“Nora? Is everything okay?” he asked.
I opened my eyes, but couldn’t see his face. Everything was too dark, and my eyes didn’t adjust fast enough to catch him before he moved toward the walk-in closet. “Thank you. We’ll be right there.”
Not waiting for him to start fixing things without giving me notice, I got out of bed. I wasn’t sure what the call was about, but Donna’s health certainly had something to do with it.
“Mom?” I asked Dan, who was putting on a t-shirt.
His eyes narrowed, and his eyebrows pulled down in concentration. He walked forward until we were at arm’s length. Dan held my forearms and pulled his lips into a thin line. “Sorry, baby. Donna’s gone.” He pulled me into his arms and hugged me tightly, nuzzling my hair.
To say I didn’t cry would be a big lie, but the tear-fest didn’t last as long as I’d expected. It might have had to do with the fact that Tyler barged into the closet—he needed to go back home—to ask if we’d heard the news. My little sob answered his question without the need for words.
I went from one set of arms into the next. “Bex, I’m here for you,” Tyler said. “Ash should be here tomorrow morning. The charter Dan rented for her will depart in an hour.”
“You rented a charter?” I pushed myself out of Tyler’s arms and looked at Dan. “Did you know she’d die today?”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Becca.” He snorted. “I rented the charter when we moved your mom from the hospital, just in case this happened. You want to go next door?”
I nodded, grabbed a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, went to the bathroom to freshen up, and get dressed before seeing Donna one last time. Greg and Dan had finalized the plans for her funeral long ago—when they moved to Boston. She’d be cremated. The mass and funeral would be put off until Greg’s family could accompany him.
I washed my face several times. My blotchy eyes were gathering more ammunition, and I didn’t want to cry in front of Greg, or Mom’s body. “This is it,” I told my reflection. “She died without ever loving me, or giving me a chance to be a good daughter. Am I that bad of a person?”
“You’re not.” I saw Dan’s reflection in the mirror, after he spoke. Damn nosy man. “Becca, I’m thinking about spending the next hundred years next to you, trying to convince you that you’re perfect. Well, not perfect, but close to it. You’re so different from what you think you see. If I could only get through to you, you would see how incredible you are.”
“Oh, Danny, you don’t know me.”
“You got more secrets in there?” He gave me a playful grin, very out of place when this was a conversation about what a terrible person I was. “A hidden boyfriend? Are you part of a drug cartel? Joined the mafia without inviting me?”
I shook my head. Of course not.
“The darkest secret you harbored, doesn’t make you a bad person, but nothing I say will change your mind. That has to come from you. All I can tell you is that I’m here. No matter what, I’ll be next to you. Listening to you, holding you, and protecting you. Being a friend, or whatever you let me be. I love you, Bex. Forever”
Tyler, who forgot to knock on the door, barged inside the bathroom. I cringed.
“Ready?” He asked. “I don’t want to go next door alone.”
Nora waited for us in the living room, gaze down. I guessed this wasn’t her first rodeo—as a nurse, she must have faced many of these events. For me, it was the second one—not counting Ian’s, of course. I was too young when Grandma died. Today it was different. I didn’t think Mom was sleeping. Her shriveled-up body and pale skin told me the truth: she had gone to a better place, perhaps with my grandparents.
The machines had been unhooked. Greg sat next to her, shaking as he held her hand. Tyler stepped into the room and put a hand over his father’s slumped body. Whatever their relationship was, it seemed Tyler still loved the man and wanted to support him. Dan put his arm around my shoulders. I rested my head on his chest, and silently sent out a prayer for Mom. For her soul to finally rest and find the peace she’d never had. The stillness of the room remained unbroken until Raj came into the house with Drew, and both gave us their condolences.
After that, everything became a blur. People I didn’t know came and went, taking medical equipment and Donna away, and finalizing the details for the cremation. Nate drove Tyler to the airport to pick up Ash, who would be arriving soon. Dan took me back to the apartment, not saying a word, respecting my need for silence. I made peace with the events of the day. Donna needed to go. She’d been in so much pain…. It was selfish of me, of everyone, to expect her to stick around when the cancer had taken over her body and was torturing her every second of every day.
* * * * *
“Ready?” Dan moved my hair and kissed the side of my neck.
I nodded, while I finished putting away the small velvet box.
“You’re not wearing it?” He cocked his head, lowered his eyes, and pursed his lips.
I shook my head. Each day since his impromptu proposal, he’d asked me to reveal our new status to the world—or at least our friends. Dan didn’t understand that I wasn’t ready for us. Us scared the crap out of me. Though at the beginning, I had felt elated. Daniel Brightmore had chosen me. As one of the most powerful men in the world, he could have had anyone. Instead, he decided I was better than all those models he’d paraded around with in the past.
It didn’t take long for me to feel conflicted. Dan was my best friend; I couldn’t afford to lose him. Plus, I didn’t know how to be in a relationship. To top it all, my entire world had shifted out from under my feet in the past months, and I was having trouble grounding myself. Let alone being with someone who asked for forever.
“Why wait?” he said. “We’ve been together for a long time. You’re it for me, Becca.”
Not the same, as far as I was concerned. I didn’t have parents, or a life that meant I could have children and raise them to be… normal, or well adjusted. I wasn’t fit to be a mother with all the issues I carried around. Dan deserved a happy ending, and Rebecca Trent was synonymous of disaster. He wouldn’t listen to reason, though. Dan made me be ready for us.
Yes, I agreed, I loved him. He was Danny, my best friend, my— I couldn’t finish the phrase. That was a problem, he didn’t want to listen to reason. Professing his love, making love to me, and proposing didn’t sound like a lifetime commitment to me. Stupid, I called myself when I thought about it. But I needed someone to commit, not to rush me through a relationship. He swore I was it for him, his soul mate. No one else could love me the way he did. No one…. Was I unlovable?
“There you are, doubting us again,” he said, clenching his jaw, and giving me a heavy sigh. “That’s fine. I told you when I proposed that I would wait for you to be convinced that we’re meant for each other.”
The saddest part about the proposal was that he never waited for me to say yes. He wouldn’t have allowed me to say no. Finally it hit me, I felt like a pushover. I took a deep breath, nodding.
Masking my doubts, I turned to look at him, and hoped I had a heck of a poker face. Standing on my tiptoes, I give him a peck on the lips—the advantage of being together: I could kiss him whenever I wanted.
“Give me a few more days, Danny boy.” I bit my lip, waiting for some sign that we were fine.
“I’ll give you a lifetime, baby.” He crushed his lips to mine, kissing me hard, branding me. He didn’t stop there, and like every day for the past few days, we ended up in bed in a tangle of bodies and limbs. I didn’t know where I ended and he began.
“I love you,” we said at the same time. I did. That wasn’t the problem. The problem was more complicated than those three words.
“Let’s try this again,” Dan said playfully. His mood had mellowed. “We’ll get dressed in separate rooms and meet at the door. There’s no way I’ll get you naked there. Deal?”
* * * * *
Mom’s funeral went off without a hitch. The church in Sudbury
gathered some of her friends, most of the neighbors that still lived in the area, and Greg’s family. From my side, Dan, Ty, Ash and all our friends sat around me giving me the support I needed to bury the last piece of my past. I only had to deal with my present, and it had to be done soon before everything crashed and burned.
Once mass was over, we gave our last respects and went home.
To kill the silence inside the car, Dan began wedding talk. “Will you be confirming the menu with Robert?” I stared outside the window. He planned our wedding, no correction. Betsy planned my own wedding. She chose my dress, made reservations for the villa in Maldives, and took the decisions regarding the invitations. She was the only one privy to the information. My wedding meant business to Dan.
“You want to talk?” he asked. I simply shook my head. Dan shouldn’t ask, perhaps, he should make the decision. I was unfit to do so, or worse he was so scared to lose me that he really didn’t want the real answer to my problems. “No to?”
“Yeah, I’ll confirm the menu by Monday,” I bit my cheek. I had a few days for that. “And I don’t want to talk. I’m fine.”
“Bex, you’re scaring me.” I could feel his gaze, even as he drove. “Disdain doesn’t sound good on you. Tell me, baby, why are you acting up?”
“You need a reason for my behavior?” I shielded myself on Mom’s death, and how I didn’t get closure from it. “My attitude needs to change, I shouldn’t—”
“Rebecca.” The powerful man was getting impatient with his perfect wife to be. I still didn’t turn to look at him. Tears flowed through my eyes, and facing him would make it worse. “The hellish weeks are over. Stop, we need to move on with our lives.”
“Agreed.” He kissed my hand. “I love you more than you can ever imagine.”
“Look at me, baby.” I couldn’t, not now.
“Love you too.”
By the time we arrived home, I was a sobbing mess. He carried me to our bed, and not making sense, I asked him for time. “You’re going to hate me.” I mumbled against his cheek.
“Never, you’re my other half.” Those words undid me, and made me second guess myself. “I’ll give you all the time you need, Bex. We’ll work it out.” But something told me the story would be different once we talked.
* * * * *
Dear Lisa:
Can’t start to imagine how you felt when your mom took her life—in front of you. Things were tough for you, even before she died. I understand: Parents are supposed to protect and love their children. They neglected you, and as a result you crave some kind of attention. Sadly I crossed your path, and you seized the opportunity to use an easy target.
My life’s a mess. I sheltered myself among friends and never fully face the world. I’m taking the first step and freeing myself from you. I half-lived afraid of being hurt. But I’m moving on. I only wish you find peace wherever you are.
Wish me luck,
Becca
* * * * *
From the living room, I contemplated the sunrise while I finished the final letter I would write for Lisa. Hoping for the best—for both of us. Letting her go before I took over my own life and became a person. Becca Trent. Dan, whose ghost powers never ceased to amaze me, appeared by my side.
“Can I?” With a silent nod, I handed the journal to him. His smile approving the new direction of my life, gave me hope. He got it, the change I needed.
“Whatever you need, I’m here for you, love.”
“Promise?” He nodded, then picked me up and took me back to the room. Not getting distracted by his naked torso, and the point of taking me back with him, I told him what I needed. “I’ll give you a list, but you need to follow it and don’t break it.” He frowned, but before he thought anything through, I began to touch him and kiss him. The guy’s hormones had a way to make him forget things. “I love you, Dan. Don’t break this promise, it’s important.”
He second guessed me, but gave in. We made love all day, a food break here and there, but we spent most of the day in bed. At night he handed me a chain with the ring on it. “So you can carry it around, baby,” he said, helping me put it on. Then he gave me a set of diamond studs that matched—same pink.
“I love you, Danny, and not because of the presents, but because you’re the most incredible man in the world.” Before I could continue my speech, he took over my lips and made me forget everything.
Epilogue
Danny:
Here’s the list, you promised.
Love,
Bex
Hi Dan,
You know the stories, all of them. My entire life I relied on someone to care for me. First Grams, then Ian, and I transferred the little cord to you. How it happened is a puzzle, but you took over the job of sheltering Becca. Heck of a job if you ask me. You put me through college, and gave me a wonderful job and your friendship. During the time we spent together, you began to love me.
But… do you really love me? I asked myself a hundred times during the day. Here’s my perspective:
Your parents abandoned you, and I believed you closed your heart to everyone. I’m safe. A little dove you found with two broken wings and incapable of flying. One you can possess. Would you love me the same if I could fly, or would you trust me? Or would I have been another nameless body on your bed’s parade? I don’t want you to resent me in the long run. I’ll die if I lose you because I’m such a mess.
I need time. Time to heal those wings and learn to use them.
This isn’t about you, so please don’t believe I abandoned you. I didn’t do this to hurt you. I love you. At this point in life, I’m an empty vessel that can’t belong to anyone, nor can I hold onto anyone. I’m leaving—I’ve left. We need to learn about each other before we can be together.
To do List:
1. Don’t look for me, please.
2. Date, yes date other people and give them the opportunity to know the real you. Chances are, you might meet the love of your life and forget all about me.
3. Don’t date Trish—she’s not good for you.
4. Don’t hate me, please
5. Even if you’re mad, please email me so I know you’re doing fine.
6. Don’t date sluts, please
You see, I’m setting you free because I love you. Who knows where life will take you. There’s the sad possibility that when I come back, you’ll be happy with someone else. But I’ll be happy if you are. You deserve better than me. A messed up woman who can’t fend for herself. I need to break out the codependency and find myself.
Love you forever,
Becca
About the author
Claudia lives in Colorado with her family and three dogs. Two beagles who believe they are human, and a bichon who thinks she’s a beagle. While managing life, she works as a CFO at a small IT Company. She’s a dreamer who enjoys music, laughter, and a good story. To find more about Claudia follow her:
http://www.claudiayburgoa.com/
https://twitter.com/yuribeans
http://cyburg.tumblr.com/
Table of Contents
Copyright
Dedication
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Epilogue
About the Author
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Where Life Takes You Page 21
