Phoebe took the tray and the letter from her nan so that she could kneel in front of her and rest her head on her lap. She had done this only once before, not long after her ill-fated liaison with Paul had been brought to an end and there had been other choices to make.
‘You’ll be all right, Phoebe,’ the old lady said as she stroked her granddaughter’s hair. ‘I’ve been telling you that you won’t cope without me because it’s what I wanted to believe. The truth is, you don’t need me any more. You have a full life ahead of you and there’s still so much you could do, things you shouldn’t have sacrificed for the sake of a silly old lady. I wish you would find a man – I think the time is right for you – but even so, you have some lovely friends. Go out and enjoy yourself tonight, think about the future, and don’t you dare fret about me.’
But as Phoebe sat in the Elephant waiting for her friends to arrive, the new life that awaited her couldn’t have been further from her mind. She couldn’t discard her old life so easily. She still worried about her nan, and she worried about her friends too – especially the one who hadn’t replied to her text. Phoebe kept her eyes on the entrance and waited.
‘I didn’t think you were coming,’ Phoebe said with a rush of relief.
‘How many times have you been here for me?’ Julia asked. ‘And it’s not often I get to return the favour so of course I was coming.’ In truth, she had been glad of the excuse to get out and was almost looking forward to being presented with a problem that she might have some chance of fixing. ‘Sorry, I didn’t text you, did I? My head’s been in the clouds lately.’
‘It’s all right, you’re here now.’
Phoebe picked up the bottle of wine on the table and was about to fill a second glass when Julia said, ‘Not for me, thanks. I’m driving.’
‘Oh, all right then,’ Phoebe said and although she didn’t ask why, the question hung in the air.
Julia caught the eye of a waiter and asked him for a glass of sparkling water. He also gave her a curious look, possibly recalling the night Julia had staggered out of the restaurant, which made her all the more determined not to repeat the performance.
‘It’s not fair on Paul being my chauffeur all the time,’ she told Phoebe, ‘and besides, I’d rather cut back for now.’
Again there was a lull in the conversation where Julia would normally start talking about her obsession with getting pregnant, but she wasn’t ready to talk about what the consultant had said, and more especially how she felt about it, which was what her friends would want to know. She didn’t know where to begin and for a moment, she was lost in her thoughts. It was only when Phoebe began to fidget uncomfortably that Julia realized she had been staring at her friend’s hand. It took another second to react to the sight of her injuries.
‘My God, Phoebe, what happened?’
Phoebe covered up the bruises with her other hand and shrugged. ‘It’s nothing.’
‘Bloody hell, let me see,’ Helen said, having just arrived.
Despite wearing a gypsy shirt over torn jeans, there was no doubting Helen was a nurse. She took hold of Phoebe’s hand and turned it this way and that, manipulating digits and applying pressure to the area around Phoebe’s knuckles. ‘You’re lucky it’s not broken,’ she said and, turning to Julia, added, ‘Did she tell you what her nan did?’
‘No! When did this happen and why on earth didn’t you tell me?’ Julia began but then stopped. She didn’t need to be reminded how she had been hogging centre stage over the last week, if not longer.
‘It’s nothing,’ Phoebe insisted.
‘It took me ages getting it out of her,’ Helen said. ‘Her nan thought she was an intruder and attacked her.’
Julia couldn’t hide her confusion as she tried to imagine how Theresa could inflict such an injury.
‘She used her walking stick.’
Helen was still inspecting her patient, only now she was looking at Phoebe’s face. She tenderly pushed her fringe to the side to expose the gash beneath. ‘And exactly how many times did she hit you?’
Phoebe jerked her head away and readjusted her fringe. ‘I don’t know. It doesn’t matter.’
‘It doesn’t matter?’ Julia challenged. ‘Your nan assaulted you and you’re going to carry on as if nothing’s happened? I won’t stand for it!’
‘Honestly, Julia. It’s all right.’
‘Then why have you called this meeting?’ Helen demanded. ‘What’s going on?’
By way of an answer, Phoebe looked directly at Julia and Julia’s heart sank even as it filled with warmth. ‘You called the meeting for me, didn’t you?’
‘There’s only so much space we could give you,’ Phoebe said. ‘How are things?’
‘Oh, no, I’m not so wrapped up in myself not to care about what’s happening in my best friends’ lives. Tell me what’s going on, Phoebe. Tell me what you need us to do.’
As Phoebe smiled, she fought the urge to cry. She didn’t deserve Julia’s sympathy. ‘Nothing,’ she said.
Ignoring the comment, Julia said, ‘What does your nan think? She must be mortified.’
‘She won’t tell her.’
‘I said I’d tell her and I have,’ Phoebe said to Helen. ‘And it had precisely the effect you said it would.’
‘She’s going into the home?’
When Phoebe simply nodded, Julia shared a look with Helen. They were both thinking the same thing but it was Helen who said, ‘We’ve heard that before, Phoebe. It doesn’t mean she’ll actually go through with it.’
It was then that Phoebe told them about the heartbreaking letter her grandmother had written and even Helen couldn’t think of a smart remark.
‘That’s so sad,’ Julia said at last.
‘I’m almost tempted to tell her to forget it, which shouldn’t be too difficult with my nan.’
‘You’d better not,’ Helen warned. ‘And yes, it is incredibly sad and I’m not belittling the magnitude of the decision she’s taking …’
‘But?’
‘But she’s not some sweet-natured old lady we should all feel sorry for, and she never was. I don’t doubt that she loved you all very much, but she controlled your family through bullying and intimidation, even your grandad. The reason you were always invited around to my house to play, Phoebe, was because I was terrified of her. She frightened off all your friends.’
Thinking back, Julia would be hard pressed to name any of Phoebe’s other friends, although being that much older she had never taken much notice of Helen and Phoebe’s peers – the two girls had been enough of a handful. But what Helen said rang true. ‘And I always had the impression she hated you, Helen.’
Phoebe silenced her friends with a withering look. ‘Today my grandmother told me how lucky I was to have such wonderful friends. If only she knew!’
Julia had the good grace to blush but Helen simply shrugged. ‘Anyway, now that’s sorted, let’s turn our attention to the next item on the agenda. How are things in the “low-sperm-count household”?’ she asked.
At that precise moment the waiter arrived and, with a wry smile, asked, ‘And what can I do for you ladies this evening?’
Even Julia managed a smile and after their orders had been taken and they were on their own again, her friends waited patiently until the forced grin had faded to nothing.
‘The consultant didn’t rule out the possibility that I might have unexplained fertility issues that are contributing to our problems, particularly given my age, but …’ She grimaced and wouldn’t look at her friends but rather a spot in the distance where Paul’s face materialized in front of her, complete with a look of utter devastation. ‘Based purely on Paul’s results, the odds of us conceiving naturally are pretty dismal. To use another of our consultant’s analogies, if Paul’s little men were footballers, they’d be lucky to make the Second Division, let alone the Premiership.’
‘Shouldn’t you ask for a second opinion?’ Phoebe asked.
‘Why?’ Julia sai
d, allowing her friends to hear the pain she had been trying so hard to hide from her husband. ‘The fact that we haven’t been able to conceive is proof enough that something’s wrong.’
‘But—’
Helen interrupted her. ‘And how are you feeling about it, Julia?’
‘I feel – everything,’ she said simply and then, knowing the answer wasn’t good enough, added, ‘I’m relieved that I could carry a baby, theoretically at least; I’m hopeful that there are enough options available so it might happen one day; I’m frustrated that we have to wait for a follow-up appointment before we can decide which way to go; but most of all I’m absolutely gutted that, as far as Paul sees it, the blame for all of this has landed at his feet and there’s nothing I can say to make him realize that we’re in this together, we always were, and the results don’t change a damn thing.’
‘Poor Paul,’ Phoebe said.
Helen reached over and cupped Julia’s face briefly in her hand. ‘And poor you.’
Julia offered them a trembling smile. ‘It will happen one day, that’s what we have to hold onto.’
‘Until you’re holding your baby,’ Helen said. She raised her glass and with more hope than confidence added, ‘Here’s to new beginnings, for all of us.’
Three glasses were lifted into the air but they couldn’t bring them together so readily. Words were easy to say, more difficult to put into action, and they knew it. Only when Julia tipped her glass towards her friends, did they complete the toast.
Deciding enough time had been wasted on the imponderables of biological functions, Julia tackled one of the more pressing challenges of motherhood. ‘So, Helen, what new beginnings are you looking forward to? Has Milly changed her mind yet?’
Helen’s bright eyes dimmed. ‘I’m afraid not. We’re getting on better than ever, but I can’t compete with cute little Oliver.’ She pulled a sad face but her playfulness couldn’t disguise the fact that she was hurting.
‘Well, I still think she’ll come to her senses,’ Julia told her. ‘She takes you for granted right now, but just you wait.’
‘It’s half term in two weeks. Time is running out.’
Julia held back from insisting everything would be OK. Wasn’t she sick of hearing the same thing herself? And thankfully, Helen’s comment prompted another discussion that was well overdue. ‘Speaking of which, what about our holiday? Don’t we need to stop prevaricating and book it? If we don’t get a move on then it could be my fiftieth and your fortieths we’re celebrating.’
Helen was counting on her fingers. ‘And that would be our combined one hundred and thirtieth. It just doesn’t have the same ring to it, does it?’
‘And it’s got the number thirteen in it,’ Phoebe said, ‘and we’re not exactly known for our good luck and fortune.’
‘We are lucky,’ Julia insisted. ‘We have each other and I know there’s been a lot of crap thrown at us all lately but isn’t that all the more reason to make this happen? We’ve been distracted by all our troubles but maybe this is perfect timing. You and Phoebe will be divested of your caring responsibilities and I’m yet to acquire some, so …’
When her call to arms was met with stunned silence, she added, ‘Seriously, what’s stopping us?’
Phoebe shrugged. ‘Nothing.’
Helen’s mouth twitched. ‘I suppose it would be good to regroup and get our acts together.’
‘And while we’re away,’ Julia said, looking straight at Phoebe, ‘you and I are going to work out what you want to do with the rest of your life. It’s not too late for a career change and with my help, we will make it happen.’
Julia looked from Phoebe to Helen until all three faces were alight with excitement.
‘But honestly, could we still do it?’ Helen said. ‘It’ll take a lot of organizing in such a short space of time.’
‘I’ve already done all the hard work,’ Phoebe said. ‘We know what we want.’
‘So?’ Julia asked.
Phoebe smiled. ‘Assuming my nan does move out, it would be some start to my new life.’
‘Exactly,’ Helen said. ‘Fresh start, clean sheet.’
Typical of Phoebe, she wouldn’t let the excitement overpower her sense of the practical. ‘We might be restricted on the availability for flights and hotels, but there’ll be alternatives if you don’t mind me tweaking the itinerary here and there. But I’d rather wait until Nan’s actually in the care home, which means it would have to be very last minute.’
‘Not a problem,’ Julia said.
‘I can’t guarantee the prices won’t have changed from when I last checked, but if I get the travel agent on the case, who knows, we might be able to take advantage of some late deals.’
‘Don’t worry,’ Julia said, ‘even if it does cost more, we’re still going.’
‘Hold on, if it’s too much over budget, I might have to consult my financial adviser,’ Helen said.
Julia was the first to pick up on her friend’s throwaway comment, which had a hint of an announcement. She narrowed her eyes and kept them on Helen as the waiter arrived with their food. ‘So there are new beginnings afoot,’ she said once their food had been served.
Helen picked up a crisp, golden chip and took a bite as if her next words were nothing special. ‘There might be.’
‘The bloke on the bus?’ Phoebe stuttered. ‘You’re going out with him? Why didn’t you say something?’
‘Because I’m not going out with him,’ Helen said as if she were utterly offended by the remark. ‘I simply met him to review my financial position in light of the impending changes to my household.’
Julia cocked her head. ‘Met him where?’
‘His office is in Chester so it was a bit awkward to get there.’
‘Met him where?’ she repeated.
There was a hint of a smile when Helen said, ‘In a very nice restaurant in the city centre.’
‘Which one?’
‘The Carpathia.’
‘Isn’t that part of a hotel?’ Phoebe offered and shared a look with Julia. They were both enjoying the sport now.
‘It was a business meeting.’
‘Yeah, yeah,’ chorused her friends.
‘You two have minds in the gutter. We talked business.’ Rather than more questions, it was her friends’ refusal to comment that finally made Helen cave in. ‘All right, it might have started out as a business meeting but I suppose it’s entirely possible that it did progress towards something that might loosely be described as a date – by which I mean we got personal but not that personal.’
‘And when are you seeing him again?’
Helen winced. ‘I was supposed to be seeing him tonight.’
Phoebe’s jaw dropped. ‘You should have said! I wouldn’t have called you out if I’d known.’
‘I did it for you,’ Helen said purposefully, ‘and I did it for Julia. I put our friendship before any man.’
Phoebe didn’t hang about sorting out the holiday arrangements and by the following Wednesday she was already making her second visit of the week to the travel agent’s. The first had been during her lunch break on Monday to briefly run through her requirements and set the agent to work sourcing out the best available offers. Her return trip was intended to close the deal.
Phoebe had taken a day off work, but not simply to visit the travel agent’s; in fact, not even because of it. If she were being honest, she had been fully prepared for all her plans to come to nothing, but after an extremely busy morning she found herself walking down Lord Street shaking with a mixture of excitement and trepidation. Outside the travel agent’s, passers-by had paused to check out the latest deals on display in the window, and even though Phoebe’s choices had already been made, she paused with the crowd. She could feel her heart thudding against her chest so hard that it made her nauseous. A smile was forming tentatively on her lips as if it were shocked to be there. She had never thought this day would come.
Eventually her gaze was
drawn inside the shop and she made eye contact with the travel agent who was expecting her.
‘I have some great news for you,’ Lorna told Phoebe as she took a seat opposite her. ‘I’ve managed to match your original itinerary as far as travel arrangements go – that’s including the train to London, the Eurostar to Paris and the flights you wanted to New York. I couldn’t get you into the Paris hotel you wanted but the one I’m suggesting is only around the corner. It’s a tad more expensive but it has a spa and their offer comes with a complimentary treatment. Train tickets are also a bit more expensive than you originally anticipated.’ She stopped reeling off the list to check her client’s reaction. ‘Overall, I couldn’t get you quite within budget but it’s not far off. Everything is available if you want me to book it today. It’s up to you.’
Phoebe looked at the printout Lorna had passed to her with the final figures. The cost had already been eye-watering and the hike only added to the pain. ‘It’s not only up to me. I need to consult my friends.’
Lorna glanced over Phoebe’s shoulder towards the waiting area where new customers had appeared. ‘It’s less than two weeks away and I can’t guarantee availability or prices if you were to leave it any longer, and to be honest, finding alternatives once these options go will be tricky.’
‘It shouldn’t take long, but I really do need to check with them first.’
‘I’ll tell you what, why don’t you take a seat and make some calls? When you’ve got your answers then give me the nod and we’ll take it from there. It looks like it’s going to be a fabulous trip and I really don’t want you to miss out.’
Returning to the waiting area, Phoebe pulled out her phone. She got through to Julia immediately who confirmed that she still wanted to go and then asked a more pertinent question. Was Phoebe able to make the trip, or did she still have certain responsibilities? Phoebe said that she could, but offered little else.
The Goodbye Gift Page 24
