“If I hadn’t had to deal with his self-destructive issues, I might’ve been able to stop…” I pause and glance away before continuing, “to stop that bomb from going off and save many lives. I lost so much that day. I’ll never know if he purposefully kept me away or if he was just that self-absorbed in his own pain. So no, I don’t trust Hugh’s motives for being here at all.”
“What did you lose?”
I don’t want to relive the pain, so I stare hard into the darkness. “Are you settled enough to go to sleep now?”
“Guess you’re done sharing.” Mina sighs, then her voice turns hopeful. “Will you sing something for me?”
“I don’t sing,” I say in a harsher tone than I intended.
“I’m negotiating.” Her comment draws my gaze back to her. “One song and I’ll go to bed.”
Her smile at the inside joke is hard to resist. I’m glad she’s no longer shaking. When I nod, she settles back against my shoulder and I find myself subconsciously pulling her closer as the first strains of Too-Ra-Loo-Ra-Loo-Ral flow from my lips. I’ve actually never sung the song myself, though I heard it hundreds of times growing up. I’m surprised how soothing it sounds in a deep voice, so I rest my chin on Mina’s head and let the rest flow out.
When the last strains fade away, Mina looks up at me, tears in her eyes. “That was wonderful. Since you mentioned Killarney, I have to ask…where did you learn an Irish lullaby?”
“My mother used to sing it to me as a young child.”
Her eyes widen in surprise. “Is your mother Irish?”
“Aye, she had the grandest voice,” I say in my mother’s Irish brogue, the corner of my mouth crooking.
“And where’s your father from?”
A couple strands of her hair catch on my overnight scruff. I free them, tucking the golden silk behind her ear.
“Sorry, it’s always getting in the way. I’ve considered cutting it,” she says, brushing her hair back.
“Leave the length,” I command, then gesture for her to face forward.
When she turns, her complete trust is so unexpected, I smile despite myself as I clasp her hair and quickly twist the golden strands into a thick single braid. Every turn of her soft tresses between my fingers binds me closer, unwinding the vise around my heart. “My father was from Kenya. I guess I inherited my desire to protect from him, though he did his as a Barrister. I’ve lived my whole life in London, even after my parents passed on.”
“Both your parents are gone?” she asks softly.
“It was a long time ago.” I reach the end of the long length and hate the idea of the braid unraveling, so I hold fast. Life can be so damned unforgiving. When my gaze drops to the braided cloth bracelet on my wrist, I exhale slowly, then slide it off to wrap it around her braid. “My parents were together when their plane crashed on the way back from a trip to Africa.”
Mina glances over her shoulder, sympathy in her eyes. “I’m so sorry, Den.” She moves sideways once more and holds my gaze in the darkness for a second before she pulls my handiwork over her shoulder to inspect it. “That’s a better braid than I could do on myself. Guess I’ll have to add ‘hair savant’ to your growing list of talents.” Glancing up at me, her lips tilt in a soft smile. “So you inherited your light eyes from your mother?”
I nod. “Would you like to hear another song she used to sing, this time in Irish?”
“Yes, please.” Smiling her appreciation, she lays her head on my shoulder and tucks her arm around my waist.
The feel of Mina settling against me and sharing this moment makes my chest ache. I haven’t thought about my parents in a long time. My mom was a kind soul. She would have been fascinated by Mina’s pixie spirit and most definitely inspired by her. I take a deep breath and rest my chin against her temple, tucking her close.
“This song is called Éiníní,” I say, then begin the slow, soothing melody, where the singer tries to convince all the little birds to go to sleep. As I call out each bird by name, every breath I take, I inhale Mina’s sweet smell. She feels so good in my arms. With her blond hair and tiny frame, so full of inner strength, Mina makes me think of the little willow bird. Her softness and warmth play havoc on my senses, while her essence weaves deep into me, stirring my blood. Filling my soul.
Near the end of the song, I change the name wren to willow and smile. When the song is over, I’m surprised she doesn’t make a comment or move to get up. But then I hear her even breathing and mentally chuckle. I might be all wound up, but that lullaby works every single time. It did for me too.
My professional code says I should rouse her, but I’m not ready to let her go just yet. I settle back into the cushioned chair and gather her closer, rubbing my cheek against her soft hair. If this makes me a selfish bastard, I don’t give a shite. Right this moment, this little willow is all mine.
* * *
“Den, yer such a good mate. I don’t know what I’d do without you,” Hugh slurred as he leaned his whole body against mine.
“You’ll be alright, Hugh. Just need to sleep it off.” I pulled his arm over my shoulder and hauled him against me, dragging him toward the cab pulling up.
“I just miss her so much. And my child.” He stumbled and I had to grab his waist tighter to keep him upright as his voice broke. “Did I tell you they said our baby was a girl?”
“Yes, you told me. I’m truly sorry, my friend.” As he dropped his chin to his chest and groaned through his grief, my heart ached for all that he has lost. At the same time I reached for the cab’s door, I instinctively scanned the buildings, tracing my gaze further down the street until I saw the warm lights in the sixth floor window. She waited up for me. I’ll be home soon.
“Go home and sleep this off. We have a busy day tomorrow.” I tugged the door open and paid the cabbie after I gave him Hugh’s address.
At the same time Hugh flopped into the cab, an explosion and flash of bright light jerked my gaze back down the street. Motherfucker, my building’s on fire!
No, no, no, no! I took off running. There was so much smoke, I couldn’t tell where the explosion was. My heart froze, my lungs filled cold with fear. The faster I ran, the clearer it became, and the more my heart twisted inside itself.
Flames and black smoke had obliterated the warm light that was just there a few seconds ago. I reached the building, but fire fighters and police were already on the scene, keeping on-lookers from getting any closer.
I didn’t care if they arrested me. I had to get inside. My fucking whole life is in that flat. I barreled right past two police officers, and had only taken a few steps before the roof of the building collapsed, taking out our flat and the one beneath it as well.
My heart caved, crumbling to pieces just like that roof. I paused and stared in horrified disbelief, then bolted toward the building, yelling, “I’m here! I was right fucking here.”
Three officers tried to tackle me, then apparently it took a Taser to finally shut me down. They weren’t letting me in that building, no matter what I wanted.
With jolts of electricity shooting through me, I was stuck to the ground, unable to move. All I could do was stare up at the fire and smoke billowing out of that gaping hole in the building with the backdrop of the night sky, and mourn my loss.
I jerk awake, sweat coating my skin. My heart racing under Mina’s sleeping head, I instinctively curl my hand over hers pressed against my chest.
Closing my eyes, I exhale a heavy sigh that I dreamed about the last day I spoke to Hugh. I never forgave him for distracting me. It might be irrational, but if I hadn’t stopped to help him, I might have prevented the bomb from going off. Or at the very least, I would’ve died too, instead of my hope dying. That day, my whole life collapsed.
The skills that allowed me to observe details others didn’t had served me well while I was with MI6.
Until they didn’t.
Everything I loved, cared about, and cherished was taken from me in an instant when
my wife and five year old daughter were killed in that blast.
Bren and Enya’s deaths shut down my emotional capacity. The man I was before ceased to exist. I became the most professional, thorough, and skilled agent on our team. I lived only to close case after case in order to keep the city safe.
When I received a letter from Adam Blake’s recruiter, looking for a bodyguard with military experience, after several years of just existing, I walked away from my old life without looking back. Other than business investments that I could run from anywhere, I had nothing. No attachments. No reason to stay.
Protecting the Blake family was a career I could get my head around. I took my duty seriously for the years I worked for them, but I blame Talia for finding a crack in the armor around my heart. It was a fluke how I learned that she and I shared devastating losses, but a bond formed as I watched her come back from hers. It made me happy to see her bloom with her career, her marriage to Sebastian, and the birth of their first child. They have endured so much as a couple, and are stronger for it, yet she continues to grow. On her own, she’s thriving.
She’s living proof that it’s possible to learn to trust again, if you surround yourself with the right people and give them your utmost loyalty in return.
Mina stirs in my arms.
I glance down at her and my lips quirk. With her hair pulled away from her face, I realize for the first time that her face is heart-shaped. Combined with rosebud cheeks and soft lips, she stirs emotions I thought I was no longer capable of.
She lets out a small sigh, and the moment my body comes to life as she squirms against me, I quickly stand, cradling her in my arms. Damn this is hard. Remaining impartial is my job. It keeps me sharp and always on point. But she’s burrowing into my heart faster than I can keep her out.
She mumbles in her sleep, but doesn’t wake as her head flops against my chest.
I posted Theo at her apartment earlier as a precaution. The fact that Travis confirmed the hotel room had been professionally cleaned proves someone wanted a woman, who claimed to be Regan, erased from that room completely. Since Mina didn’t sign in or give her name, for once, the fact the hotel didn’t have any cameras works to our advantage. There’s no proof she was there, and no way to identify her for anyone who might ask. Still, I want to confirm that’s the case. Once I send over Regan’s DNA for Travis to try to match to the blood he found, I’ll call Sebastian. It’s time to bring him up to speed.
Kissing the top of Mina’s head, I lay her in the bed and pull the covers around her. I want the full force of BLACK Security working together to keep her safe.
Chapter Ten
Mina
Den seems lost in his own thoughts as he drives us to the BLACK Security office late Saturday morning. I appreciate that he let me sleep in before he informed me that we needed to talk to Sebastian about what I saw at the hotel. But ever since I handed him the bracelet he used on my braid last night and thanked him for letting me borrow it, he remained quiet, keeping to himself.
I look down at the soft waves the loose braid left behind and think about his bracelet. The fabric’s worn material and washed out colors of dark blue, white, black, green, orange and red told their own story. At one time, the bracelet would’ve been so colorful and bright, but it was faded from never being removed from his wrist. It meant something to Den and the fact he used it to help calm me down made me feel guilty and extra special at the same time.
I glance his way, wanting to ask him about it, but then I’d be opening myself up for him to question me. I’m so thankful he never mentioned how I crawled into his lap last night. Or that I bargained with him to sing me to sleep, but God was it worth hearing that lullaby. His voice is amazing and so is he. The man has so many layers that no one knows about, because he’s so private. Not once did he ask why I was so upset in the middle of the night, which only makes me appreciate how much of a gentleman he is.
It also makes me want him to see me in the very best light. Even more than my family, I don’t want Den to discover how messed up I am. Which is why I didn’t tell him the rest of my dream.
After Regan killed herself, my mom appeared beside me in the hotel room. Her smoky form and sharp gaze drilled into me with fiery judgment, filling me with a sense of doom. As she opened her mouth and her face began to crack once more, the smoke around her began to surround me too, yanking the air from my lungs. Backing away, I coughed to catch my breath, my eyes burning. I didn’t want to see her torn apart all over again, but this time my chest felt like it was being crushed, as if I was going to be sucked into the volatile vortex surrounding her. I panicked and ran, but before I could reach the door, it slammed closed.
As the room thickened with choking smoke, I coughed and hacked to breathe, blindingly reaching for the doorknob. Hot metal seared my palm and I yanked it back, crying at the throbbing pain. My heart raced as I peered through burning tears, looking around the room for something to protect my hand so I could open the door. The only option thick enough was the blood-soaked cover underneath my dead friend, but I couldn’t bring myself to touch her.
While thick acrid smoke clawed its way down my throat and ropes of fog filled every crevice of my lungs, I closed my eyes and wheezed out a low wail, “I don’t want to die.”
“You’ll have to get your hands dirty to save yourself.” Mom laughed maniacally and I opened my burning eyes to the room blanketed in blinding smoke.
“I can’t,” I rasped.
As I fell to the floor, my lungs convulsing with the need for air, the smoke briefly cleared as Mom shoved her face close to mine and smirked. “Then you’ll die in here too, just like us.”
Swallowing several times to push away the upsetting memory of last night’s dream, I wonder what Den would think of my twisted subconscious. At the very least, he would think I’m delusional that I never let my mother go after she died. I’m thankful to be heading to BLACK Security. Not only can Sebastian help us figure out what happened to Regan, but it’ll be a good distraction from my own issues. I just wish I knew why my mother continues to haunt me.
One thing I know for sure…once we get to the office, Sebastian will drill me for every possible detail I can remember from yesterday, probably more than once, so it’s a good idea to take advantage of the quiet time I have in the car to check on Josi. I grab my phone and start to dial my father’s number when I see I have a voicemail from Derrick.
Hitting the play button, I put the phone to my ear.
“Mina, I don’t know what’s going on, but if you’re in some kind of trouble, I want to help. Also, I have a right to know that my daughter’s not in any kind of danger. I don’t give a damn about your intimidating bodyguard. Get back with me ASAP!”
The last thing I want to do is talk to him while Den’s around, so I send a text instead.
I’m fine, Derrick. I was just stretched a bit thin working on a project. It’s all good now. I’ve got coverage for Josi. I’ll call you once my project is done.
His reply is lightning fast.
You sounded stressed, Mina. If taking care of Josi is getting too hard, I told you I’m here. You just have to let me in.
Now he wants to swoop in like a hero after the exhausting infant years are over? I don’t think so! It’s hard not to blast him for his presumption, but I manage to send him a civil reply. I appreciate your concern, but it’s unwarranted. Josi and I are doing very well. Let me see this project through and we’ll set up a time for you to come see Josi again.
As her father this time?
I’ll decide when we tell her. You’ve only spent a few hours here and there with her. A lot more time needs to pass before I feel comfortable telling her anything.
I’m her father, Mina!
You’ve bailed before. I won’t put my daughter through finding out she has a father, then losing him if you decide fatherhood gets too much. Parenting isn’t a choice. It’s a commitment. I need to know you’re here to stay in her life. And time and you
r actions are the only way I’ll know that.
I have rights.
You signed them away.
And I can petition to get them back now that she’s two.
My heart ramps with worry. I need to clamp this down fast.
If you’re going to go there, you do realize you’ll owe me child support back to the day she was born, right? I can pull that trigger at ANY time.
You don’t need the money.
As a parent with rights, it’ll be your parental duty, by law. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. If you don’t want me to go there, you’ll follow my lead on when to tell her.
You were the one who called me for help, remember? Makes me question if Sebastian is taking his “parental guardian” role of Josi as seriously as he should.
He has been there for me, and then some. I don’t need your help to raise my daughter. Just remember that.
Ready to be done with the conversation, I dial my father’s number and force a cheery tone despite the tight knot in my stomach.
“Hey, Dad. I know it’s close to lunchtime, but I just wanted to see how Josi did last night. How was the tea party?”
“Josi had the best time with Helena and me. She slept until nine this morning. And by her reaction, I’d say the party was a massive success.”
“I can’t believe she slept that late!” I say, shocked. “She’s always waking me up just as the sun’s starting to rise.”
“Yep, the little one was exhausted when she went to bed last night. And today it’s pancakes for brunch.”
“Pancakes? You’re spoiling her and now she’ll expect them for regular mealtimes at home.”
“That’s the great thing about being a grandparent, Mina, my sweet. I get to spoil my grandchild rotten, then give her back to her mom.”
I laugh, then sigh. “Okay, Granddad. Just don’t let her have candy at the movies. Share a popcorn with her, but please, no soda.”
“Shhhh, don’t spoil all the fun.”
Noble Brit Page 7
