by Nancy DeRosa
She was astonished that she had revealed her insecurities to her father. She’d never opened up to him with this much honesty; it was rare to be alone with him. Her mother would always hover around to make sure she didn’t miss a thing.
He seemed as astonished with her disclosure as she was. He began slowly, “Anyone would be blessed to have you as a friend.” He gently put his hand on top of hers. “I wanted you to come tonight so we could have some time together. It’s rare your mother ventures out at night and I didn’t want to lose this opportunity. I am so proud of you. Believe me, I know how your mother can squeeze the enthusiasm out of pretty much anything.”
“Everything, more like.”
He looked downcast. “I should have stepped in long ago, to stop her from stopping you. I’ve made so many mistakes and I live with them every day.” He walked over to the sink to get a glass of water. He continued with his back to Penny, “I should have supported you years ago, but instead, I buried my head in work. That was so much easier than dealing with your mother. I guess I kind of gave up fighting too.” Turning around, he said almost imperceptibly, “I guess I’m just a coward.”
She walked over and slipped her hand into his. “So was I.”
Her father’s eyes were glistening. “I’m so sorry Penny. Dolores always pushed the boys to be the best they could be. I thought she was doing the same with you. I should have been the one to tell you to go for it. I should have made sure you knew how wonderful you are, and I should have been your cheering section.”
“Dad stop, it’s not your fault,” She didn’t mean a word of it.
“You must be very disappointed in me.”
She looked up at him and fought back the tears. “I don’t think it’s too late to start cheering for me now.”
“I’ll make a really good cheerleader.”
While Ron fetched the Chinese food, she wiped another tear from her eye. She had never had such a soulful conversation with her father. She felt a rush of happiness consume her. All this time, he’d given her more mind share than she had realised. Her heart felt warmer, just like when her Dad would warm milk for her in the middle of the night when she couldn’t sleep.
The meal they shared that evening was one of the most memorable ones she could recall.
Chapter 18
She was up early the next morning to walk Winston. The wind had a bite to it and she watched the autumn leaves dance on the sidewalk in front of her apartment. It wouldn’t be long before she saw snow on the ground.
Looking at her watch, she emitted a long yawn. Five-thirty in the morning and she’d already had breakfast and coffee. She had to be at work by six. She watched Winston sniff around the bushes.
Someone was bending over a bush just five feet away, scooping up a pile of poop with an old newspaper bag. Penny’s neighbor Sarah straightened up, saw her, and smiled cautiously. Winston barked madly in excitement upon seeing his old friend.
“Hello Sarah, what brings you out so early?” Penny asked. Winston had begun to sniff Brutus with great glee. She laughed nervously. “It’s been a dog’s age since I last saw you.”
Sarah smiled weakly at her poor attempt at a joke, and offered dryly, “Yes.” A long pause and then, “It has been a while.”
“So… how are you?” Penny tried to appear interested in what she would say. Perhaps a new reality show had just premiered and she could get a blow-by-blow description. She prepared herself for another boring onslaught. Except…Sarah looked wonderful. Her once mousy brown hair was longer and had streaky highlights. Her eyebrows had been plucked thinner, giving a more delicate balance to her face. Gods, she was even wearing make-up.
“I’m peachy,” Sarah announced. “I have a boyfriend!”
“That’s great.” Penny took a step back. A sensation of shock went right to the very soles of her feet. “How did you meet him?”
“Oh, at the dog park,” The beginning of a smirk tickled its way cheekily onto the corner of Sarah’s face. She knew Penny was surprised. “You should try going there sometime. I’ve met so many interesting people while Brutus plays.” The smirk was now planted firmly on her face.
Remembering her close altercation with the tattoo lady, Penny lightly replied, “Yeah, I should go back. I haven’t been there in a while.”
They walked down the street together with their happy dogs trotting behind.
“My boyfriend is really wonderful,” Sarah gushed. “We hit it off immediately. He’s warm, thoughtful, funny, and well, to tell you the truth,” she said with a short laugh, “The sex is mind-altering.”
Penny stopped walking and looked at Sarah with wide eyes. No point attempting to hide her shock. “Wow, that’s a whole lot of information you just gave me. But I can see how quickly life can change for the better.” She could not believe that timid, boring Sarah was having a fabulous sex life and bragging about it. An awful feeling of jealousy took hold. She wanted to whirl around and slap that sappy, happy face right off her neighbor. Penny knew how meanspirited this sudden impulse was, but she couldn’t help it. She wanted mind-altering sex for herself.
“Life is full of possibilities,” she burbled on. She appeared unaware of Penny’s violent thoughts toward her. She spread her arms wide. “Having someone care about me has created a whole new outlook on life.”
Penny reckoned Sarah’s declaration would work well on a Hallmark card. She was so ashamed of the thought that she added quickly, “You really have a way with describing how you feel.”
She faced Penny with a serious expression, one perfectly plucked eyebrow raised. “Having someone in my life has changed everything.”
“It all sounds too good to be true,” Penny said awkwardly, but she meant every word. Winston had positioned his snout on the center of Brutus’ butt and was licking it with great intensity. Lovely.
Sarah blurted out, “I have you to thank for all of this, you know.”
“Thank me for what?”
She smiled broadly. “Do you remember when you had,” she broke off her sentence, laughed then continued, “suggested that I stop rabbiting on about TV shows?”
“Yeah. I know I offended you and I’m sorry.”
“No, it was the best thing you could have done for me. At first, I admit, I was upset and I avoided you.” She laughed. “Since now to be honest, but you made me think about my life and how empty it was. I couldn’t stop thinking about what you said. Look how small my world had become. I was living my life through other people’s dramas and they weren’t even real. How pathetic is that?”
“Well… not exactly pathetic, and they are called reality shows. I just thought that perhaps we could talk about other things sometimes.”
Sarah clacked her fingers. “That’s just it… what else could I possibly talk about?” Sarah touched Penny’s arm lightly. “Because of your bluntness, I refused to sit in front of that damn television any longer. It was hard in the beginning,” she admitted, smiling proudly. “But I did it thanks to you.”
“That’s just great Sarah.” Penny felt uneasy: she really didn’t feel like she had done a good deed. But hey, Sarah Bentley looked on top of the world. The tables had turned, and now she was the pathetic one with nothing to look forward to other than the Tonight Show. “I switched jobs, you know!” She tugged Winston’s face away from Brutus’ butt.
“Really, where are you now?”
She tried to sound self assured. “I am a nurse on the oncology floor at Wayside Hospital.”
“Wow,” Sarah sighed. “You really are my role model.”
“Well, let’s not get carried away.”
“Dating anyone?”
“Nope.” She felt a pang in the pit of her stomach.
Sarah touched her arm again. “Gary has this great friend who happens to be single. Would you like to meet him?”
She wondered who the stranger was in her head who said on her behalf: “I’m open to anything these days.” She felt a twinge of guilt that she had wanted nothi
ng to do with this woman. Now, in just a few short minutes, Sarah had become more interesting. “I would like to meet Gary’s friend. It could be fun.” She shrugged: she didn’t want to appear too eager.
Sarah grinned and checked her watch. “That’s a plan then. I’ll set something up soon, I promise. Got to run, but we’ll be in touch.”
Penny waved her hand nonchalantly. She didn’t want to seem like she was climbing up the walls for a quality date with a man. A nice restaurant or a movie sounded like heaven. It had been far too long since she had done that, and the desperation was nipping at her like a thousand paper cuts.
She thought about the irony of her situation. Telling Sarah how boring she was may have improved her mornings, but Sarah had gotten an even better deal out of it. Hey Sarah, I think you owe me big time, she thought as a smile spread across her face.
Chapter 19
The following day, she was at work promptly at 7AM, ready for whatever hellish challenge this hospital should conspire to throw at her, ready for indifferent colleagues and tricky procedures, ready for anything except the sight of Dr Bruck, leaning against the wall by the main desk, deep in conversation with one of the prettiest nurses on staff. Peggy Mastersen. Blond, petite, and perky. She was hanging on Dr Bruck’s arm, laughing merrily at something he had said. Penny could have been invisible when she shouldered past Dr Bruck and his over-attentive groupie. To make matters even worse, Reins was waiting at the end of the corridor. Great start to the morning. Penny hurried towards her.
“We have a situation in room 202,” Nurse Battleaxe said, briskly motioning her to follow. “A patient with cancer of the esophagus is smoking in his bed. He lights up the minute we take our eyes off him. I’ve told him repeatedly that smoking is forbidden, but our patient doesn’t seem to be listening. Granted, my bedside manner isn’t exactly saintly.” Reins stopped and turned to face Penny. “I want you to persuade him to put the butt out pronto or I will have no choice but to call security.”
Her jaw dropped. “Me? What can I do about it? If he won’t listen to you, or any of the other nurses, what makes you think he’s going to heed me?”
Reins’ eyes narrowed, like a hawk about to swoop down for the kill. “I had Peggy talk to him, and she can ooze charm with the best of them.” Didn’t she just know it. Rubbing her forehead, Reins turned haggard. “Last night Mr Romin was informed that his cancer has spread. Before you talk to him, review his chart and it will tell you everything you need to know. Let’s try one more time to reason with this man. I don’t want to resort to having him hauled out of bed.”
The moment Penny entered Mr Romin’s room, she reviewed his chart. Just as she had suspected, his prognosis was not good. Penny could plainly see the look of despair on the older man’s ashen face. Half a Marlboro dangled from his hand.
Mr Romin’s eyes rested on Penny’s with disinterest. He sunk back into the small TV on the wall. Penny could hear shouting coming from it and wondered what he was watching. The lit cigarette was now dangling from his lower lip. She moved closer to him. “Can I get you another blanket?”
His absent gaze didn’t leave the TV.
Retrieving a blanket from the closet, she put it on him and gently pulled it up to his shoulders. He held the cigarette up carefully.
“Hey,” Penny said brightly, “how about an ice pop?”
He looked at her as if she’d just suggested something crazy. “An ice pop?”
“Sure! They’re the best I ever had.” Leaning down, she whispered, ‘I’m hooked on them.” She headed out and returned quickly with a cherry popsicle.
Opening it with one hand, Mr Romin stubbed out his cigarette with the other. He had a white paper cup under the bedsheet with a splash of water in it just for this purpose. After opening the ice pop he sucked on it meditatively. Penny stood by his bedside in silence.
Finally, with a quick laugh, she put it to him: “Now Mr Romin, tell me the truth, what tastes better, the cigarette or the ice pop?”
He stopped sucking for a moment and looked up at her. The look of sadness was so heartbreaking that Penny instinctively took hold of his hand and squeezed it.
“There’s a whole lot of those in the freezer,” she offered. “All you have to do is ask, and we have all sorts of flavors too, lime, orange, and lemon, you name it. Don’t tell the other patients but the best flavor is lime, you’ll have more for yourself.”
He gave a faint smile. “It hurts to talk.”
“You don’t have to say a word, just ring if you need me for anything.”
“No I mean,” he pressed his hand to his heart, “it’s been a really bad day.”
She gently lifted the covers and took the paper cup with the wet cigarettes away, along with the pack of cigarettes.
Taking a deep breath, she prayed that this time she would say the right thing. “My mom smokes like a chimney, I understand how hard it is to quit. But smoking here, right now, isn’t going to make anything better.” Putting her hand on top of his, she added, “You may not think so now, but you will absorb the shock of what you just heard.” She chuckled lightly to take out the sting of her words, “and you certainly don’t want Security to come and haul you out of here, ’cause then your bad day will become even worse.”
“If the lime is the best flavor, why didn’t you bring me that in the first place?” Mr Romin asked softly as his eyes fixed once again on the TV. Penny swore she saw a slight twinkle in his eye.
“Next one is lime, I promise.”
The next few hours were nonstop. The oncology floor was full, and there was a stack of requests and procedures to be performed. She was feeling more in command; she was that much more organized; and she was able to administer medications to patients with relative ease. The knot in her stomach was not as acute when she had to draw blood, and as far as she could see not one patient winced. She felt proud to bursting.
She also made a mental note to appear open to meeting new people. Whenever she passed the other nurses, technicians and doctors working on the floor, she tried her best to make eye contact and glue a smile onto her face. But she still felt invisible. A few of the nurses nodded politely, or said a quick hello, but none of them wanted to take the next step: an actual conversation. She was well aware there were cliques in a hospital. Breaking in was going to be a challenge, but she was sure as hell going to try.
Sitting in the nurse’s lounge on her lunch break, she thoughtfully munched her turkey on wheat bread. She didn’t think she could face another day in the cafeteria. Looking down at her nurse’s slacks, she noticed that they were loose at the waist. Her eyes strayed over to the weighing scales at the far end of the room.
Standing on the scale, she had to move the lever down to balance it. She’d lost nine pounds.
“Which is it?” she heard a male’s voice say, “Lost or gained?”
She whirled around to find Dr Bruck standing not ten feet away. She gasped, pushed the lever to a lesser weight, and jumped off the scale.
He laughed. “Most women never let you in on what they really weigh. Every female patient I’ve ever taken care of takes at least ten pounds off her real weight.”
Her face heated up; the blood was pounding in her ears. “I lost,” she stammered, and quickly added, “But I have a way to go I’m afraid.” She felt like kicking herself around the room.
Rummaging through the refrigerator, Dr Bruck called over his shoulder, “Nonsense, I think you look perfect just as you are.” He grabbed an apple and turned to face her as he took a huge bite. Before he could say anything further, the intercom spat into life and his name crackled around the room. He departed with a wave and a smile.
A rush of excitement went through her so quickly that she shuddered. The rush rebounded from her feet with a deep chill going up her spine. Dr Bruck thinks I’m perfect, she thought, and repeated it over and over. She said the words softly out loud and they rolled off her tongue like happy pills. She dumped the uneaten sandwich in the garbage.
She jumped away from the garbage bin as if something had reared up and bit her.
Looking at Penny, Reins said evenly, “From what I hear Mr Romin has not lit up since this morning.”
“I’m so glad to hear that.” A bolt of joy ran through her.
“Peggy found the paper cup filled with the discarded smokes in the garbage.”
“Maybe he decided to switch to ice pops.”
Turning to go, Reins said, “Well, whatever you did, it seemed to work. Now go see about our patient in room 202.”
She waited until Reins closed the door before clasping her hands in front of her. She accepted the possibility that perhaps Nurse Reins had just complimented her on a job well done. Another rush of happiness washed over her and she stood for a moment basking in these wonderful unfamiliar feelings.
“Hey Penny,” she said to herself, “I should accept compliments graciously; after all, I am worth so much more than that.”
Chapter 20
The day Penny dreaded was now before her. Her nephew’s Communion Party. Over a hundred people would be attending the luncheon at Wells Inn, and Amber had been busy planning it for weeks with Dolores.
The past few weeks Penny’s mother had called her at least a dozen times. Penny had tried her best to avoid her. After the Communion, her mother would have time to turn her attention back onto her daughter and Dolores’ attention was always a very bad thing.
Penny arrived at the Church late. Walking briskly, she hurried inside and quietly seated herself in the back pew. Dolores and Amber would be furious about her tardiness, but she didn’t care. She knew she had to get through this day and prepare herself for the questions that would be assaulting her shortly. Her insensitive relatives would soon set her teeth on edge.
