“Well… she left this afternoon,” he said.
“What do you mean?”
“She came in this morning with a bag, she and Alli met in her office for a bit, and then they took off for the airport together. Alli said they’d be back in a day or two. Said to email if anything came up with work.”
I balled my hands into tight fists again. This day just kept getting better. “Do you have any idea where they went?”
His eyes were wide then. “No idea. She didn’t stick around long enough for me to ask her about it.”
“Fuck.” My vision turned white with anger.
“Have you called her?”
“I have to go,” I said, pushing past him.
I sped home, calling her phone repeatedly only to hear her voicemail time after time. I barreled through the front door, half expecting to find Erica there. But the house was quiet and dark. I went to the kitchen, explored every room on the first floor, and then went to our bedroom. She was gone. The bed was how we’d left it, except for a piece of paper on my pillow.
I picked it up, adrenaline racing through me as I read it.
You promised you would always deserve my trust… my happiness… my love.
* * *
ERICA
I promised him I’d never run away from him again, but he’d broken promises too. And right now, I was doing what I needed to do. I was doing what he wouldn’t.
Alli and I stepped off the plane and into the warm Texas air. Twenty minutes later, we’d arrived at our hotel in the heart of Dallas. The bellhop dropped our bags inside the room. I tipped him and walked to where Alli was gazing out the big picture window overlooking the sprawling city’s skyline.
I’d never been to Dallas, and I wished I had a better reason for coming now. I didn’t relish the idea of going anywhere without Blake, but after this morning’s fight, I knew that I couldn’t rely on him right now.
“Pretty,” Alli said, before dropping into a nearby lounge chair. Her purse vibrated at her feet. “It’s Heath.” She glanced up at me without bothering to retrieve her phone.
“Not yet,” I said.
She rolled her eyes. “I feel like a freaking fugitive, Erica. If I don’t talk to him soon, he’s likely to file a missing-person’s report.”
“I don’t want anyone knowing where I am right now. Not until I have a chance to talk to Michael alone.”
“I can’t imagine what kind of hell Blake is going to put Heath through when he finds out I’m with you.”
Blake was so far away, and he didn’t even know it. I regretted leaving him the way I had. But I was angry too. Angry that he wouldn’t fight for us. That after everything we’d been through together, he could still shut me down so quickly.
“You said you’d help me, Alli. I’m meeting with Michael first thing in the morning. You can talk to Heath then.”
I’d explained the situation to her at the office, ready to take off on my own if I had to. But I’d gone on enough wild goose chases to know that it was always better to have company. Danger had a way of finding me, and I was more than a little shell-shocked from the consequences. But I couldn’t get to the bottom of this from the safety of our home.
“I wanted to come with you, Erica, but I don’t like keeping secrets from Heath. It’s something we don’t do anymore, under any circumstances, and you’re asking me to go against that.”
“Whatever you tell Heath will go right to Blake, and you know it. Blake won’t have it any other way. I’m positive that Max gave Trevor access to Blake’s code, and this is the only chance I have of making that connection. Michael isn’t the type to have a heart-to-heart with me over the phone, and I don’t want Blake getting in the way.”
Alli hesitated a moment before speaking. “Do you really think you’re going to win him over? Michael Pope… shipping magnate, billionaire, and arguably one of the most intelligent and successful businessmen in the world?”
When she said it like that, I had my doubts. But even with my doubts, he was the best chance I had. “I don’t know. He seems to like me. I know he cares a lot about Blake. I mean, he disowned Max after what he did to me. If I can make Michael realize what’s at stake, maybe he’ll help me.” I sat down in the chair opposite her. “This is important, Alli. If Blake won’t act to clear his name, I will. I won’t lose him. I can’t.”
Her phone vibrated again with an incoming call. She shot me a pleading look. “He hasn’t stopped calling since we landed. What do you want me to do?”
I sighed. “Fine. Just don’t tell him where we are.”
She answered quickly and put the phone to her ear. “Hey, baby… Yeah, sorry. Last minute girls’ trip.” She stood and walked around the room. “Everything is fine. There’s something Erica needs to take care of and she wanted me with her… Heath, please, just don’t ask questions right now. It’s complicated. But we’re fine. I promise.” She cast a sideways glance at me. “Yeah, something like that. I’ll talk to you later, okay, when things settle down… Love you too.”
She hung up and shot me a pointed stare. “You owe me.”
“I know. Thank you.”
She rested a hand on her hip. “I don’t know about you, but I’m starving. Let’s change and grab some dinner.”
I forced myself up, pushing through the fatigue that had settled into my bones over the course of the long, emotionally taxing day. I could have gone to bed and slept for days, but Alli was right. We needed food, even though my stomach hadn’t stopped turning since this morning.
I opened my bag to look for something comfortable to change into.
“What is this?”
Alli gasped as she picked up a pink box that I’d shoved into my bag at the last minute. In it were two pregnancy tests that I’d picked up earlier, convincing myself that I was completely insane for doing so.
I resisted the urge to snatch them back from her.
“What does it look like?” I tried to sound nonchalant, but I was already on edge that she’d discovered them.
Her eyes were wide. “Are you pregnant?”
I drew in an uneven breath. “I have no idea.” Was I completely foolish for even suspecting it?
“Are you kidding? You think you might be, but you haven’t taken a test yet?” Her voice had risen at least four octaves.
“I haven’t gotten around to it.” That was mostly true.
“Well, for God’s sake, go take it. I’m freaking out here!”
Glowing with anticipation, she started to open one end of the box. I grabbed it from her, my anxiety ratcheting to new levels. I cursed myself for not hiding the box better.
“I thought we were getting dinner,” I said in a desperate attempt to veer her off topic.
“As if I could eat knowing you might be knocked up. Don’t be crazy.”
“Alli, stop,” I snapped.
She leveled an incredulous stare at me.
My heart thumped wildly in my chest. I wasn’t ready for whatever reality came after the test. I couldn’t… “I can’t do this right now.”
“Jesus, why?”
I tossed the box back into the bag and walked toward the window. The sun had set, and Dallas was lit up with a million city lights. How could I do this now? I was in the middle of a tornado. No way could the sun shine through this storm.
“I’m not sure I’m ready to know, either way.”
Alli came closer and stood by my side. “Have you been trying?”
I closed my eyes and thought of Blake.
“Kind of.” My voice was barely a whisper.
“Okay, stupid question. You’re off birth control and you’ve been honeymooning for a month. Of course you have been. When was your last period?”
“I stopped keeping track after the shooting. It’s been erratic ever since. I don’t know. If it’s positive, I’m going to freak out and worry. I’ll worry if it’s even going to be viable. And if it’s negative, I’m not sure I want to know that after all that time together�
� after trying the way we have been, that it still couldn’t happen.”
“Erica, people try for years and can have success. Give yourself a chance. If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen. But not knowing either way can’t be anything but torture. At least for me. I can’t imagine it’s any different for you.”
True, the status of my uterus was a persistent thought in my mind. Imagining that I was pregnant was a happy thought, if a little terrifying. But imagining that I wasn’t and that I’d just dreamed up the possibility was the real torture. Having that play out in real life would be even worse.
“I don’t know if I can handle it right now with everything else that’s happening,” I finally admitted.
Alli went back to the box and brought it to me, holding out one of the tests. “I’m not going to be able to even function until I know. Call it a favor for me going on this crazy mission with you. And whatever it is, we’ll deal with it. I’m here for you, either way. I promise.”
I shook my head slightly, but she stood firm, her jaw set with a determined look I knew well.
“I’m not taking no for an answer. Seriously, go in there and take it.”
After a long moment, I plucked the test from her hand and went into the bathroom. I shut the door, sat down on the lid of the toilet, and stared at the unopened package.
This wasn’t happening. I can’t do this. I don’t even want to know. I cycled through the mantra until Alli spoke up.
“Are you doing it?”
I heard the question clearly enough to know that she was directly outside the door.
“Not yet.”
“Do it,” she ordered.
I opened the package and inspected the test. Seemed straight forward enough.
“Erica!”
I paused, knowing she didn’t really want to hear what I had to say. Not right now. Maybe tomorrow. It can wait. No… none of that would be acceptable.
“Damnit it, Erica. I’m your best friend, and I’m demanding you pee on the stick.”
I rolled my eyes. I wondered how low long it would take before she barreled through the door.
“I’m getting to it. Give me a minute for shit’s sake.”
I cursed again under my breath. I didn’t bother with directions and carried on with it. The little windows of the test darkened and I waited.
I waited and waited, my mind a whirlwind of what ifs. Would I even tell Blake if it was negative? That all that trying, all that love and faith between us, had been for nothing?
I stood up and busied myself in the mirror, trying to fluff my flattened hair, needing anything to occupy my mind right now. As the test did its work, I convinced myself that it was negative. That all hope was lost. When I let myself believe it, the devastation hit my gut, right where the nausea had been twisting for the past two days.
That was a sign, right? The way I’d been feeling…
What if I was pregnant? What if we were actually going to have a baby?
I struggled for a breath when I imagined what that might feel like. Then panic gripped me when I thought of Blake and what he’d say. But that’s what we wanted, right? We’d danced around it, maybe because neither of us was entirely sure it was possible. But we’d tried… We’d flown into the possibility with the blind determination we brought to any other endeavor, yet here I was doubting and scared.
Memories of our last night in the Maldives flitted through my mind. Blake making love to me under the stars. The curtains around the cabana billowing in the wind, the only barrier between us and the night. The sliver of the moon and a thousand tiny pinpricks of light shining through as we came together with one purpose in mind.
My hand rested over my belly, the scar that I’d traced more times now than I could count. My wound… and now, maybe a life. My breath rushed out of me at that overwhelming thought.
“What does it say?” The tone of Alli’s voice bordered on hysterical.
I was about to yell something back at her when I glanced at the test again. I blinked twice at the extra line that had formed.
Seconds passed, rushing by with the quickened beat of my heart. Oh my God. Oh shit. Wow. Oh my God.
“I’m coming in there. I don’t care if you’re decent.”
She barged in and took the test out of my hands. “What does it say?”
“I think it says I’m pregnant.”
CHAPTER NINE
BLAKE
“Where the fuck is she?”
Heath groaned, stretching under his duvet. “Man, I told you last night, I don’t know.”
“Like hell you don’t. Alli’s with her, isn’t she?”
“Yeah, but she won’t tell me where they are. I talked to her again late last night, and she said everything’s fine. She said not to worry.”
The lack of sleep combined with a new rush of adrenaline spiking my blood had me wild with frustration. “Not to worry? Are you fucking kidding me? My wife has disappeared into thin air and no one’s telling me anything. I think you know me well enough to know that I’m more than fucking worried.”
Heath scratched his head and rose from the bed. “Dude, you need to breathe. I’m going to take a piss, and when I come back, we’ll talk. Do some yoga while I’m gone.”
I left the bedroom, slamming the door behind me. I sank back against the smooth dark leather of the living-room couch. The coffee table was covered with bridal magazines, which sent visions of my own wedding through my mind. Erica smiling, happier than I’d ever seen her.
I closed my eyes, letting some of my anger ebb away. Suddenly I wanted a way to go back to that day, one of the best days of my life.
Steps away from our home, we’d said our vows. As content as I would have been to share them in private, saying them in front of our friends and family in that moment had meant more to me than I’d expected. I’d written mine the night before. Finding the words to express what she meant to me had been difficult, but somehow I’d found them and committed them to memory. And when she walked down the aisle toward me, I was lost. Speechless.
I couldn’t tear my eyes away from her. She was a vision—hair done up but some strands loose around her face, light makeup making her blue eyes glow as they peered into mine. Her dress, made of soft white lace, fit perfectly to her body. The justice spoke, but the only words I heard were hers as she began to say her vows. Her voice was soft but strong as she locked me in with her eyes.
“When I imagined this day, I could never have imagined how deeply and completely I would love the person standing here with me. I thought love like ours happened only in books. I thought men like you lived only in fairy tales. But here you are, my dream come true, my happily ever after. And every day we’ve been together has been a gift, bringing me closer to you. For that, I’ll always be grateful. I promise to love you, stand by you, and cherish all of our days together.” She swallowed, her blue eyes shimmering with emotion. “Blake, you’ll always have my heart. You’ll always have my trust.”
The autumn ocean breeze whispered between us, seeming to steal the air from my lungs.
“Erica,” I whispered. I brushed my hand over her flawless cheek.
She gazed up at me through her dark lashes and leaned into my gentle touch. I fought the urge to kiss her. Not yet, a little voice reminded me.
My grand speech had flown out the window, into the wind somewhere. Suddenly nothing had ever been as important as the words I was about to say to her. They had to be real. From the deepest place in my heart, they had to speak directly to hers.
“I promise to be deserving of your love and your trust. You’ll never want for love or comfort or happiness. I promise that you’ll always have a safe place in my arms and in our home. I’ll love you completely, with every ounce of my being, every day, for the rest of my life.”
The justice began to speak. As soon as I heard the word kiss, I beat him to the finish and brought her to me. She came willingly, her arms like silk winding at my nape, as if she’d been waiting too. I brushe
d my lips over hers and kissed her tenderly.
“You want some coffee?” Heath asked when he came into the room, tearing me from the memory.
My eye twitched. I’d already had enough coffee to fuel a college campus. All it had done was make me edgier. “You have anything stronger?”
He paused. “It’s nine in the morning, and you know I’m done with the strong stuff.”
I sighed. “I know. Sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”
You’ll always have my trust.
I leaned forward, burying my face in my hands. Her words were a tattoo on my heart, indelible in my mind. We’d made promises. Were those simply the words of a couple hopelessly in love on day one of marriage? Was her trust in me so easily shaken? Maybe other people slacked on their vows from time to time, but she sure as hell wasn’t letting me forget mine.
Had she given up on me so soon? Had I given her a good reason to?
If she’d only come home…
Where was she? We’d fought, and I was being a stubborn bastard, but I figured she was used to that by now. I thought her days of running away were over too. We were married now. We had to fight our way through these things—together. She couldn’t just walk out on me. Not like this. Not when everything else was falling apart.
Something cold tapped my shoulder. I opened my eyes to Heath holding out a beer. I took it, grateful. He sat on the opposite couch, still in his boxers, holding a cup of coffee.
“You look like shit you know,” he said, peering at me over the rim of the cup.
I ran a hand over the coarse hair on my chin. I’d pulled on the closest thing within reach this morning, which was the wrinkled shirt I’d worn yesterday. With Erica gone, the last thing I cared about were my looks. I leveled a desperate look at my brother. “Where is she?”
He shook his head, his eyes tentative. “Alli said there was something Erica had to do. She wouldn’t tell me anything else, except that I shouldn’t worry.”
Un-fucking-acceptable my mind shouted, but I forced myself to stay calm. “Did you ask about her?”
“Of course I did.”
Hard Love Page 9
