I want to call her a bitch. I want to go punch her in the face just to see how well she deals with pain, but I think better of it. She is helping me out in a way because I want the hell out of here.
Without a word, I get in my car and start her up while Holly does the same. The entire way to Holly and Micah’s is torturous. I can’t understand why he’s done this to us. Why did he tell me lie after lie if he loves me? Why even ask me to come to St. Louis with him? Where have we gone wrong? Deep down, I have always wondered about our relationship. I have always thought something is missing. Now I know it is him. He is the one missing from our relationship.
We pull into Holly and Micah’s driveway, and I shut off my car, along with the music I had blaring; even it couldn’t drown out my thoughts. The pain is still there as I lean my head back against the headrest and let my eyes shut. I have never had my heart broken by a man before now. Will it always feel this way?
Hurt to move?
Hurt to think?
Hurt to breathe?
My phone ringing breaks through the silence of my car, but I just let it ring. I don’t want to talk to anyone right now. Once it finally stops ringing, I take a deep breath and open my eyes. I lean over to grab my purse and my eyes land on my phone. The screen shows Jax has called me fifteen times.
Are you serious? He couldn’t even call me one time last night! Well, I’m not calling him back. I have nothing to say to him right now.
When I step out of my car, Holly is standing there, looking at me.
“I’m sorry I yelled at you…” I pause to clear my very tight throat. “I’m really sorry, Holly. You didn’t deserve that.”
She wraps her arms around me, giving me a big hug as she rubs my back. “No need to apologize, I should have listened. I’m sorry about Jax. Do you want to talk about it?” She pulls away from me as I shake my head no.
I turn and get back in my car to grab the shoes. “Here are the shoes you wanted for tonight,” I say, handing them to Holly.
“No, we are not going to leave you alone tonight, and you know you can stay here as long as you need to.” She takes my hand and leads me in to the house.
“I just want to sit alone in silence.” I plop down on her couch. Yeah, that sounds like a good plan. Tomorrow I will have to put up with his lies and begging again while I pack up all my stuff.
“Well, then we will all sit in silence and drink some wine.” I can’t help but smile. That, right there, is why she is one of my best friends.
“Yes, I can do that. Email me the paperwork. I’ll print it off, sign it, and then fax it back to you.”
“I’ll need it back by noon tomorrow,” Jack replies. “This is going to be a fast case.”
Perfect Because I’m having trouble concentrating.
“Okay. You have a good evening.” I sit back in my chair, taking a drink of my sixth Red Bull. Thank God I took a nap on the plane; otherwise I would be passed out face down on my desk. I haven’t pulled an all-nighter in a very long time. I’m getting too old for this shit.
I have been busy with work for most of the day, but my thoughts haven’t been on my work; they have been consumed by Samantha. I can’t forget how sweet and innocent she sounded on the phone. Just her voice makes we want to go to her and apologize. How can Jax want to be with Bridgette over her? Bridgette is a lying, vindictive, crazy bitch. I should know. I’ve been there, fucked that.
This morning, when I went to wake up Jax and Bridgette, I told him that Samantha had called me worried about him. He just brushed it off, and asked if I had told her what I saw. When I shook my head no, he rolled on top of Bridgette and waved his hand in the air, signaling for me to shut the door. I told him to get the hell out because I needed to leave.
Now I stand here, gathering up my things as last night and this morning play over and over in my head. My mind keeps telling me that I should have done something. Maybe I should call Samantha now and explain what I know. I know it’s none of my business, but I just have this overwhelming desire to hear her voice again.
“Slade.” I look up to see Jensen, an attorney who is helping me out on this case.
“Come in.” I lay my phone down and pick up some paperwork.
“You want to go out tonight?’’ Jensen asks as he walks in the office.
“No. It’s been a long day, and I’m tired.” I’m tired mentally and physically. I zip up my bag, getting ready to leave.
“Come on, man. It will be fun. My ex-girlfriend called and said there’s a big party down at…well, wherever it is. I’ll call her on the way.” He sits down in the chair that faces my desk, looking at me and waiting for an answer.
I look down at his wedding ring and suddenly think of Samantha. I feel sorry for these stupid women. The ones that are constantly cheated on and don’t know it, or choose to ignore it for whatever reason.
“I don’t know.”
I look around the room like it can give me an answer as to what to do. Nothing. My ass is worn out. It could be a good distraction from the sweet voice overpowering my every thought, though.
“You know you want to go. My ex has a lot of girlfriends, and most of them are hot.” He wiggles his dark eyebrows.
I never have been one to pass down women and alcohol. “When are you going?” I sit back down in my chair, defeated.
He claps his hands together once as he smiles and stands up. “I’m going to head over to the bar now.”
I know why he’s doing that. If he went home, his wife wouldn’t let him leave. They have three kids, and there’s no way she would let him go out while she stays home.
I nod my head as I follow him to my door and close up my office. “I’ll follow you.” I call out as he walks to his car. I get into my rental car and take off my suit jacket vest and tie. Unbuttoning my sleeves and rolling them back a few times. I’ll just go dressed like this. I don’t plan on spending all night there anyway.
It doesn’t take us more than ten minutes before we are pulling up to the bar. We walk inside, and there is already a table full of girls waving us over. Jensen was right; they’re not bad looking. I find myself giving a second look to the one that Jensen introduces as Julie. She has light brown hair with chunks of red in it, brown eyes, and a smokin’ ass body. She continues to stare at me. She’s not being subtle about it, which I like. I’m not into games. If you want me, and I want you, then we are going to have some fun.
I’ve never been one who does relationships. I’ve actually never even been in a relationship. I’m more of a keep it just sex kind of guy. I don’t lead anyone on, or tell them sappy shit. If they don’t like what I have to say, or how I act, I just go to the next one. No loss for me. It’s not like I’ve had my heart broken by someone, or that I haven’t found the right one. I’m not even looking for the right one. I don’t want to be with one person.
“Slade?” Julie gets my attention.
“Julie, isn’t it?” I eye her up and down, thinking this will be easy.
“Yes,” she blushes. “I was wondering if you would like another drink?” She eyes my full drink that Jensen had just set down in front of me.
“That sounds great.” I smile, then down half of my beer.
“Dude, she likes you,” Jensen leans over and says to me after Julie walks away.
No shit, Sherlock.
I just nod with a small smile.
“Here, I thought we could do a shot,” Julie says as she sets down two shots of tequila and two beers. I groan. I cannot get trashed tonight. I have to be in court early in the morning. “Come on. Everything is better with shots,” Julie leans over and whispers in my ear as she rubs my thigh roughly with her hand.
I start to get hard and instantly think of Samantha. I wonder what’s she doing right now, or if she’s with Jax. I wonder if she knows that Jax was with Bridgette last night.
I give my head a shake. Why would I care if she’s with Jax? I look over to Julie. I just need to take her back to my hotel and fuck her. I�
��ve never been one to dwell on a woman, and it’s really starting to piss me off that I can’t get Samantha out of my mind.
“Cheers.” I raise my shot glass and clink my glass against hers before we down the shots.
“I just love this shirt on you. It brings out your blue eyes.” She runs a hand down my chest. “Do you work out?”
I can’t help but snicker. “Yes” I take another drink of my beer.
“I work out.” I look at her body. There is no doubt in my mind that she works out. Although, if you ask me, her arms are a little too much on the muscular side for a woman.
“So, Slade, how old are you?” she purrs as she leans into my ear.
“Twenty nine,” I say flatly.
“You’re older than I thought. I’m twenty-five.”
I just nod my head. This is the only thing I can’t stand about fucking someone new. They want to know everything about you. I could care less how old she is. I mean, I can tell by looking at her that she is old enough to be in this bar, and that’s all that matters. I wonder how old Samantha is? That sweet voice made her sound innocent, although I doubt she is. Her voice is probably just a façade.
I lift my beer and take another drink. Quit thinking about Samantha!
“Do you have a girlfriend, Slade?” Julie rubs her hand on my thigh again, getting my attention.
I look at her with a raised eyebrow. “No.” Does she think I would let her place her hands on me if I wasn’t single? “I don’t do girlfriends.”
Her smile brightens.
Then a thought crosses my mind, and a bald man flashes in my memory. “Why? Do you have a boyfriend?” I take another drink of my beer, finishing it off. I’m in no mood to get into a fight with some guy over another unfaithful girlfriend, again. She is not worth the trouble; just like the blonde had not been.
“No,” she shakes her head. She reaches over, grabbing the shot glass Jensen hands her, downs it, and then looks at me. “Want another shot?”
I can tell she’s drunk. She’d had several shots before she even sat down to talk to me. I shake my head. “I’m good.” I stand up out of my chair. I’m already tired of being here; it’s not getting Samantha out of my mind and I’m fucking exhausted. “Think I’m going to call it a night.” I pull my car keys out of my pocket.
She stands up “Want some company?” She gives me a devious smile.
I look her over for a few seconds, debating if I want to take her back to my hotel or not. “Sure.”
Thinking about Samantha all day has got me horny as fuck. I reach out to grab her hand, and walk towards the exit. I didn’t even bother to tell Jensen goodbye. I’ll see him tomorrow. I just want to go to my hotel, fuck, and go to bed. It’s been a long day.
“So which one is your car?” she asks as we walk in the dimly lit parking lot.
“The white Hyundai. It’s my rental.”
“Rental?” She stops walking and slides me a confused look.
Fuck, I’m too tired for this shit. I stop, and turn to her. “Yes. I’m only in town until tomorrow.”
“Oh. I thought you just started working with Jensen.” She starts walking again.
“Nope.” I shake my head. “I got put on a case out here a few weeks ago. I head home tomorrow.” I get in to the Hyundai and start it up.
“So, this is like a one night thing?” she asks unhappily.
I just sit there and stare at her. I can tell she is wasted, and I’m praying she doesn’t get sick in my car. I’m not cleaning that shit up. “Yes,” I say slowly enough to let her understand that all I want from her is a one night fuck. “So, if that’s not going to work for you, you can go back inside.”
She tilts her head to the side and frowns as if she’s having a hard time thinking.
I run my hand through my hair. I just told her I didn’t do the girlfriend thing! Did she think I was lying? Did she think I was going to start up a relationship with her? I mean, I could tell as soon as she started rubbing my thigh that she wanted to fuck, and I didn’t hide the fact that I wanted that too. But where in there did she think I was going to give her more than a one night fuck?
“No. I’ll go with you,” she finally says with a smile. I watch as her eyes slowly travel the length of my body where they come to rest on my hard dick through my pants. I can’t hide my smile. That’s what I thought. I lean over and kiss her as I let me hand trail up her shirt and grab her breast over her bra. Her hand instantly goes to my pants. Fuck, I am so horny I could do it right here in the car.
I pull away. “Let’s get to the hotel first.”
“I could take care of you on the way.” She leans over as I exit the parking lot. Fuck, I knew I liked her for a reason.
She unzips my pants and takes me into her mouth. I try concentrating on her mouth and the feel of her tongue, but all I can think about is that voice saying my name. Doesn’t fucking matter what I do, Samantha is still there, in my mind.
I try to push her out of my mind as I start pumping my hips and fuck Julie’s mouth. I grit my teeth, trying not to show how fucking awful she is. I try thinking about Samantha again, trying to ignore the piercing feeling of Julie’s teeth. I could just stop her, but who the fuck cares? I’d rather have her suck my dick, then listen to all the questions she could be asking me.
I pull on her hair to remove her from my dick once I park the car. She follows me through the lobby and we enter the elevator. She moves her body flush to mine, bringing her lips up to kiss me. I push her back a bit, and grab her hand as the elevator opens. I don’t want to kiss her. I just want to fuck. I’m fucking horny as hell, and pissed off at myself. Samantha has too much control of my thoughts.
I close the door behind her, and grab my wallet out of my back pocket for a condom as I unzip my pants. I turn around, and she’s already kicking her jeans off. At least we are on the same page.
“Where do you want me?” She licks her lips as she walks towards me.
I roll the condom over my dick, then walk up to her, turn her around, and bend her over the couch. “Right here will work,” I say as I start to fuck her.
I lay on the bed in Micah and Holly’s spare bedroom, looking up at the ceiling and thinking about what I’m going to do next. My life has completely changed in a day. My heart hurts. It’s broken. I loved him as much as I could, yet it wasn’t enough. Is love ever enough when it comes to a relationship? I don’t think anyone really knows.
The more I think about why I moved here with him, I realize it had more to do with me, than him. There had been nothing there for me in Dallas anymore. I was only there for school. My parents divorced. My mom lives in Tulsa, Oklahoma with her current husband, lucky number 4.
My dad also lived in Tulsa, and owned a large very well-known concrete company. He couldn’t even speak my mother’s name without his face turning red with rage. They had divorced when I was very young, so I don’t even remember how life was when our family was together, or why they even divorced. My parents never spoke of it.
He passed away in a car wreck at the beginning of my high school senior year. When he passed away, we’d found out he had left me everything in his will, including his house, two vehicles, and his company. We were all pretty shocked about that one. Although after I gave it some thought, I don’t know why it had surprised me. He had never remarried, and I’m an only child.
My dad always planned for the future and the unexpected. When he passed away, his attorney had letters he had written for me regarding the company. They informed me that he wanted me to sell it. He knew I wouldn’t want to run the business, and he had a guy that had wanted to buy it for years. He left me a name and number to contact. The attorney and I met with the man that was interested in my Dad’s business. I about had a heart attack with what he offered me for the company and all the equipment that went along with it. I told him that was way too much money, but he said that was the price he told my dad he would pay.
My relationship with my mom, was never the same. M
y mom and I were always close, but I was a daddy’s girl. When my dad passed away and left me everything, it put a big strain on my relationship with my mother. She thought I was too young for it and should hand it over to her. Dads’ attorney advised against that. Once I told her I was selling it, we no longer spoke. I pretty much spent my entire senior year locking myself in my bedroom, or staying at my dad’s house.
The only thing that saved me was my best friend Courtney. We spent every waking moment together before I decided to choose a college outside of Oklahoma. I wanted as far away from my mother as possible. It was hard at first.
Actually, it’s still hard.
My thoughts drift from my parents to Jax.
I’d met him my sophomore year in college, but we didn’t start dating until my senior year. After seeing how my parents’ marriage failed, and all the marriages my mother had after the one to my dad, I just felt like I wasn’t ready for such a physical and emotional relationship. Why would I want to put myself through all of that? I didn’t need anyone, and I would have rather been alone than go through several different men. But from the first time we’d met at a coffee shop, to the time I finally said yes after he constantly asked me out, he’d never given up on me. We’d become best friends before we’d become a couple. I thought that was the right way to start out. Now, I’m not so sure.
I try to hate him for what he did to me. But I can’t. Maybe it was me. What if I wasn’t able to love him enough like you’re supposed to? The one question I can’t stop asking is why didn’t he just break up with me before he slept with her, rather than have someone on the side? And for that matter, how many have there been? I knew there was someone. I just didn’t want to acknowledge the thought that he could treat me like nothing.
Now I ask myself the most important question…
Why didn’t I leave him when I thought there was another woman? There had been plenty of signs like the lack of sex, for one. The way he ignored me while he was at home. How he would get all defensive when I would ask where he was going or what he was up to? I could ask myself a million questions, but it wouldn’t matter what answers I had. The bottom line was that he cheated, and I left.
Undescribable Page 4
