My Dad’s look of surprise when my little girl insisted on giving Den a hug goodbye while I hugged Helena before we left, made me smile. Having this bit of normalcy among the chaos that has been my life the last few days was exactly what I needed, not only to reconnect with my daughter, but also to distract me from having to think about my mother. I don’t know what I’m going to do on that front.
Den sets the duffle I packed with a couple more sets of clothes down on his coffee table, pulling me out of my musings. Now that I’m alone with him, I hate that all I can think about is my mom. I don’t want her consuming my every thought; the guilt of knowing, but not being able to share, is tearing me up inside. A part of me wants to tell Den, but will he keep it to himself? I just don’t know what to do.
“Thank you for being so wonderful to Josi today and taking the extra time for dinner. It helped put my mind at ease to see how well she’s doing with all the changes.”
“Distracting Josi was my pleasure. Every child should feel safe. The extra time to reassure her that the most important person in her life isn’t going anywhere felt right. Keeping some routines are important. Speaking of which…” He leans over and unzips the side pocket on my duffle. My heart jerks as he retrieves my notepad. I know I didn’t put it in there. He must’ve slipped it into the bag while I was in my bedroom making sure I had everything.
As he flips through several pages of drawings: Josi licking an ice cream cone, a woman walking and her umbrella turned inside out against the wind, children playing in a fountain, an old man sitting alone on a park bench, leaves swirling all around him, an old dog licking his equally old owner’s face...my face flames with embarrassed heat. I curl my fingers by my sides so I don’t yank the pad out of his hands the way I want to. Instead, I force myself to wait for him to say something.
“These are excellent. Gallery worthy.” Den’s golden gaze lifts to mine, his brow furrowed. “The last drawing was dated a couple months ago. Why have you stopped creating your art?”
“Art? They’re just sketches.” Snorting, I take the notepad and close it. “It helps me decompress, but ever since my sleep patterns turned more erratic, I haven’t been able to focus enough to be inspired.”
“I recognize talent when I see it, Mina. Don’t ever discount yours.” He nods toward the wall behind me and I turn to stare up at the gorgeous painting. “That’s my mother’s. Her paintings sold out wherever she showed. Of all her work, this one was my favorite. When she passed, I donated the rest of her collection to be auctioned off to various charities, but this one…I couldn’t bring myself to part with it. It comes with me wherever I go.”
“Why this one?” I ask, stepping closer to admire his mother’s skill. Every blade of grass, every intricate curve of a leaf, every bend and sway of each tree flows into the whimsical fog hovering over the land. The expertly crafted scene draws you deep into its peaceful, lush world, convincing you that true magic exists underneath.
“The art world said my mom had superior talent for the fanciful.” His gaze sliding over the painting, Den folds his arms, his muscles evident even in his tailored suit. “Her talent was indisputable. My father supported her from the moment she picked up a brush. And while I invested in the gallery where she had her third showing—that was the beginning of a lucrative business in real estate for me—it wasn’t until I saw this one piece of art that I finally understood what all the fuss was about. The imagery makes a convincing argument that there’s more to this life than one plane.”
“Exactly! Her painting gives the impression there’s something special hidden underneath.” Gesturing toward the painting, I continue, “All you have to do is wait for the fog to lift.”
He chuckles, amusement dancing in his gaze. “Are you saying she left everyone hanging on purpose?”
I nod, folding my notebook against my chest. “Yep, in a perpetual state of hope.”
Den looks down at the book in my hands. “Like the emotions you convey in your art?”
Other than my mother, no one else knows about my drawings. I never thought of them as art. They were scenes from my day, rambling thoughts. My mind’s eye, come to life. But for some reason, I don’t mind that Den knows about them. I mentally flip through all the images I’ve drawn over the years and smile. He’s right. I captured emotional moments in time. Every single one. Why had I never noticed that about my own work before? Maybe because my mother said my scribbling wouldn’t pay my bills and I should focus on something practical, which is why I got my degree in marketing.
As my thoughts once again shift back to my mother, my frustration with her actions of putting me in an untenable situation only strengthens my respect for the rest of my family. They have consistently done everything to help and support me. My father and brothers, Sebastian, Talia, Calder, Cass. All of them. Their loyalty to family is ingrained in them. And even though he’s not a Blake, Den has shown that same allegiance. Maybe he can help me decide what to do. But how do I ask without revealing my mother’s existence?
When he glances at his phone, I nod toward the screen. “Is that Travis with the results on the tea?”
“Not yet.” He tucks his phone away and looks at me. “I’m sure you were glad to discover Laura had nothing to do with it.”
“I was so relieved, but I have no idea who else would know about the peppermint connection.”
Den rubs his jawline. “Did you ever mention it to Derrick?”
“Not that I remember, but I guess it could’ve come up at some point. Why would he send me laced teas?”
“Has he been trying to get you to let him see Josi more? Maybe he thought the tea would make you more agreeable.”
“He has, and he also wants me to tell her he’s her father. Using drugged tea to accomplish his goal would be a pretty shitty thing to do to me.”
“I’m not saying he did it. I was just trying to think through the people in your life who might know that kind of specific detail about you and Laura.” Den rubs the back of his neck. “But if he did, it wouldn’t be the first time a family member manipulated another to get something they wanted.”
“He’s not family!” I snap. Then I immediately think about my mother’s manipulative action when she hired someone to take out Seb when he was a teenager. “I honestly don’t believe Derrick is conniving enough to do something like that to me. But for argument’s sake, if it were true…what would you do? Would you cut him off? What about Josi? He technically has a right to see her, so if I cut him off, he could legally start the process to petition for half time with her, and I’d lose the current control that I do have.”
Den steps close and clasps my shoulders. “You have to do what serves your family best, Mina. Sometimes doing so isn’t always the easy path, but it’s the right one. You must fight to protect the ones you love at all cost.”
Even once he learned what my mother had tried to do to him, Seb didn’t tell my brothers or me about our mother’s betrayal. He kept the secret to protect my memory of her. It was only because that secret almost destroyed my relationship with Seb that Talia finally told me the truth.
My brothers, Gavin and Damien, also know what Mom tried to do to Seb, but we all agreed that since our mother was dead, our father should never learn of it. The guilt over Sebastian’s crappy teenage years at Isabel’s hand would crush Adam Blake. And now…I can’t tell anyone about my mom. If my brothers found out, they would be furious, but my father? He would be devastated to learn about her actions, both about Sebastian and that she faked her own death. Nothing good would come of telling him. Oh God, even worse…if the news got out that my mother didn’t actually die, that could shorten Simone’s jail time—well, once she’s finally back behind bars again.
To protect everyone, I have to keep my mother’s secret. For what she did to Seb, and then faking her own death to avoid being held accountable for it, she deserves jail time. Yet despite all that, I don’t believe she would physically hurt Josi or me, but how do I keep my dista
nce from her? Would threatening to turn her in to the police be enough to stop her from trying to see us?
I sigh and nod, bringing my thoughts back to Den’s theory about my ex. “I know you’re right, Den. It’s just hard, because I want to protect Josi. I don’t want Derrick to play dad for a couple months, then get bored and move on to other interests. But if I don’t tell her, I know one day Josi will want to know about her father. She has a right to know who he is, and I don’t want to be the reason that doesn’t happen. I could lose her anyway because I held back.”
“Children are far more resilient than you think, but I understand your concern, especially with his track record. Always choose family first. Protect Josi as long as you can, until you think he’s earned the right to be acknowledged as an important person in her life.”
His advice could easily be translated to my mother: She will never earn the right to become a part of our family again. No one would forgive what she did to Sebastian. I don’t forgive it! But news of her existence would only bring pain and grief on so many fronts. She needs to remain dead. For all our sakes.
Feeling better about my choice to keep Mom’s existence to myself, I tilt my head and smile. “You sure give good family advice for a bachelor.”
Den stiffens. “I was part of a family, Mina.”
“I didn’t mean it like that, Den. Of course you grew up in a family.”
He shakes his head, the muscle in his jawline twitching. “That night I helped Hugh. You asked me what I lost?” When a flood of emotions scroll across his face, my stomach knots. I take a breath and wait for him to finish. Den’s pained gaze scans mine. “I lost my wife and daughter in that explosion. If I hadn’t stopped to help Hugh, if I had put them first and gone home to my family, I might have saved them. If I had—” He rubs his forehead and exhales a harsh breath.
He lost his family? The supreme guilt in his expression makes my heart hurt. My eyes mist as I take his hand. “I’m so very sorry about your family. I can’t even imagine the pain…” A tear slides down my cheek, and I take a deep breath to keep from sobbing. “But I know this, it’s in your DNA to help others. You saw a friend in need and you helped.” I fold my fingers tight around his. “You have to forgive yourself, Den. Your family wouldn’t want you to carry around so much regret. You’re an honorable man with a big heart. You shouldn’t keep it all to yourself.”
His fingers flex, then cup my and completely. “I don’t feel it anymore.”
I’m so emotional, my pulse thrums as I take his hand and flatten it over my own pounding heart. “It feels like this.”
My heart thumps harder when he curves his thumb around the edge of my breast. I swallow and lift my gaze to his. The hunger swirling in his golden eyes sends a rush of air through my lungs. “This is dangerous, Mina,” he rumbles, but doesn’t stop himself from sliding his thumb across the tip of my nipple.
His reverent touch draws a molten line of want from my chest to my toes. As my legs weaken, my racing heart is conflicted. Dangerous is an understatement. This is a bad idea. He has an entire past he hasn’t even come to terms with—so much so, no one even knew he had a family—yet I can’t help but want to be so very bad with him. Knowing how much Den has held inside just makes me want him even more. Like me, he holds pain and loss close, wears regret and guilt like a suit of armor, and lives in the heavy shadow of it all.
“You saw me.” I touch his tie, then tug on the knot. “Better than anyone ever has.”
Den captures my wrist before I can unravel the knot. His hold is firm, his jaw tense as his gaze slides leisurely from my mouth, to my neck and chest before returning to my face. “I’m a big man. I don’t want to hurt you.”
I really hope he’s worried he’ll be too rough with me, because if he thinks he’ll hurt my heart, now that would break me. All I know is, this beautifully layered, complex man is worth the risk of finding out. “In case you weren’t paying attention, I prefer my tea bold, boiling, and bottomless.”
His lips quirk as he cups the back of my neck and pulls me against his chest. “It’s good to know so many B words are on the table, but I was referring to size.”
With his very impressive size already pushing against my belly, I’m left with little doubt as to what he meant. Lifting my gaze to his, I reach for the knot in his tie once more and pull it free. I’ve never wanted to be with a man as much as I want Den. “Did I forget to mention bountiful? I like my tea very bountiful.”
Barking out a laugh, he grips my waist and lifts me off the ground until we’re at eye level. “I meant my height, sweet Mina.” The moment I settle my hands on his shoulders, his expression sobers. “While I want nothing more than to explore all twenty-six letters of the alphabet with you, you’re so tiny I’m concerned that I might hurt you.”
“Don’t you know dynamite comes in small packages?” When the worry in his gaze doesn’t dissipate, I wrap my jean-clad legs around his trim waist and clasp his handsome face between my hands. “I’m not made of glass, Den. I’m a flesh and blood woman. Size doesn’t dictate the heat level of my desire, the limitation of my wants, or the depth of my pain tolerance. For that matter, how do you know I won’t be the one telling you that you’re not being rough enough?”
Raw desire flashes through his eyes and his fingers flex on my waist, pulling me closer. “Is that a promise or a tease, Lady Mina?”
The tension in his hold makes me flex my thighs around his waist as I take his lower lip between my teeth and slowly pull free. “Ladies always keep their promises. Though I do hope you can keep up, my Noble Brit. I’ve got all this youthful pent up energy to expend.”
“You think you can outmaneuver me?” Cocky amusement tilts his lips before he nips at my chin, then my neck. “Nothing beats experience. Not even youthful enthusiasm.”
His confident promise turns my insides to jelly, but I drop a quick kiss on his lips as I slide my fingers along the back of his neck. “Maybe you should take me to bed and show me the benefits of all those years of experience you’ve got on me. How many is that again?”
“You’re welcome to try to guess later.” His hands slowly slide to my ass, his firm grip on my cheeks sending heat to every part of my body. “Fair warning,” he whispers against my mouth, his warm lips taunting me with a brief kiss that jacks my pulse as he starts walking us up the stairs. “As far as I’m concerned, proper manners don’t belong in the bedroom.”
I swallow my excitement, but can’t help challenging him the moment we reach the landing. “Are you saying no pleases or thank yous are allowed?”
Turning the lights on a low glow, Den sets me on the bed and slowly pulls off his tie. When his golden gaze slides possessively over me as he removes his shirt, I start to question whether I have what it takes to challenge him in the bedroom. Our verbal repartee and the chemistry it evokes is through the roof, but as I try to unbutton my own shirt while Den unveils his gorgeous upper body, my hands begin to shake. It’s hard not to gawk at the exquisite beauty of his cut physique.
I’ve never seen chest and ab muscles as deeply defined as his. Maybe it’s the play of light bouncing across his dark skin, but he appears as hard as stone. I know his job demands that he work out to stay in top form, but I’m also well aware his internal drive to protect is as much a part of his DNA as his fit body. From his broad shoulders to his powerful arms, every movement he makes is fluid and controlled. His upper body alone is so beautiful, I know the rest of him will make me feel even more inferior. God, I can’t believe I’m suddenly afraid to remove my clothes. I’ve never been body shy before.
“Come here, Mina,” he says in a low purr. I swallow my nerves and push up on my knees to face him. Even doing that, I still have to look up at him.
Why do I have a feeling he’s about to turn that adage “age before beauty” on its head? I bite my bottom lip, but hold my ground as his fingers pull my shirt’s buttons open one at a time. I swallow, hoping to calm my nerves, but it only jacks them higher. I
nsecurities surface, and all I can think about are those fine silvery lines along the lower part of my belly. I thought I came to terms with them as part of the “new me” after I lost the baby weight and got my figure back, but now it’s like my stretch marks are an outward reflection of the imperfections churning around inside my mind.
Now that I know she’s alive and can explain why I was seeing my mother in random places, that doesn’t explain why I’ve been dreaming such horrific dreams about her. Why was my subconscious doing that? Den deserves to be with someone who has her act together, someone who doesn’t let her dead mother manipulate her. He needs a strong woman like him, so she can help him move on from his own past.
I clasp his hand as he reaches the last button on my shirt. “You’re right, Den. This was a bad idea.”
His hand stills on the material. “I said it was dangerous, not a bad idea.” Lifting my chin, his steady gaze bores into mine. “There’s no denying the chemistry between us. What are you afraid of?” I try to look away, but his hold stays firm, his tone unyielding. “If you no longer want us, I want to know why, Mina.”
He’s towering over me, his heat permeating my skin. I want him so much, my heart aches. As infuriating as it is that he’s making me fully own my decision about us, I completely respect him for it too. When he releases my chin, my body instantly wants to reconnect. To stop myself from capturing his hand, I slip off the bed and move to stand in front of him.
“You’re the most interesting man I’ve ever met.” I search his gaze, looking for a sign that he understands what I’m trying to say, but he doesn’t let me off that easy. All I get is a raised eyebrow. Is that sarcasm? “Honorable, forthright, loyal, a lone protector in a team of protectors. You’ve got all these wonderfully intriguing layers, and I’ve enjoyed every second of trying to unravel each one.”
“Enjoyed?” His jawline hardens. “We aren’t past tense, Mina. Not bloody at all.”
Noble Brit Page 13
