I back away, but then wonder why. She’s the bitch here, and I have a few things I’d like to say to her. Things Kat is too nice to tell her. Making sure to keep my distance, I let out all my frustration on her. “You know, I would come in and wait, except I just remembered you’re a bitch, and there’s no way Kat will be coming back here tonight.” Becca gasps, her mouth dropping open in shock, and it just sets me off further. Why does this surprise her? “I’ll let you in on a little secret, Bec. These dorms? They have really thin walls. You know what that means?” She shakes her head, but I can see the fear in her eyes. “That means, when your roommate comes home early from a bad date, she can hear you talking on the phone.” Becca covers her mouth with one shaking hand, and I smile nastily at her, leaning forward like I’m about to whisper something to her. “That also means your roommate, who’s way too nice of a person, by the way, leaves the room that’s belonged to her for over a year because she doesn’t want to hear any of your bullshit excuses.”
I’m not sure why I ask the next question. The answer doesn’t matter, but I have to know. “Why did you spread the rumors, Bec? How could you do that to Kat? She was never anything but nice to you, and she considered you a friend.”
“Kat was a pretty sucky friend,” Becca is quick to say. “If she was a decent friend, she would have caught on to the fact that while she was pining over her precious Max, I was doing the same … over you.”
I back up another step in shock. “Wait a minute. You mean to tell me you spread bullshit lies about Kat, including bullshit about Kat and me because you were jealous I was giving her attention?” Just one more way I’ve ended up hurting Kat. True, this one probably wasn’t something I could have prevented, but it’s just one more way I’ve fucked things up with her.
My dad always told me I would meet a girl who’d knock me on my ass … but I don’t think he meant it would happen like this. Right now, I want to find Kat and apologize over and over for screwing everything up. My brother thinks she’s nothing but a notch on my bedpost; Kat thinks the same, and this stupid girl has no problem spreading lies around campus to make her look bad. The thought crosses my mind that maybe she’d be better off if I just let it go, but I quickly dismiss it. If I do that, she’ll always think she meant nothing to me, when in reality it’s the exact opposite.
“Clay?” Becca’s voice is snippy, and she sounds like a bitter, harpy shrew.
I look back up at her, and maybe I should regret what I say to her, but I don’t. “You’re not even worth my time. I’m glad Kat knows just how toxic you are. One day, you’ll regret losing her as a friend, because she would have been the best one you ever had if she’d been given the chance. Those people you’ve been spreading lies to? When they find out you’re just a sad, lonely, bitter girl who’s full of shit, they won’t want anything to do with you either.” Becca backs up, her face going pale at my cutting words. “Kat has friends, good ones. She doesn’t need you and your bullshit.” Satisfied with what I’ve said, I turn and run back down the stairs. I know where Kat is, and I’m going to find her.
The trip to Anna’s seems to take forever, and when I’m finally standing in front of her building, my heart is pounding so fast it feels like it’s going to burst out of my chest. My hands are shaky, and the fact that my jaw is throbbing and my lip is swollen doesn’t even matter. The only thing I care about right now is finding Kat and explaining that what she heard isn’t the whole truth. Every bit of what I said to Max about how he wasted the love he could have had with her is true, but I’m not complaining. I’m glad she didn’t end up with him because I want her more than he ever will. I’ll appreciate her more than he ever could too.
I take the stairs up to Anna’s floor, and let out a sharp breath before I knock on the door. Much like the dorm room, no one answers at first. Surely I’m not wrong about this too. I knock again and wait. Patience isn’t my strong suit, so while I’m waiting, I use my thumbs to start cracking the knuckles on each hand nervously.
Just when I’m about to turn and leave, the door slowly opens, revealing Anna. She crosses her arms over her chest and glares at me. “Can I help you?”
I have to clear my throat before I can talk. I’m more nervous than I’ve ever been. “Is Kat here?”
“And what if she is?”
My body sags in relief. I’m glad I wasn’t completely off. She could have just been downstairs at her dorm with Scarlett, or she could have gone home. My gut told me she was here, so I’m glad it wasn’t wrong. “I need to talk to her. Can I come in?”
“And why should I let you?” Anna asks, not pulling any punches. “You’ve made my sister cry entirely too many times Clay Mitchell. You and your brother both. She deserves better than what the two of you have been giving her.”
I’m nodding my head before she finishes talking. “You’re right.” Her body jerks at the words, and I know this is my only chance to convince her to let me in. “I know I’ve fucked things seven ways to Sunday with Kat. Between the shit Max pulled, and the conversation she overheard earlier at the gym, she has no reason to trust me, and neither do you.” There’s a subtle shift in Anna’s posture, and I know by the way her eyes are focused on the wall beside the door that Kat’s standing there listening.
“Go on,” she says, waving a hand in a ‘hurry it up’ motion. “Convince me.”
I can hear the laughter in her voice, and it gives me the confidence I need to continue. “Look,” I run a hand through my hair and give her my most charming smile. She rolls her eyes, but smiles back, and I relax a little more. “I know she’s listening, and what I have to say really needs to be said face-to-face, you know? Can you give me that at least?”
Anna looks back to where I figure Kat is standing, and then suddenly, she’s there. She’s standing in front of me in a pair of yoga pants and a tank top, her hair pulled up into a messy knot on top of her head, and her eyes are puffy, probably from tears. When she meets my eyes, she gasps, covering her mouth with a hand, sort of like Becca did, but in a much more genuine way. “You’re hurt,” she whispers, reaching out her other hand to touch my jaw, but dropping it before it makes contact. I shut my eyes at the loss of the possibility of her touch, knowing if this doesn’t go well, I’ll never feel it again.
“I’m going to go …” Anna’s words trail off as she grabs her jacket. She walks past the two of us, stopping to kiss Kat on the cheek, whispering, “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” Kat turns the color of a tomato, and I laugh. Her sister turns to me with a wink. “Call me when it’s safe to come home.” I barely reply, too focused on Kat to think about what she’s saying.
Once we’re alone, Kat moves so I can come in, walking slowly over to the couch and gingerly sits on the edge, carefully avoiding looking at me. Sitting down beside her, I take one of her hands in mine. Her hand is so cold; I can’t help but rub it gently, warming it before grabbing the other and repeating the gesture. Kat’s head tilts to the side as she watches me do it, but she doesn’t ask the questions I know are on her tongue.
“I know you heard what I said to Max,” I start, watching as she flinches. She tries to pull her hands away from mine, but I don’t let her. “Hey, wait.” Moving one of her hands, so both her small ones are cradled in one of mine, I grip her chin and force her to meet my eyes, trying to convey everything I’m feeling in a single look. Her brows furrow, and I know she’s confused by what she’s seeing.
I take a deep breath, and keep my eyes on her. “I know you think based on what I said to Max earlier tonight you’re nothing but some girl I got into bed.” She tries to look away, but I keep my hold on her chin. “Stop. Just listen to me, okay?” The vehemence in my voice makes her freeze, and she tries to nod, something made difficult by the hold I have on her. “You weren’t supposed to hear that. I don’t want you to think that’s what you are, but … “I take a deep breath, “I didn’t want Max to be the first to know how I feel about you.”
Kat finally stops trying to get
away from me, so I let go of her chin. “How you feel about me?”
“Yeah.” This time I’m the one who looks away, but Kat scoots closer to me, her eyes not leaving my face. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to say, to bear my soul like this. Stop being a pussy; I tell myself. I just need to do it, like ripping off a Band-aid. “I love you, Kat.”
Her mouth drops open. “You what?” Tears fill her eyes, and my chest feels tight at the sight.
“I love you.” I rub the back of my neck with one hand, looking down at her sheepishly. “I think I have for a while; I just didn’t want to admit it.” Kat doesn’t say anything now, she’s still staring at me in shock, like she’s expecting me to take it back. I stare back at her for a few minutes, but finally, I can’t take it anymore. “You don’t have anything to say back?”
Her back goes straight. “Like what?”
“I don’t know,” I say, suddenly agitated. “Maybe that you love me too?”
She stares at me for a second before she starts laughing. “Seriously? You tell your brother that I’m basically your latest piece of ass, or conquest, or something, and now you come here and say you love me. Did you really expect me to jump into your arms and declare my undying devotion as soon as you uttered the words?” If I’m honest, yes, I did but based on the way she said that, I’m admitting nothing. She can read my face though, and she jumps up off the couch to stand above me, hands on her hips. “Ohmigod! You did! Jeez Clay, you really thought it would be that easy?”
“So, what? You don’t feel anything for me? Nothing at all?” I stand too, hating the pleading in my voice, but this is not how I saw this going. If I’d known she wouldn’t reciprocate, I wouldn’t have said a word.
Kat sighs, her eyes filling with tears, and I want to wrap my arms around her. “I do have feelings for you,” she says in a low voice, so low I almost can’t hear her. “I just don’t know if the feelings you think you have for me are real, or if you’re just trying to save face.”
I’m frustrated, and even though I know I should just walk away and cool off, she pisses me off like no one else. “You did not just say that.” I should step back, but instead, I step closer, so close the tips of her breasts touch my chest, and I register her breaths are coming faster now. “Do you know how many girls I’ve told I love them?” She shakes her head but doesn’t answer verbally. “One. Counting you. Knowing that, do you think I would tell you those words just to ‘save face’?” I don’t let her answer now. “No. I said the words because I meant them. I mean this too.” I practically growl the last sentence, and when I see confusion cross her face, I make my move.
Wrapping my arms around her waist, I drop my mouth to hers and force my tongue into her mouth. I kiss Kat like it’s the last chance I’ll have to do it. If I can’t make her believe I love her with words, I’ll make her believe it with my mouth. She only hesitates for a second before her body melts into mine and her tongue starts participating in the kiss. By the time I lift my head, she’s clutching my shirt in her fists and her eyes are closed.
“Still think my feelings aren’t real?” I want to kick myself for asking, but I don’t know how else to prove it to her …
Kat’s eyes slowly open, and she blinks up at me. “What?”
“Do you still think my feelings aren’t real?” Her hands let go of my shirt, and she starts to push against my chest. “Dammit.” My hold on her tightens, and I try to make her understand. “I’m fucking this up so bad. Usually, I have no problem charming girls,” she frowns, and I hurry to clarify, “but right now, I don’t know what I can say or do to convince you my feelings are real.” Her expression clears, and she stares up at me earnestly. “Like I said, I’m pretty sure I’ve loved you for longer than I want to admit. Even back in high school, I was drawn to you. It’s why I was such a jerk to you all the time. Pushing you away was my number one focus because I thought you were in love with Max, and I didn’t want to take that away from him.” I watch as tears fill her eyes. “He’s my brother … what was I supposed to do?”
She melts into me again, whispering my name. Her mouth is so close, and it’s all I can do not to kiss her again. “Do you know what it’s like to try to choose between the girl you love and the brother you’ve always protected? This hasn’t been easy. That night you spent in my room was the night I finally admitted to myself that I had feelings for you, and then you kept trying to avoid me. I was convinced you were trying to show me you didn’t have feelings for me.”
“I guess it’s a good thing we were partnered together then, huh?” She smiles up at me, but her words shock me. Is she saying what I think she is? “If Professor George—“
I interrupt her to say, “Charlie.”
“—Charlie hadn’t paired us together, we wouldn’t have spent time together, and we wouldn’t be standing here right now,” Kat smiles. “I just realized I was in love with you tonight. Anna is actually the one who put the idea in my head. She said that’s why you always pick on me … you know; the whole boys tease girls they like thing.”
Holding her to me, I look down at her, eyes wide with wonder. “You love me?”
“Yes,” she says, rolling her eyes. “I love you, Clay” Just before my mouth takes hers; she mutters, “We’re going to have to work on your listening skills.” I chuckle against her lips, then kiss her deeply. She’s mine, and I’m never letting her go.
Four Months Later
Kat
Days, weeks, even four months later, I still can’t believe Clay’s in love with me. I wasted so many years being hung up on the wrong Mitchell brother, and now, I can’t believe I never saw it. That doesn’t mean Clay is suddenly this perfect guy. He’s far from it—crude, unapologetic, cocky … all things I professed to hate about him for the longest time. In fact, out of the two of us, I’m probably the only one who made any changes. The girl who he considered allergic-to-fun is no more.
Now, instead of spending the majority of my free time locked up in my dorm room studying, or reading, sometimes hanging out with Scarlett or Peyton, I’ve come out of my shell. A lot of that is due to Clay and the fact that he’s the life of the party no matter where we go. He knows no strangers, and he’s invited to every party or event going on near campus. That doesn’t mean I don’t get studying done, because I do. It’s just that now, instead of doing it in my dorm alone, I do it at Clay’s, with him. The added benefit there? He studies too … and the incentives I get to promise him in exchange for him giving me time to study … well, those are pretty fantastic too.
I spend almost every night with him, but sometimes, the sulky way Max acts gets to be too much, and I wind up back in my room. One that’s now a single since Becca left. Clay’s never told me exactly what happened between them when he went to the dorms looking for me, but whatever it was, it was enough to make her uncomfortable around him. Uncomfortable to the point that when he started spending a lot of time there with me, she decided to move out. Now she’s living with one of the girls she was telling all the rumors too.
There were still quite a few rumors going around about Clay and me, but, they were more the “will they be engaged before graduation” and “will she end up knocked up before the end of the semester” kind. The answer to both? A big fat no. I’m only a soon-to-be Junior, and unlike Peyton, I’m not ready to plan a wedding. I’m also nowhere near ready for kids. Clay isn’t either, considering he’s still just a big kid himself.
We made it to his graduation with no ring or positive tests, so I think we’ve done pretty well. If someone had told me six months ago I’d sit with Clay’s parents, and mine, watching him walk across the stage as his girlfriend, I would have said they were crazy. His mom is over the moon with her excitement, and his dad’s so proud of his son, his chest is puffed out. The only downer on the day is Max, who still hasn’t forgiven me for hooking up with his brother. It’s sad that someone I once considered my best friend is barely speaking to me, but I’m not going to end things with Clay just
to get him back. He’s proven time and time again that what I want or need isn’t his top priority. I’m happy with Clay; hopefully he’ll understand that someday.
When they call his name we all stand and clap for him, even though they told everyone to wait until the last name was called. We’re sitting pretty far from the stage, but I still see him shake his head as he walks across. He knew we were going to act like fools. Linc even cupped his hands around his mouth to yell, “Get it son,” making us all dissolve into laughter. We yell once more when Wyatt crosses the stage, Peyton louder than anyone with her, “Woo-hoo! Go sexy!”
The only person missing today is Emmett, who chose not to walk. This semester, really this whole year, has been hard for him, and by the time they could all register to walk, he was done with school. He hasn’t been around much this semester at all, and while I know Clay is worried about him, he’s been giving him the space he asked for, especially after Emmett moved out of the apartment when we got back from spring break.
“Come on,” Peyton says, tugging my hand. I look up and realize graduation is almost over. The last speech is being given, and then the class will be dismissed. “Kat, let’s go! If we don’t start down now, we’ll have to push our way through the crowd.”
Once I stand, she leads us down the row we’re sitting on, then down the stairs and out of the auditorium to wait for Wyatt and Clay to come out. We aren’t the only ones with this idea, so it takes some time to get through, and once we get outside we don’t have long to wait before the graduates start coming out. Peyton stands on her tip toes trying to see her taller-than-most-people fiancé. “There they are,” she shrieks, bouncing up and down, a huge smile on her face. She starts waving and shouting Wyatt’s name to get his attention, and Clay’s eyes come to rest on me. His grin is lopsided, and his steps quicken.
I ignore Peyton and start pushing my way through people to get to him. As soon as I’m close enough, I reach for him, throwing my arms around his neck, forcing him to take a step back to absorb my weight. Clay’s arms come around my waist, and he lifts, spinning me around in a circle. I cup his cheeks in my hands, pressing my lips to his and giving him an enthusiastic kiss.
Looking for Trouble (Nashville U Book 1) Page 23
