by Stella Rhys
“That’s all I want,” I whispered tremulously as he kept the tempo of his stroke while sucking the tips of my breasts in his mouth. I rolled my head back against the stall, my breaths growing jagged as he flicked and swirled his tongue over me, my pleasure building so high so fast I only vaguely sensed Julian lifting me like a feather off the ground.
Pinned against the wall, his cock pierced me deep, and his abs rubbed against my clit for barely five seconds before the sensation became unbearable.
“Come for me, baby,” Julian murmured fervently.
My body obliged and took him with me, my lips gasping for air as Julian finished inside me with an echoing roar. We were entirely too loud for the setting, but we didn’t care – couldn’t even if we tried. We were too hot, angry, and eager to stake our claims on one another tonight.
And we were both too far gone to stop ourselves.
34
SARA
From dinner, we went straight back to our hotel room – rather, my hotel room that we were apparently now sharing.
After grabbing his bag from his suite down the hall, Julian returned to me. Standing in the doorway of the bathroom, he quietly unbuttoned his shirt, getting leisurely undressed while watching me shower through the glass door. I could see behind him into the living room, and out the windows at the moonlight glimmering over the water.
For once, I enjoyed the partition between Julian and me. I wiped at the fog steaming the shower door as I continued watching him drift in and out of the bathroom while taking his clothes, his watch and his shoes off. Without something separating us, I was pretty sure I’d climb all over him again – it was hard not to, even when I was still catching my breath from what he’d just done to me at the restaurant.
Plain and simple, there was no looking at Julian without wanting him. But I forced myself to just pause and take this time to gaze at my current reality.
A little over a month ago, I spent between six and seven days a week in a windowless part of my office at June Magazine. I worked unpaid overtime every day in order to complete my superiors’ assignments, I went through my ritual of sex with Vanilla Jeff in his cluttered office, and my idea of vacation was thirty minutes at a coffee shop with Lia.
Now I was in Biarritz, France, in the most beautiful hotel room I’d ever seen overlooking the stunning Basque coast. To top it all off, I had Julian Hoult winding down with me after a long day out. Just watching him get ready to sleep was fascinating. Just sleeping in bed with him was fascinating. Seemingly everything about that man made me feel better, happier, more hopeful, and while I had been doing a great job of it up to yesterday, as I watched Julian now, I couldn’t deny it.
I was falling.
Hard.
I didn’t feel anything close to secure about it, but it was happening, and try as I might, I couldn’t stop it anymore.
“Hey,” I smiled as he got in the shower with me. I laughed as he gave a crooked grin and leaned his tired body into me for several seconds. I giggled, closing my eyes as he kissed my neck. “You’re almost there,” I murmured. Tomorrow was our last day before going home. Somehow, it felt like forever ago that we were in New York.
“Thank you, by the way,” Julian said when he pulled back. My eyes followed my hands as they ran over his solid pecs then slowly down the ridges of his abs.
“For what?” I asked softly.
“Making this trip easier for me.”
“I hardly did anything with the Roths this trip.”
“I don’t mean in regards to the sale,” he said, taking the little round of soap and running its smooth surface along my side. “I mean just… being here. In Biarritz. It’s not usually an easy trip for me.”
I blinked, water trickling down my hair and into my face. How had I not even considered that? This resort I was having the time of my life in had begun as a home – the one he’d built to bring back Lucie.
Of course it hurt to be here.
“I didn’t even think about how hard it was for you to come back here,” I murmured, frowning at myself.
“It usually is, but it wasn’t this time. I barely recognize this place when I’m here with you. It just feels like another beautiful French city when I get to see it through your eyes,” Julian said earnestly, oblivious to how incredibly sweet I found his words. He looked up at me and grinned. “That said I hope you didn’t enjoy your time here too much, because I have no intention of ever coming back once we’re gone.”
“I can always come here alone,” I teased.
“It would be a waste to let you go somewhere alone,” Julian said.
“Why’s that?”
“Because you’re so beautiful when you see something for the first time,” he answered straightaway. “I wouldn’t want to miss all those faces you make.”
I grinned wide. “Are you trying to make my cheeks hurt?”
“I’m not. But I’ve become pretty dependent on seeing that smile, so whatever makes you happy, I’ll keep doing it,” he laughed, letting water trickle over his head as he leaned in to kiss me.
At night, I drifted off to sleep while Julian sat next to me in bed, looking over some notes. He asked if I wanted him to move into the sitting room so I could turn the lights off to sleep, but I said no. I felt way too much at peace lying there with him reading next to me. I loved every second of it, even in my sleep.
I didn’t even mind that I woke up around two in the morning to find him still up, and still reading, though his material had changed since I was last awake.
“What’s that?” I asked, my voice cracking from the grogginess. Julian looked down at me and frowned.
“Hey. I’m sorry I woke you.”
“You didn’t. I just stir here and there,” I murmured, eyeing the pressed flower stationery in his hand. “Is that from Lucie?” I whispered sleepily. My lips curved in a smile when Julian took my hand and nodded for me to crawl up against him. Only when I had my head resting on his chest did he softy answer.
“It’s the last letter she sent where she wrote that she missed me, and she still didn’t understand why she couldn’t see me.”
“How long ago is it from?”
“About two-and-a-half years ago. She had just turned six. She’s thanking me for the birthday presents in this,” Julian said, running his thumb over the paper.
“Oh. You… know where they live?”
“Yes.”
“And you don’t ever get tempted to go there and find them?” My voice was small when I asked the question – as if that might lessen the pain of his answer.
“I thought about it every business trip I’ve ever taken out here. I thought about it today,” Julian admitted in a murmur, pulling my leg over his lap. I leaned closer into him, smoothing my hand up his chest to his shoulder. I rubbed it gently as he spoke. “Figured it was almost like a last chance. But I decided against it.”
“Why?”
“Because she’s perfectly adjusted now. She’s moved on from her memories of me, and it would be selfish for me to barrel into her life now and ruin the peace. She’s still too young to fully understand the situation. She wouldn’t know how to handle the fact that her mother has fed her lies about me. She’d just feel confusion and resentment, and all I want is for her to be happy. I don’t want her to feel what I feel.”
I gazed up at Julian, his stunning profile highlighted from the soft glow of the lamp. My heart ached for him, and I wished so badly that he could just see Lucie, but I understood exactly what he meant.
“You’re a good man to give her the peace to move on,” I said. “Most people would just indulge their impulses without thinking about how it might affect the other person.” I cupped the back of his neck and rubbed gently. “I think it’s noble for you to take on the hurt for her. Not everybody would do that,” I said, thinking about the nights I heard my mother’s muffled crying in her room. She was broken up over me, the arrest, and everything I’d been forced to do in college. A couple nights, she cav
ed and came to my room, demanding what the hell I was thinking, and how I could let those girls treat me that way. Didn’t I respect myself?
Those nights hurt.
But they were few and far between considering how many other nights she just held it in, crying into her pillow.
“Maybe in the future, you two can reconnect, and you can give her your side of the story,” I said.
“I hope she understands by then why I eventually stopped trying to see her.”
“She will,” I whispered. “Everyone finds out eventually how fragile the healing process is. Maybe she’ll figure it out after her first big breakup, and she’ll understand that even after the wound’s closed, it’s still delicate, and sensitive, and it still needs time.”
Julian looked me in the eye. “What about yours?” he asked.
“What? My wound?” I offered a little smile. “It’s been healing since we left the Hamptons. It’s in pretty good shape so far.”
“Good.” Julian put the letter on the nightstand, pulling me fully onto his lap. He pressed his lips against my forehead as I straddled him. “By the way, you’re good at this,” he whispered.
“What?”
“Making me happy.”
I closed my eyes and let out a sigh of pure content.
“You have that touch with me, too,” I murmured, cutting myself off right there, because there was so much more I could say.
You make me happy.
Happier than I ever thought I deserved.
And I think I’m falling in love with you.
My heartbeat rose in my chest as Julian tipped my chin up to kiss me. I wanted so badly to say the words, and to just get them off my chest. But I didn’t.
I told myself to save it for another time.
35
SARA
Julian and I had fallen asleep together a few hours after he had accidentally woken me up.
But I thought I had dreamed him sitting up in bed again in the middle of the night, the glow of his phone illuminating his silhouette in the dark of the room. I remembered blinking sleepily at him, and I could have sworn that twice, I reached for him and murmured his name.
But he didn’t respond, and for that reason, I was sure I had dreamt it.
This moment, however, I wasn’t dreaming.
“Julian?” I was foggy, already halfway panicked when I woke up to see him striding into the room in a grey suit, both his and my bag fully packed and set on the chest at the end of the bed. I grabbed my phone off the nightstand and blinked down at the time. Barely eight in the morning. “Where did you just come from?” I asked.
“The last meeting. They wanted to move it up, and I didn’t want to wake you. You were smiling in your sleep.”
“Was I?” I couldn’t help smiling again now.
“You were. It was cute,” Julian smirked at me. “But we have to go now. We have a flight to catch in less than an hour.”
My eyes fluttered. “Really? So it’s… all done? Everything?” I was so disoriented for some reason. Perhaps the lack of sleep, though I usually functioned fine on minimal rest. I sat at the edge of the bed, processing everything at a delay as I watched Julian move around the room. But he finally stopped to tend to me when he saw how very lost I looked.
“Get dressed, Sara,” he said, gazing down at me as he cupped my cheek. “I need you ready to go as soon as possible.”
“Is everything okay? Did you finalize the deal?”
“All but. Everything will be finalized back in New York.”
“Aren’t you happy it’s done?” I grinned, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.
“Very,” Julian answered, taking my hand and leading me to the closet. “But we can celebrate on the plane. We really do have to leave soon.”
I blinked at a lone dress of mine hanging in the closet, everything else apparently packed. I couldn’t help feeling strange and slightly thrown off by the unexpected rush, but when I glanced at Julian, I caught that devastatingly handsome smile as he knotted his tie. And suddenly, I forgot my worries.
“Okay,” I said brightly. “I’ll be ready to go in ten.”
From Teterboro Airport, Julian’s car picked us up and brought us straight to his riverfront penthouse in TriBeCa. All he’d said as we walked across the tarmac was, “Stay with me tonight,” and I was sold.
The fact that he lived in what looked like a high-rise palace was just a bonus.
From the cobblestone road, our car turned into a private drive-in courtyard, stopping in front of a towering arched entrance, where we got out. A warm glow greeted us when we walked into the double-height lobby boasting sculptures and artwork more beautiful than I’d seen in museums.
“Of course this is where you live,” I murmured mostly to myself as I walked beside Julian toward the elevator.
It required a key to even move to the top floor of the building, and when the doors opened, they did so directly into Julian’s stunning triplex.
“Whoa.”
I felt him watching me as I wandered in awe under the twenty-plus-foot ceilings, in the nighttime glow of the downtown lights sparkling in from the windows. They stretched from ceiling to floor, facing north, east, south and west. The panoramic view alone pumped my heart with adrenaline.
“Meet me on the terrace,” Julian said, nodding toward a glass door. “I’ll pour us some wine.”
I didn’t need to be told twice.
Floating out onto the terrace, an almost tearful smile burst to my lips.
God. I’d lived in New York for almost ten years, and never had I seen a view like this. After my trip to Biarritz, this view was like a final reminder that there was in fact so much more out there.
Three times, I’d been stuck thinking this is it, so deal with it. The first time was in high school, the second was my freshman year in college, and the third was my backbreaking tenure at June Magazine.
I kept letting myself think that I’d seen it all, and I knew all my options.
Never had I been so wrong, and never had I been so happy to be.
“Enjoying the view?”
I turned to find Julian holding two glasses of red as he came out to join me.
“How could I not?” I asked, nodding my thanks when he handed me the glass of wine. “Please tell me you’re not too jaded to ever come out here, because if that’s the case, I might actually have to smack you.”
Julian laughed. “I’m out here often, actually. Generally when I can’t sleep.”
“So, what, you come out here in your velvet robe with a glass of Scotch and gaze out at Gotham like Bruce Wayne?” I grinned.
Julian smirked. “More like a pair of sweatpants, a book, and a glass of water.”
“Mm. That’s an even sexier image,” I said as Julian gave me a low, sexy, kind of tired laugh. Something about it compelled me to snuggle into his chest and close my eyes. It was quiet for a moment as we just breathed against each other, both of us exhausted, but neither of us sleepy. Julian was first to break the silence.
“I have a proposal for you.”
I peered up at him. “Hm?”
“I want you to stay home from work tomorrow.”
I frowned and pulled slightly back. “Why?”
“Because I want you to stay here,” Julian said, his mouth curving into a grin when I arched my brows in surprise. “I think I took a page from your book and developed a vivid fantasy while we were in Biarritz.”
“Oh? What fantasy?”
“Coming home to you after a long day of work.”
My heart practically sang.
“Julian Hoult,” I feigned shock. “That is filthy.”
“I’m aware.” His gorgeous lips spread into an irresistible grin. “I’m a bit of a sick fuck, in case you haven’t noticed.”
“Mm, totally. So, tell me more about this fantasy. What am I…what am I wearing in it?” I asked scandalously, sipping my wine. Julian laughed hard enough to give me the eye crinkle. God, I loved the eye crinkle.
“Honestly, I imagined everything. A robe. One of my shirts over a pair of your panties. One of my hoodies – ”
“You own hoodies?” I gasped teasingly.
“Two.”
“Let me guess, one is an Empires American League Champs hoodie.”
“Correct,” Julian smiled. “The other is from my days at Columbia. Probably haven’t worn it since I was nineteen.”
“It’s weird to think that you were ever nineteen.”
“Not at all sure how to take that.”
“You just seem like you were always a wise, ridiculously handsome grown man,” I giggled. “So in some way, that was a compliment.”
“Thank you then,” Julian grinned, pulling me back into his chest, wrapping his arm around me and kissing the top of my head. Gah.
Another tiny thing I fucking loved.
At night, when we slept, we did the same dance we did our last night in Biarritz – Julian sat up reading while I lay next to him, our pillow talk winding down to a sleepy murmur as I slowly dozed off, lulled to slumber by the sound of his flipping pages.
Again, I woke in the middle of the night to find him still sitting there, awake and reading with one knee up and his arm resting over it.
“Can’t sleep?” I murmured, my eyes still half-closed. I felt his fingers gently comb through my hair.
“No.”
“Isn’t this when you usually go to the terrace?” I asked.
He chuckled. “Yes.”
I said nothing more as I waited for him to get up and leave, but he didn’t. So with a smile on my lips and his fingertips gently massaging my head, I drifted back to sleep.
36
SARA
I didn’t go out at all the next day.
It was sweltering hot, and even if it weren’t, I had way too much house to explore and enjoy.
Julian had left for work early in the morning, around seven. I heard him murmur and laugh softly in my ear, probably over whatever sleepy gibberish was coming out of my mouth, and then I felt him kiss my neck down to the tops of my breasts before his footsteps went out the door.
When I finally woke up and checked my texts, I found a single one from Julian.
