“I’m the Domme.”
Not phew, then. Bugger. A Domme? Shit, that makes me hard. He thought about the ramifications. “Show me?”
Jenissa stared at him as if he had three heads. “Maybe you need to clarify that?”
“You’re a Domme. I’m guessing this is your idea of paradise. Show me what it would mean if you were my Domme.” He thought of her words earlier. Was he ready for it? “I want to know.”
Now or never.
“Mistress.”
Chapter Five
Did he mean it, or was he toying with her? If he was, she’d chew his balls and spit them out. Over several weeks. Then toast them and force-feed him.
Jenissa forced herself not to tap her feet, fingers or anything else, as she studied the man beside her. She even left her riding crop resting loosely between his legs, touching but not pressing on his nuts. There was nothing she liked more than a bit of mind play.
“Shall I push? Let your balls feel the love this crop can give?”
Rob blanched. “Er…”
Jenissa smiled and lowered her arm so the crop pointed downward. “Colors, Rob. Safe words and colors.”
“Sa…ah, right, yeah. Definitely red. As much as I want to discover my inner self, I reckon that’s not on my agenda. But other stuff could be. I’m open to suggestion.”
He looked sincere, but who really knew how sincere looked? She sure as hell didn’t.
It had been on a whim that she’d picked the crop up as a means of explaining to him just what it could be used for. Hypothetically. Now, maybe she could show him? Use him as her model?
That’ll be likely. Nevertheless, a niggle in her mind persisted. Why not? Go for it. He can only run away screaming and never speak to me again.
“What do you know about BDSM? Before you say “what the fuck” or scream all things nasty, you did mention it,” she said. “Be it by personal experience, or books, or what?” Her stomach churned while she waited for his answer. “I really do have a need to know.”
It was one thing, him asking her to show him how she was a Domme and admitting he understood safe words, another making sure he knew just what he was asking. She didn’t want to ruin a beautiful friendship.
Is it, though? Beautiful? I’m lusting after him like an I-don’t-know-what, and this is the first time he’s really shown he sees me as anything except his sister’s irritating friend. What if I’ve blown it? Apart from that, how the hell would he cope with it? The inner me and the crap associated with it? And then how do I tell him what else I am? Bloody hell, life is complicated. If she’d have thought about it, she would never have realized how much she wanted to know his answer. Surely, it was better to find out one way or another? Her pulse jumped as she waited for his response.
“Well?” Argh, shut up already. Let the poor guy decide how to reply.
She could almost see his mind working as he sifted through his thoughts. Luckily, she knew it wasn’t in his nature to dissemble
Rob held his hands out in front of him, palms uppermost. “Well, in reality, bugger all. By reading?” He raised one eyebrow. “I’ve been doing a fair bit of that, ever since…” He hesitated. “Well, since Ari showed signs of being interested, I guess. And then she sort of hinted it was more than just interest, hence the safe word thing, which makes it all the more weird that I didn’t instantly pick up on the Sir stuff earlier. I must have been away with the mixer, and no, I won’t blame my book. It’s crap.”
“Your book? I think not. However, go on about Ari.”
“When I saw what I now know are rope marks around her wrists, I freaked. Then she had a bloody bite mark on her. A bite, for fuck’s sake. Who bites someone like that?”
Bugger. How can I tell him I would? She decided, for the time being, silence was the best option.
“She said it was consensual, and if I had any questions to ask Jacob.” He took a deep breath. “Hell, Jen, how could I ask someone I’ve known for years if he tied my sister up and she enjoys it?” Rob continued. “Ask him why he bites her and leaves a mark that doesn’t fade. It’s way too personal, especially as I had no idea how I’d react to whatever he said, so I got hold of some books. But the more I read, the more confused I get. I really don’t know what is and isn’t true. One really helped when it said if the Dom liked doing it and his sub enjoyed receiving it, what was wrong? And I thought, well, yeah, I guess I can accept that, but you know, it’s still my sister. Double standards, but I so can’t help it. Maybe it’s best not to think about it.”
“That’s why it threw you tonight. You’d blocked it out.” Didn’t she just know that? “You know you’ll need to address the issue at some point,” Jenissa told him. “You don’t want it as the elephant in the room. Elephants take up way too much space.”
“Tell me about it. I’ve done my best to ban the bloody things. This one is more stubborn than most. And I reckon I did block it, or at least not think about it. I mean for fucks sake, I knew Ari was interested, seen the signs and then had the stupidity to ask tonight if it was true. God knows what planet I’m on. You must all have had a good snigger about that.”
“No, we wouldn’t. There was a reason for you blocking things and then tonight letting your mind open. It’s time.”
“Time? Ah, shit no doubt that’ll become clear as well, whenever.”
“You’re getting there.”
“Phew, let’s hope it doesn’t take too long then. Right where was I?”
“What you really know about D/s.”
“Oh yeah. Well, I think if I bring it down to basics, it’s about someone taking charge and someone else letting them. Shit, I sound pathetic, but it’s the best I can do.”
Well, to her, he didn’t sound pathetic or, she reckoned, disgusted. More confused and struggling to come to terms with what his sister loved, and he might well do. Jenissa decided to prod him into saying more.
“How, take charge? If I was your Domme, what would you expect?” She tapped her crop on her leg and lifted it to use the tip to touch his Adam’s apple. It bobbed, almost in greeting. Her pussy muscles clenched and the pulse between it and her ass throbbed. To see that reaction from him made her wet, hot and horny. What would it be like to have him inside her? Oh, for the chance to find out, as her sub or not.
“Would it faze you to be dominated by a woman? What do you think I’d want? Don’t overanalyze what you’re going to say, just say it.” Jenissa snapped the questions out. It was that or beg him to screw her senseless, and that would really confuse him. “I’m a Domme and I demand you fuck me now.” Maybe not. Not yet, at any rate.
She deliberately used the tone that Jacob laughingly called her “don’t diss with a Domme, especially me” voice. Funnily, it was also the one she used to stop recalcitrant children in their tracks. With five-year-olds, it worked every time. With adults? She needed to find out.
Rob stiffened as she pushed on the crop just enough to indent his skin a little. His reaction was all she could ask for. Her pussy certainly thought so. Her clit tingled, her channel was wet, and her thong had reached the stage she had always wondered if it was possible. Sopping.
“Ah, could you move that thing so I can swallow in comfort, do you think?” Rob croaked the words. “And then I might be able to answer without choking.”
He had a point. Jenissa hesitated long enough for him to worry—she hoped—then lowered the crop. Some imp of mischief made her use it to stroke the bulge in his jeans instead. She could have sworn his erection got bigger as she moved the crop from top to bottom.
“That doesn’t help, either,” Rob said huskily. “I need to talk, not concentrate on holding back a climax, or tearing your clothes off.”
Jenissa laughed. “I’m happy for either of those things to happen, but I think I’d prefer your answer first. So…” She threw the crop onto a shelf. “Do you want to go into the lounge or talk here?”
Rob grinned and walked across to a long, low, padded bench by the wall. She notic
ed he looked at her playthings with interest. At one point, he stretched out his arm as if to pick up a thin taper and quickly moved it back to his side. That was good. She wanted him to ask permission, to accept her as his Mistress. In truth, though, there wasn’t all that much for him to touch or see, a spanking bench and some spreaders, and a cupboard with her cuffs, floggers and candles in, plus the low bench Rob now sat on and patted for her to join him. It occurred to her that it had never been used for its intended purpose.
“Here. Now we’re inside. It intrigues me. I thought it would be a lot…fuller?”
Jenissa had used the room so rarely, and kept furnishings to a minimum until she and whoever her partner was could decide what they needed. “If I meet my perfect sub, it will be. So far, I haven’t come near.” Because I want you, and didn’t think I had a chance.
“Sit and let me hold your hand?” Rob asked. “Or is that me being too pushy?’ he winked. “I need help, don’t I? And I need that contact to explain.”
She almost opened her mouth to ask him just who was in charge. Then she saw the anxious look back on his face again, and walked forward to do as he asked.
Her butt had hardly touched the bench before Rob took a deep breath.
* * * *
“I think you want a sub who is happy to experiment,” he said. Where the hell did that come from? Nevertheless, he was certain it was true. “But one who will be open and honest with you. I don’t know if it is me. How can I, when I’m so bloody clueless?”
He gripped her hand tightly. Did she know what he meant? For a writer, he was crap at explaining things that were important. “But, well, I want to see what you want.”
“Take the pain?”
“Er…” Tingles ran up his spine. Why the hell was his mouth dry, his skin tight, and his mind open and eager? Pain? What the…? He fucking hated pain. When he’d hit his nail with a hammer, Rob had cried like a baby. “Pain? As in, how?”
He stared as she stood up and faced him. “Shall I show you?” Her demeanor was somber, but somehow he could see the excitement that radiated from her. How, he had no idea, but he was sure that was what it was. So, to her, pain was more than, well…he searched his mind, and all he could come up with was—pain. Pathetic. You’re supposed to be a writer for fuck’s sake.
It was mind-making-up time.
“Show me.” This time, his voice was strong, and he was certain she’d understand he meant it. His mouth might be dry and his skin prickly. However, Rob recognized the signs as excitement. So did his prick, which was throbbing with the need to come. Oh, he was apprehensive. Who wouldn’t be, at the thought of what the next few minutes might bring? But he was certain he needed to find out. “Jen, I really do want and need to know. I want to discover who and what I am.” All of a sudden, he realized just how true his words were. “What we are,” he added firmly. “Pain and all, if you think it’s what we need.”
Jenissa’s eyes flashed. He was sure sparks jumped and then danced over her head, and settled in her eyes once more. She nodded. “I really think you mean that. Hold out your hand.”
He obeyed with alacrity, his body throbbing with anticipation.
She picked up the crop and brought it down over his palm. It stung like hell and he yelped like a kid. “Fuck, that stings.”
“Stings, yes. No more. Now imagine it harder on your ass.”
Rob moaned. It was erotic and cum-inducing.
“Sting after sting that morphs from pain, into pleasure, into sweet pleasure.”
She swished the crop in the air. Rob flinched as it missed his ear by an inch. She smiled.
“I’m considered to be master with a crop and a whip. If I intend to miss, be assured I will. Mind you, if I intend to hit”—she hit the bench between them—”I will. The sensation will ensure you’ll fly and soar and float with it. One day. Maybe.”
“Definitely.” He was so sure of it. “But what about you? What will you get from it?”
“The perfect knowledge I’ve given my sub what he or she needs and craves. The chance to just be. To be able to give up everything and let me care for them. Once you hit sub space, you’ll realize how perfect it is, and how much you need it.”
“But you,” Rob persisted. “You don’t get sub space? How does it help you? It seems a bit one-sided.”
“I can only talk for myself, you know? I don’t know what it does for other Dominants, but for me? I get a high, a tingle, a rush of adrenaline and anticipation of what I’m doing for my sub. I call it Domme space. It’s my need.”
Rob didn’t think he’d ask her if it made sex even better. Hopefully, one day, he’d find out.
“I now have a need to learn what pleasure-pain is.”
“As I said, maybe.” Jenissa leaned sideways and touched her tongue to his lips. He opened them and she kissed him deeply, but briefly, before drawing back and tracing the outline of his mouth with one blood-red nail.
“I am a Domme. Like I hope I’ve explained, that means for me, I need to direct, to be in charge and say what will be. I like to flog, to see my marks on my sub’s skin, knowing we both wanted them to be there. To use my gift—because to me, what I am is a gift—to make my subs quiver and fly.”
Never mind the “fly” bit, Rob was quivering. The way she spoke, her voice husky and commanding, was the biggest fucking turn-on ever. All of a sudden, he understood what his gut feeling meant. He wanted to do as she demanded. To serve her and make her happy.
“I’m told I am a Master,” she continued, “or maybe that should be Mistress, of wax play. To watch the wax collect and hesitate at the tip of the candle, and then to slowly fall where I choose. To savor the moment and the mewls and sighs of my chosen one as I create sweet patterns on their skin, watch his or her eyes dilate and their skin shimmer and ripple with ecstasy, well, it’s beautiful.”
Rob nigh on salivated. The pictures she painted in his mind were both arousing and amazing.
“And”—she sighed—”I very much think my pussy might have closed up from lack of use.”
What?
How could he answer that?
“Er.” What should he call her? “Jenissa, Mistress? No, that sounds too Regency romance for me.” Dammit, I hope she accepts that I mean no offence. This “I want to sub” is fraught with difficulties.
She smiled, and this time it did reach her eyes. To Rob, it was as if someone had removed a veil from between them and once more he could see her clearly.
“I know you mean no offence. But, really? There’s no difficulty. You’re thinking it through. That’s as it should be.” Jenissa took his hand and tugged him to his feet. “You know what you want, what you are. You just have to own up to it.”
Rob allowed her, but knew his mouth dropped open as he stared at her. “I…” Had he spoken aloud?
“I think it makes me sound like I’m in charge.” Jenissa said. “Mistress. But you can call me Ma’am, if you’d prefer.”
He did.
“Then, Ma’am, I’m sorry I said that. I honestly thought I’d only thought it.” The last thing he wanted was to inadvertently offend her.
That unusual smile and look in her eyes appeared again, the one that made his heart miss a beat.
“I heard you.”
The way she spoke confused him even more. He mentally shook his head. He’d worry about it later. There were other things to address first.
“I could help with the dried-up part, for sure,” he said quickly. “And I’d like to help you with the rest.”
Chapter Six
She’d like that as well, Jenissa decided, but what about the rest? Where to go, and what to do first.
Decisions, decisions. How do I tell him? Oh fuck, let’s play, then fuck…Or—Nope, not ethical.
“There are things to discuss first, Rob. If I said to you, ‘Which is more important, fucking or playing?’ what would you say?”
“Can’t they be synonymous?” Rob asked. He frowned as he concentrated. He so looke
d like the little boy who used to walk her, Ari and Jacob to school that if Jenissa hadn’t been in love with him already, she’d have fallen head-over-heels then.
“They can.”
“So?”
“But they aren’t always. You see, I’m an experienced Domme at playing. I’m a virgin at love and fucking.” Why, oh why had she added “love”? Rob looked shell-shocked.
V…V…virgin?’ he stuttered. “As in, never-ever?”
“As in, never-ever,” Jenissa said. God, it was hard to be so open and honest. The only other person who knew about her lack of experience was Ari. “Virgo intacta, un-popped cherry, pure as the driven snow, not broken my duck, take your pick. Well, okay, maybe not the ‘driven snow’ bit. I played and experimented a bit at uni, but I’ve never had anyone inside me. How pathetic or whatever does that sound?”
“To me? Not pathetic at all. Exciting. Humbling and perfect. But why? And why me, now?”
Honesty or fudging? Go for it. What’s the worst-case scenario? He laughs, and tells me to get on my bike. I’d be no worse off than I am now. She closed her eyes, counted to three and crossed her fingers before she took a deep breath.
“Because I fell in love, and as far as I know, the guy hasn’t a clue. Even if he did, would he want me?”
“He’d be a fool not to,” Rob said. “You’re a beautiful, passionate woman. Who is the idiot not worthy of your love then?”
She took a deep breath. “You, Rob.”
He went white. Then red, then white again. Swallowed several times, opened his mouth and shut it again. Shook his head and blinked.
Jenissa reckoned she now knew what people meant by “you could have heard a pin drop.” The only sound in the room was their breath. Not even the faint whir of the freezer in the utility below broke the silence.
Hurry up. Say something, for goodness sake, even if it’s “Sorry, no dice.” How she made herself keep quiet, Jenissa had no idea. Then Rob took a deep breath, which sounded harsh in the quiet room.
The Author's Challenge Page 4
