by W. S. Greer
I peek over at Damien for a second, just long enough to see that he’s bristling. I don’t think anything pisses him off more than having decisions made against his wishes and having his authority challenged, but he’s also very loyal to his older brother, so he doesn’t say anything. He glares at me for a second, then he turns his attention back to his joint.
“I understand, David,” I reply. “Thank you. Thanks so much.” He doesn’t respond, he just nods his head and then goes back to counting the stacks of money he has on the table.
Now that I have permission to take the next month off to get my head straight, I don’t want to stick around here long enough for him to change his mind. So, I turn on my heel and speed walk out of the building, satisfied that I finally did something for me.
I need to get home. I need rest and I need to think. About what? I’m barely even sure I can lock in on one thing. I have lots to think about, but I’m glad I’ll have the time to do it.
Layla
“Well, you have successfully pissed off Damien once again. I could tell he was walking around just looking for trouble last night.”
“Well,” I begin, as the waiters set our plates down on the table. “I’m glad I wasn’t there for that. I’m sure he was on his usual craziness.”
“Yes he was,” Marlene replies, cutting into her steak to make sure it’s cooked to the proper temperature. “I hear some of the girls downstairs tried to ask what was up. All he said was that he’s sick of your shit. So, just what the hell happened between you two?”
“It’s not even that big of a deal, but it’s Damien, so you know how he gets. I asked for some time off, that’s it.”
“How long?”
“I asked for a month.”
“Damn. You going on vacation or something?”
“No, I just have a lot on my mind right now, and I need some time to figure it out. Not to mention the fact that I earned this time off. I’ve been working there for almost four years, and I’ve hardly ever asked for time off. I think Damien’s real issue is that David trumped him.”
Marlene raises her eyebrows as she sips her drink. “David trumped him how?”
“Damien didn’t want to give me the time off, of course, because everything has to be this big pot of drama with him. So, David chimed in and said it was okay for me to take the time. Damien is just pissy because his brother made him look weak. You know Damien has to feel like he has control over everything.”
“Yeah, I’ve noticed,” she jokes as she chews
I’m appreciative of Marlene for taking the time to come hang with me. It’s my first full day off, and when I woke up this morning, I needed the comfort of a good friend. I thought to call Austin, but this comfort needed to come from someone other than him, because most of what I’m confused about directly involves him. So, I called Marlene, and she agreed to meet me at Applebee’s for an early lunch now that she has a bunch of time on her hands. Her girlfriend, Amanda, had to take time off so she could visit her sick mother, so Marlene’s all by herself while she’s gone.
“So, spill it,” Marlene says, looking at me with a curious expression. “What is it that has you all flustered to where you need a month off?”
“Ugh. Where do I even begin?”
I ask that question out loud, but I think it to myself, too. My mind feels clouded with all the confusion and questions I’ve been feeling. All these new feelings and new desires have me questioning everything about my life all of a sudden. That’s not all Austin’s doing, either. I mean, it began with meeting and spending time with him, but now it has evolved.
First, there’s the obvious stuff about Austin. I’ve never allowed myself to feel anything more than contempt for a man, because every guy I’ve ever had in my life has ended up being a monumental asshole. So, the older I got, the more walls I’ve learned to put up. It made sense, especially in my line of work. What good would it be to like somebody, when I know they won’t be interested once they find out what I do? I’ve had nights where I’ve gone out with Marlene in the past and had guys hit on me, and when I told them what I do, they just thought it meant they could try to get in my pants immediately. I mean, immediately. One guy didn’t even give me a full fifteen seconds before he asked when I would sleep with him, and if he had to pay for it. Guys are fucking disgusting. At least, that’s what I thought about all of them before I started spending time with Austin. Thanks to him not being disgusting, I’m confused out of my mind about what to feel. Even after the amazing night we had at the paint studio and his house, I’m still having trouble convincing myself it’s a good idea to let my guard down.
But, aside from Austin, there’s other stuff now. I’ll just chalk this up to growing older and more mature. I’m about to turn twenty-two soon, and working at Red Pony has always been fine for me. The money is good, and that’s all I really cared about. Until now. With my birthday only a few weeks away, I’m starting to wonder if being an available girl at Red Pony is the thing I want to be doing. I’m not a kid anymore, and I’ve been able to save some money from working there for so long, and I just don’t feel like this is something I want to keep on doing for years and years to come. But, if I’m not an available girl, then what am I? Who am I? I have no idea what I want to be or what else I’d rather do. I mentioned something to Austin about liking kids, which I do, but is that really it? I’ve never even given it much thought, and now that the question has been planted in my mind, there’s no getting rid of it. It’s always going to be there, eating away at me until I figure it out. There’s a whole bunch of stuff I need to figure out.
“So, I met a guy,” I say to Marlene. My words stop her in her tracks and she stares at me without blinking.
“Umm, what? You met a guy? Like, for real?” she says, her eyes bulging and still unblinking.
“Yeah, I met a guy, for real. His name’s Austin.”
“Oh my. And how long have you known Austin?”
“A couple of weeks now. We’ve been hanging out a bit. Doing a lot of talking. He’s really sweet.”
“Good. He better be or I’d have to stab him. The last thing you wanna do is piss off a lesbian. We don’t fuck around,” she jokes with a smile, but then she turns serious. “So, for real, I take it this Austin guy is the reason why you’re needing time off.”
“Well, kind of. It’s just that I don’t really know what I’m supposed to do in this situation. Austin’s really sweet, and we have so much fun together. He’s always making me laugh and trying to get me to smile. It’s like he knows I’m broken and he’s always going out of his way to fix me. Not in the kind of way that’s annoying though. He’s trying to fix me by getting me to open up and have fun with him. He’s not trying to force me into anything. He’s patient with me, and he’s understanding, and he listens to me. He’s been great up to this point. But that’s just it; I don’t trust men. Who knows how long he’s gonna keep up this Mr. Perfect act. I guess I’m just waiting for the moment that the real Austin comes out, because all men have that other side. That fucked up side where they’re capable of causing so much pain.”
“Everybody has that side, hon, not just Austin,” she responds. Marlene rolls up the sleeves on her sweater, revealing her heavily tattooed arms. “It sounds like he’s really nice. However, I know you have some issues that relate to all the shit that happened with your dad when you were growing up, not to mention the current asshole you have to deal with by the name of Damien Baxter.”
“Exactly. So, with all of that stuff from my past and Damien, what am I supposed to do with Austin? I’ve been building walls up around my heart my whole life, and now I meet a guy who’s great, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to knock those walls down. Hell, I’m not even sure it’s possible. I honestly never thought my walls could come down until Austin started chipping away at them with his damn jokes and beautiful smile.”
Marlene lets out a soft giggle. “Let me give you some advice, Layla. There’s two things I can guarantee you
. One is that if you never let your guard down, you’ll never be hurt by a man. Not Austin or anybody else. You’ll never have to worry about falling in love and then having your heart broken. You keep your walls and your guard up, and I promise you’ll never feel that pain. But the second thing I can promise you is that if you keep those walls up, you’ll never know the joy of love either. You’re wondering about whether or not Austin is a genuinely good guy or not, but as long as you keep him at a distance, you’ll never really know. Whether it’s Austin or another guy that comes along at some point, if you keep that electric fence around your heart, you’ll never know love. I think that’s worse than having your heart broken, but that’s just me.”
I think about everything she just said, and it makes sense. That’s why Marlene is my closest friend. She’s always been there for me, kind of like the sister I never got to have. Her advice is always on point, and unlike some people, I only take advice from people who’ve actually experienced what I’m talking about. Marlene is in a successful relationship, and has been for a long time now, so I know she knows what to do.
“See, that’s why I love you,” I finally reply to her. “You’re right. If I keep him at a distance, we’ll never be anything. I’ll never really get to know him if I don’t let him in. But, there’s one more thing.”
“What’s that?”
“He doesn’t know what I do,” I say, scrunching my face like saying the words causes me physical pain. “I told him I was a bartender.”
“Oh. Well,” Marlene suddenly looks confused. “I don’t really know about that one. Umm . . . shit.”
“Yeah. Shit is right.”
Suddenly, my phone starts to ring and vibrate on the table. I hurry up and pick it up because I hate when other people let their phones ring loud as hell. The name on the display says Austin. I show it to Marlene who gives me a thumbs up.
“Hey,” I answer. “I don’t remember giving you my number. Stalker alert.”
“It’s 2015, BFF,” Austin begins. “When you texted me the night we went painting, I saved your number.”
“Oh. Duh.”
“Yep. That, and I actually am stalking you,” he jokes with a cute chuckle. “Anyway, what are you doing? Haven’t heard from you in a couple of days. You’re not avoiding me, are you?’
“I’m having lunch with my girlfriend, Marlene, and of course I’m not avoiding you. I’ve just been . . . busy.”
“Okay, well are you gonna be busy today? Like, in a couple of hours?”
“No, not that I know of. Marlene has to go to work, so I’ll be free.”
“You wanna hang out with me?” he asks. Something about the way he says it makes me smile.
“That sounds good,” I reply, looking at Marlene, who hasn’t stopped smiling since I answered the phone.
“Great. I’m gonna come get you in two hours. Is that okay?”
“Sure, two hours will work. And where are you taking me?”
“Somewhere really special. You’ll see. But, it has a bit of a dress code, so I need you to not get too fancy. Dress down, actually. Like, comfortable clothes you can move around in, and tennis shoes.”
“What? Tennis shoes? What the hell kind of place is this?”
“You’ll see. Alright, BFF, I gotta go. I’ll see you soon. Bye.”
He hangs up before I can respond.
“Wow, you should see your face when you talk to him,” Marlene says with a wide smile on her face. “You’re too cute.”
“Oh please,” I say. “He’s just weird, and kind of funny.”
“Mm-hmm. Anyway, so you have plans for the day now.”
“Looks like it. He wants me to dress comfortable and to wear tennis shoes.”
“Interesting.”
“Yeah, I don’t know what that’s about.”
“I don’t know, but I will say this though. If this guy puts a smile on your face every time you two get together, I think you should let loose and have fun, honey. Nice guys are hard to come by, and no one ever said you had to run off and marry this guy tomorrow. Just let go, and allow yourself to feel something. It’s okay to let yourself be happy.”
“But what if he’s just like the . . .” I start, but Marlene interjects.
“But what if he’s not?” she says. “What if he’s different?”
Layla
Two hours goes by fast. After I say goodbye to Marlene, I rush back to my apartment to get ready for Austin to pick me up. I shower for the second time today and make sure my hair looks good. I have a hard time trying to figure out what I can wear that’ll fit the dress code he mentioned and still look decent, but I manage to make black leggings and a long sweater look okay. Since he also hinted at having to move around, I throw on a tank top under my sweater, just in case, and I can’t forget the tennis shoes.
After I feel ready, I head downstairs to wait for Austin. I can feel the nerves starting to creep in as I ride the elevator down. As much as I want to fight them off, the nerves are starting to become bigger and stronger like they’ve been in the gym. After my conversation with Marlene, I’m doing my best to just let them come, but there’s something in me that still wants to hold back, but I’ll also take her advice into consideration.
The truth is, she’s right. I don’t want to miss out on an opportunity with Austin because I refused to let my guard down on the chance it might hurt in the end. If I did that, I’d risk being completely wrong, and never get the chance to see just how awesome he is and how great our relationship could be. So, I’m trying. He makes it easy to try anyway, so why not just go along with it?
When I get downstairs, I step out the double doors that lead into my building, and the first thing I see is Austin leaning up against his car. He’s wearing black shorts and a black and white Jordan t-shirt to match his shoes. When he sees me, he smiles. My eyes focus in on those dimples and the nerves gain more strength.
“Uh-oh,” he begins, shaking his head. “You’re wearing a sweater. You’re gonna be hot in that. You sure you wanna go that route?”
“I have a tank top on underneath,” I reply as I approach him. “But, where the hell are you taking me that I’m gonna be hot in this?”
“You’ll see. Let’s go.” He turns around and opens the passenger door for me, then holds his hand out like a chauffeur trying to help me get in.
“Come on, just tell me,” I plead.
“That’d spoil all the fun. Just enjoy the surprise.”
I take his hand and let him guide me into the seat and close the door. I smile to myself as I marvel at his chivalry and watch him stride in front of the car to get in on his side.
We buckle up, and Austin takes off. He doesn’t get on the highway, so I know we’re not going near The Strip, but as we drive I’m still trying to figure it out. I look over at him and just stare, hoping he’ll see me and ask what I’m looking at so I can demand to know where we’re going. But he ignores me and drives in silence. I swear I can see a hint of a smile starting to form on his lips, but he fights it back the whole ride.
After a five minute drive, the Camaro finally comes to a stop. I look out the window and don’t recognize my surroundings. There’s trees on both sides of the car, but in front of us there’s a set of tennis courts, and next to that is a large basketball court. The rims are a little rusty and it looks like this place doesn’t get much use, but I’m still excited when I see it. On the other side of the large area is a big pond with ducks and geese playing in the water. It’s a beautiful place.
“So, where are we, exactly?” I ask.
“This is Granger Park.”
“Umm, and what are we doing here?” I ask again, both frowning and smiling at the same time.
Austin reaches behind my seat and grabs a basketball I didn’t know was there. “You said you liked sports, and basketball is your favorite. So, we’re here to see what you got.”
“Are you serious? You’re unbelievable,” I admit. When the words escape from my mouth, a part of m
e wishes I could pull them back in. He wasn’t supposed to hear that, but he did. He doesn’t say anything in response though, he just smiles at me and gets out the car.
Austin leads me down a flight of stairs, but once we reach the bottom, we’re finally on the court. Austin bounces the ball around and I can tell it’s not his first time. He looks like he may have played a little JV in high school or something like that. What he doesn’t know is that I used to play varsity for my high school—until I dropped out, anyway. I was pretty good at one point. In fact, the only ambition I ever had as a kid, was that I wanted to be in the WNBA. That dream didn’t last too long, though. I didn’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure out I’d never have the support from my father that it takes to make it that far. Living at home with him was like my own personal dream killer.
“So, you sure you want to do this?” I ask as I take off my sweater. Austin was right, I would’ve been burning up in that thing.
“Oh shit, taking off the sweater,” he jabs, grinning at me. “If you’re trying to intimidate me with that tank top, it’s not working. You’re not scary. Sexy, yes, but not scary. Let’s do this.”
“Okay then, let’s go. Don’t hold back because I’m a woman, either. I don’t want to hear any excuses when you lose.”
“Damn, and already talking shit, too! Oh, this is gonna be fun,” Austin chirps. He tosses me the basketball and starts doing little leg stretches.
“That’s right, make sure you stretch out. I’d hate for you to get a cramp or pull a muscle. Like I said, I don’t want any excuses.”
“Okay, you just remember you said all this shit when the game’s over and I’m holding my hands in the air, victorious.”
“We’ll see.”
I let him stretch for another minute or two, then we start the game. I have the ball first, and although it has been a while since I played, I find that you never really lose it. I dribble around for a minute, just trying to get a feel for the ball, while Austin wiggles around like a lunatic, pretending to play defense. He’s five feet away from me, dancing around like Michael Jackson and making faces at me. I start to laugh, but since he’s so far away, I just shoot it. The ball swishes through the net so loud I think it might echo. Austin suddenly stops dancing and stares at me.
