by Nancy DeRosa
A Penny’s Worth
NANCY DEROSA
FINGERPRESS LTD
LONDON
Copyright © Nancy DeRosa, 2012
Production Editor: Matt Stephens
All rights reserved. Please respect the copyright of this work.
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This work is dedicated to my brother Steve
whose worth is immeasurable.
Acknowledgments
I would like to thank Matt and Michelle Stephens as well as the fabulous team at Fingerpress.co.uk for all their hard work and dedication in bringing this work to fruition.
I would also like to thank my children Kelly, Alex, and Jamie for inspiring me and for being the best cheerleading squad when I needed it.
Thank-you to all my wonderful friends who have supported me and have meant so much to me throughout this process with your valuable advice, support and most of all friendship.
I also want to thank my husband Jack who is the solid foundation I stand on. You have always stood by me and believed me worthy.
Chapter 1
Penny Marins knew early on that her mom had named her after a small amount of change. She also figured out her mother’s reason. From the moment Penny entered the world, Dolores had decided that her daughter would never amount to much. So far, Penny truly felt, her mother had been proven right.
Penny was approaching forty, had never married, and didn’t have a wide circle of friends. Not only did she feel that her name was short-changed, she also felt the same could be said for her love life. She was ashamed that she only experienced passion a few times throughout her life, and that had been with the three men she’d been with. It suddenly occurred to her one day that each relationship with Joe, Edmond, and David had lasted barely a year. The other thirty-five years of her life had been as sexy as an afternoon in a dry desert with an old weary camel
Penny despised social gatherings. As of late she’d found herself withdrawing from people more than ever. She began to ponder becoming a total recluse just as the phone rang.
“And who could this be?” she mumbled to her cat, stepping gingerly over him to grab the phone. She knew it was her mother. Very rarely did anyone else call her. “Hello,” she said as she began to rub her forehead furiously. She quickly felt a headache coming on.
“Penny is that you?” her mother yelled into the phone.
“No Mom, it’s not me. I’m someone else entirely, I just happen to sound like your daughter.”
Dolores huffed and replied, “What is happening to you lately? I’m getting tired of all this sarcasm.”
“A lot of things make me tired too Mom. I guess that’s just part of life,” Penny dead-panned right back at her. She felt a knot form in the pit of her stomach. She wanted to be pleasant but she couldn’t. She leaned down to pet her cat Bob as he rubbed up against her ankles.
“Well maybe if you attempted to make your life a little more lively,” Dolores replied in a self satisfied tone, “you’d have a bit more energy now wouldn’t you?”
Penny snapped back, “You make everything sound so easy Mom. Gee, why don’t I just go out and make a fun plan? Hey, I know, maybe I’ll call up one of my friends and go ice-skating.”
“What friends?”
Penny stopped petting Bob and stood up. She tightly gripped the edge of the kitchen counter. “Is there a specific reason why you called me?”
“Yes there is Penny. I’m calling to remind you of Cousin Charlene’s son’s Communion Party. I know how easy it would be for you to conveniently forget, it’s this weekend you know.”
“I would rather have all four of my wisdom teeth pulled out with no painkillers than go to that.”
“Now Penny,” Dolores scolded. “It sounds to me like you harbor a bit of resentment toward Charlene, come on now.”
“What did you say?” Penny gasped. “Resentment, are you kidding? No Mom, what I’m harboring is anger. Do you care that I was nice enough to baby-sit for Charlene and…”
Dolores abruptly cut her off, “You needed extra money for that fancy car of yours. You can’t blame her for that.”
“Right, my four year old blue Honda Civic, I make such a statement when I drive down the street. You didn’t let me finish,” Penny explained in a steely voice.
“Charlene is a perfectly nice girl and—”
“Oh, she’s just perfect. The last time I babysat for Charlene, she had the audacity to ask me to iron her suit. Perky, perfect Charlene had a social event the next day and didn’t have time, poor thing, but I guess you don’t care that she treats your daughter like shit.”
Dolores’ petulant voice crackled down the phone line. “You’re going a bit too far with the shit thing Penny. You’re family, and she asked a favor is all.”
Penny knew her mother would stick up for Charlene. It was what her mother did, stand by everyone but her. Penny wished she could get used to it already and accept what was, but never could.
Slumping on the couch Penny decided on a new tactic. “Look mom, whatever, I want to see my niece and nephews, so I will be there. I really have to go now.”
“Go? Where do you have to go?”
Penny answered slowly, “I am going to get something to eat, bye Mom.”
She examined her reflection in the hallway mirror: her fair skin, brown eyes, and really long eyelashes. Her light brown hair fell to her shoulders in soft waves. She was no waif, but not fat either. Strictly middling, she admonished herself, that’s me alright.
But her face was pretty and there was a gentle kindness shining in her eyes.
Staring at her reflection, she said out loud, “I should quit my mother like a bad habit.” Yet her family, and that sense of belonging, was all she had. Loneliness would always rule and chase her down the street right back into her childhood home.
Lately though, a little spark was beginning to ignite in Penny. She longed to know who she was and what she could be. It was why she was cranky, it was why she was sarcastic, and it was why as of late, dealing with her mother was worse than the over-whelming loneliness. Penny was restless.
Before she turned away from the mirror she pointed a finger at her reflection and said, “I am worth so much more than that.”
Chapter 2
Flat on her back in bed, Penny laid a wet towel on her head. Jeez, what an awful day. As much as she didn’t want to revisit the events that had just transpired she could not help herself.
Penny had attended Charlene’s son’s Communion party and the moment she had entered Charlene’s home, she had a premonition that events were going to turn iffy.
Even in the crowded hallway she spotted her brothers immediately. Louis, and Amber, stood in a corner with their twin boys, Paul and Alex. Her older brother Steve, his wife Theo, and their two year old daughter Carrie stood against the far wall next to them. They were having a lively conversation.
Penny loved her niece and nephews and always enjoyed spending time with them. But both her sisters-in-law lacked social graces. Being in their company was just plain uncomfortable, though she did her best to get along with them.
Attempting a smile, Penny walked toward her brothers. They both waved hello.
“How’s it going?” she offered lightly.
Smiling, Louis put an arm around his sister, “Hey beautiful. Good to see you.”
Penny cringed as her sisters-in-law looked her over. She could tell by their expressions that they didn’t think she looked beautiful at all.
Penny spitefully pointed to Amber’s bag, “Nice pocketbook. Wow, bet that must have put you back a tidy sum.” She gave a low whistle for emphasis.
Looking down at his wife’s bag with narrowed eyes, Louis asked,
“Why? What? Was that expensive Amber?”
Amber fixed Penny with a cold stare. “Not at all Louis, I got it on sale.”
Shrugging, Penny asked with a smirk, “Gucci on sale? That’s amazingly unusual.”
Theo jumped into the conversation: “And where did you find a Gucci pocketbook on sale? I want one.”
Bending down, Penny hugged Carrie; but before they locked arms, she couldn’t resist saying, “Of course you do Theo.”
“I need another drink,” Amber exclaimed. “Anyone care for one?” She pointedly did not look at Penny.
Penny was used to not being included, even when Amber wasn’t annoyed with her. Amber and Theo seemed to think she was invisible. They had decided long ago that Penny didn’t have the same needs and desires as them. For some reason, on this day, being ignored invoked a quick bolt of anger within her.
Penny looked Amber straight in the eye and said, “Yeah, I would just love a gin and tonic. Mind getting me one?”
Startled, Amber took a silent step back.
Louis quickly intervened. “I’ll get everyone a drink. Steve, come with me.”
At of the corner of her eye, Penny spotted her mother hustling busily toward the group. The moment she saw Dolores, she felt a nervous flutter in her chest.
Dolores now stood before them in a navy blue suit and numerous strands of pearls hung heavily from her neck. The pearls seemed to overpower her thin frame but still, Penny instinctively took a step back from her mother’s intimidating presence. She looked past Dolores’s shoulder into the growing crowd of people to locate her father Ron. He was nowhere to be found.
Looking at Penny, Dolores stated coldly, “I’m glad you could make it.”
Penny replied, “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
Kissing Dolores’s cheek, Theo looked quickly at Amber and said, “Mom, we went over to Delaney’s steak house last night and I have to tell you, it was as good as you said it would be, just absolutely yummy.” She licked her lips.
Penny inwardly cringed at the word yummy. She hated that word. Theo used it for just about everything she ate. Even a lunch of carrots and cottage cheese was yummy. Give me a break, she thought.
Stepping in close with a frantic look upon her face Amber asked, “You went there last night? I wanted to go, but we had to go out with Louis’ friends from college.” Rolling her eyes, she put up her hands in a pleading gesture. “How boring it was,” she shook her head. “I can’t even tell you.”
“My night was so fun,” Theo gushed with a huge grin on her face.
My friends the Rowlings, where there, you didn’t happen to see them did you?” Amber asked.
“See them? More than that, we had dinner with them.” Putting her right hand up, Theo added nonchalantly, “Mutual friends, you know how it is. Such a small world, who would have known that our good friends the Randolfs have been friends with your friends for years? What wonderful people Amber, we had an instant connection,” Theo put a hand on Amber’s shoulder and emphasized the words, “with your friends. They were a blast to be with. Why, I think the six of us should go out together.”
Penny could not help but watch in amusement. Amber’s face became red at the prospect of Theo besting her. Social climbing had always been Amber’s sport and it was obvious she had no wish for Theo to be in her arena.
Before the conversation could get interesting, Charlene walked toward them.
“Hello my family, and thanks a bunch for coming,” she greeted them in her nasal singsong voice. Her blond bob was shining as much as her peach lip gloss. She hugged Dolores, looked over at Penny and exclaimed, “Penny, why I haven’t seen you in ages, so glad you could make it. I hope you’ve been keeping yourself busy.”
It was Penny’s turn to feel her face get red. “Yes, as a matter of fact I have.”
Dolores huffed and interjected, “She keeps busy with those animals of hers, like they’re children they are.”
It was now time for Amber to seek revenge, “Well, Mom, you know they’re just like her little babies, right Penny? That’s what animals become to people who don’t have little ones running throughout the house.”
Penny felt trapped. She was suffocating.
She leaned against the wall behind her to gain composure. If she retaliated, Amber would know how well her words had stung. She would never give her the satisfaction, but she had a strong urge to yank Amber’s hair very hard.
Putting an arm around Charlene, Dolores said, “None of us are animal lovers in the family but our Penny here. Leave it to her to go against the grain.”
Charlene joined Dolores in laughter and Penny felt as if she had shrunk down to the size of a pebble. She didn’t know if she had it in her to stay for the duration of the day.
Smiling as if she was in on the joke, she abruptly excused herself. Pushing past the throngs of people, she hoped no-one would stop her to talk. Finally, she made it to the bathroom and closed the door. Locking it, she heaved a huge sigh of relief.
Overheating, she splashed cold water on her face. Once again, staring at her reflection in the mirror, she wondered how many other normal-looking people were walking around on the earth as broken up inside as she was. She held on to the belief that there had to be a whole bunch, but they managed to hide their pain just as well as she did. Penny had respect for others like her, who bravely faced each day able to successfully conceal the physic limbs that were missing. She felt barely able to limp along at all.
She re-emerged into the party feeling numb. She laughed at the appropriate times and acted interested in everyone’s stories. All along, she prayed that the day would soon end.
As Penny looked up at the ceiling in her bedroom and revisited the day, she knew in her heart that she could no longer live this life of hers.
It was time for a change.
She pulled the towel off her forehead and wondered out loud, “How the hell do I go about doing that?”
Chapter 3
Driving to work the next day, Penny was still thinking about how she could change her life. Many years ago, Dolores had talked her daughter into taking the nurse position at the same elementary school that Penny had attended as a young girl. “If you don’t take this job, you’ll live to regret it Penny.” Her mother’s famous words rang in her head. Words she had used often to immobilize Penny with fear. She had always succeeded.
“But Mom,” Penny had protested when she finished nursing school. “I thought maybe I would look for work in the city. They really need nurses. “It could be…”
“Oh, please Penny, what are you a bleeding heart liberal now? Do you think a job like this comes along every day? Don’t be crazy or foolish, just take the job at Fernfair.”
She took the job, and lamentably was still there. The mantra that Dolores had drummed in her head was: don’t be, don’t go, don’t do. Penny’s brothers never had boundaries put before them and that pissed Penny off something awful.
She saw children she had cared for over the years grow up, get married, have kids, and buy vacation homes and she still standing in the same spot she had stood in since grade school.
Penny tried to stay optimistic, but Dolores always slapped her down swiftly. “Don’t always look at the bright side Penny,” she’d say. “Life is not bright, and it’s certainly not cheery. You’re setting yourself up for disappointment.”
Deep into her thoughts, she didn’t notice a red jeep cutting her off at the intersection. She swerved toward the curb just in time to avoid hitting the car in front.
“You big stupid idiot,” Penny screamed out of her window. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
“I’m an idiot?” a burly man with dark hair bellowed back, “Stop sleep-walking behind the wheel, lady.”
At yet another injustice in her life, her pent-up frustrations boiled over, and she lost control. “Me sleep walking? You’re delusional,” she screamed even louder. Almost half of her body was hanging out the window ready to pounce, “You’re the
one who almost caused a three car accident, so don’t you dare blame me. Get some glasses mister.”
“Another woman driver,” the man said shaking his head.
“You’re an asshole,” Penny yelled. Out of the corner of her eye she saw that people who were walking on the sidewalk had stopped to stare. She was too close to her school and didn’t need to have any mothers see her like this. She fixed an awkward smile at the onlookers, pulled her body back in and drove off.
Driving the rest of the way to work, Penny felt shame washing over her. Panic took hold. Taking in big gulps of air, she realized she had begun to lose control. She could see herself in a few years, a mean and nasty old lady, all alone, buying canned soups at the grocery store in an old tattered sweater. She shuddered at the image.
She parked carefully, hit her fists on the steering wheel, and wiped tears out of her eyes with the tip of her sleeve. Putting her head in her hands she breathed deeply. Gain control… gain control…
She pictured Cousin Charlene in her beautiful silk pinstriped wrap dress and fancy pink shoes. She remembered watching Charlene put her head back and laugh with as much happiness as she could muster. If someone as shallow and mean as Cousin Charlene can have all the good that life has to offer, then of course, without a doubt, Penny could make it happen too.
She was startled back to reality to find a mother standing by her passenger window staring in at her. She opened the window and looked up at the woman, knowing she looked a fright.
Without introducing herself, the lady said in an officious manner, “Listen, you’re the nurse right? Could you do me a favor and take this?” The woman shoved something through the half opened window. “My Johnny is still having accidents.” She leaned in and whispered, “You know the type of accidents I’m talking about right? Anyway, here’s four sets of sweatpants and underwear, you know, just in case.” She looked at her watch, waved, and ran off.
Once again Penny was caught holding the bag.
