He kissed my bare shoulder, and his hand trailed down my front, softly running over my breasts and coming to a rest on my bare stomach. “I like sleeping with you,” he whispered softly.
“Oh really? Why don’t I find that surprising?” I teased.
“Well, I like having sex with you—that’s a given after last night. But I like sleeping with you, too. You’re soft and warm—it feels good holding you in my arms.”
I relaxed back against him, knowing I felt the same way. “I like it, too,” I said softly.
We lay there a moment in quiet contentment, with Ryan’s large frame wrapped around me. He buried his face in my hair, like he didn’t want to let me go. It felt sweet and different from the passionate night that we’d shared—like he was my boyfriend holding me close and not a guy I would probably never see again.
“Your flight’s at 11:00,” he said quietly.
“What?” I asked, confused, turning to face him.
“The concierge called the room earlier. They said they were able to find a flight out for you.”
“Oh,” I replied, suddenly feeling crestfallen. I couldn’t wait to fly home yesterday, and now I couldn’t imagine leaving.
“Want me to order breakfast while you get ready?” he asked, his voice deep.
“Sure, let’s have breakfast together,” I answered, gazing into those blue eyes.
“First things first though.” He brushed my hair aside and lowered his lips to my neck, planting kisses slowly up it until he finally reached my mouth. His hand trailed down from my stomach, landing much farther below it and reminding me of what it had felt like to be with him last night. I wondered if we’d even have time for breakfast.
***
Although I was no expert at one-night-stands, I didn’t think that you were supposed to fall for the guy you’d slept with. I wanted to cry when Ryan dropped me off at the airport. It was kind of silly for him to ride in the cab along with me, simply prolonging our inevitable goodbye, but he’d insisted, and I didn’t have the strength in me to tell him not to. I wanted to spend a few more precious minutes together as much as he had. As we stood by the check-in counter, right before I went through airport security, I wanted to imagine that I was leaving for a quick trip and would be coming home again soon. Coming back to Ryan. I knew I was probably just head-over-heels in lust from an amazing night spent together—an amazing morning as well, if I must admit. But as he brushed his thumb against my lips and tenderly kissed me goodbye, it was hard to imagine that I’d never see him again. People didn’t just meet like this and have such a great connection and spark only to be separated a short time later.
The plane ride back to Chicago gradually began to dull my memories, though. I knew we’d had an amazing night together, knew that the physical feelings had been real, but I was now certain that any other feelings between us were something that I’d imagined. Maybe he’d come to see me someday, months from now, and we’d realize what a mistake it had been. That our night in San Francisco had been just that—one night, and not something that we could carry on into any kind of future or long-distance relationship.
Morgan and Josh were waiting for me when I exited the plane. I was surprised but realized I should have expected it. Although they didn’t make it a habit of picking me up at the airport since I traveled all the time, we had a lot of last-minute wedding planning to do. There was a final dress-fitting for Morgan this afternoon, plus the bridesmaid dress-fittings for the other girls and me. I’d also promised Josh I’d help him pick out something to give Morgan on their wedding day, an outing Morgan knew about but pretended that she didn’t for his sake.
Morgan ran over to me excitedly, her long dark hair billowing out behind her. She threw her arms around my neck and gave me a big hug. “Sarah! I can’t believe you couldn’t make it back last night. The bachelorette party was amazing! I’m so sad you weren’t there.”
“I can’t believe I missed it either after all that planning,” I said with a wry smile. “I’m glad you had fun though.”
“So what’d you do in San Fran last night?” Josh asked as he sauntered over. With his light brown hair and boyish good looks, I’d always thought that he and Morgan made an especially cute couple. He hooked one arm around Morgan’s shoulders as she eventually released me from her embrace. “I keep hearing all about this amazing night you planned, and you couldn’t even bother to show up for it?” He gave me a teasing smile, and I playfully punched him in the arm.
“Very funny. Do you think I waited around the airport for hours yesterday just for fun?”
“It sounded like a fun night judging from the text you sent me earlier,” Morgan said flashing me a smile.
“It sounds like there’s a story that I’m missing here,” Josh said, glancing between the two of us.
“It’s just girl talk,” I reassured him. “Nothing you’d want to hear about.”
He raised his eyebrows doubtfully, and Morgan laughed. “Don’t worry, Sweetie. I’ll tell you all about it later.”
“No need to do that,” I interrupted, abruptly changing the subject. “Don’t we have a dress-fitting to get to?”
After spending a few hours in the bridal shop with Morgan and the rest of the bridesmaids, I met Josh at a jewelry store around the corner to help him pick out a special gift. He was eyeing large heart-shaped lockets, which were cute, but something I thought Morgan would have liked more if she were a teenager and not a grown woman walking down the aisle.
“Picking out something for your girlfriend?” the saleswoman asked as she approached us.
“Oh, I’m not his girlfriend,” I said.
“I need something for my fiancée,” Josh explained.
“Congratulations!” the woman loudly exclaimed, giving me a big smile.
“I’m not his fiancée either,” I said with an amused laugh. “He’s marrying my best friend.”
“Oh, I see,” she replied, the smile never leaving her face. “Let me find something you both think she’d like.”
Josh and I looked at trays of earrings and necklaces. He was completely clueless when it came to jewelry, and I was actually glad that he’d invited me along, for Morgan’s sake. They’d picked out her engagement ring together, and after seeing his taste, I understood why. I was able to offer a few suggestions on what I thought Morgan would like, and in the end he selected a beautiful pearl necklace for her. We left the jewelry store with Josh excited about his gift and me more than ready to finally head home.
Josh thanked me for helping him and dropped me off at my apartment building late Saturday afternoon. He offered to carry my suitcase in, but I told him it wasn’t necessary. As I finally rolled my suitcase into my bedroom and tossed my other belongings down on the bed, I realized that I’d never turned my phone back on after my flight. I’d been busy with Morgan and the other bridesmaids for most of the afternoon and then was so busy shopping with Josh that I had completely forgotten about it. As I powered it back on, it immediately beeped with a new message.
Hope you had a safe flight. Miss you already. Ryan
A warm feeling surged through me, and I smiled. We’d said we’d keep in touch and see what happened, but I didn’t expect to hear from him so soon. Didn’t guys have a three-day rule or something before calling or texting the girl they’d gone out with? And really, technically, we hadn’t even gone out on a date together, just had a one-night-stand—something I never, ever did. Maybe I was far enough away that it felt safe for him to contact me. It’s not like I could expect him to ask me out to dinner on Friday night. Plus he was still back in San Francisco, enjoying his vacation. Once he returned to work and resumed his normal life, I was certain that I’d be out of sight, out of mind. I was still pleased to hear from him though, and I quickly typed a message back.
Miss you, too. XOXO Sarah
I tossed my phone onto my nightstand and set about unpacking my clothes. Since I traveled so often, I refilled everything in my toiletries bag so that it wo
uld be ready to go for my next trip. I was always prepared, and it saved me the trouble from having to remember each time what I needed to bring. I actually would need an overnight bag next weekend since I’d be staying at the hotel where Morgan and Josh were getting married. The rehearsal dinner was Friday night at a swanky restaurant in Chicago, but the wedding and reception were being held at an upscale hotel. Morgan wanted all of the girls to get ready together in her bridal suite, and I’d booked my own room for that night since it would be easier just to stay there after the reception ended.
I pulled my dress from my suitcase and was surprised when a piece of paper fluttered to the ground. It was folded neatly in thirds, and as I opened it up, I saw that the letterhead was from the hotel in San Francisco. Ryan’s scribbled handwriting filled the page, and my mouth dropped open in surprise as I began to read his letter.
Sarah,
I hope that I didn’t come on too strong last night. I was trying to play it cool at the bar, casually drinking my beer, but of course I noticed you even before I sat down and hoped that you would talk to me. I know you asked me several times what I was doing in San Francisco, and I was always a little bit vague. The truth is, the reason I’d always planned to return was because of my fiancée. She was from the east coast and had never been out to California. When we got engaged, it was her dream for us to come here together one day. I hope you’re still reading this and not angry with me for neglecting to tell you the full story. She died last year from injuries she sustained in a car accident. I was in Iraq and didn’t get to the hospital in time to say goodbye. For that I will never forgive myself, but I came here because I’d always promised her that we would, and it was my way of finally saying goodbye. I haven’t dated at all since the accident, and I never thought that I’d feel that way about anyone again. While I did sit beside you hoping only to talk to a pretty girl for the evening, I never expected for my time in San Francisco to include falling for you, Sarah. I keep thinking about our evening together and of course our amazing night. I hope you can forgive me for not telling you the entire truth, because I can’t imagine never seeing you again.
Love,
Ryan
My heart pounded in my chest as I finished reading his letter, and a flurry of conflicting emotions rushed through me. He had a fiancée. An ex-fiancée, but he’d been there in San Francisco because of her. Why didn’t he tell me last night when I’d asked why he was there? Why did he tuck a letter explaining everything into my suitcase? He must have written it while I showered and dressed this morning. But how could he have made love to me again and again, kissed me so passionately, without sharing that part of his life? I sank down onto my bed, trying to collect my thoughts. I guess that goes to show why you shouldn’t have one-night-stands. Although I felt an amazing connection with Ryan, I really didn’t know him at all. I wasn’t sure how I felt about him taking this trip because of another woman and then spending the night in my bed. Had he forgotten all about her at that point? Was I just a substitute for someone he could never have? He’d held me so close this morning that it felt like he never wanted to let me go. Was he just wishing that he was with her?
Suddenly feeling anger rise up inside me and the need to get some of my frustration out, I pulled on my workout clothes and headed down to the small gym in my building. I set the treadmill for forty minutes and starting to jog, pounding out my frustrations on the rubber tread. I preferred running outside but it was already getting dark, and I found this helped just as much to release all the tension coursing through my body. When I finally started to calm down, I went back up to my apartment and took a long, hot shower. There was no question about it; my night with Ryan had been one big mistake. As hard as it might be, what I really needed was to put the entire trip behind me. I had a big week coming up, with Morgan’s wedding to keep me busy along with my usual work responsibilities. I had a huge conference that I was planning for next month, and I didn’t have time to let a guy who couldn’t even bother to be truthful with me get in the way of my real life.
I popped a frozen dinner in the microwave and sank down onto my sofa to watch a little mindless TV. I suddenly wasn’t feeling very hungry though and only picked at my food. Some reruns of my favorite show distracted me for a couple of hours, and I poured myself a glass of wine, trying not to remember sharing a bottle of it with Ryan last night. Walking back to my bedroom at 10:00 p.m., I lay down in the darkness, wide awake from jet lag. My phone beeped on the nightstand, and I glanced down to see who had sent me a message.
You have no idea what I want to be doing to you right now. ;) But even more, I just wish you were here beside me. Ryan
I felt angry at the inappropriateness of his text message. We hadn’t even discussed what he’d written in his letter. Did he think I was just okay with everything? Or that I hadn’t read it yet? If it were the latter, why was he going about pretending like everything was okay and that we didn’t have something huge to discuss? I didn’t respond and closed my eyes, blinking back tears in the darkness. Finally a few minutes later my phone beeped again. I begrudgingly grabbed it and looked down at the screen.
Did you get my letter?
I stared at it for a minute, trying to decide what to do. Finally I typed out a quick reply that would hopefully get my message across.
Can’t talk right now.
There. Let him wonder what was going on for a change. Maybe he would think I was spending tonight in the arms of another man. Not that I wanted to be with anyone else, but Ryan’s omission of the truth last night had hurt me. I was kind of feeling like a stand-in for his ex-fiancée. And let’s face it, we didn’t even live in the same city. Long distance relationships with someone you’d just met never worked, so it’s not like he could have me anyway, even if I’d let him.
Chapter 4
I scrolled through the messages on my phone Monday morning when I got into the office, debating where to begin. Morgan was sending me frantic texts about last-minute wedding details, which was totally out of character from her usual laid-back style. Josh was texting me, asking me to help him calm down Morgan. Several of the vendors for the wedding were emailing me asking for confirmation of the head count for the sit-down dinner, confirmation of delivery time for the floral arrangements, and other such details. And my email inbox was full of work-related queries. I was used to juggling a million things at once, but I found I could barely concentrate this morning as I went from one message to the next.
“I brought you a coffee,” my assistant Julia said, handing me a steaming cup. Her curly red hair was pulled back into a messy bun, and a few stands were loose, framing her face.
“Thanks, I needed that today,” I said gratefully. I took a sip and grabbed a croissant from the brown paper bag she offered.
“The bakery was packed this morning. I guess everyone else had the same idea as me.”
“Well, it is the week before Valentine’s Day,” I pointed out. “I’m sure people were placing special orders, finalizing the details of their wedding cakes….”
Julia laughed, knowing just how panicked Morgan had become as the big day approached. She’d sent several emails to me last week about her wedding cake alone, and I’d reassured her again and again that it would be perfect. “That reminds me,” Julia said. “Morgan called the office this morning.”
“Already? She just texted me a few minutes ago.”
“I told her that you were probably busy working out the last-minute details right now.”
“Right,” I grinned. “It’s not even 9:00 a.m., and I’m hot on the trail of wedding loose ends.”
Walking over to my desk, I sat down, crossing my legs and smoothing the fabric of my black suit jacket. My brown hair was pulled back into a sleek ponytail, and I hoped that I at least looked more put together than I felt. I logged into my computer, finding it easier to email my work clients back than to type out messages on my phone. As I clicked through them, deciding where it begin, I suddenly yawned, wishing I’d
been able to get a better night’s sleep. This was a big week, and I shouldn’t be this tired before it had even begun.
“Rough night?” Julia asked as she watched me.
“It’s just jet lag,” I said, brushing away any further inquiries. It was true that jet leg had been keeping me up, but what had really been bothering me were the memories of Ryan. Each night when I lay down I felt like a movie-reel of images depicting our weekend was replaying over and over again in my mind. Even finally falling asleep didn’t help, as I’d wake up suddenly in the middle of the night, thinking he was by my side, and then feel the anguish all over again. He wasn’t with me, and even if he had been, the night that we shared didn’t mean what I’d thought.
A new message beeped on my phone, and I glanced down. Josh’s name popped up on the screen, and I opened his message.
I want to give Morgan a special Valentine’s Day surprise at the reception. Have any ideas?
I sighed. Normally I loved event planning, and devising a special surprise would be right up my alley, but this week their happiness was just making me feel more and more alone. Apparently marrying her, giving her a wedding ring, and surprising her with the gorgeous pearl necklace we’d picked out at the jewelry store wasn’t enough, and now I had to help Josh come up with a special Valentine, too? I was sure Morgan wouldn’t care if Josh did anything specifically for Valentine’s Day; she’d be so blissfully happy that they were finally married. Maybe I could talk him out of it and let him know there’d be enough going on at the reception that we didn’t need to worry about that.
“What was that guy’s name that you met this weekend?” Julia asked, interrupting my thoughts. I glanced up and saw her holding the office phone, her hand covering the mouthpiece.
“What?” I asked, looking confusedly at her.
“Oh, Morgan told me about him this morning,” she said with a shrug.
I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why Morgan would have even brought him up with my assistant, but I could see that she was waiting for an answer. “Ryan,” I replied as she looked at my expectantly. “Why?”
Valentine from a Soldier Page 3
