‘I’m starting to think we should have borrowed a dog from someone,’ Helen said as she cast an eye around the park. Without exception, all the other visitors were walking dogs, pushing prams or chasing after their offspring. It made their own little group look a little conspicuous and for various reasons, they all felt uncomfortable.
‘Weren’t you thinking of getting one?’ Phoebe called behind her.
‘Were we?’ Julia said, directing her response to Paul.
‘I was trying to think of something different to get you for Christmas and I asked Phoebe if she had any ideas. I think she was the one who suggested a dog.’
Phoebe laughed softly. ‘I was only thinking it would be nice if one of us had one and I can’t because of Nan’s cat.’
‘For the record, Phoebe, I would have killed Paul if he had presented me with a puppy on Christmas morning. Since when have I been a dog person?’
Paul gasped. ‘Don’t blame me; I wasn’t seriously considering it. It was Phoebe’s idea!’
‘Thanks, Paul!’ Phoebe said with mock horror that didn’t quite hide the smile on her face. ‘Drop me in it, why don’t you!’
Looking over her shoulder towards Paul, Helen met Julia’s gaze first and was glad she couldn’t read her thoughts. In the last ten years, Helen could be forgiven for forgetting there had ever been a previous connection between Phoebe and Paul. She felt distinctly unsettled that she should be reminded of it now.
Julia hadn’t realized she was wearing a frown until she saw it reflected in Helen’s face. She hadn’t meant it to form and quickly tried to recover. ‘What’s wrong, Helen?’ she asked with a forced grin. ‘You’re not the one who’s thinking of getting a dog, are you?’
Helen tried a little too hard to smile back. ‘Not unless it can be trained to walk itself while I laze in bed.’
‘Which I presume is where you would rather be now,’ Julia concluded, to which she received no more than a grunt.
Whatever had just passed like a shadow over the group had been swept to one side although Julia hadn’t completely erased it from her mind. As she walked along the side of the lake she crunched gravel underfoot but it might as easily have been eggshells. More than ever, she had to consider everything she said in front of Paul, so when the subject of a puppy had been raised, she had stopped herself from accusing him of thinking a puppy could be their substitute baby. She didn’t want to suggest that the aching void in her life couldn’t be filled, that they were unfixable, and she certainly didn’t want Paul to think the letter they had received from the hospital a few days earlier was a game changer.
And while this editing process of what she should or shouldn’t say had been going through her mind, Helen had turned to look at her and Julia had found something else to worry about. Something was bothering her friend and Julia wondered if it should bother her too. There was nothing unusual about hearing playful banter between Paul and her oldest friends; it was just that it was usually Helen and not Phoebe giving him a hard time.
‘How are the driving lessons going, Phoebe?’ Julia asked. ‘Are you getting more confident?’
Phoebe glanced over her shoulder and looked to the man whose arm his wife was holding onto tightly. ‘I think you’d better let Paul answer that one.’
‘Judging by the way my husband comes home needing a stiff drink I’d say there’s still plenty of room for improvement.’
‘Shouldn’t you be starting proper lessons by now?’ asked Helen.
‘No, not yet,’ Phoebe and Paul answered together.
‘But you’re right,’ Phoebe continued, ‘I do need to get a move on. I need to make it a priority now Nan has a moving date.’
There were gasps from both Julia and Helen.
‘Would this be to the home in Gateacre?’ Paul asked, sounding the least surprised and the most knowledgeable.
‘Yes, all thanks to you putting in a good word for me. They have a resident who’s relocating at the end of Jan— I mean the end of this month. Good grief, it’s not that far off, is it?’ Phoebe sounded terrified.
Julia pushed her way through the group so she could slip her arm into the crook of Phoebe’s elbow. ‘It’s going to be such a change for you, isn’t it? Do you think you’ll be OK on your own?’
‘I don’t know … I don’t like to think about it, but I suppose I’m practically on my own now as it is. Nan likes to spend most of her time locked away in the drawing room while I watch my mindless entertainment on TV. We don’t even eat together, but still, the idea of letting her be cared for by someone else just doesn’t seem right.’
‘Let her go,’ Julia insisted. ‘She doesn’t want to face the humiliation of her granddaughter taking care of all her intimate needs and she doesn’t want to be a burden to you. She knows her own mind.’
Phoebe lowered her head. ‘Not all the time.’
‘All the more reason for you to let her do things her way while she can,’ Helen offered. ‘She wants to make this choice on her own terms and you have to let her.’
Julia had hooked arms with Helen too, and as they walked, she did her best to ignore the irritatingly complete family group coming towards them along the narrow path circling the lake. They were still some distance away but it was close enough to feel the glare from what she perceived as unnecessarily smug grins. ‘It’s a new year and a new start for you, Phoebe, and given you have a couple of years before you have to sell your nan’s house, maybe now is the time to rethink your career. Before you commit to this management programme at work, why don’t you look at other options? The way things are going with my jewellery commissions, I could even take you on as my apprentice,’ she said, thinking how well received her latest pieces had been, and she had already had enquiries for more.
‘I don’t have a clue how to make jewellery,’ Phoebe reminded her.
‘And you don’t want to,’ Julia said, hearing what Phoebe was too polite to say. ‘And maybe I am jumping the gun about apprenticeships, but the thing is you have options. And not just career-wise either. I think Helen and I are going to have to remind you that there’s more to do on a cold winter’s evening than curl up with a cat on your knee watching The X Factor. We’re going to have to get you out more and I don’t just mean driving.’
Helen was following her train of thought and added, ‘We could always put your details on a dating site.’
Phoebe made a move to unhook herself from Julia’s clutches, but Julia refused to let her go. Phoebe was a problem that needed fixing. Her friend was far more attractive than she gave herself credit for but she had approached every relationship so far with the same level of expectation; that there was no one out there who would think her worthy of emotional investment, and meaningless sex was a fair exchange for a little attention now and again.
Julia was more determined than ever to help Phoebe embrace the brave new world that awaited her, and that included finding the right man, not any man. ‘After everything you’ve said about those sites over the years, Helen, I don’t think that’s what we want for Phoebe.’
‘I only tried it once, no twice, and that was years ago. I’m sure they’ve improved loads since then.’
Phoebe was still resisting as Julia pulled her friends into a huddle, allowing the oncoming family just enough room to squeeze past. ‘If you’re that much of a fan, Helen, you can do it too. You could go on a double date so you can watch each other’s back.’
Helen craned her neck to look back at Paul. ‘Help!’ she cried.
Paul didn’t have a chance to respond because Julia was on a mission. ‘Why not, though? You’re both still young. Don’t wait for life to happen, go out and make your own opportunities. If I could have the last ten years over again, I wouldn’t have wasted my chances.’
‘Me neither,’ Phoebe said wistfully and then blushed when she saw the curious looks from both her friends. ‘But I’m set in my ways now, Julia,’ she said, recovering herself. ‘I like my own company and I’m not looking for anyon
e.’
‘Come on, Julia, leave the poor girls alone,’ Paul said as he pulled at his wife’s arm. ‘And then perhaps you’d like to tell me all about those wasted opportunities you’ve had while we’ve been together.’
Julia was annoyed at herself for the slip, which she should have known Paul would misread. Returning to his side, she looped her arm in Paul’s and rested her head on his shoulder. ‘I only meant that I shouldn’t have been so cautious. I should have known from the start that you were the one for me.’
‘Or maybe you should have checked for faults first,’ he muttered under his breath.
Julia matched his low voice and said, ‘You’re perfect in my eyes.’
‘I don’t think the consultant sees it that way.’
‘We don’t know what he thinks, Paul, not yet.’
Helen and Phoebe were walking ahead and refrained from looking back or joining in the conversation that was decidedly awkward for all of them. Even so, their unspoken questions couldn’t be ignored.
‘I’ve been recalled for more tests,’ Paul announced. ‘Apparently my first sample wasn’t good enough.’
‘Paul, you don’t need to—’ Julia started.
‘What? Share my humiliation with your friends? It had to happen at some point, Julia, and I don’t mind that it looks like I was the problem all along,’ he said, his voice softening. ‘I’d hate you to feel like I do.’
It was Helen who turned first. ‘It could just mean that the first sample was contaminated or they could have simply messed up the test,’ she said and allowed a wicked smile to form. ‘You could have been too hot to handle.’
Phoebe joined in next. ‘Helen’s right, it must be a mix-up at the hospital. It can’t be you.’
While Phoebe’s words stung, Julia had to agree with her. Of course it couldn’t be Paul; it had to be Julia. Wasn’t that what they had all been thinking? ‘It’s too soon to jump to conclusions,’ she said.
When no one could think of anything else to offer, Julia simply repeated her previous statement. ‘You’re perfect to me, Paul. And I want the same kind of match for my friends.’
Paul kissed the top of her head. ‘I’m afraid when they made me they broke the mould.’
‘Oh no, Phoebes, all the best ones have been taken!’ Helen cried, following Paul’s lead and doing her bit to break through the tension. ‘There’s nothing left for us sad old spinsters so we might as well throw ourselves in the lake!’
As she pulled Phoebe towards the water’s edge, Helen’s giggling was infectious and the frown that had been furrowing Phoebe’s brow began to soften. Julia, in her best schoolmarm voice, told them to be careful as they teetered towards the frozen edges of the lake, but even as she spoke, Phoebe had stepped onto an icy puddle and lost her balance. Paul pulled himself from Julia’s grasp and rushed to catch her even as Phoebe righted herself.
Julia watched as Paul guided her to safety before being forced to return to fetch Helen who had decided she too was a damsel in distress. Once his heroic deeds were accomplished, Julia reached out an arm, inviting her husband to return to her side. ‘I’d say it’s about time we headed home,’ she said.
‘Yes, please,’ Phoebe replied. ‘How about I drive back to get in some practice?’
‘Erm, I think we’ve had enough danger for one day,’ Helen said and Julia agreed.
‘Don’t you listen to them, Phoebes,’ Paul said. ‘You’ll be driving better than either of these two before the end of the year.’
‘I’d do it even quicker if you could manage a few more lessons,’ Phoebe said. ‘Aren’t you off work this week?’
Even as she felt her hackles rise, Julia questioned her reaction. There was no reason to be concerned by the evolving relationship between Paul and Phoebe – she trusted them both implicitly. The root of her anxiety had nothing to do with them and everything to do with her own feelings. It was wrong that Phoebe should suffer because of Julia’s growing insecurities, but she was already trying to think up excuses to put Phoebe off when Helen cut in on her behalf.
‘I’d have thought Paul would want to spend precious time off work with his wife.’
‘Sorry, yes, of course,’ Phoebe said, but turned to Julia in the hope that she might reject Helen’s argument.
‘I don’t know …’ Julia said and was about to suggest that Helen had a point when Paul cut in.
‘I could spare the odd hour. It’s not a problem.’
As they headed back to the car, Paul’s words were ringing in Julia’s ears. There wasn’t a problem, was there?
The mound of laundry hidden beneath a strategically positioned tablecloth had grown so large that to the untrained eye it could be mistaken for a piece of furniture. Helen had intended to work her way through it while she was off, but there was something wrong about spending a much-deserved Christmas break doing housework. And so it had been left to grow and if she didn’t do something about it now, she was going to need a bigger tablecloth.
Helen would argue that she was not a slob. She liked the idea of a tidy house, it was just putting that notion into practice that she had a problem with, but enough was enough, and she set aside her Sunday morning to clear the backlog. She had dragged herself out of bed deliberately early, switched on the radio, and two cups of coffee later she had so much fresh ironing that she had run out of space to put it all.
Gathering up as many garments as she could carry, Helen was surprised to note it was already half past ten. She hadn’t heard a peep out of Milly and took great pleasure in striding into her daughter’s darkened room and shouting, ‘Wakey, wakey,’ at the top of her voice. She kept moving until she reached the window and then used her elbow to prise apart the curtains.
‘Mum, I’m having a lie-in!’ came a muffled protest from beneath the bedclothes where her daughter had retreated.
‘Well done, you’ve achieved that – now get up.’
‘In. A. Minute.’
‘Milly, look at me,’ Helen said as calmly as she could manage.
Her daughter flung back the covers and tried to scowl at her mum but the light was stinging her eyes. ‘What?’
‘I want this laundry put away carefully, because if it gets creased again you’ll have to either go to school in a crumpled uniform or iron it yourself.’
Helen placed the pile of clothes proudly on the bed, forcing Milly to draw up her legs.
‘And after that, I want you to tidy your room.’
‘But I thought we were going to the cinema today?’
‘And we will, once all the housework is done. It can be our reward.’
‘It’s not fair. I don’t even get to sleep in at Dad’s any more,’ she grumbled, ‘but at least there I get to do interesting stuff like dress up the baby.’
‘And I suppose I have it easy, do I? What with working all week so I can spend my weekends washing and ironing my ungrateful daughter’s clothes?’ Completely unfazed by the withering look her daughter was giving her, Helen continued, ‘Come on, you’d better move these clothes because I’ll have another pile to bring up to you in an hour.’
Returning downstairs to the kitchen, Helen took a deep breath of warm air laced with the scent of fabric conditioner. She considered having breakfast but was scared she might lose momentum, so she picked up the next item from the pile. It was the dress she had been wearing when she had gone to Sefton Park with her friends. Two weeks had passed and the outing was still playing on her mind. Phoebe had most definitely been acting strangely. She had been what Helen could only describe as giddy around Paul, and she had to describe it like that because she didn’t want to use the word flirty. And why, after witnessing first-hand how Julia and Paul were going through testing times, did Phoebe think it would be a good idea to take up more of Paul’s time with driving lessons when he should be at home talking things through with his wife?
Phoebe and Paul’s history was meant to be buried in the past but Helen had been carrying out an exhumation of the past over the
last week or so. When Helen had stumbled upon Phoebe again after a nine-year gap in their friendship, much had changed. Phoebe had been working behind the till in a supermarket when Helen rolled up with a trolley full of nappies, a bawling baby under one arm, and a look of surprise on her face – which had as much to do with her own circumstances as it did with seeing Phoebe again. Helen had felt tired, isolated and out of sync with her other friends who had sailed off to university while her own plans to be a nurse had run aground. Phoebe’s life hadn’t gone to plan either, and the two had quickly resumed their friendship.
‘Remember the life model I mentioned?’ Phoebe asked when visiting Helen one day. Her friend had a sleeping Milly in her arms and was sitting in one of the second-hand armchairs that John’s grandparents had donated to help them set up home. The chairs made the room smell of stale tobacco, but as with most things in Helen’s life at that time, there were no alternatives.
‘How could I forget after seeing your sketches? He’s gorgeous, Phoebe,’ she had said with a groan. ‘I’m tempted to join you at your art class just so I can get up close and personal.’
The Goodbye Gift Page 14
