by Neil Mcmahon
They tended toward the large end of the North American rodent family, almost the size of cats. They could chew like chain-saws. A construction pal had told me about a ceiling that collapsed under the weight of dog food they'd hoarded up there. Another friend from northern California reported that they loved marijuana plants and were a bane to the region's growers-an army of feral four-legged narcs, stealthily searching and destroying by night. Like most critters, they avoided humans, but while others would run if you surprised them, pack rats tended to stand their ground and stare right back at you, even if you were pointing a gun. Whether this was because they were bold or stupid, nobody seemed sure.
They were probably best known for their penchant for pilfering small objects and leaving others in their place. The consensus was that they didn't deliberately swap objects on a quid pro quo basis, but if a rat was carrying something and saw something else it liked better, it would drop what it had and pick up the new item. They were particularly attracted to shiny stuff. Eerily, they tended to trade up in value, as if they had an aesthetic sense. They'd abandon a scrap of cloth for a scrap of tinfoil, the tinfoil for a beer tab, and the beer tab for a coin. If you left any jewelry where they could get at it, you could kiss it good-bye.
Their peculiarities also included a fondness for flowers. They'd strip gardens of them, not to eat, but to decorate their turf-touching, considering that otherwise, they were about as destructive and filthy as creatures could get.
They'd sure proved that here.
The Skilsaw's shriek died off as Madbird finished his cut and released the trigger. When the blade stopped spinning, he jerked the saw out of its kerf and laid it on the floor. Blessed quiet settled over the room, and the swirling dust clouds settled over us.
"Hope there ain't any hantavirus in here," he muttered. "Be just right-die from mucking out the shit of the rat that killed you."
"Hugh? Can I come in?" Renee called from the doorway. She'd probably been waiting for the commotion to stop.
"Stay there, we'll come out," I said. We groped our way outside into the cool damp day. Spring was still taunting but not yet delivering.
When Renee saw us, she actually started to laugh before she caught herself. I didn't mind. It was the first time I'd seen worry leave her face. And we had it coming. Madbird looked like an extra in a Road Warrior movie-his body was white with dust except for dark goggle rings around his eyes, and his thick black hair was tangled with a nest of plaster chunks that suggested he'd gone through a wall headfirst. I was sure I was no improvement.
"My God," she said. "I'm sorry, I had no idea it would be so-chaotic."
"That's why we get paid the big bucks, darlin'," Madbird said. His gravelly voice was reduced to a parched croak.
"I baked fresh cookies," she said timidly. "And there's coffee."
"That sounds real tasty," Madbird said. "But you know, there's nothing works up my appetite for cookies like a couple cold beers."
I nodded agreement. We didn't usually drink while we were working, but this wasn't usually.
"Oh, no," she said. "I should have thought of that. I'll run get some."
"Half-rack of Pabst." He fished a twenty out of his wallet and handed it toward her, trailing dust. "Try Louie's; they keep it almost froze."
She pushed his hand away gently. "I'll buy it, don't be silly. Let me grab my keys."
While Renee walked to the house, Madbird and I stayed outside to suck down a few more fresh breaths. The sky was blue-gray with a threatening storm that sent occasional flurries of spitting snow and the breeze had a sharp edge, but it felt damned good.
"You know that couch for Darcy?" Madbird said. The question seemed abrupt, but his mind worked in mysterious ways.
"Yeah?"
"We could probably use another hand getting it up them stairs."
"Like, her boyfriend?" I said.
"You got it."
He'd mentioned earlier that Darcy had finally showed up at his and Hannah's house last night and picked out some of the furniture they'd offered her. Her new apartment was on the second story; the two of us were going to move the heavier stuff tomorrow, including a couch.
I'd told him about the drowning incident involving Seth Fraker on St. Martin island-not because it was important, but just because. That must have gotten him thinking about Darcy's situation; he'd decided he'd had enough of Fraker dodging him, and had seen a way to force his hand, by inviting him to join in a manly effort to help his girlfriend. If he refused, that would be a serious loss of face. Darcy would try to head it off, but Madbird could handle her. It was going to be interesting.
"Let me know what time," I said.
As Renee stepped out the door with her purse, a rumbling sound in the distance was getting louder and more jarring, fast. A few seconds later, its source rolled into sight-one of those yacht-sized sedans that Detroit had made in the '70s, with a body faded to bilious green and a vinyl top that was peeling like a bad case of eczema. Besides the shot muffler and disintegrating engine that the noise advertised, the car belched smoke and was cancerous with corrosion. A great old line from Raymond Chandler flashed through my mind-in this pretty, peaceful place, the big rust bucket stood out like a tarantula on a slice of angel food cake.
I recognized both car and driver the instant I first glimpsed them.
His name was Ward Ackerman. He was the tenant who'd lived in the Callisters' house for the past several years and had let it go to hell. The blame for the unchecked invasion of the pack rats and all the damage they'd done lay squarely at his sorry-ass door.
While I tried not to stereotype people, I couldn't help myself with Ward. I seemed to be noticing more and more guys like him these days-neither tall nor short, fat nor thin, with longish greasy hair usually covered by a baseball cap, smudgy goatees, and lots of tattoos. It was often hard to tell whether they were closer to twenty or fifty in age.
He came from an extended clan of similar relatives, who occupied a settlement of trailers and run-down cabins outside of town. They tended to be well represented in the newspaper's weekly DUI and crime reports; I knew that Ward had done jail time for petty stuff like dope and theft.
But the Ackermans were distantly related to the Callisters through some convoluted genealogy; when the house needed a caretaker, that and Ward's claims to be a skilled builder had persuaded the family to give him free rent and utilities in return for upgrading the place. Renee had visited her father often in the years since then, overseeing his medical needs and managing his finances, and she'd realized early on that Ward wasn't even pretending. But she lived several hundred miles away, with a demanding job. Trying to lever him out and make other arrangements was too much of a hassle, so she'd followed the path of least resistance until the Professor's death.
The only direct contact I'd ever had with Ward was a couple of construction jobs where he'd hired on as a laborer, and never lasted more than a few days. I'd never had any personal reason to dislike him. But now I had a couple of good ones-the mess he'd left Renee, and an uglier problem that he was causing her.
Ward didn't have a shred of legal claim to the house and wasn't even mentioned in her father's will. The property was clearly and indisputably left to Renee and her mother and brother. But when she informed Ward that he had to move out, he'd argued that he should inherit it, coming up with a bullshit rationale involving the work he'd supposedly done, his blood ties to the Callisters, and squatter's rights. She'd had to threaten eviction before he would finally leave.
Of course, he was furious, and he'd started a campaign of stopping by a couple of times a day on some pretext, such as that he'd left something that he had to look for. Then he'd bully her, telling her he was going to take this to court, he'd sue her if she tried to sell, and so on. He hadn't been overtly threatening, at least not yet, but she was constantly nervous that he'd show up, and a little scared when he did. She was right to be. Ward was a pissant, but there was no telling what kind of psycho state he might w
ork himself up to, especially dealing with a woman alone.
Ward's car charged up the driveway and stopped just inches behind Renee's, blocking her so she couldn't move. He threw open his door and started to climb out.
Then he saw Madbird and me. He casually withdrew the foot he'd put on the ground and stayed where he was, draping his arm over the seatback like that had been his intention all along.
So we walked on over to him.
"Glad you came by, Ward," I said. "Renee's been bringing me up to date about all the improvements you made around here, and now I get to tell you personally how much I admire them."
He looked at me with studied insolence, fingers drumming on the seatback.
"I know you?" he said.
I almost smiled. That was another thing I was noticing more and more-people who seemed to learn their lines from TV.
"Aw, come on, Ward," I said. "Don't you remember punking studs for me a couple years back, framing that Ramada Inn out on the strip? You were there at least two days-maybe even three."
He made a little sound of derision. Then he turned to Renee and whistled, like he was summoning a dog.
"Hey," he called to her harshly. "What's going on? I didn't tell you you could change anything."
I ached to jerk him out of his seat. When I was growing up, that would have been considered the appropriate, even obligatory response. But things had changed. Now it would be seen as assault, no matter the provocation, and while Ward was usually on the wrong side of the cops, I had no doubt that he'd go running to them if he could fuck me over. There was also another level of caution. Punk though he might be, guys like him were packing all kinds of shit these days-not just guns, but truncheons, pepper spray, swords, fucking crossbows.
Outweighing all that was the heartsick, cold-sweat memory of a night last September when I'd gotten crosswise with a man in a way that had started out almost frivolous, but ended very differently. Something in me had declared, never again. It wasn't a conscious decision, but a certainty that had announced itself.
"You've had plenty of chances to clear your stuff out of here," I said to Ward. "If you left something else, too bad. Now disappear, and forget you ever knew this address."
He gave me his hard stare again.
"I got a legal claim to this place," he said. "You're trespassing, dude. So do me a favor, and you forget this address."
Still, I found myself wondering whether the assault charge would stick if I just sort of helped him move his car out of the way so Renee could leave.
Then Madbird came sauntering past me, a movement that seemed casual until, with sudden speed, he slammed the driver-side door shut so hard that the huge vehicle rocked. Ward's eyes bulged as round as quarters.
"We got a couple hundred pounds of rat shit over there," Madbird said, jerking his head toward the pile of trash from the study. "What I hear, it belongs to you. How about you take it home with you right now?"
That turned Ward's expression to flat-out alarm. His fingers darted to the ignition key and the car lunged backwards, cylinders rattling and smoke pouring out of the mangled exhaust pipe.
"You'll be hearing from my lawyer, bitch," he yelled at Renee. He peeled on out, tires spraying the residue of gravel left by the winter's sanding trucks.
Renee stared after him, looking like she was slightly in shock. I put my arm around her shoulders and gave her a quick squeeze.
"If he comes by again, call me," I said.
"If he comes by again, he's gonna find out I ain't kidding about that rat shit," Madbird said. Then he gripped his throat and cleared it with a dramatic hacking sound.
"Weren't you on your way someplace?" he said to Renee.
That broke her little trance. She smiled and started walking toward her car again.
"I'll hurry, I know it's desperate," she said.
When she was gone, Madbird gave me a sly glance.
"She's a sweetie," he said. "You ought to check that out."
I snorted, emitting a little explosion of powdered plaster.
"She's way too high on the food chain for me," I said. "Anyway, she's engaged."
"Yeah, well, she could get unengaged. I seen that happen before."
We waded back into the carriage house. The dust had settled somewhat, but it didn't take us long to get it moving again.
9
A sizable heap of busted-up plaster and two beers later, Renee called to us from the doorway again, saying that some friends of hers had dropped by and they'd like to look around.
When we stepped outside this time, the sun had broken through a pocket in the clouds. The bright shock to my dust-filmed eyes made them tear up, blurring my glimpse of the two people with Renee. All I could tell was that she was standing beside another woman, with a man a little ways behind them, and that something about Renee seemed different. When I knuckled my vision clear, I realized that she was wearing a buff-colored leather shearling coat that she hadn't had on before. It was brand-new, with tags still hanging off a button.
She introduced the couple as Evvie and Lon Jessup, old family friends who lived a few miles south of Helena. Evvie was forty-plus, somewhat plain but elaborately groomed. Her hair was tinted a brittle red-orange that almost glittered. Lon was a sturdy, bearded guy several years older, who looked like he'd be at home working the land.
"Look what they gave me," Renee said, smoothing the coat's front with her hands. "Isn't it beautiful?" It was, indeed-at least a couple hundred bucks' worth of beautiful. And yet, there was something almost helpless about the way she spoke, like she was more embarrassed than pleased.
If Evvie sensed the same thing, it didn't show. She had a slow smile that crinkled the corners of her eyes, and when her smile deepened, so did the crinkles.
"Little Renee hasn't lived here in so long, we weren't sure she'd have anything warm enough to wear," she said.
Renee rolled her eyes. "'Little Renee.' You can tell we go back a long way."
"So many happy memories here," Evvie said with a sigh. "Such a beautiful house." Then she extended a hand to indicate the pile of rat trash. "But this mess. You poor dear." She gave Madbird and me a glance that seemed faintly accusing, as if we'd caused it.
"Evvie's in real estate," Renee said. "She's interested in handling the sale. Is it okay if we go into the study?"
So, there was a little more to this visit than a friendly call. Maybe more to the expensive gift, too-intended to make Renee feel obligated.
"It's not dangerous, just dirty," I said. "I'd take off that new coat, if I was you."
"We don't have to go inside, hon," Evvie told her. "I just need a peek." She stepped to the doorway of the carriage house and gazed in.
Lon Jessup had stayed in the background, not speaking except to say hi, but now he walked over to join his wife.
"You're brave men for taking this on," he said to Madbird and me as he passed. "We appreciate you helping Renee out." He leaned in the doorway beside Evvie, with his thumbs hooked in his belt. He was probably familiar with construction; most ranchers were, along with a wide range of other skills.
"Why are you cutting into the walls?" Evvie said. "I thought you were just fixing the damage."
Renee glanced uneasily at Madbird and me. I groped for an answer that would disguise our real purpose.
Madbird, ever quick on his feet, said, "Rats could of got inside them, too. We're making sure there ain't something left in there that'll stink."
Evvie didn't respond. Instead, a few seconds later, she swung around to face us.
"So how long's it going to take you?" she demanded, suddenly peremptory.
This put her first question into a context that I'd learned to recognize over the years, as had Madbird; his lips curved in a faint smile. The maneuver was one that was used by speculators, designers, and other players who were peripheral to the main construction on a project. It was intended to put tradesmen on the defensive and drive down their prices-suggesting that they were dogging it, doi
ng unnecessary work, and/or overcharging-while at the same time demonstrating that the questioner knew all about such shenanigans and would fiercely defend the clients' best interests.
I had developed a number of responses, including some rude ones if the individuals really irritated me. But usually, I just let them know that unless they were signing my paychecks, I was going to tell them zip minus shit.
"That's up to the lady who hired us," I said. "What-all she wants done, and if she wants us to do it."
I could just about see Evvie trying to decide whether I'd sidestepped her on purpose or out of sheer dumb misunderstanding.
"I've hardly been able to think about it," Renee said. "I've been so overwhelmed."
"Of course you have, hon," Evvie said, stepping to her and giving her arm a comforting pat. "Has anybody else looked at the place? An appraiser?"
Renee shook her head. "I haven't even gotten that far."
"Good. A little word of advice-don't talk to a soul until the rat mess is all taken care of. Maybe nobody will ever need to know." Evvie winked slyly.
Renee looked doubtful. "Really? Aren't those kinds of problems supposed to be disclosed?"
"It's like a lot of other things-there's wiggle room. If the repairs turn out okay"-Evvie glanced meaningfully at Madbird and me-"I don't see why it should matter."
Right off the top, it would matter because cleaning out the pack rats' digs wasn't going to get rid of them. As long as Madbird and I were working in the carriage house, they'd hole up in their outside dens, but they'd be back as soon as we left. We could try to protect against them, but once they moved into a place, it was extremely tough to keep them out.
Evvie might not have known that, but as a licensed Realtor, she'd sure know that failure to disclose such a problem wasn't only unethical, it could leave the homeowner open to lawsuits. "Wiggle room" wasn't much of a defense.
"We better be going, Ev," Lon Jessup said. I wondered if he was embarrassed by her and wanted to hustle her away before she went further. Maybe he was used to it.
