A State of Jane

by Schorr, Meredith

  The unexpected kind words left me momentarily speechless, but I recovered and said, “Thanks, Lainie!” Feeling guilty over my earlier cockiness, I pointed to my computer screen and said, “To be honest, I really don't know anything about football. But I'm studying up now anyway.”

  Lainie gave me a soft smile and stood up. “You're sweet, Jane. You deserve a good guy.”

  I felt the sincerity of her words and felt a lump in my throat. “You do too, Lainie!”

  “Thanks, Jane. Unfortunately, I always find the bad ones so much more attractive! Well, goodnight.”

  “Goodnight, Lainie.”

  After she closed the door, I continued reading about the Lions. I gave up after five minutes and prayed the game itself would be more interesting.

  Tingling in anticipation of seeing Jim again, I turned off my computer and crawled into bed hoping Sunday would come fast.

  CHAPTER 11

  “So they have ten chances to go four downs?”

  Laughing, Jim said, “Close. They have four downs to go ten yards.”

  We were watching the game at East End Tavern, not far from my apartment. “What are downs again?”

  “You're adorable. You know that?”

  Blushing, due more to being giddy from the compliment than embarrassed over my ignorance, I responded, “Thanks” and took a sip of my apple martini. Didn't exactly go with the football theme, but there was a 5 dollar special, so I wasn't the only girl not drinking beer.

  “This place is great. Love how each booth has its own television screen so you can control what game you watch,” Jim said.

  “I know! I saw that online and thought it was cool. Figured you'd like it.”

  “Never been here before?”

  “Nope.”

  “And you did research?”

  I said, “Yep” and took a sip of my drink before turning toward the television monitor where a bunch of players in dark blue jerseys had just jumped on top of one guy in a lighter blue jersey. When I looked back at Jim, he was staring at me.

  “What?” I glanced down and hoped I hadn't dribbled my martini onto my white long sleeved T-shirt. I wore it with dark blue jeans to go with the colors of the Lions.

  “Nothing.”

  “Then why are staring at me? Do I have wings in my teeth?” I knew I should have stuck with chicken fingers.

  Jim chuckled. “No, nothing nearly as dire as that. It was just very sweet of you to put so much thought into where we watched the game.”

  Blushing again, I said, “It was nothing. I like researching places before I go to them.”

  “It was still nice. You did good.”

  “Glad you're happy!”

  Jim said, “I'm very happy” and stood up. I thought he was going to tell me he was going to the bathroom and would be right back, but instead he walked to my side of the table, sat down, and surprised me with a soft kiss on the lips.

  Grabbing my hand, he said, “I'm having a great time, Jane.”

  Startled, but in a good way, I said, “Me too” before Jim reached over and kissed me again. Since I wasn't caught off guard like the last time, I kissed him back.

  After that, there was no point faking any interest in football so I just gazed longingly at Jim while he stared intently at the television and kissed me during time outs. We held hands except when Jim clapped excitedly or slammed his palm against the table in frustration.

  After the game, Jim walked me home and we sat on my front steps. “I'm very happy the Lions won for more reasons than one,” he said.

  I squeezed his hand and said, “I'm happy the Lions won too. Happy for you, that is. I won't pretend to suddenly be a football fanatic.”

  “Well, besides the obvious reason that I always prefer when my team wins, I can be quite a sore loser and I'd hate to make a bad impression on our first date.”

  Giggling, I said, “Since you only kissed me when the Lions did something good and sulked whenever the Titans scored, I kind of figured you might be a sore loser. That's OK. It's cute. My ex-boyfriend was a sore loser too.”

  Releasing my hand, Jim asked, “How ‘ex’ is the ex-boyfriend?”

  Crap! I wasn't supposed to mention “the ex.” I chewed on my lip. “Very ‘ex.’ We broke up over a year ago.” I hoped I sounded casual and completely available for a new relationship.

  Jim took my hand back and kissed it. “Good. So, do I get a second date? I promise it will be more upscale than a sports bar!”

  Happy that he didn't ask for more details about Bob, I said, “I look forward to it.”

  “Great.” Jim stood up and extended his hand to help me up with him. “I'd better run. Gotta catch the bus to Hoboken. But I'll call you to set up date number two. I promise you'll have my undivided attention.”

  “I can't wait. Thanks, Jim. I had so much fun.”

  Jim hugged me and said, “Me too.”

  I walked in the apartment, shut the door behind me and, through the peep hole, watched Jim walk back down the stairs.

  * * *

  I couldn't believe my luck meeting Jim right after the Randall disaster. I thanked God I hadn't slept with Randall. If he couldn't wait for the third date, that was his problem, which is what I told Claire at the Tasti D-Lite on First and 73rd, right between my apartment and hers on 62nd and Second. She asked why I was so excited about some guy named Jim and didn't I mean Randall?

  “Randall was a slug. Just like Lainie said. He just wanted to get laid. He did me a favor by not calling again.”

  Claire took a spoonful of her toasted almond fudge ice cream, if you could even call it ice cream. It tasted more like flavored air. “You're certainly taking this well for someone who was so into Randall just a week ago,” she said, raising her eyebrow.

  Shrugging, I said, “I've been out of the game awhile…”

  Before I could finish, Claire interrupted. “Yeah, you were never in the game!”

  “Whatever! Anyway, I fell for Randall's fake charm but I'm not going to beat myself up over it. It's done. And now I have Jim who's so much better anyway.”

  CHAPTER 12

  On our second date, after Jim paid the bill for the slice of seven layer cake we had shared at the cafe across the street from the movie theater, he excused himself to go to the bathroom. And I wracked my brain for a way to subtly let him know I was game for third date sex without coming out and saying it. I wasn't ready to bring him home that night but I needed to send the message that I was almost ready to progress to the next level.

  Returning from the bathroom, Jim sat down and said, “I still can't believe you liked the movie. What exactly did you like about it?”

  “Do I think it was Oscar worthy? No. But I don't get why you hated it so much.”

  “So, you just think it was Golden Globe worthy but not Oscar, huh?”

  When he teased me, Jim got slight laugh lines on the corners of his eyes, making his otherwise flawless skin less pristine, but I liked it. I reached across the table, locked his fingers with mine and said, “I had fun watching the movie with you and totally forgive you for making fun of my taste in theater.”

  Jim let out a snort. “Theater? What we just experienced doesn't qualify as ‘film’ or even ‘cinema.’ Certainly not theater. It was a movie. Plain and simple.” Smiling, he said, “But I'd watch it again with you and only you.”

  Holding my breath, I asked, “Does that mean you want to see me again?”

  Squeezing my hand, he said, “The sooner the better.”

  “Awesome. How about I cook for you?”

  “Do you cook?”

  “Actually I do! My skills are not limited to spaghetti either!”

  The laugh lines appearing again, Jim teased, “Oh, you cook penne too? And rigatoni?”

  “Just for that, there will be no pasta on the menu at all. How do you feel about rack of lamb?”

  “Sounds awesome. I'll bring the wine. And dessert. Unless you're a pastry chef as well.”

  Locking eyes w
ith Jim, I said, “I had my own ideas for dessert. But you're welcome to bring some too.”

  * * *

  I paid Lainie fifty dollars to occupy herself elsewhere so Jim and I could have the apartment to ourselves. I probably didn't need to compensate her considering how many times our roles had been reversed, but I wanted to give her an added incentive to stay away. The lamb was browning in the skillet and after Jim arrived, I'd add the potatoes and shallots. We'd have salad and melon, Jamón and mini mozzarella skewers to start. And I made Nutella mousse for dessert. Although I hoped we'd eat it in bed later.

  I had on a black lace thong and matching bra under my belted midnight blue sweater dress, textured tights and high suede black boots and hoped the wine would sooth my apprehension over being naked with someone for the first time in over a year. I also hoped it would alter Jim's perception such that he would think I was a size 2 instead of a size 10 and on skinny days, a size 8.

  As I drizzled the homemade dressing over the salad, the buzzer sounded Jim's arrival.

  Dashing to the phone, I picked it up and said, “Hello?”

  “It's Jim. Hope I'm not too early!”

  “You're right on time. Come on up. I'm on the third floor.”

  Figuring it would take Jim about thirty seconds to make his way up two flights of stairs, I took one last glance in my bedroom to make sure I hadn't left any embarrassing items lying on the floor or on my bed. All clear, I made my way to the front door just as Jim rang the bell.

  I opened the door to find him standing in front of me in blue jeans and a red sweater and holding a bouquet of mixed flowers in a variety of colors. Leaning down to kiss me, he said, “These are for you.”

  After I kissed him back, I said, “Thank you so much! They're beautiful!”

  “Just like the girl I bought them for.”

  I relocated Jim to the living room while I sliced the rack into chops and added the roasted potatoes and tomatoes to the platter. I had Jim uncork the bottle of Merlot he had brought with him to let it breathe, but while setting the table, I drank a glass, or maybe it was two, of a half-opened bottle of white Lainie had left in the refrigerator. The first course ready, I lit two candles, dimmed the lights, took one more sip of wine and called Jim back to the kitchen table to eat.

  * * *

  After cleaning his plate of potatoes, Jim rubbed his stomach and said, “Wow, Jane. You weren't kidding about being able to cook. This meal was outstanding.”

  I was glad he had enjoyed it since my stomach was too crowded with nervous knots to fit anything besides more wine. I just moved the food around my plate and took small bites when Jim was watching me. “Glad you liked it! Dessert?”

  Stretching his arms above his head, Jim said, “I don't think I can do dessert right now. I'm stuffed.”

  Deciding it was now or never, I gulped the rest of the wine in my glass, stood up and walked over to Jim's chair on the other side of the kitchen table. I sat on his lap and, kissing his neck, said, “Dessert need not be limited to food, you know.”

  Jim moved aside my hair and gave me a kiss, gently biting my lip. “Oh? What did you have in mind?”

  “Kissing is a good start.” Hoping I sounded seductive, I said, “And you never know what can happen from there.”

  As I said this, I fumbled with the bottom of Jim's sweater in an attempt to lift it over his head. I noted to myself that a button down shirt would have been easier.

  With his sweater still on, Jim stood up, lifting me up with him since I was on his lap. When we were standing face to face, he took both of my hands in his and said, “Wow. This is a side of you I've never seen before.”

  I bravely responded, “There are many sides to Jane.” I paused and said, “Including the sexy side.”

  Jim released my hands and laughed. “I don't doubt that. I noticed the sexy side of Jane the first time we met. I was referring to the aggressive side.”

  Reaching for the buckle of his belt, I looked him dead in the eyes and said, “I just find you irresistibly attractive.”

  His face turning red, Jim took a step backwards and said, “I'm flattered. You're pretty easy on the eyes yourself.”

  “I'm glad you think so.” Since I wasn't having any luck getting his clothes off, I grabbed his hand, led him to the living room and gently pushed him on the couch. “Sit right there and don't move,” I commanded before running back to the kitchen and taking a long swig of wine directly from the bottle.

  Returning to the living room, I sat next to him on the couch and quickly removed my boots. Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw Jim looking at me waiting to see what I'd do next. I stood up in front of Jim, unbuckled the belt of my sweater and tossed it on the couch next to him. Then I pulled the dress over my head in one motion. In only my underwear and tights, I asked, “Do you think I'm easy on the eyes now?”

  Staring at me, Jim said, “Of course I do.”

  I removed my bra and said, “What about now?”

  Scratching his dark hair, Jim said, “Uh, yes. You look great.”

  Winking at Jim, I said, “I think I need some help with the rest of my clothes. Wanna volunteer?”

  Sitting up straight, Jim reached for my hand and said, “Sure.”

  When we got to my bedroom, I jumped on my bed and motioned for Jim to remove my tights. As I lay on my back, I noticed the room was spinning slightly and I fought the urge to pass out. I felt Jim's hands roam my naked body until I felt his form hovering over mine. I absently pulled him toward me and kissed him. My mouth was dry and I wished I had a glass of water by my bed. Or root beer. I was vaguely aware that Jim had sat up to put on a condom. As I waited for him to finish, I imagined the sweet taste of root beer until he bent down toward me and our naked bodies pressed together. My body felt numb to Jim's touch but I was anxious to get past the awkwardness of our first time together so we could be a real couple. As Jim finished thrusting in and out of me with a loud groan, I smiled at the thought of us double dating with Claire and Kevin, or even Bob and Trish, and fell asleep.

  An urgent need to go to the bathroom woke me up the next morning and when I sat up in bed, I instantly felt a throbbing in my temples which I was surprised hadn't jolted me out of my sleep earlier.

  Momentarily forgetting where I was, I looked toward my opened door that led to the hallway, Lainie's room and the bathroom. Confused as to why my door wasn't closed, I glanced around searching for clues as to how I got there and immediately took note of my tights and panties on the floor by my bed. Slowly, the details of the night came back to me. Jim had come over and I had made him dinner. I was oddly hungry for having made so much food. Carefully stepping onto the floor, I walked two steps toward the door, had a flashback of giving Jim a strip tease, and fell back on the bed. On my back with my feet dangling off the edge, I closed my eyes and vaguely recalled having sex with Jim. I had no idea if I had enjoyed it.

  I peed, made my way into the kitchen and was greeted by a sink full of dirty dishes. I didn't even remember clearing the table, which was now covered with drippings of melted candle wax. I could almost hear my mother chastising me for not using a tablecloth and stuck a finger in each ear hoping to tune her out. Two empty bottles of wine were sitting next to the garbage can and, when I swallowed, I could still taste it at the back of my throat. It tasted better the first time around.

  It suddenly made sense why I couldn't remember if the sex was good, and I laughed out loud. We had put away two bottles of wine and had drunk, probably sloppy, sex! Lord knows Bob and I didn't have movie-star sex every time either. Jim and I would just joke about it and make sure the second time was better.

  I sat at my kitchen table, buried my head in my hands, and prayed there was aspirin in the apartment. Any plans for the day would be superseded by a long nap. I wondered how Jim was feeling and hoped, for his sake, he was in better shape than me. I didn't even remember him leaving but assumed he woke up early and didn't want to disturb my sleep.

  After my nap, I cle
aned the dishes and on my way downstairs to take out the trash, ran into Lainie.

  She held the front door open for me while I tossed the bags into the dark green garbage bin and we walked back up together.

  Climbing the stairs two at a time, she asked, “So, how'd it go?”

  “Very well, I think.” From what I remember. I looked Lainie up and down with interest. “I see you're wearing the same clothes you had on last night. Crazy night?”

  “Nothing too crazy. I made out with a hottie, but I have my period so I just crashed at my friend's place after a long night of karaoke.” After taking a water bottle from the refrigerator, Lainie sat down at the table and said, “So…how was it?”

  Indecisive as to whether I wanted to join her at the table, I remained standing and replied, “It was fine.”

  “Just fine?”

  I sat down. “Good. It was good.”

  “No details? Was he good? Does he have a big dick? C'mon, Jane! Help a sister out!”

  Realizing I had no idea how big Jim's penis was — not that it was any of Lainie's business — I stood up and backed slowly out of the room. “I don't kiss and tell! But I'm happy. Very happy.”

  “Nice. It would be nicer if you gave me some details, but it's still nice!”

  “Maybe some other time, Lainie.” Like when I have details to give. Suddenly, I was exhausted again and ready for another nap, but my phone rang. Lainie picked it up from the table, answered, “Jane's phone” and handed it to me. Since I wanted to let it go to voicemail, I rolled my eyes at her as she mouthed, “It's Bob.”

  I muttered, “I'll take it in my room” to Lainie before saying, “Hi. What's up?”

  “Hey. Just thought I'd check in with you.”

  My first thought was that maybe he broke it off with Trish. My second thought was that God would punish me for wishing something bad on my first love. I didn't really wish anything bad on Bob; I was just bitter that he was in another committed relationship before me. I hoped God knew the difference. “That was nice of you! How are things?”