‘Trouble?’ asked the woman who appeared to have just completed a marathon Christmas shopping expedition. She looked harmless enough.
Taking a chance that her fellow traveller might offer a friendly ear, Helen said, ‘The usual balancing act of coming to a friend’s rescue and finding a babysitter at short notice.’
‘How many have you got?’
‘Just the one, thank God,’ she said, catching herself as soon as she said it then relaxing when she realized Julia wasn’t in earshot.
Her new friend introduced herself as Beryl and as she began reeling off all her children, grandchildren, not to mention one great-grandchild, Helen surreptitiously glanced at her phone again to check the date. It was the first week in December and it didn’t take a genius to work out what Julia’s emergency might be. Helen was far more familiar with Julia’s menstrual cycle than she ought to be and her heart sank. It would be another bitter blow and perhaps this one would be especially hard given that marital relations were at an all-time low.
‘Sorry, I just need to text my mum to see if she can look after Milly,’ Helen said as her fingers tapped out the cry for help with practised ease.
‘What would we do without them, eh?’ Beryl said and by the time Helen’s phone beeped with a response from her mum, she was more than familiar with the list of children Beryl looked after and how often.
‘Bugger,’ Helen said when the text from her mum wasn’t the reply she wanted. ‘Right, let’s try someone else.’
Beryl waited for her to finish texting and then tipped her head towards the uniform peeking out beneath Helen’s coat. ‘So you’re a nurse then?’ she asked.
Here we go, Helen thought, and took a breath. ‘Yes, I work in Broadgreen. In the cardiology department.’
‘How old’s your daughter?’ Beryl asked, contradicting Helen’s presumptions by keeping the focus of the conversation on children and not raising the ugly spectre of varicose veins or athlete’s foot.
‘Milly’s almost twelve. She’s OK getting to and from school on her own, but not quite old enough to trust home alone. She stays with Mum until I get back from work and I was hoping she’d keep her.’
‘All of mine were latchkey kids. I had a cleaning job at the school so I was leaving as they were coming home, but that was the good thing about having four. My eldest had the joy of looking after the younger ones.’
‘If that’s meant to be a selling point for having more kids then I think I’ll pass.’
‘You and your husband don’t want any more?’ Beryl asked, a little too casually.
‘I’m divorced,’ Helen said.
Beryl’s eyes lit up. ‘My youngest lad happens to be back on the market if you’re interested? He has a few miles on the clock but he’s done all right for himself. He’s a financial adviser,’ she said proudly, ‘and his kids are almost grown up, so he’s pretty much a free agent.’
Helen was laughing at the blatant sales pitch as Beryl searched for photos on her phone, but when she was shown the image of a distinguished-looking man in his late thirties, she nodded approvingly. ‘Very nice, but don’t you think he might have something to say about his mum palming him off on a practical stranger?’
‘Oh, a little matchmaking does no harm, and my fees are reasonable compared to one of those online dating sites. A glass of Baileys will do me.’
Glancing at her own phone, which had beeped again, Helen sighed. It was a reply from John to say he couldn’t help because he was taking his mum out for her birthday, which meant her third and final resort was also unavailable. ‘This son of yours doesn’t do babysitting, does he?’ Helen asked, only half-joking.
For a minute it looked as if Beryl might actually consider putting in an offer, but then the bus turned a corner and the opportunity was lost.
‘Sorry, this is my stop,’ Helen said, forcing Beryl to juggle shopping bags to give her enough room to slip past. ‘It was nice meeting you.’
‘You too,’ Beryl said and the expression on her face suggested she would have liked time to develop the acquaintance more.
When Phoebe arrived at the pub, Julia and Helen were already there. There was something about the sight of the two huddled together that made her feel a little resentful. Helen had been Phoebe’s best friend in school, but during her years of absence it was Helen and Julia’s relationship that had strengthened as the age difference became less of a hindrance. They had both welcomed Phoebe back with open arms, but there was still a gap that had never been completely bridged, and at times like this, as she watched Helen reach over the table to give Julia’s hand a fierce squeeze, Phoebe felt it most keenly.
‘Sorry I’m late,’ she said.
‘I’ve only just got here myself,’ Helen said.
Paying more attention to the expression on Julia’s face than Helen’s reply, Phoebe was prepared for the news her friend was about to impart.
‘No blue line,’ Julia said with tears brimming in glistening pools at the corners of her eyes. ‘I know I should have learned my lesson by now but I was two days late. I did a test but it turned out that if I’d waited another half-hour, I wouldn’t have had to. I came on.’ She took a juddering breath then added, ‘So be warned, as well as being mightily pissed off, I also have the worst case ever of PMT to contend with.’
Helen took a deep breath and they both watched her purse her lips to form the letter M. Julia knew what she was about to say.
‘Don’t you dare say “Maybe next time,” or I might just hit you.’
‘OK, I won’t,’ Helen said with a shrug before pouring a generous glass of wine for Phoebe and sharing a look with her that suggested they were in for a rocky night.
‘So what happens now?’ Phoebe asked, taking her seat next to Julia and putting her hand gently on her back. ‘You see the specialist next week, don’t you?’
Julia shrugged her friend’s arm away. ‘For what good it’ll do. I can’t even mention it to Paul without him bristling. Has he said anything to you, Phoebe? Does he talk about stuff like that when you have your driving lessons?’
‘Mostly he has his heart in his mouth so he can’t say much at all,’ Phoebe said a little too defensively. She had only had a couple more lessons with Paul and he hadn’t been as wound up or as open with her as on that first day, but they did talk with a level of intimacy that she wasn’t sure Julia would approve of.
‘No, how silly of me,’ Julia said. ‘Why would he tell you how he feels when he won’t even speak to me?’ She lifted her glass of wine and swirled the contents until she had created her very own whirlpool. ‘I hate what this is doing to us. I haven’t even mentioned that I took the test because it would only open up another argument about how we’re not supposed to be trying.’
‘But only for another week,’ Helen said. ‘Once you’ve seen the specialist you can resume romping around the bedroom, can’t you?’
‘We haven’t romped for years. That was the problem Paul was trying to fix until I messed up,’ she said bitterly. ‘Our sex life had become a tightly choreographed event, and now it’s nonexistent. Our problems aren’t going to be solved by one appointment, Helen. It’s only an initial meeting and Paul is determined that we wait until we’ve had all the test results before we start thinking about babies again.’
Helen looked as irritated as Phoebe by Julia’s snappiness but whereas Phoebe could disguise her feelings, Helen could not. ‘I know this has been another setback but honestly, Julia, you need to get it into perspective. Just try spending a day at my clinic,’ she said before sitting back and folding her arms.
When the ensuing silence became unbearable, Phoebe said to Julia, ‘You and Paul are both under a lot of pressure at the moment, that’s all.’
‘And it’s going to stay that way until I get pregnant or Paul walks out on me!’ Julia cried. Her eyes narrowed as she looked over at Helen. ‘Yes, I know there are worse things in life, but you have no idea what it’s like to lie awake at night longing to hear a child
call out to you, instead of cursing when they do. I’d give anything to hear someone call me mummy and the silence is killing me, Helen, and it might just be killing my marriage. Remember how devastated you were when John left? At least he didn’t leave you completely alone. What happens if Paul and I do break up? Who else is going to be interested in me if I’m barren?’
Helen glared back at her friend. ‘Do you really need me to tell you how wrong that statement is on so many counts?’
Julia tried to maintain her steely expression but her emotions weren’t up to it and her face crumpled. ‘Our marriage might not have reached breaking point yet but I have,’ she said. ‘I want to be a wife and mother. Is that too much to ask?’
Phoebe couldn’t have felt more awkward and wanted to put her arm around Julia again but she had already been pushed away once and so resisted. Julia was an emotional mess and Phoebe knew that Paul was too. He had explained to her that he wanted a break so he and Julia could remind themselves that there was more to their relationship than having children. So far, that plan was failing and he was scared, but however much Phoebe wanted to tell Julia this, she couldn’t. She had a feeling her intimate knowledge of Paul’s feelings wouldn’t allay Julia’s fears at all.
Helen released a sigh and the tension along with it. ‘I’m sorry, Julia, ignore me. It’s no excuse but I’m at the tail end of a crappy day myself.’
‘Why, what’s happened?’ Julia asked.
Phoebe began pouring the last of the wine into their glasses. She would need some fortification if she was going to hear the story Helen had already shared with her earlier. Helen had phoned to warn Phoebe that she was struggling to find a babysitter and might not be able to make it to the pub. She had mentioned how desperate she was for a drink and went on to explain in graphic detail how she had ushered an elderly gent in to see the consultant with a smile on her face that gave no clue to the devastating news that awaited him, and how utterly dignified her patient had been. The worst part had been when he cracked a joke as they left simply to cheer her up.
‘I met an interesting lady on the bus today,’ Helen began.
Julia looked almost as puzzled as Phoebe. ‘How awful for you.’
‘She tried to palm me off with her son. I only saw a photo but he looked hot.’
‘I say again,’ Julia said. ‘How awful.’
‘Helen?’ Phoebe asked, reminding her that she knew what was really on her mind.
‘Sorry, it’s just that if I’m going to leave Milly to her own devices then it has to be for good reason. Either we sit here and listen to Julia offload in the hope that she’ll go home feeling marginally better, or we put aside our troubles and have a good laugh so that we can all go home feeling better. What I’m not prepared to do is sit here dishing out more doses of misery.’
‘You left Milly home alone?’
Helen looked at Phoebe for support and then said, ‘So that I could come here to support you – yes.’
‘I’m sorry I asked now. I’d rather you had let me down than abandon Milly.’
‘It’s partly my fault,’ Phoebe added. ‘I was the one who convinced her that Milly could be trusted on her own. If anything, I’m the one who shouldn’t be leaving Nan without supervision.’
‘Do you know,’ Julia began, ‘I sometimes wonder if you two can be trusted on your own either!’
‘It’s no big deal,’ Helen said and then began counting out the positives on her fingers. ‘Milly’s almost twelve; she has the house to herself, tons of junk food to gorge on, full control of the TV remote and she can go to bed a bit later than usual. She wasn’t complaining, Julia.’
‘She’s eleven, Helen,’ Julia corrected.
‘Shall we order?’ Phoebe asked when her friends entered into a staring competition.
‘How about we skip starters? I don’t want to stay out long,’ came Julia’s clipped response.
With their orders taken and a fresh bottle of wine in the cooler, Phoebe tried to move the conversation on. ‘Speaking of my nan, she’s announced that it’s time to think seriously about moving into residential care.’
‘Really?’ chorused Helen and Julia.
‘She drew up a shortlist of potential homes within weeks of being diagnosed and now she thinks the time is right.’
‘I never expected it to be so soon. You said she was doing OK,’ Julia said.
Her surprise was hardly unexpected and not even close to Phoebe’s own sense of shock. ‘I think almost setting fire to the kitchen the other week made her realize she has to do something.’
‘You could get carers in to help you.’
‘But I’d still be expected to look after her and you know how she is, Julia. She likes being in control and her disease is going to take that away from her, it already has to some degree. And while she can accept the inevitable, she can’t accept that it will be me controlling her when that happens.’
‘She doesn’t trust you to take care of her?’ Julia asked in disbelief.
‘In some ways she does. She’s given me power of attorney so that when the time comes I can take future decisions about the finances.’
‘Like selling the house?’
‘Her savings will cover the fees for a couple of years, but eventually, yes. Her decision to leave now is more a matter of dignity. She’d rather have strangers seeing to her most intimate needs than her granddaughter.’
‘Well, thank God for that,’ Helen said. ‘I would have placed bets that she’d want you at her beck and call until her last breath.’
Phoebe ignored the jibe, knowing that any defence of her grandmother’s good character would fall on deaf ears. ‘Paul said he has dealings with a few of the homes on her list. One or two are really popular and I’m hoping he can use his influence to bump her up the waiting list if need be.’
‘He never mentioned it to me,’ Julia said.
Helen gave her a warning glare, letting her know that she wasn’t allowed to dwell on the failings of her marriage or her husband, to which Julia gave a dismissive shrug.
Phoebe was more than happy to avoid the subject too. ‘Anyway, like Helen said, let’s not spend any more of the evening making each other feel miserable.’ She looked from one face to the other but neither Helen nor Julia was showing signs of letting go of the tension that had been building between them. ‘We should be cheering ourselves up, not going for each other’s throats,’ she reminded them.
Julia sniffed the air and when Helen poked out her tongue, Julia gave a begrudging smile. The two had known each other forever and had plenty of practice in recovering from arguments, even the unspoken ones. Reaching over, Helen grabbed Julia’s hand and in all seriousness said, ‘I really am sorry for snapping at you, Julia, and I want you to know that if it comes down to it, I don’t mind renting out my womb. You can even have my eggs if you want them.’
Julia gasped in mock horror. ‘Do you really think I’d want a child of mine inheriting your questionable personality traits?’
‘Such as?’
‘Your warped sense of humour, for one. And what about your penchant for meeting strangers on the bus and offering yourself to their sons?’
‘He was offered to me,’ she said primly, ‘which means I’m obviously a good catch. Besides, look at Milly. I didn’t do too badly with her, did I?’
Phoebe had been pushed to the sidelines of the conversation but when she saw her chance, she jumped in. ‘I think Milly has John’s genes to thank for that.’
Helen’s eyes widened in shock. ‘Don’t you start picking on me too!’
‘Sorry, I couldn’t help it and in fairness, Julia would have said it if I hadn’t.’
The waiter arrived with their main courses and with the atmosphere thawing, they tucked into crispy battered fish and in Julia’s case, a loaded hamburger with extra mayonnaise.
‘Actually, I do have some good news,’ Julia said. Her cheeks were glowing from too much wine and perhaps a dose of pride too. ‘That commission I
was working on? Well, the client loved it and now he wants me to do some smaller pendants for each of his daughters. For Christmas.’
‘Bloody hell, that’s going to be a bit of a push, isn’t it?’ Phoebe asked, knowing how much work would be involved.
Julia shrugged. ‘I know, but I have the time and he’s willing to pay a premium.’
‘Oh,’ Helen said, ‘that follows on nicely to what I was just thinking.’
‘You, thinking?’ Julia asked.
Helen pulled a face. ‘Since you’ll be able to splash the cash and Phoebe has access to her nan’s savings, I say now would be a good time to decide what to do about our birthdays next year. I have some savings and we said ages ago that we should do something special for our joint one-hundredth birthday. Time is running out, ladies.’
Julia wiped a trail of mayonnaise from her mouth. ‘OK, but only on the condition that we don’t call it our hundredth birthday, and you have to do as I say because I’m the majority shareholder.’
‘You don’t have more years if me and Helen form a coalition,’ Phoebe countered.
‘Do you want another argument?’ Julia said and without waiting for a response, added, ‘I thought we might spend a long weekend in Spain. We could pack Mum off and have her villa to ourselves.’
‘A long weekend in Spain?’ Helen asked and shook her head with disappointment. ‘We have to think bigger.’
‘I did have an idea,’ Phoebe began hesitantly. ‘But I didn’t think it was worth mentioning because of how things were with Nan. But if she does go into a care home, then I could certainly do it, although, for the record, I would fund it myself. I’m not going to break my nan’s trust and spend her money the minute I get control of it. I’ll just have to work all the overtime I can get to afford it.’
The Goodbye Gift Page 10
