I don't have a sense for what Shanna is doing in all this.
As requested, I added some Lanz to Blake's Chap. 7. He's still in the supply room. Here is where he thinks he can beat it but fails miserably -- he breaks out and starts chomping. I think Randall has to come through the ER while Lanz has locked himself away.
Paul
* * *
Paul - can't wait to read your new stuff. Love that Lanz runs and hides again.
Re: Shanna, I would say it's totally up to you since Clayton Theel is going to come into the hospital looking for her, which I suppose is his first motivation - find Shanna. Perhaps she needs a short chapter where she has lingered in the ambulance, trying to pull herself together, then walks into the ER when all hell has broken loose. Maybe Moorecook chases her out into another part of the hospital? I guess it really depends on what you're going to do with Shanna and Clayton for the core of your story. Do they have a phone conversation in the ambulance while he's on his way where she pretty much breaks up with him? Pushing him to search for her even harder?
Joe and Jeff have figured out how their characters are going to interact, mine are probably going to be in a vacuum until the very end, a pregnant couple fighting for their life in the maternity ward. What are you thinking of for Clayton's journey through hell? Maybe we can find a way to have him intersect with my characters?
Blake
* * *
I think we need a scene where the draculas tell everybody in the hospital that they've won the lottery, and as the people walk one-by-one into a private room to collect their winnings, the draculas kill them!
Jeff
* * *
BRILLIANT!
Paul
* * *
I think Shanna outside the hospital doors (cell reception is better there) calling Clay is a good start. She can call off the trip to the gun show. Their relationship is not working...etc. Besides she's too upset about Mortimer's collapse.
I think we should have all sorts of character meet-ups. Randall and Lanz have certainly got issues.
I see Clay as like the Terminator when it comes to killing draculas...until his ammo runs out.
Paul
* * *
August 20, 2010
Agreed, with the caveat that we can fix typos without consultation. I read Paul's chapter 4 last night and added a period to one sentence and closed out a quote that needed to be.
Blake
* * *
Joe thinks I'm just crazy and anal (which I'm not refuting) but I don't think it's a terrible idea to have a working hospital map that we can refer to to track character movement.
http://www.iredellmemorial.org/guide.aspx?id=922
This is the hospital from the town where I grew up in North Carolina . Services the same community size as Durango (45 thousand in the surrounding counties) but I like the floor plan much better (more stories). I'm not saying we have to stick to this religiously, but I think it may be good to consult. I have to have an idea of the space my characters inhabit, it also prods my creativity, and when I'm not familiar with an environment like this (thank God) I need a little help. Obviously, my characters will be based in the maternity ward. Joe's will be in pediatrics. Jeff's is trying to get the power going or something so he can communicate with Jenny. Not sure what Clayton and Shanna are doing yet but my sense is Clayton's like a kid in a candy shop, a real-life video game where he gets to play with all his toys and he's going to be fucking blasting through the place until the ammo runs out.
If everyone likes this, I'll throw it in the dropbox.
Blake
* * *
That hospital is too big, methinks. I was thinking two hundred patients, tops.
Almost done with the morgue scene, then I'll work on Jenny's scene.
Joe
* * *
It's only a 247-bed hospital, so if there are 100-150 patients during the outbreak, doesn't that seem about right?
Blake
* * *
We can always lop off the 5th floor, too. I think four stories is about right.
Blake
* * *
Also, to make putting this together easier, we need to break up our own individual sections and chapters.
So when I write the first Jenny scene, it will be JOE 1.0, JOE 1.1, etc.
When I write a new scene, it will be JOE 2.0, JOE 2.1. JOE 2.2.
Blake, I'm still working on the morgue scene. But I'll split up the Lanz section at the end and make that BLAKE 2.0.
That way, we can work on different sections, and it will be easier to piece this into a linear narrative.
Joe
* * *
Joe - I think as soon as
-you write Jenny's scene
-wrap up the Morgue scene
-write Oasis into 7
-Jeff writes Benny the Clown into 7
-Paul addresses Shanna in chapter 4
we can put all of that into the main manuscript document and we will truly be set up. Then we'll be crossing over much less than these opening chapters. Also I'm all for getting rid of chapters at the end, but I think it's been helpful up to this point.
Blake
* * *
Great chapter, Jeff.
Are you sure you want the chainsaw gone so quickly? I'd sorta like Randall to have it for a while. He could siphon gas out of his truck.
I'll write a scene where Jenny finds Randall and they go to pediatrics. But before I do, let's decide if the chainsaw is in play or broken. I like it running out of gas, but I also want him to be able to cut some draculas up.
Joe
* * *
Morgue scene done. Have at it.
Had to change the last line, because I introduced Benny earlier, but I think it works.
Joe
* * *
Ditto great chapter, love how you're bringing out Randall's stubbornness. I laughed out loud at the wrong church line--absolutely perfectly says who this guy is.
But have to admit, I was sad when he broke the chainsaw. I also hadn't imagined he would get into it with Mortimer right away. I thought maybe Mortimer's already gone by the time he gets back. I don't know. What do you think? You know everyone can't wait to see Randall fuck some draculas up with a chainsaw so maybe tease it out a bit?
Also, I have a friend who's essentially a lumberjack, but he gets real upset if you call him that. "He's an arborist. He doesn't just cut trees down. It's art." Maybe there's some comic gold there.
Blake
* * *
I love having the chainsaw taken out of the equation so quickly after all the buildup and never used for its intended purpose. Horror fans have already had their share of chainsaw mayhem. We've got a whole hospital full of ways to kill draculas!
Jeff
* * *
Oh, that wasn't supposed to be Mortimer. Just a random dracula. I'll add some sort of distinguishing characteristic to make that clear.
Jeff
* * *
In theory, the hospital could have some landscaping supplies in the basement. After being robbed of his chainsaw moment early on, Randall could find one near the end of the book and finally get his chance to go wild.
Jeff
* * *
Blake and I thought up the idea of a lumberjack so he'd have a truck full of toys to play with. Or else, why use him as a character?
Just spoke to Blake. We like it running out of gas. But it probably wouldn't break, even if used to bash in a skull. Those saws are made really tough.
How about Randall holds onto it, refusing to let it go, even though it is out of gas? Then he could finally find some gas and let loose. It would be funny, stubborn, and oddly poignant that he won't give up something he's attached to--a metaphor for his relationship with Jenny.
Or else he has more saws and axes in his truck.
Either way, we'd really like this guy to be armed with the tools of his trade, even if he can't use them until later.
; Joe
* * *
Here's the morgue scene.
Joe
* * *
Standing ovation...fucking killer scene.
Blake
* * *
On reflection, I think you should write something in Oasis' POV. Equate blood to candy for her. Could even show her throwing a tantrum b/c she wants it and she doesn't have it. Maybe it doesn't occur to her right away that she might be able to kill people to get it. They're adults and on some level she still thinks of them like that. Maybe she attacks someone and gets the shit beat out of her. Then realizes she needs to go where the kiddies and the babies are.
Blake
* * *
Nice. Maybe u should write the scene.
Joe
* * *
I will, but you have to help me with Mortimer later on. So now, just write the Jenny scene, and we should have it ready to go.
Blake
* * *
I've added a very quick scene with Benny the Clown to the end of Chapter 7. But I wasn't sure if I was supposed to mess with Blake's file, so I've saved the chapter in my own folder as BENNY 1.0.
Jeff
* * *
You totally could have put in that file, but it doesn't matter. I'll merge everything into the main file soon. We're closing in on 15K words, boys!
Blake
* * *
Brilliant...favorite moment: he hopes the security camera catches him wiping the gore off his face. Also love the utility belt. I love this guy.
Blake
* * *
Pitch-perfect
Blake
* * *
It's in the dropbox now, and is the complete manuscript with all our work to present. I need to write an Oasis scene, Joe needs to write a Jenny scene, and Paul needs to write a Shanna scene, and then we really have the 1st 1/4 of the book done. If anyone wants to revamp any of their stuff, please do it in the Draculas 1.4 full manuscript I'd like to get that finalized, and then we can turn our attention to our individual character arcs.
Goodnight!
Blake
* * *
August 21, 2010
I'm actually working on DRACULAS 1.5, adding the Jenny scene. No one touch it until it's live in about an hour, then we can take turns doing rewrites. Jeff first, then Paul, then Blake. Each rewrite, make a new number: 1.6, 1.7, etc.
I took out the chapter numbers, as Blake and I originally intended--this thing is meant to read without stops. Also, HOUR 1 was replaced with HOUR ZERO and we go from there, but I'm not sure these headings are needed either. We'll keep them for the moment.
Joe
* * *
But we're going to keep chapter numbers while we're working, right? Just to keep straight the order of events.
Paul
* * *
Sure, we can keep chapters in out individual scenes. I just removed them in the main compiled document. As a result, it reads quicker, more unrelenting.
But as we write them in our folders, chapters are fine.
Joe
* * *
Yeah, let's keep the hours and character headings for now. I certainly need them to help keep my story straight and it's a good way to scan. Maybe the last thing we'll do is remove them, but we should probably think hard before doing that.
Blake
* * *
When we've all finished our main character arcs, we'll have to decide how and if to splice them together in the main document. My initial thought would be to interweave them, breaking at cliffhanging moments. What will be really cool, is we can release an alternate version of the novel (an extra) where POVs are held together through the end. So you can read Moorecook straight through, then Lanz, then Randall, then Jenny, etc.
Blake
* * *
Okay, we've got 1.5 in the Dropbox.
Paul, we need a Shanna scene from you. Blake is doing an Oasis scene. Then we're done with the first quarter of the book, and can start Hour Two.
Jeff, your first scene is Randall's POV, going with Jenny to pediatrics, then leaving her to go after Moorecook. Randall will also be looking for gasoline for his chainsaw, and to turn on the generator when the electricity goes out. Enemies will be random draculas and Moorecook in particular.
Paul, your first scene is Clayton arriving, looking for Shanna. They'll be seeking each other out, and Clayton will be trying to control the situation and get outside reinforcements, while they work out their relationship problems. Their main antagonist will be Lanz in particular.
My story arc will start with Jenny defending pediatrics against the draculas, Benny in particular.
Blake's story arc will be his pregnant couple, defending against Oasis in particular, while going through labor.
If we can each do about 7,000 words within our arcs, then we can bring them all together for the final showdown during the last quarter of the book.
After the Shanna and Oasis scenes, we'll all go back to our separate folders.
Does this work for everyone?
Joe
* * *
We should probably each have a specific number of chapters to write in our separate arcs (4?) so that when the story is pieced together we can just go A, B, C, D, A, B, C, D, A, B, C, D.
Jeff
* * *
That depends on the length of each arc, and what's happening in the rest of the story. It doesn't have to be so strict with trading POVs.
As long as we all write fast-paced, short sections (a few pages each) with cliffhanger-type endings, we can pretty much cut and paste and make it work in a number of different ways. This really won't be hard to put together. We got 15k words already, and they meshed seamlessly without too much forethought.
Joe
* * *
I'm having a hard time getting to the keyboard today (not home). I'm gonna add Shanna after Randall's "sumbich" line. She's going to wander into the hospital proper to the snack bar, then outside in front of the lobby. She'll try to tell Clay over the phone but won't. She owes him a face-to-face. I like the irony of Clay thinking this girl is crazy about him - he knows it's the guns.
Paul
* * *
August 22, 2010
All - Draculas 1.6 is now up with Paul's excellent new Shanna section. I've moved the 1.5 and Paul's conflicted 1.5 over (saving it in case Paul did anything else beyond the Shanna section). Let's all stay out of 1.6 for now and go nuts on our separate sections. Great job, all. These 1st 17,000 words really sing.
Blake
* * *
JEFF 2.0, wherein Randall and Jenny make it to pediatrics, is up on Dropbox.
Jeff
* * *
Nicely done. I laughed twice, and great action.
Two suggestions:
"Jenny pushed open a door marked "Pediatrics." So that's how it's spelled, Randall thought."
Also, Jenny shouldn't want him to go after Mortimer, and should say so. First, she doesn't want him to leave her. Second, she doesn't want him to put himself in danger. This scene could be drawn out for some drama, and perhaps they should come very close to kissing. We want to feel that their love, which has always been there, is still strong. They should both feel reluctant, and nervous, and confused, and frightened at the thought of losing each other. After all, they won't see each other again for a few thousand words.
This is a perfect time to actually make the reader feel about the characters, and it should only take a paragraph. If you're sick of writing the scene, lemme know and I'll take a shot at it.
Joe
* * *
I dunno...I feel like the whole "Randall goes after Mortimer" is already stretching suspension of disbelief almost to the breaking point. Randall is dumb and ridiculously impulsive, but leaving the woman he loves behind along with a bunch of innocent children so he can chase after Mortimer is really pushing it. If she's confused and disoriented and it happens quickly, I can see Randall thinking later "Wow, I really shouldn't h
ave done that," but if she's begging him to stay, I feel like Randall is becoming borderline retarded.
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