evin to a trail, up toward the mountain.
* * *
As Evin followed Gareth up the mountain, the forest of densely leaved oak trees gave way to balder varieties and moonlight shone through more often. Whenever the trail led through a wash of moonlight, Evin made it a point to look up from the path to watch Gareth move through the soft glow. Evin loved the way the light painted him. The way the muscles moved across his broad back. And the shapes of his flexing thighs and rear end…
With his gaze on Gareth’s body, he took a wrong step and lost his footing. His knee came down on a stone with a jarring impact that made him gasp.
Gareth whirled. “What—”
Evin stood. “I’m okay. I just slipped. Should have been looking where I was going, but I couldn’t stop watching your backside.”
Surprise and pleasure crossed Gareth’s face before shame chased them away. “You’re wrong in the head.”
“Yes, and aren’t you lucky.”
Gareth’s eyebrows scrunched in a look of concern as he took two quick sniffs of air. “You’re bleeding!”
“What? No, I’m all right.”
“No, let me see.” Gareth helped Evin sit on a rock and carefully rolled up the leg of his breeches. They had torn a little on the knee. Evin had a bleeding scrape but nothing to worry about. The moonlight was bright enough for Evin to see that it was just mostly dirty from the loose earth and decomposing leaves that had been ground into it by the impact. He must have cut himself on a rock.
“You gotta be careful, Evin! You get hurt so easily.”
What! Evin bit back a sharp reply and said instead, “I can clean it in the next stream we find. Don’t worry about it.”
“I should have carried you. I’m sorry.”
“No. It makes me think, though. If I’m going to wander around in the night looking for you, I should have a bag of remedies in case stuff like this happens.”
“Animals lick their wounds, but people don’t,” Gareth said.
“Uh…yes. Very true.” Evin brushed dirt away from his wound. “I certainly won’t be licking dirt out of my wound.”
“No. Of course, no. But I can clean it off better right now with your spit.”
Strange as it was, the thought didn’t disgust Evin. Gareth could see, so he’d be better able to clean the scrape. “Go ahead.”
Gareth held out his fingers. Evin drooled and spat on them, and Gareth began to gently wash Evin’s scrape. Evin tried not to react when it hurt.
What might it mean that Gareth thought first of cleaning wounds by licking them? The only things Gareth knew about people came from his bastard parents and what little he could observe of the villagers from the darkness. Maybe most of what he knew about the world came from watching the creatures that were active at night.
When Gareth finished, Evin rolled his breeches back down and asked, “What else have you learned from animals?”
“You think I’m a fool, don’t you?” His voice was low.
Evin leaned forward and took Gareth’s hands. “No, I think you’re smart. I think you watch everything and learn. Even when people didn’t care enough to teach you, you learned.”
Gareth looked at him for a moment as if trying to decide whether Evin was serious or mocking. Evin pulled one of Gareth’s big hands to his face and rubbed the fingernails against his lips.
“You really want to know about the animals?”
“Yes. Do they do any of the same things people do?”
“They groom each other. They touch faces like you touch lips. Like kissing. And they clean each other by licking. Just like…”
“Go on.” Evin licked the back of Gareth’s hand.
“Uhm. Just like…” Evin kissed Gareth’s knuckles. “Just like that. Like that.”
It was sweet how such a small act unnerved him. It wouldn’t last long. Gareth was a man, after all. He would express a desire soon enough—maybe sooner if Evin got him thinking the right way.
“Have you ever caught animals fucking?” Evin said.
“M-maybe. What’s that?”
“It’s how they make babies, you know? Little ones?
Have you seen one animal climb on top of another and they wiggle?”
“Ha! Yes! Is that what it’s for? They wiggle and little ones are born?”
“Yes.” The more Evin surmised about Gareth’s parents and their neglect, the more he hated them. He let go of Gareth’s hands and stood to embrace him.
“I don’t understand though,” Gareth said. “I was born too. But I don’t think my parents do the fucking. Maybe…maybe since I came out wrong, they don’t want babies. Maybe they’re afraid of—”
Stupid! You have to watch everything you say. “No, Gareth, don’t think about them. I wanted you to think about us.”
Evin pulled him into a kiss. At first Gareth seemed to simply allow it, as if he weren’t really present, as if still troubled by his thoughts. But Evin was urgent, licking and teasing, and Gareth soon warmed to his passion. Evin sat again and lay back, pulling Gareth to all fours over him.
When the kiss ended, Evin looked up into the dark face blotting out the sky above. “You try to find a way to take the blame for everything. Stop it! It’s not your fault I can’t see in the dark. It’s not your fault you’re different. And if your parents are unhappy, it’s only because something’s wrong with them. I know you’re different, and I like you. I want to do stuff with you. I want to do it to you and for you, if only you’ll tell me what you wish.”
Gareth’s voice was thick. “I want us to, but not here. Can we wait until we’re there?”
“Well, then, help me up and let’s go.”
In a companionable silence, they ascended to a spot near the top of the mountain. Gareth turned off the well-worn trail and onto a smaller one that ended at an edge overlooking the valley. He pointed down. “Right there.”
Evin peered over the edge. A boulder stuck out below, forming a wide, square ledge. A spine of scalloped rock shelves stretched up toward them, offering easy handholds for Gareth to use for climbing down. They were too far apart for Evin to make the climb by himself, but Gareth helped him from one to the next until they both stood on the outcrop.
Evin was unaccustomed to such heights. Here in the open, warm gusts of wind jostled him, and he feared he might suddenly fall right over the edge, even if he didn’t move. It was scary but also exciting to look out into the night this way. As he scanned the moonlit valley and tried to hide his anxiety, he noticed Gareth watching him intently, as if waiting for him to pass judgment. He smiled in response to whatever question Gareth had in mind, and Gareth’s posture visibly relaxed.
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