by Ruby Dixon
Ell-ee gives a little sigh, and to my surprise, settles back in against me, tucking her face against my vest. Her hand curls around the leather of my clothing, and she holds on to me. I feel a surge of pleasure rush through me that she would trust me so, and I vow not to disappoint her. I get to my feet, making sure my mate is protected in my arms, and glance down at Erevair. “Are you a big enough hunter to be able to walk back to the village?”
He nods proudly. “Can I carry my kill since you are carrying Elly?”
“Of course.” I feel a surge of pride as he squares his small shoulders and begins to march ahead of me. This is a strange day. First Erevair, then Ell-ee. I am relieved that both are safe, and a small part of me is secretly glad, because now I get to hold my mate close.
I glance down at her as I walk, feeling protective, and her eyes are closed, her breathing even. I wonder if she is pretending sleep, but I decide it does not matter. If she is trusting me enough to let me touch her, it is enough for now. She will give me more in her own time.
The walk is a brief one compared to my normal hunting treks—just through the valley itself—but Erevair begins to tire after a short time. I watch him as his steps slow, wondering how I am going to carry both child and mate, because I refuse to leave either behind. To my relief, I spot a figure up ahead, and the tangle of shoulder-length mane tells me that it is Erevair’s father. Not wanting to frighten my mate with a call of greeting to Ereven, I hold up a hand instead. “There is your father, Erevair.”
The other hunter gives a shout, and Ell-ee jerks in my arms, her eyes flying open with fear, body tense.
“Shh. All is well,” I murmur to her, but set her down gently. It pains me to release her because I want to hold her close, and I feel a surge of pride when she steps behind me, using me as a shield. She wants me to protect her. I like this. She is mine, and it makes my khui’s song even stronger.
Ereven drops to his knees and pulls his little son into his arms. Sheer joy and relief are carved into his face as he hugs Erevair close. “My son, my son, where have you been? Your mother has been crying all afternoon.”
Erevair’s little face crumples. “Am I in trouble, Papa? I just wanted to go hunting with Bek.” He holds up the frozen quill-beast, which has been dragged along in the snow and looks worse for its journey.
“No trouble,” Ereven says, ruffling his son’s hair. “But you must go home and apologize to your mama for scaring her so.” He glances up at me, and his face seems as if it has aged overnight. “You found him?”
I nod. “I think he slipped away when Claire was busy. I ran into him while checking my traps.”
“I just wanted to hunt,” Erevair says again, with the innocence only a child has.
“You can hunt with me very soon,” Ereven promises, lifting him into his arms. “But for now, we must get you home.” He pulls his son close and presses a fierce kiss on his brow. “You have made my mane go gray with worry.”
Erevair giggles. “It’s still dark and messy, Papa.”
“Just wait until tomorrow.” He grins over at me, relief stark, his shoulders a little straighter. “Is that Ell-ee behind you? Claire said that Ell-ee tried to tell her something, but she would not speak. Claire said when she looked for Ell-ee again, she was gone.”
I glance over at Ell-ee, but she averts her eyes, seemingly not interested in answering for herself. I think of Ereven’s words—she did not speak to Claire, but she spoke to me. My pride surges, and I can practically feel my chest puff up. “Ell-ee guessed where Erevair went and came after him.”
“This is all of our worries solved, then. Both missing people found.” Ereven’s grin is tired, and he presses another fatherly kiss to his boy’s mane. “I will tell Vektal of your help today.”
“Bah.” As if I care what that one thinks. Being leader has made him sour.
“I will,” Ereven continues. “Not everyone agrees with this shunning foolishness.”
It is just gratitude that makes Ereven so eager to take my side, I think. I shrug and pretend not to be pleased by his loyalty. “Vektal does what he feels is best for the tribe. He feels I broke rules, so he must act or else there is no point in having a leader.” Huh. This might be the first time I have thought about it that way…and suddenly I feel less resentment for my chief. Of course he is being strict. First Raahosh steals Leezh, then Harrec steals Li-lah. He likely thinks I am acting as foolish as them.
My actions were deliberate, though. I did not care about the consequences, and I bear them now, happily, because I have a mate.
Or at least, I will when Ell-ee finally comes to accept me.
I will still not apologize for having Trakan steal her and the others, however. So I shrug at Ereven. “You do not have to say anything to Vektal on my behalf.”
“So be it, my friend.” He peers around me, looking at Ell-ee. “Shall I take you back to the village?”
I glance back at my mate, who even now hovers behind me, her posture timid. She looks at me and then at Ereven. After a moment’s hesitation, she slips her hand in mine.
Did I think I was full of joy before? There is nothing that compares to her small, soft fingers brushing against my skin. My cock immediately reacts, and I bite back my groan of pleasure. I will stroke my cock to this tonight, just the simple act of her hand in mine. It will be more than enough to make me come with great force.
I cannot think about that right now, or I will rip off my loincloth and begin.
“So you choose to stay?” Ereven asks. “I mean you no harm if it is me you are afraid of.”
“Safe,” she whispers, so low that only I can hear it. And she presses closer to me.
I nod. I know what she is asking. “I will keep you safe with me. Have no fear.” I make no move to touch her, letting my skittish mate decide how much she can handle. If all she wants is her hand held, I will give her that, even if I long to crush her against my chest with every whispered word she gives me. I turn to Ereven. “Ell-ee wishes to stay.”
“Ell-ee?” Ereven asks. “Are you certain?”
She nods. Just once. Her free hand creeps to my vest, and she clings to my leathers.
He grunts acknowledgment. “I will tell the others so they do not worry over you. Where is it you sleep these days, Bek?”
I keep my movements slow so as not to frighten my mate. “The hunter cave over the rise. The small one.”
“Very well. Safe journey to you and your mate, brother.” He hesitates, as if uncertain about leaving Ell-ee with me, but then Erevair puts his head down on his father’s shoulder and yawns, and it decides him. He raises a hand to tell me he is leaving and then turns in the snow, carrying his son back to the village and his waiting mother.
And I am here. Alone.
With my mate.
Today is a day of great joy.
9
ELLY
Pretty sure that passing out all the time around Bek is going to earn me the reputation of a lightweight. I feel silly about that as he turns to look at me. He probably thinks I’m one stiff wind away from shattering into a thousand pieces. Somehow that’s okay, though. It feels like it’s all right to be a little fragile around him.
Which is strange.
I feel a little silly and weak for passing out on him. That’s total damsel-in-distress stuff, and I like to view myself as stronger than that. But it’s my own fault—I haven’t been eating. What dummy does that? This one, I guess. It’s my own pigheaded fear that gets me into these messes. When I wake up and find myself cradled against his chest, though? And he tells me I’m safe?
It’s weird, but I believe him. I do feel safe. Wrapped in his arms, burrowed against his warm body, I feel like the most protected woman in the world. Instead of fighting to get away from him, I let myself sink against him and close my eyes. I’m going to trust him. If he betrays me, I’ll never forgive him, but for now, I’m going to trust.
I lie in his arms and let him hold me, and it feels…so good. Too good. I can feel my c
ootie purring in my breast and the slippery ache starting between my legs again. I’ve been abused so many times in the past that I expect him to pull a trick of some kind or to grab me. But he doesn’t. He just holds me. Even when Ereven appears and Bek sets me down, he doesn’t grab at me. And so I trust him a bit more.
Safe, he said. I’m going out on a limb and trusting that, even though I have no reason to. My cootie thinks he’s good, though, and he doesn’t grab, which puts him ahead of so many others.
It’s funny, too, because a week ago, I wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere near Bek. Not after his brutal tackle after the hunt. I thought then that he was awful, but his behavior in the days since has made me wonder. He’s been patient but present, persistent but still giving me my own space. It’s like he knows I need time to adjust to things and he’s willing to give it to me.
As someone who’s been pushed and shoved by others for most of her life, I appreciate this more than anything.
So when Ereven asks if I want to return to the village with him, I hesitate. He’s Claire’s mate, and I know he doesn’t mean me any harm. He’s always smiling and happy and one of the friendliest of the tribe. But…I feel safe with Bek. It’s weird, but I feel safer standing behind him in the snow than I do with Gail in our little hut. It’s like…when I’m at his side, I know he won’t let anything happen to me.
I put my hand in his. Bek’s skin is warmer than mine, with a velvety softness to it despite the calluses on his hand. I thought touching him would make me feel uncomfortable, but if anything, it makes me feel better. I like it. I want to press my face up against his back and slip a hand under his vest, just to press my skin against his. But I’m not that brave yet.
“So you choose to stay?” Ereven asks. “I mean you no harm if it is me you are afraid of.”
“Safe,” I tell Bek, and he nods slowly. He doesn’t touch me, either, and I am grateful. Maybe it’s not the wisest idea to stay out here with him, but I want to. What’s the worst that can happen? I ask myself. He’ll betray me? He’ll collar me and put me in a cage? I’ve been there before, and I lived through it. All I know is that if I go back to the village, I won’t have this big warm hand to hold, and this safe feeling will go away. I hadn’t realized until now just how hungry I’ve been for the feeling of shelter, of having someone to fall back on.
I don’t want to let it go. I don’t want to let his hand go, either. Maybe it’s the exhaustion, but the thought of leaving his side and returning to the village holds zero appeal to me.
Ereven leaves, and then it’s just me and Bek. He turns and faces me, his expression thoughtful. “Should you go back to the village, Ell-ee? Are you feeling unwell? My sister is the healer, and she can help. I promise she will not touch you more than she has to.”
I shake my head, resisting the urge to hide under my dirty curtain of hair. I don’t want to go back. I’m tired, and I like my hand in his.
“I worry about you,” he chides me. “You fainted.”
I swallow hard and then make an eating gesture with my free hand.
“Not eating?” There’s a rumble in his tone like disapproval. “You are too thin as it is. Do you not like the food?”
I stare mutely at the ground. I tug on his hand. Can’t we please just go to his fire and sit? I can’t explain why I don’t eat certain things. He’ll think I’m stupid. Just like he probably already thinks I’m stupid because I smell bad and am dirty.
For the first time, I wonder if he’s…disappointed in his cootie picking me as a mate. I hate that I’m even wondering that. I shouldn’t care. It’s not like I want him to touch me or kiss me.
But I do like his hand in mine, an awful lot.
He doesn’t seem to mind that I’ve gotten all quiet on him again. He just squeezes my hand—which startles me—and doesn’t press. “My cave is this way. Are you well enough to walk?”
Am I? I don’t know. I keep my hand in his and take a few steps forward. I do think I’m strong enough to walk, but I’m so damn tired. It’s like all of my energy is gone, and there’s two feet of snow on the ground to wade through. Lifting each foot feels like massive effort.
“You are tired,” Bek says, and his voice is gentle—gentler than I’ve ever heard it. “Let me carry you. I am strong.” When I hesitate, he continues. “I will never drop you, Ell-ee. Never.” The fervent tone in his voice has me believing him.
I nod, pulling my hand from his and then waiting.
Warm arms go around me, one sliding under my thighs. I’m startled at the contact, and it’s like I can feel his touch all the way through my leathers. My gaze flicks to his, and our eyes meet for a long, awkward moment.
My pulse starts beating between my thighs again, and I feel flushed and hot. My cootie is so loud that my entire body feels like it’s vibrating along with it. Oh. I press a hand to my chest to try and calm it.
“Ignore it,” he tells me with a wry voice. “That is what I do.” And he scoops me up and tucks me against his shoulder as if I weigh nothing.
And…okay. It’s been years and years since I’ve seen a movie, but I remember the hero always grabbing the heroine and picking her up as if she weighs nothing. That’s what I feel like right now—a princessy heroine who’s just been rescued.
Even if it means I was rescued from my own silliness, it’s kind of nice. And he’s warm, and safe. I lean a little closer to him and notice that when I do, I can smell the spicy, clean scent of his skin and hear his heartbeat through the purr of his cootie. It just makes me want to snuggle closer.
God, to think I’m even contemplating snuggling with Bek. Bek, of all people. The mean one. The one that tackled me to the ground so unforgivably after the sa-kohtsk hunt. The one that grabbed me and brought me back to the ship. The one that bought slaves.
Except he hasn’t treated me like a slave yet. Maybe that’s why I’m all confused. I keep waiting for a collar, a slap, something.
But he only holds me close.
We’re both silent as he carries me across the snow, but it’s not an awkward silence. At least, it doesn’t feel awkward to me. He seems content to not fill the air with mindless chatter, and of course, I have nothing to say. Even if I was comfortable enough to chatter endlessly like Josie, I’m not sure I’d have anything to say anyhow. Silence is easier, because the other person will rush to fill it. You can learn more about someone when they volunteer information. But Bek’s as quiet as I am.
It feels as if he’s been walking forever, and I wonder if I should protest and walk the rest of the way to help out, when he says a quiet, “We are here. Can you walk?”
I nod and slide out of his arms, though I feel unsteady on the ground. He puts an arm around my waist automatically, and I stiffen.
“I am not going to let you fall,” he tells me in a firm voice. “You need support, and I know you do not want to be touched, but I am not going to let my mate land on the ground when I can help out.”
He’s right, of course. I’m being skittish. If it was anyone else, I would have gone after them with teeth and nails already…but Bek is safe. I don’t know how I know that, I just do. So I let his arm stay as I wobble a few feet, trying to get my balance. When I’m good, I push at his arm.
Bek lets me go, but gives me a fierce look and hands me his spear. “Stay right here. Use this to support you. I am going to clear the cave to make sure it is safe.”
Is there a chance it’s not safe? I worry about that, but he disappears inside and then comes back out again within moments. “It is safe.” At my expression, he continues. “Sometimes a creature will come inside seeking shelter from the cold. I did not want to risk your safety.”
Oh. That makes sense. Using his spear as a crutch, I wobble inside after him.
The cave itself isn’t huge. When I think of caves, I think of one that I visited with my parents when I was a child—full of stalactites and stalagmites and walkways for tourists. This one’s just a mere nook in the side of a snow-covered hill,
long and thin and not very wide. As I step inside, Bek crouches near a firepit and sparks rocks over tinder until a small flame starts. He builds it up while I stand awkwardly, and then he gets to his feet and begins to move around the cave. As I watch, he unties a few rolls of fur, spreading them out near the fire and indicating I should sit. From there, he puts away his weapons, sets a pouch for hot water over the fire, and then kneels next to me, gesturing at my sodden boots.
Right. Leaving my feet in soggy fur boots will only make them turn into blocks of ice. I reach for the laces that crisscross up the calf, and my fingers shake.
“Let me,” he murmurs in a low voice. “You rest.”
I fight against the urge to slap his hands away. He’s trying to be helpful. It’s just…hard for me to accept help without thinking there is something else that is going to be asked for in the future, a favor called in. Obedience demanded. I let my hands fall away, and then he takes over, carefully undoing the knots and making sure he does not touch me more than he has to. There’s no sound in the cave except for the crackle of the small fire and the endless singing of our khuis.
And then my boots are off and my pruney toes are free. I wiggle them and move nearer to the fire. I pull off my outer wraps, and I’m not surprised when Bek moves to my side and helps me. One thing I’ve learned about living on the ice planet, it’s that when you go outside for any length of time, there’s a constant removing of sodden layers of clothing to exchange them for new layers of clothing. I remove my outer layers and then huddle closer to the fire, because it’s warm enough inside the cave that I don’t need to throw more blankets on until the suns go down and the temperature drops.
“You should not have come after Erevair,” he tells me as he takes my fur wraps and spreads them out to dry. “Bravery is ill-placed when one is as weak as you are.”
Oh, is it time for the lecture now? Lucky me. I snort to let him know I heard his words and extend my hands to the fire. My stomach rumbles and hurts, but I’m paying more attention to the cootie in my chest that’s humming non-stop. It’s making me feel strange, like exhausted and turned on at the same time. It’s really not a fun combination.
