by Alexa Riley
I decide now is as good of a time as any and I’m going to take a break myself. If I happen to see Lilith on the way, I’ll ask her about the crates. Otherwise, I’ll wait. They’re not an absolute rush at the moment, and I don’t know if there are more. It’s better to give her all the ones I’ve found at one time than piece by piece.
I’m lost in my thoughts as I walk down the hall when I run into something.
“Oomph,” I say, stepping back and trying to think of an apology. “Fritz!” I shout as my mind catches up with what’s in front of me.
“Blair,” he says, almost as shocked to see me as I am to see him. “What are you doing?”
My smile drops as I see his eyes scan down my clothes. I got pretty dirty climbing over crates, but Lilith did tell me to dress this way, which I’m thankful for.
“Inventory,” I say, then shake off his confusion. “Did you come to see me?” I brighten, reaching out to grab his hand.
He visibly shrinks back, and it’s then I notice all the dirt and grime on my hand.
“I came to see if you were free for lunch. But I can see that’s not possible right now. I had reservations, but I’m afraid it’s a bit more upscale.”
I hate the way Fritz tries to cover his southern accent. He’s always been so careful to disguise it, but you can only put so much lipstick on a pig.
Squaring my shoulders, I try not to let it get to me. This is the first time I’ve seen him in weeks. “I could go get cleaned up and change. I have a nice dress I wore to work, but Lilith suggested I bring a change of clothes for when I’m in the back.”
“And I was right.”
I turn to see Lilith standing there. It’s clear she was listening to our exchange. She gives me a small smile and then turns to give Fritz a cool look. I’m surprised by her actions, and also embarrassed. I didn’t think what Fritz said was bad, I just wouldn’t want other people to hear it and get the wrong idea about him. He can be very sweet and loving, but he’s all about appearances.
“Well, it’s too late for the reservation now. I spent too long looking for you, and now I have to get back to work,” he says. For some reason I don’t believe him, but I shake the thought, thinking I’m once again being childish and reading too much into things.
“Will I see you tonight?” I ask. If we can’t do lunch maybe we could do dinner instead. I’m starting to think we need to talk about what is happening with us.
“I’ll text you,” he says as he starts to lean down and kiss my cheek, but instead leans back, changing his mind. “See you later, sweetheart.”
There’s no warmth to his goodbye or his departure. Lilith brazenly stood there in the same place for the whole exchange. I must look like a complete fool to her. I turn around to offer some sort of explanation, but she speaks first.
“You can do better,” she says.
“He’s not how he seems. He’s my best friend,” I defend.
She doesn’t say a word, but the look she gives me slices me to my core. She sees right through to where I’m desperately trying to convince myself that I’m right. Her smile is full of pity as she turns and walks away. I begin to wonder how many lies I have been telling myself. I push those thoughts away, grabbing something to eat before getting back to work.
When it’s finally time to leave, my legs ache today as I walk home. At least this time I don’t mind the walk so much because the night air is cool enough now that I’m no longer sweating. My feet are pretty cozy since I wore the right shoes. But my legs can’t make up for the fact that I haven’t worked out in a long time. Like maybe ever. And my muscles are not agreeing with the physical labor.
Gemma set up all my payroll stuff today and was a total bitch the whole time. I tried to make peace with her, but none of my questions about her life or what she likes to do seemed to make a difference. I just did what she asked and let it go.
I stayed late tonight but still wasn’t able to get through the stack of paperwork Lilith gave me this morning. When she came to me at the end of the day and asked me how it was going, I was disappointed to tell her I didn’t complete the file. She laughed and said it would probably take a month, so then I didn’t feel so terrible anymore. At least there was one shiny moment today.
I grab my phone and see a missed text from Fritz. I unlock my phone to read it, feeling even more tired now.
Fritz: Can’t make dinner tonight. Maybe drinks on Friday to celebrate your first week. Make sure you clean up first. Lol.
The lol at the end is bullshit and I know it. I push down the hurt and send back a heart emoji. I tell him I hope he had a great day, and that I’ll talk to him later. To be honest I’m a little relieved to not have to go out tonight. I don’t feel like getting all dressed up after the long day I’ve had already, and I know if I’m going on a date with Fritz I have to get really dressed up for the places he likes to go. Plus, I’m not sure I want to face the conversation I know we need to have about us. It’s all too much to wrap my tired mind around.
I shove my phone back in my bag and make the turn at the next block. There’s a diner here that sells good pie and I’m going to get a slice. I found out what I was going to be making each month at the gallery, and I know when my first paycheck is going to hit the bank. I’ve got enough to cover me until them and a bit left over for a couple of indulgences. Number one on the list right now is some warm apple butter pie with vanilla ice cream.
I go inside and the bell above the door rings, although I can hardly hear it over the noise in the place. There’s a jukebox playing Johnny Cash, and all the booths are taken. I go up to the counter and grab an empty stool between a couple of guys in suits. As soon as my butt hits the chair a waitress comes over and slaps down a menu.
“What’ll you have?” she says, like I should already know what I want. Lucky for her I do.
“Apple butter, with a scoop and one to-go,” I say, handing her my menu.
She comes back almost instantly and lays it down in front of me, with my to-go bag next to it. Johnny is going to love pie for dinner.
I take the first bite and moan to myself as the warm pie fills my mouth. But just as I swallow, the feeling from this morning comes back. This time it’s stronger and I swivel around in my seat to see who is watching me. It’s intense, like someone just called my name, only I know I didn’t hear it. My mind starts to play tricks on me and I wonder if I maybe someone did say it and I didn’t hear it over the noise.
“You okay?” The waitress says, filling up my water.
I turn back around, shaking it off, and tell her I’m fine and that the pie is delicious. But there’s a nagging feeling inside me, and I eat the rest of what I have much faster than I had planned.
I drop some cash on the counter and grab my bags before I leave the restaurant. It’s not that I’m scared, but I don’t feel settled. I walk quickly down the next block, staying in the well-lit parts of the streets. I make sure I go where people are milling around and I’m filled with a sense of relief when I see Johnny on his usual bench.
“You doing okay, kid?” he asks when I sit down beside him. “What got you all worked up?”
“Nothing,” I say, feeling totally fine now. I feel silly because it must have all been in my head. A moment ago I got a little spooked, but I’m here safe, so there’s no need to dwell on it.
“Apple butter?” he says, looking down in the bag. “You’re going to fatten me up.”
His easy smile is once again infectious and all my thoughts from before vanish. We sit for a short while and talk about our day before I tell him goodnight and head up to my apartment.
When I listen at the door, silence on the other side greets me. I cross my fingers that tonight Roxy might actually be out at a show or something and I can have some peace and quiet before bed.
I walk inside, and Bear is sitting in the armchair, which is a clear indication that Roxy isn’t home. My night improves immensely, and I happily greet Bear.
“Looks like it’s y
ou and me tonight, handsome. What shall we do with ourselves?”
I walk into my bedroom and suddenly I stop. There’s nothing in the room that is totally different, yet it feels like someone was in here. I inhale and there’s a faint scent of cologne. It’s nothing like the stink of Roxy that I can smell from the other side of the house every time he puts it on. This fragrance is expensive and rich. It smells like oak and fresh trees, and I inhale again to try and get the scent. But it’s faded now and almost gone. I look around my bedroom and I don’t see anything out of place, but something is off.
I check the bathroom and even go back to the living room and kitchen, but everything is where it should be. I walk over the front door and check the locks just to be sure. Then I scoop up Bear in my arms and go back to my room. I close and lock my bedroom door, thinking I must be going crazy.
I’ll ask Roxy if he or his friends were in here before they left. That has to be the answer. Otherwise, what’s the alternative?
I tuck the key into my pocket as I close the door behind me. I keep waiting on the guilt to hit me, but it hasn’t happened yet. When it comes to her, all I ever really feel is obsession.
When I got a copy of her key, I told myself it was only going to be for an emergency. But that didn’t last long. I keep finding reasons to follow her just to be near her. And now when I know she’s not at home, I come here to be close to her things. Feel connected to her in some way.
Bear comes out of her room and pads over to greet me. He purrs as he rubs against my pant leg, and I reach down and scoop him up. I carry him through the apartment, checking on things.
Blair is at work right now, and her roommate just left after getting a call about an audition. He’s got to go across town, so I’ve got plenty of time. I made sure of that. I don’t like him being near her, but I can’t change the situation. No matter how much I want to, but the warning and stack of cash I gave him should work for now.
I put Bear down on her bed as I walk around her room. She doesn’t have much, and I ache to give her more. For her to have all that her heart desires. I pick up a shirt she has hanging on the back of a chair and bring it to my nose. I close my eyes as the scent of sunshine fills my lungs. It makes every inch of my body come alive and ache for her.
Running my finger along her dresser, I touch the earrings she has lying there, wondering which ones she has on today. It’s all these small, intricate things that make up who she is, and I can’t stand the not knowing. I want to know every little detail.
When I walk into her bathroom, I see lipstick on the counter. The tube is slightly open, like she was in a rush. I close it all the way and stand it up straight, then wonder if she’ll even notice. There’s a hair tie beside it, and I pick it up. It smells like her shampoo, and though I shouldn’t keep it, I slide it on my wrist, dying to have something of her with me. It’s small, though, so maybe she won’t notice.
I walk out into her bedroom and sit on the bed, and Bear comes over beside me. It’s silent except for his purrs as I sit in her room and think about Blair.
I’ve always worked for what I wanted, but with her it isn’t that easy. What I want is to take her and make her mine. But I can’t. The anger and frustration that causes me is nearly unbearable.
I’m in the room so long, it becomes dark and I know I’ve stayed too long. I stand up, ready to leave, when I hear a key in the door. What if it’s her? My heart pounds and I think maybe if I stay I could explain why I’m here.
But I hear the door open and I know I can’t. No matter how much it kills me, I have to leave her alone. I turn and go to the window, sliding it open and stepping out onto the fire escape. I close it behind me and duck down, watching as the light comes on and she enters the room.
It’s like a knife in my chest every time I have to leave her, but I push away from the window and make my way down the stairs. I don’t know how much longer I can put myself through this pain.
Chapter 5
Blair
My body is a little sore from the first few days at my new job. I had to pull myself from bed this morning, but after a long, hot shower I feel better. My muscles relax, and I feel like maybe I’m going to be able to bend over without sounding like an old lady.
I stand in front of the mirror and take a deep breath. I’m not really feeling myself today. Something is off and I’m not sure what it is. Things aren’t happening like I thought they would. I shake my head when my mama’s words flutter through my mind. “We make plans and God laughs.”
I reach for my ponytail holder I always keep on my sink, but it’s not there. It’s my favorite and has small pink hearts on it. I glance around but don’t see it anywhere. I pull open a drawer and grab a new plain one, then pull my hair up into a high ponytail. I wrap a piece of the ponytail around the rubber band and pin it in place to make it look more polished. It will be functional for both the front and back of the office. I look down at my nails and see they’re in serious need of help, but I know if I paint them they’ll only end up chipped all over again. The look on Fritz’s face when he saw my hands yesterday still sits hard. But yesterday after I got home I didn't feel like doing my nails. I wanted to lie in bed with Bear and forget about how he’d made me feel.
“Get it together,” I tell myself in the mirror. This is my first week. I won’t be like my mama and quit every time something isn’t going how I like. I have come so far already. I need to keep pushing on and take it one day at a time. Maybe this job will grow on me and turn into a chance for something else.
I mean, look at Fritz and me. When I first met him, we were just friends, but as time went on things changed. Maybe the same will happen with this job and I’ll end up loving it. Turning around, I give Bear a kiss on the head followed by a few pets before grabbing my bag and heading out.
“Johnny!” I call out when I pass through my gate. He turns and looks at me. He looks different today. He’s in jeans and a polo. He slips a cell phone into his pocket, and I smile at him. “I never see you this time of day.”
“Got a job interview.” He smiles back, but it doesn't meet his eyes. He picks up a bag that’s sitting on the bench next to him and holds it out for me. “Thought I’d bring you something for a change.” He gives the bag a little shake and I walk over to him as he pulls out a large muffin.
My stomach growls, reminding me I forgot to grab something to eat before I left. “You’re a lifesaver.” I definitely need this because I forgot to refresh the snacks in my purse and I don’t have the time run back if I want to make it in a little early. I don’t care that Gemma is going to be pissy about it. I think being her friend is a lost cause at this point.
“Chocolate. You know the way to my heart,” I tease as I take the wrapper off the bottom and take a big bite. I moan as the flavor fills my mouth. “It’s still warm,” I try to say around a mouthful.
Johnny laughs. “Come on, I’ll walk you to work.”
“Where’s the interview?” I ask him after taking another bite of my muffin.
“Just a handyman for some building.” He waves it off like it’s not a big deal.
“You’re going to get it. I know it. You look sharp today.” I wink at him.
He nods. He doesn’t seem as talkative as usual. “Maybe we’ll get to walk to work together every morning if you get it,” I add.
“That would be nice.” He doesn't sound excited about the job at all. In fact, he seems off today.
“You okay, Johnny?” I ask, looking over at him.
“Change is coming.” He gives a small shrug, and I notice he isn’t smiling.
“Maybe, but change can be good,” I try to reassure him. Isn’t this just what I was telling myself this morning? Change can be scary, but it’s part of life. I should know. I hopped on a bus leaving my old life behind in hopes for a new one. “Someone told me once that with change comes opportunity.”
We stop when we get outside of the art studio. “Good luck,” I tell him, giving him a smile.
“Tonight,” I correct. “I’ll see you tonight.”
For some reason that’s important to me. I need to know Johnny will be there when I walk home, just like I know Bear will be at home to greet me when I get there, too.
“I’ll see you,” he says, but he doesn’t confirm he’ll see me tonight. He gives me a nod before turning and walking down the street.
I watch him go, and the feeling of something not being right settles over me again. I look around thinking someone is staring at me, but there’s no one nearby.
I walk through the gallery doors and I feel a bit lighter when I don't see Gemma at the front desk. It’s good when I can start the day without her scowling at me. I don't see Lilith anywhere either, but she’s probably around because the doors are unlocked. I change my clothes before going into the warehouse and getting to work.
Time passes, and I’m alone in the warehouse. The guys left a while ago for a delivery and said they wouldn’t make it back tonight. So it’s just me and my crowbar popping crates. I’ve been through most of what’s in here by now, and I’ve started going through the ones that aren’t labeled. I figured it’s time to make a list and then go over the items one by one with Lilith. I don’t want to have to go back to her a hundred times over each one. I thought doing it once will probably be painful enough.
I go to open my fourth crate of the day, and I pause when the lid comes off and I look down at what’s inside. At first I’m surprised that there’s not much in the way of packaging material, just a framed painting stuck down in the wooden box.
I’m shocked again when I recognize it. It’s one I remember from my art history class. I remember the picture because I loved it so much. It’s of a couple lying in bed. The man is wrapped completely around the woman. Her head rests on his chest as he holds her in a protective embrace. What caught my attention in the picture was how at peace they looked, and I wasn't sure who was comforting whom. Sure, he was wrapped around her, but it almost looked like he needed her more than anything else in the world. In some areas of the painting it’s impossible to tell where one of them begins and the other ends. This couple loved each other. They were two halves of one soul coming together and forming a whole.
