by Michelle Lee
Dash continues to pull in and out, with my heels digging into his ass, a steady, escalating rhythm set. Our bodies begin to glisten with sweat, and the room is filled with our heavy panting and the sounds of his skin slamming into mine. He intensifies the pace, and my hips match his vigor. I feel my walls constrict around him. I’m so close to the edge yet again. I’m ready to fall into the abyss of unadulterated ecstasy and incomprehensible pleasure. I angle my hips up, making Dash reach deeper inside me. The sensation of him reaching deeper causing my muscles to clamp down with everything they have, I cry out his name in pure lust and gratification. Dash pushes into me a few more times, and then I feel his dick pulsate as his own orgasm takes him. My body continues to vibrate as he continues his orgasm. My body trembles beneath him, sending shockwaves through my being.
Dash rests his forehead against mine, his eyes tightly shut as the waves of euphoria continue to rip through our bodies. Our breathing is erratic, our hearts pounding furiously within our chests. His dick continues to throb within me. His body slumps down against me, careful not to put his full weight on me. Our breathing eventually regulates, and I feel our heartbeats slow. He goes to roll off of me, but I wrap my arms around him, pulling him closer to me. I need to feel his entire weight on me. I need to know he’s really here and that I’m not dreaming. I need to feel his body on mine. Its heaviness feels right. Feels safe. Feels perfect. Feels like my world is complete. “Don’t go, not just yet.” My voice is raspy.
“I have no intention of leaving,” he replies, his voice lower and deeper than usual.
I smile up at him, and for the first time in weeks, it feels so good to smile a real and true smile. My fingers work their way into his hair and gently massages his scalp as he rests his head on my chest. He positions himself so his weight is half on me and half on the bed. We lay there in complete and utter bliss. I continue to stroke his hair, and I feel Dash smile into my boob. He is truly home. His head inches up until he’s able to nuzzle my neck and kiss the juncture of my throat. I swallow the thick ball of emotion down.
“I have missed you so much, Dash,” I say, my voice barely above a whisper.
“I’ve missed you too, Sunshine.”
“I love you,” is all I can say, but it goes way beyond that.
“I love you.” His voice penetrates my heart.
He leans down and gently grazes my lips. I am on a Dash-induced high and I never, ever want to come down. My hands cup his face, my eyes boring into his.
“Home.”
“Home,” he mimics.
Our lips fuse together and as promised, we never leave the bed.
I KEEP REPEATING over and over again, like a zillion times, Dash’s really here, Dash’s really here. I almost have to pinch myself, afraid he will just evaporate into thin air and this has all been some beautiful mirage my mind has created, or a really cruel joke.
The neon green light of my alarm clock announces it is eight in the morning. Lying next to me is the most beautiful, caring, strong man I have ever known, and he’s really here. I was afraid I would wake up this morning and yesterday would have been just a dream, but he’s still here and I am wide awake. I take a deep breath and just watch him as he sleeps. He’s so peaceful, so not the rock god I see on stage or in magazines and videos; he’s just Dash. My Dash. My heart flutters in my chest, and I have never felt more alive.
Dash exhales, his lips puffing out briefly, and the muscles in his chest rise and fall. It’s almost as if I can actually see his heart beating beneath his tanned skin. Watching him just breathe makes me not only dizzy, but weak in the knees. How does one small minute thing he does, like breathing, affect me so much? One of life’s great mysteries. I continue to stare at him, drinking every inch of him in, memorizing every eyelash, every strand of hair, praying that I will be able to do this over and over again for many days and nights. The thought of Dash leaving weighs heavy in the back of my mind. I know he’ll go on tour again, but the small, insecure little girl that resides deep inside me still wonders if what I am and what I have is enough to make him stay—forever. It sickens me to have these doubts, but I can’t help that they keep creeping back into consciousness. And then there’s so much more I’m fighting against. We’re fighting against. Blake. I sigh, letting out a shaky breath.
Dash’s eyes flicker and then I’m gazing into a sea of blue, and my heart constricts in my chest. “Morning, beautiful.”
My smile doesn’t feel like it is shining.
“Jules, what’s wrong? Is everything okay?” He sees it just like I knew he would. In the time we’ve been together, he’s come to know me inside and out. Dash is so perceptive. I know it’s only a matter of time… he can read me like book. And that scares me to my core. Why can’t I just lie or hide or just fake it? This is all me. It has nothing to do with him. It’s my stupidness. I just need to stop thinking like this. Hell, I need to stop thinking, period, and just feel. Push everything and everyone out of my mind. Focus on…
I’ll be waiting echoes in my head. Cautious. I’m just being cautious. I have to be stronger. I have to fight harder. I have to be everything I can and was meant to be for this man, for me, for us. It seems simple enough. If only that were the truth.
Dash looks at me, his eyes penetrating me, urging me to open up. “I was, just, you know, thinking…” I purposely leave out what, exactly.
“Sunshine, baby, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. I love you.” His eyes and his mouth smile.
“I know,” I answer as I look at the most interesting spot on my sheets.
I feel Dash’s elegant finger under my chin, pulling my head up so I have no choice but to look him straight in the eye. “There’s my beautiful girl. Don’t ever hide from me, Jules. The time we were apart and I couldn’t look into the most soulful eyes every created tore me apart and I vowed I would look into them every chance I got. So, please don’t hide from me. Ever.”
I nod.
“So, now tell me.” His eyes are so comforting and imploring me to open up and share everything with him. How can I deny him? How can I? But I have to. I have to hold back. I can’t tell him the whole truth. I can’t tell him about Blake. I know I need to, but I know Blake, and I can’t trust he won’t do something harmful. “Um, I was just thinking about, well, what happens when you leave.” Other than… this is what I fear the most—what happens when he leaves again. What will that do to me? To us? The time apart after I left Italy had been torture. I fell apart; as much as I tried not to, I did. If… not if… when he leaves again, I will need to be stronger. I will need to accept it and roll with the punches and not be some zombie. I will need to live my life as if Dash never existed. Never existed? That’s fucking impossible. I can’t remember my life before him. Without knowing, a traitor tear rolls down my cheek.
“I know I’ll have to tour again, but maybe you could come with me. I know it will be hard, but we’ll get through it,” he promises.
I can’t help the ragged breath that escapes me. I want that more than anything. And as accommodating as my job is, I can’t take up and leave again. My life is here, in Seattle. Dash’s life is here and everywhere else. I might be able to visit him again, but to pick up and just leave? I want to, but I can’t. I couldn’t. I just…
“Oh.” He realizes.
I simply shake my head, and another tear falls. I feel warm, strong arms wrap around me and pull me into his chest. His heart is beating a steady, soothing rhythm, and I can’t help but relax into him. Let it go, Jules. Just open up and let it all go.
“Honestly, I don’t know why I’m suddenly feeling like this. I mean, I know I have absolutely no reason to. It’s just that sometimes, this small part of me, a very small part, is still waiting for it to happen. For you realize that I’m not all you think I am, that I don’t fit in with your world and that I won’t fit in your world no matter how hard I or you try. You know, square peg, round hole. I try to not think that way, but sometimes it just creeps up on me when I l
east expect it and, well, there you go,” I confess, letting my words speak what my heart is thinking.
Dash kisses the top of my head. “Don’t you think I think like that sometimes too? Jules, seriously, you so don’t see yourself the way I see you, the way your friends see you, the way other men see you. You are beautiful beyond words. I have to on a regular basis pinch myself to see if this is all real and that you are still with me. When we were in Italy, I saw how men looked at you, and it wasn’t ‘oh she’d make a great sister,’ it was a look saying ‘I would love to take her and make her mine. That is one lucky bastard. Why the fuck is she with him?’ But, I push that all aside because I know that this is it for me, and I know this is it for you. I’ve lived without a soul for so long until I found you. Now that I have one, I can’t let it go. I can’t let you go. I love you, Julia Megan Bennett, and nothing or anyone is ever, ever going to change that. It’s you and me, always. Clear?”
I take a deep breath. “Crystal.” In time, I will tell him the rest. When the time is right.
“Now that we have that straight, what are we going to do today, Miss Bennett?” Dash asks, his eyebrows waggling.
“Well, I don’t know about you, but I was thinking we could…”
Dash’s cell phone interrupts. I look at him and look to the phone and then back again. It continues to ring.
“Are you going to answer that?”
“Nope.”
“Dash, it could be important.”
“Nope.”
“Dash?”
“Sunshine?”
The phone stops.
“See, not important.” He squeezes me tighter, and I relish the way I feel wrapped in a Dash blanket.
“So you were saying?”
“Well…” His phone goes off, again.
“Dash, you seriously need to answer that.”
“Not a chance.”
“Dash!”
I wiggle out of his embrace and dash for his phone. “Hello?” I answer. Dash begins to tickle me into submission.
“Jules?”
“Uh, yeah, hi,” I say while small giggles escape my lips.
“Is Dash there?”
I giggle a little louder, a little harder. “Yep, hang on.”
I pass the phone to Dash, and he gives me a warning look—a threat? A promise?
“Yeah. Seriously? Do we have to? Okay, fine. Yes, I’ll be there.”
“Told you it was important.” I stick out my tongue like some little kid.
“You were right, okay? Now bring me that tongue,” he teases.
Before I can move, Dash grabs me, flips me over, and pins me down. I erupt in a fit of laughter. I feel like I could pee my pants, if I were wearing any. “We will continue this later. You can count on that. And after I’m done getting my fill of you… if that’s even possible… we need to talk. But first, we are doing a benefit show at the club and rehearsals start soon. There’s so much I have to fill you in on, but first I need that tongue.”
“This tongue,” I mumble, pointing to my tongue I am sticking out.
“That tongue,” he says, his voice deep and raspy.
A low flame starts to build inside my core, and I tingle all over.
“Mine.” A deep growl rumbles in his chest.
“Yours.” I wrap my arms and legs around Dash, pulling his hard body against mine. I think he’s going to be late to rehearsal.
MY LEGS STILL feel like Jell-O as we enter Club Z. Dash clued me in on what the benefit was all about. It’s something the guys do every year. I’m proud of him and the guys for getting on board. It’s for a really good cause. My ears are instantly assaulted by a wailing guitar and a thunderous, booming pounding of the drums. Dash leans in, whispering in my ear, his warm breath tickling me and sending vibrations throughout my entire body, “That’s Nomad’s Land. The lead singer is Tripp West. He can be a little much, but they’re good.”
I just nod. Dash and I make our way further into the club, and there’s a buzz in the air as several different members of bands are peppered throughout the empty space. “Over there is The Tribe, and there’s Alice from Rag Dolls—which you’ve probably never heard of… anyway… and the tall redhead, that’s Shauna, the one that inspired this whole benefit,” Dash informs me.
“Cool,” I lamely respond. His hand finds the small of my back as he guides us through the maze of tables and chairs. I spot someone I’ve needed—Val. I beeline right for her. Once she’s in front of me, I embrace her, holding on as if my life depended on it.
“Whoa.” Her arms hesitantly make their way around me. The hug is warm, comforting, and just what I need from my best friend. She realizes this and hugs me tighter. Pulling away, she whispers in my ear, “Sorry I’ve been absent, but we’ll talk later.”
“Okay.”
Val steps back and looks me over from head to toe and then looks over at Dash. A wicked smile tugs at the corner of her mouth. She leans forward, so Dash can’t hear what she’s about to tell me. “Someone looks thoroughly fucked,” she whispers in my ear.
I feel the warm blaze of my blush deepen on my cheeks. “Yep, thoroughly.”
“Good.”
Dash quirks an eyebrow at me as I pull away from Val, and I feel my blush deepen. Damn it. He smiles and shakes his head.
“Oh good, you’re finally here. You guys are next up,” Roland instructs, giving me a sideways glance.
Dash pulls me away from Val and into his warm, strong arms. “Once we finish up here, you and I are going to finish up back in your bed,” he promises, his breath sending shivers across my skin.
“Promise?”
“You can count on it, beautiful.”
Our lips meet, and I fall into our kiss when someone clears their throat. “Get a room.” Vic is playing an imaginary drum as his sticks strike the air.
“You’re gonna stay, right?” Dash’s mouth is pressed to my ear.
“There’s no place I’d rather be.” He kisses me sweetly on the top of my head before heading toward backstage.
Val and I take our seats at the bar, and I watch Dash walk away. A pull tugs at me, like I should go after him, but I resist. As hard as it is, I resist.
“So, things all good with you and the rock god?” Val asks.
“Perfect.”
“Really?”
“Perfect now that he’s back. But…”
“It’s only a matter of time that he’s on the road again and you’re worried?”
I nod.
“But I sense there’s something more. There’s more, isn’t there?”
She’s so perceptive. Like Dash, she can read me like a book. Sometimes I wonder if she wrote the damn thing. “There is, but…”
“But you’re not ready to tell me. I get it. But when you are ready, I will drop everything to listen. Remember that, okay?”
“Okay.” I love the fact that she doesn’t push me.
“I’ll be right back, need to use the ladies’ room. You gonna be okay?”
“Val, I’m a big girl. I’ll be fine. Go.”
As Val walks away, I turn my attention to the front of the club, and my breath is taken away as I see Dash take center stage. The lights above illuminate him, casting a heavenly glow around him. He slings his guitar on, and it settles low on his hips. Lance is on his side, and Vic takes command of the drums. I am in complete and utter amazement as he turns from the sweet, loving Dash I was with moments ago into the rock god he is, commanding the stage, commanding all eyes on him. He closes his eyes and grips the mic. Vic counts off, and then Dash strums a single chord on his guitar. The first words of their song ooze from his lips like maple syrup, and I can’t help the feeling that builds from my core. My insides turn to goo.
“He does have an effect when he’s on stage, doesn’t he?” a purr-like sounds sidles up next to me.
I turn and see Nadia before me, and she is as beautiful, in a psychotic way, as I remember. Why is she always around? And what in the world does Roland
see in her? I mean, the outside is obvious, but once you get past her looks, what does she really have to offer? Scratch that—I don’t want to know. They seem perfect for each other, though. Pretty packages on the outside, a horrible, horrible mess on the inside. I simply respond with a small nod and turn my attention back to Dash.
“I can easily remember having to keep a change of panties in my purse whenever I would see him perform.” I can see from the corner of my eye her reaching into her purse. “Yep, still there.”
Why does she keep doing this? “Is there something I can help you with?” I ask, my voice laced with sarcasm.
“As a matter of fact, yes. You can quit playing dress up and leave Dash the fuck alone.”
A wicked grin plays across her deep, red lips. And why would I need to do that?
“Oh, honey, are you seriously that delusional? I mean, enough is enough already. Why are you putting yourself through this? The sooner you see that you and Dash aren’t meant to be, the better it will be for all parties involved.”
“And by all parties I assume yourself included?”
“You honestly don’t believe that I am into Roland, do you? Sure, he’s nice enough and good in bed, but he’s simply a distraction until Dash comes to his senses.”
