I trembled, mindless in this rapture.
“Erica…” He wet his lips.
His hands left my hips and trailed down my arms. Our fingers threaded hotly together, and I leaned down, bringing us chest to chest. A searing kind of energy radiated there and everywhere our bodies touched.
I’d never experienced anything this intense in my entire life. And I was lost in it, fully submerged.
Our gazes locked, and the intensity in his eyes seized my heart.
“I love you, Blake,” I whimpered against his lips, a tear escaping down my cheek.
I could live in this moment forever, I thought. Painful as it was, Blake was showing me a part of himself I’d never seen. This raw vulnerability. And I was as grateful for that as I was to have him here with me, taking his pleasure and giving me so much more.
His expression was taut, almost pained. He tightened his grasp and his biceps tensed along with the rest of his powerful body. Heat licked down my spine, and I cried out as he did. We crashed over, together.
* * *
Little by little, life returned to normal. Over the next few months, Blake and I threw ourselves into work. He let me into his projects and I let him into mine. Blake turned most of his focus to a voting software project that would undoubtedly fill an unmet need. I could appreciate too that every line of code was an unspoken victory over Michael’s foiled plan.
He hadn’t heard from Michael again since their long ride home, and even though Blake didn’t say much about it, Michael’s betrayal weighed on him. It had broken something inside of Blake—maybe something that needed to be broken so it could heal the right way.
Despite all the hurt we were working through, we had a bright future to look forward to. I was growing and glowing, and every day was a step closer toward having our family complete.
I found myself falling in love with him all over again. I fell in love with the broken parts and the parts that had healed and changed for the better.
Ours was a hard love. We’d fallen hard into it, and we’d fought hard to keep it. Our kind of love didn’t ask nicely. It took. It ravaged. It consumed the heart whole and asked questions later. The rewards were soul-deep and all-consuming, sweeping through like a wildfire.
I sat alone in a little bistro near the office. Light danced off my rings as I ruminated over the journey life had led us on these many months. We’d been hurt, threatened, and betrayed. We’d found love, forgiveness, and hope. We’d run the gamut of emotions and experiences, and we were still holding strong, ready for the next adventure.
Risa pulled a chair from the table and settled into it across from me.
“Hi,” she said with a tentative smile.
She wore fitted black pants and a matching blazer over a simple white shell blouse. She’d always been the picture of style when she worked for Clozpin, but she had adopted a decidedly more corporate look the past couple times I’d seen her.
My thoughts returned to why I’d finally accepted her invitation to meet. “How are you doing?”
“Okay, I guess.”
“How’s work?”
She shrugged. “Um, it’s fine. I guess I never thought I’d be working at an investment firm. But life is full of surprises.”
“I can attest to that.”
Her deep blue eyes softened a little. “You’ve been through a lot. I’m sure it’s been difficult, but I admire you all the more for it.”
She sounded genuine, except she’d caused a significant amount of the drama I’d endured.
“So why did you want to see me?” I asked, drinking from my water glass.
She hesitated before responding. “Sorry, I never thought you’d really agree to meet with me again. I’m a little off balance I guess.”
I hadn’t wanted to see her for a long time either, but after stumbling upon her card one day, a thought had occurred to me—one I hadn’t been able to shake since.
“Well, here we are. Indulge me.”
She drew in a steeling breath. “Okay. I want something that you probably will never give me, I know that. I want another chance to work for you.”
“Clozpin is gone. If I trusted you enough to work with you again, your love of fashion would be wasted on anything I have going on at the moment.”
She worried her bottom lip a second before releasing it. “Listen, I made a huge mistake. I know I lost your trust, and I may never get it back. I can make excuses all day long. I could try to explain that in the end, I realized how completely Max had manipulated me. I could try to explain the things he had me do… to prove my loyalty to him.” She looked down at the table, avoiding my eyes. “I think all it would do is convince you of my lack of mental strength against someone like him, and that’s hardly a job qualification. But what I want to tell you, more than all of that, was that I was really happy working for you. We clashed sometimes, I know, but I felt alive for the first time in a long time while I was there, and I haven’t felt like that since. Every day I wake up and drag myself to a job I don’t hate, but one that I don’t love either. I regret everything I did to mess things up for you.”
I was silent for a long time, taking in all that she’d said. “Do you really mean all that?”
“I have nothing to gain by lying. I know you’re too smart to bring me anywhere near another venture of yours. I guess I’m just getting it off my chest. It’s been weighing on me. If nothing else, I wanted to clear the air and tell you how I felt. I can’t change how you feel, but it hurts to think you will always hate me for the mistakes I made.”
“I agree that you made some really poor choices. And some of those were because you were misguided, but I don’t hate you, Risa.”
Her gaze flickered up to mine.
“You look good,” I said.
“Oh… thanks.” She looked confused, tucking her sleek hair back nervously behind her ear.
“When we met, after Max attacked me, you didn’t seem like yourself. You looked like he had put you through the ringer.”
Her face fell. “You have no idea.”
“What did he do to you?”
She sat back and fumbled with her napkin. “I don’t know if I can talk about it,” she murmured.
“You can’t, or you don’t want to?”
She shook her head. “I guess I want to believe that he can’t hurt me now, but two years can go by and that could all change.”
“You’re afraid of him?”
“Even if I weren’t, I’m not sure I’d want to talk about what happened between us. It’s… embarrassing… shameful.”
“Was he violent with you?”
Pink painted her cheeks, and her eyes seemed to glow against the flush of color sweeping over her skin. “Sometimes. Never in a way that anyone could tell. He was… careful. He never left marks anywhere that people could see.”
“Why didn’t you tell anyone?”
“I—I don’t know. I didn’t think anyone would believe me, I guess. He’s rich, good-looking. Charming. Who wants to believe a man like that beats his girlfriend?”
I closed my eyes and didn’t like the vision I saw there. No one, not even Risa, deserved to be treated that way. I knew firsthand what it was like to fall prey to his violent streak. I didn’t think I could despise him any more than I already did, but Risa’s admission had done that. I didn’t want to ask, but I had to know more.
“You seemed taken aback when I told you what he did to me,” I said, pushing her to tell me more.
Lips thin, she drew tiny circles into the tablecloth. “I was, I guess. Sounds strange to say, but a small part of me was jealous. Even though things were crumbling between us, that he wanted you sexually was really hurtful. I had fallen for him. Loved him. How else could I have stayed as long as I did? I knew things were fucked up, but I was still under his spell in a lot of ways.”
“Did it surprise you that he wanted to rape me?”
Her eyes were serious before her gaze dropped to her lap. “No,” she said barely
above a whisper.
I swallowed over a fresh wave of emotion. “What did he do to you?”
She squeezed her eyes tight. “I can’t talk about this, Erica.”
“Why not?” I knew why, but I had to press her.
“You don’t understand—”
“I understand perfectly.”
She opened her eyes and the fear I saw there inspired me to say the words that she struggled to say now. She wasn’t alone, and that was how I’d felt for so long. No matter what she’d done to me, I could never really shake the thought that Max had carried out his plans for me on her, possibly more than once, and disguised the wrongdoing under a promise of love.
“When Max attacked me at the engagement party, it wasn’t the first time I’d been through something like that. His friend Mark MacLeod raped me my first year at college. He took my virginity on the dirty ground behind a frat house while my friends partied without me inside. Liz was there. You can ask her.”
Her eyes brimmed with tears. “I had no idea.”
The memory worked its way through me, like a small earthquake that eventually faded into the distance. Every day it had a little less power over me.
“You wouldn’t, because it’s a hard story to tell. I felt the way you feel. Embarrassed. Ashamed. I spent the rest of my college career looking over my shoulder, waiting for the day when I’d see him again. I never knew who he was until I recognized him one night at a bar. And Blake was the first lover I ever told about the whole experience. When Max attacked me, it all came back. Years of pretending like I’d healed and had moved on came crashing down on me. The only real solace came when I made my statement to the police. That was one of the hardest things I’d ever done.”
“I can’t imagine.”
She wiped at her eyes, and I took a deep breath, remembering how difficult that choice had been for me. But because I’d done it, Risa and the rest of the world were safe from him. At least for a little while.
“Do you really want to work with me again?”
Her eyes brightened. “Yes.” She said the word emphatically, hope lighting up her face.
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Yes.”
Her jaw fell. “Wait. Are you serious?”
“I’ve thought about it a lot. I can see that you made a mistake. I want to protect myself from people who would do what you did to me, but I also want to believe that people can change and be better.”
“I will, and I am. I promise you.”
“I hope that’s true and that my instincts on this aren’t completely wrong. I want to hire you back at your original pay. I have only one condition.”
“Absolutely. Whatever you want.”
I drummed my fingers on the table a couple times, wondering if she would really do it. If she had the strength to, I knew I was making the right decision.
“Risa, I want you to go to the police and tell them what Max did to you.”
The earlier flush of color left her cheeks. “I—I can’t do that.”
I leaned in, holding her gaze. “You can.”
Her lip quivered.
“Risa… You can do this. And I’ll be there to help.”
“Okay,” she said, with a whisper.
EPILOGUE
Crisp cool water washed up on my feet. I scanned the sand below for something that would catch my eye. Any little treasure she would like. The pull of the tide made a divot around a shell. I bent and captured it. Finding it unbroken, I washed it clean with the next wave.
“Mommy! Look what I found!”
Tricia ran toward me, breaking her stride with playful, excited leaps. Her swimsuit was a shock of neon colors among the otherwise muted tones of the ocean side. Her fine blond hair fell long down her back, bright against her sun-kissed skin.
“What did you find, honey?”
She stopped abruptly in front of me, holding up a long, slightly mangled feather, no doubt once belonging to a seagull.
“Wow, that’s beautiful. Can I clean it for you?”
She hesitated a moment before handing it to me. “Okay.”
I washed it in the water, smoothing the gray and white fronds until they more closely resembled their original form. As soon as I finished, Tricia reached for it eagerly and ran back to where Blake sat several feet away in the sand. I followed behind, sizing up the sand castle progress that had been made.
“Daddy, this can be our flag.”
The excitement in her voice was contagious. I reached for a distant memory on the beach at the lake with my mother and Elliot, when such small triumphs could fill my young heart. Witnessing her wonder was a gift, one I was grateful for each day.
A concentrated frown left Blake’s features as he gazed upon our daughter and her new treasure.
“Perfect.” He reached for the small feather.
She held it back. “No, I wanna.”
He sighed. “All right. Where do you want it?”
She sat on her knees and shimmied closer, sending an avalanche of sand into Blake’s carefully constructed moat. “Here,” she said, planting the quill into the soft sand at the top of the castle Blake had spent the better part of an hour crafting.
She sat back, eyes bright. Blake’s mouth lifted into a small smile, admiration and love plain on his features.
“Perfect.”
He reached an arm around her, tugging her close to his side. They admired their handiwork when the sound of a car door closing interrupted them. In the distance, a man walked toward us.
Tricia’s eyes widened, and she scrambled to her feet and out of Blake’s arms. “Poppy!” she squealed.
She ran toward Daniel with the same leaps and bounds as before. He caught her little frame and tossed her into the air before catching her and holding her up on his hip. A smile tugged at my lips, but all signs of the love in Blake’s eyes had vanished.
I rose as they approached.
“Hey,” Daniel said, his voice low but jovial. He leaned in, kissing me on the cheek.
“How was the trip?” I asked.
He smiled fondly, his gaze falling on Tricia. “Ah, not bad. Well worth it to see my princess.”
“Poppy, I want to show you something.” Her pale green eyes widened with excitement, and she wriggled free from his embrace.
“What do you want to show me, sweetheart?”
She caught his hand in her small one and tugged him down onto the sand. He laughed, and she began cataloging the pile of shells and debris she’d accumulated over the afternoon.
Blake stared off into the horizon, and I searched for a way to break the tension that always came between them.
“Are you hungry, Dad?” Food was the cure-all, surely.
“Sure, I could eat in a little bit. No rush though.”
“I’ll go fix us something,” I said quickly.
Blake stood and brushed the sand off his board shorts. “I’ll help you.” He shot Daniel a questioning stare, eyes cold and jaw tight. “You okay with her?”
“We’re fine,” he answered mildly without making eye contact. “Aren’t we, sweetheart?” His voice softened when he spoke to Tricia. Carefully, he pushed a strand of hair back from her sandy face.
Tricia began burying Daniel’s now bare feet in the sand and decorating them with shells. Seemingly content leaving her in Daniel’s care, Blake took me by the hand, and we headed back up to the beach house.
“You should try to be nicer to him, Blake,” I chided softly.
“I’m plenty nice,” he mumbled, the impassive expression on his face communicating just how it pained him.
We’d made so many memories here on the Vineyard. I knew Blake would never forgive Daniel for the things he’d done, but letting myself forgive him, finally, had allowed me to appreciate the memories Tricia was sharing with him now. She’d always have Blake’s family, who so lovingly and regularly spoiled her and her cousins. Alli and Heath had two little boys close in age now, and on the surface I coul
dn’t ask for anything more than the love they brought to our little family.
Marie, now a year into a new and promising romance, was never far and always eager to dote on Tricia too. But selfishly, with my mother gone and Elliot so far away, seeing Tricia experiencing a small part of my family meant more to me than Blake could realize.
Daniel wasn’t the father I’d always imagined. He was deeply flawed, but he’d come a long way from when we’d first met. Many would claim behind closed doors that he’d fallen from grace, but I knew better. He was better off than he’d ever been.
Not long after losing the governor’s seat, he’d also lost Margo. The death of her son combined with the humiliation of Daniel’s loss had proved too much for her to take. They divorced within the year. Then the controversy around Daniel’s rumored involvement in the botched election had put strain on the law firm he ran. Reluctantly, he let go of it all and opted for an early retirement.
All his lofty aspirations, the grand plan, reduced to a simple life in a quiet coastal town in Maine where he’d started spending most of his time. The political machine of his life had come to a screeching halt, and with that supposed failure, he was able to live the way he’d never been allowed to live before. Finally, he was free of the life that had made all his decisions for him, ever since he’d been my age. Success was only a word, something that meant less next to the promise of some simple happiness. Now he at least had a chance for that.
Tricia seemed to make him happy, happier than I’d ever seen him. His eyes would light up at the sight of her, or glisten with emotion when she nestled up beside him after she’d tired herself out with her boundless energy.
I glanced back. His and Tricia’s outlines were small in the distance now. Maybe he didn’t deserve her, or us. Maybe his transgressions were too great, but I wouldn’t stop believing that he could be worthy of forgiveness, worthy of a second chance.
Blake and I rounded the corner of the wraparound deck. He twisted on the outdoor shower that started a waterfall of cool water cascading down over him. I stared, appreciating the rivulets gliding over his gorgeous body. Five years hadn’t changed an inch of him. He was still mouth-watering, breathtaking in every way.
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