by Molly Evans
When he leaned back, Emily used the moment to take a good look at his body, at what she’d been missing for three years. Swallowing became difficult and her heart thundered in her chest, roaring in her ears over the sound of the shower. Remembering to breathe also seemed a foreign concept at the moment.
He’d dropped some weight, was now made of lean muscle and sinew, and looked like the runner he was. Long and lanky, arms and legs were finely muscled. His chest sported a light sprinkling of hair across his pecs and a finely muscled abdomen tapering downward.
Without removing his gaze from hers, the only thing he moved was his hands, to reach for the body scrubber and body wash. He poured a generous amount onto the scrubber and squished it up so it made suds, the way she liked. He’d said he remembered everything and seemed that was so right now.
“Turn around,” he said, and she complied. Maybe if she didn’t see him, she’d be okay. Maybe if... The scrubber hit her back she closed her eyes at the stimulating touch. Chase applied it to her skin in circular strokes, beginning at her shoulders then moving downward.
She placed the palms of her hands on the wall in front of her, needing the support. He touched her nowhere else, just with the scrubber. Beginning at her wrists, he stroked her skin, stimulating, teasing and torturing her body and her mind.
She hadn’t surrendered control like this in forever and it was overwhelming, standing still as the scrubber moved over her neck, and she tilted her head back to give him greater access. The heat from the water and his body created a steam that nearly choked her. Or was it the heat of attraction that had never left her?
He was tall enough to reach over her shoulder and apply the scrubber to her chest, her breasts, teasing around each nipple until they were tender, stimulated peaks, aching for more. Moving his hand beneath her arm, he moved the scrubber across her upper abdomen, then her lower abdomen, then between her legs.
“Lean back,” he said. “Let me take your weight. You can trust me.” He stroked the hair back from her face and with a little pressure on her forehead eased her head back against his left shoulder and stayed that way until she released the tension in her muscles and let her weight fall against him. “Trust me, Em. I won’t drop you, ever again.” The feel of his erection against her backside aroused her more than she thought possible. He was hard and sleek and ready for her.
It was so foreign at first, to lean back against him, to let him hold her against his body, to let him stroke her. Turning her head slightly, she leaned her face toward his and he kissed her.
It wasn’t the out-of-control passion they’d had in the past. This was a kiss of deep reverence, of passion and honor, and of a man seeking forgiveness.
She parted her lips and allowed him in, allowed him to take her where she’d longed to go since the first time she’d seen him again. Had it really been just days ago?
Three years away from him and it seemed like just yesterday she’d been in his arms.
Groaning, she turned to face him, clutched his shoulders and plastered her body against his. His arms went around her waist and pressed her harder against him, his hips jutting forward into hers, his erection hard and demanding against her abdomen.
Kisses ranged everywhere, and he scooped up one of her nipples in his mouth, teasing it without mercy. The rasp of his light beard stimulated her sensitive tissue. She clutched his head to her chest, spreading her kisses wherever she could reach.
Then her hand moved between them, but he stopped her, his grip like a vice on her arm. “This isn’t about me tonight, Em. I don’t want you to...be uncomfortable.”
“Then just hold me for a little while longer.”
“I will.” He pressed a kiss to her head and let the water wash over them, cleansing their bodies and maybe a little of their souls.
After long moments passed and she relaxed, the stress of the day faded away. “Are you getting cold?” Her head fitted snug and perfectly beneath his chin. He’d forgotten that.
He’d missed that.
“What?”
“The water’s getting cold.”
“I hadn’t noticed.” Seriously, hadn’t noticed.
They got out of the shower, dried each other off in between kisses and sighs. Emily was wrapped in her bulky robe and she hesitated at the door.
“What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know.” She looked like a sprite with her hair all spiky and wet, her eyes huge and dark, her mouth swollen from his kisses.
He approached, wrapped only in the towel. “Why don’t you tell me what you do know?”
“It’s so hard to put into words.” She stood there swallowed up by the robe, arms hugging her middle.
“It’s wonderful and awful at the same time, isn’t it?” He shared the thoughts swirling like mad inside him.
Tears flashed in her eyes, and her chin trembled. “Yes.”
“Why don’t we go to bed, and you can tell me.’
“It’s probably five a.m. by now. I don’t want to keep you up any later than necessary.”
Indeed, his body was telling him things he didn’t want to know about, like it was going on twenty-four hours since he’d been horizontal. “I don’t care what time it is. If you want to talk, I’ll listen.”
CHAPTER TEN
“WILL YOU HOLD me awhile? Just hold me. I won’t ask you for more.”
“Yes.” He didn’t trust his voice to say any more than that. He was exhausted and choked with emotions he couldn’t name.
She led him to the bedroom, dragged the covers back and they got in. She’d always liked to be on her left side with him cuddling her from behind. That was the position they gravitated into now, and Chase felt like the past three years had fallen away from him in an instant.
But now she was tense.
“Do you want to talk?” Although he whispered in the dark, it sounded very loud.
“I...I... The words won’t come.” Her voice was small and soft, evoking the protective side of him from the place it had hidden, licking its wounds, for three years.
“Relax. Sleep. Let me hold you. I’ll keep you safe.” The soft breathing and the gentle rise and fall of her chest soothed him. Again, she fitted him perfectly, fitted in a way no other woman ever had.
There was no reason for her to fear him, but she didn’t know that. It was up to him to tell her, show her, prove to her that she could trust him again. She’d deny she was afraid of anything, but deep down he knew he was right.
Unable to keep his mind awake any longer, he pressed a kiss to the back of her head and allowed sleep to overtake him, more content than he’d felt in a very long time.
Hours later he awoke to the scent of coffee brewing and the sun bright in the window. Emily was gone, her place beside him cold. Easing from his place, he grabbed the towel from the floor and wrapped it around his waist.
He paused in the doorway when he noticed Emily performing a series of slow movements, a small rubber ball in her hands. She was graceful and elegant as she moved the ball around, then she stopped when she saw him.
And smiled.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to interrupt you.”
“No problem.” She released the position she was in and placed the ball on the couch. “I was just about through, anyway.”
“I smell coffee. What time is it?”
“Noon.” She padded on bare feet to the kitchen.
“Noon? Aren’t we supposed to be at work, like, an hour ago?”
She was obviously unconcerned, and that wasn’t like her. She was never late for anything.
“I got a text that staffing had changed once again. Since we were the last to go home we get the day off. They found some staff to cover.” She nodded to his phone, which lay on the counter. “Check your phone. You probably got the
same text.”
“Wow.” He checked the phone. “I haven’t had a day off in like a billion years.” Seriously.
“Well, I’ve got coffee going, but don’t have much besides a few essentials.”
“Whatever you’ve got is fine, or I can just have coffee and go.” But as he looked at her, he didn’t want to go. He didn’t know what he wanted, what he needed, or what she needed, either. “Or I can stay.”
“Actually, I’ll need you to either drive me to the studio or take me to my car.”
“The studio?”
“The Rose Lee Martial Arts Studio. The dojo where I practice.” She shrugged and reached for two mugs, filled them with coffee and opened the fridge for the milk. “Since I have the time today I thought I’d go over there and mess around.”
“Since I’ve got no other plans, how about I go with you?” Watching her face, he looked for signs of tension but found none. Joy and happiness weren’t there, either. More resignation.
“I’m not sure you’d like it there. Very martial-artsy.”
“After seeing you in action a couple of times, I have a new admiration for the art and would like to watch you work.”
She considered him a moment, her eyes narrowed, and she tilted her head to one side. For some reason, he felt much like a mouse being stalked by a cat. “Do you have scrubs in the car?”
“Yes. I always carry extra.”
“Just so you know, at Rose’s no one is an observer. If you’re there, you’re there to participate. If you’re not intimidated by that, you can come—otherwise you can take me to my car, and I’ll go by myself.” She just left the words to hang in the air a moment for his consideration.
“That has the smell of a challenge in it.” He was not above a good challenge, but this one could have unforeseen consequences. Things could go either way. He had to decide quickly if he could deal with it.
“Call it what you like, but those are the rules.”
“I’m up for it.” He sipped the brew, hot, strong and bold, just the way he liked it. And a good description of what Emily had become. He liked that, too.
Within the hour they arrived at the studio, Emily in her gi and Chase in his scrubs. They removed their shoes at the door and entered the practice room. During the day few people were there, but at night the place was packed.
At the moment Emily was glad of the space. She’d hardly had a chance to catch her breath in the last few days, and now here she was, about to take Chase to the mat, literally.
“Chase, this is Rose, owner of the studio and my teacher, my sensei. You may address her as Rose or sensei.” Emily gave a slight bow from the hips, as did Rose. Chase followed their lead.
“He is a tall one,” Rose said, her eyes scrunching up at the corners. She was just over five feet tall, so Emily had her by a few inches, and Chase towered over both of them by quite a bit. “I’m not sure you can teach him. He might need someone taller.” She looked up at Chase as if he were a tree.
“I am happy to have Emily teach me a few things. She nearly took on a man larger than her at the hospital the other day and height didn’t seem to matter.”
“I see.” Rose gave Emily a look with raised brows but a serious face. “So you have already defended Chase at the hospital?”
“Yes, well, no, not really. The man was intoxicated and upset. No one got injured and Security escorted him away.” She explained the situation in dry terms, giving only the facts. “But I would have, had the need arisen. As it was, Chase defended me, or perhaps we defended each other.” As she said the words she looked at Chase, and he nodded.
“Have you considered what we previously discussed?” Rose asked.
It was not a question without consequences, and Emily had considered it from all angles.
“Yes, sensei, I have. I will teach one class for you and see how that goes.”
“What class is that?” Chase asked, suddenly very interested in their conversation.
“Self-defense for women. There is a need for good teachers at my studio. Emily has the soul of a warrior and the heart of a teacher. I believe she will be the best person to teach this class.” There was no false flattery in her words, just simple facts.
Emily bowed, her face flushed and pink. “Thank you, sensei Rose.” She clasped her hands together in front of her heart and gave a slight bow. “Thank you.”
“Please, proceed with what you were going to do, and we’ll talk schedules later.” Rose returned to the office, leaving Emily and Chase alone.
“What were you going to do if you were by yourself?” Chase asked, curious about the little warrior in front of him that he was beginning to get to know.
“I was going to do some sword work, but I can do that another time.”
“Sword work?” Now, that was impressive. She was very serious about this. He’d never have guessed.
“Yes, it utilizes different muscles than you would in running or sparring. But now I think we’ll start with basics.” She looked him up and down, deciding on what to do.
“What would you teach in your class?”
“Basic self-defense.”
“Show me something.”
She thought for a second with her lips pursed. “Okay. Reach out to me like the guy did in the ER. Like you’re going to grab my shoulder.”
Hesitating a second, he reached out slowly, not wanting to hurt her.
“Come on. Do it like you mean it. Charge me if you have to.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.” This was so weird. Even in play it felt uncomfortable.
She snorted. “You can’t. Now do it!”
With a toss of his head he did what she’d asked. Before he knew what was going on he was on the floor, looking up at the ceiling.
“Oh, Chase! Are you okay?” Emily knelt beside him, serious concern in her eyes. “I’m sorry!”
“What happened?” He blinked a few times, but nothing seemed broken, and he still had his testicles, though they were cringing against his bottom. All good.
“Well, I think I went a little overboard.” She bit her lower lip, hesitating but not afraid.
He struggled to a sitting position and let her help him up. “I reached out like you said...”
“I should have just pinned your arm behind you. But instinct kicked in, and I swept your feet out from under you, too. Jeez, I’m sorry.” Trembling, she pressed a hand to her forehead.
Rose approached, her face the picture of serenity. “Don’t worry. Even teachers make mistakes. Better to make one now with him than later in your class.”
“But what if I hurt someone? Unintentionally.” That was her biggest fear about teaching women who had no skills. What if she made them worse?
“You could. You probably will at some point. But it will be a lesson they need.” Rose looked up at Chase, considering, but kept her thoughts to herself. “Carry on. You’ll be fine.” She turned to Emily. “You’re a good teacher.”
“Thank you, sensei.” Emily bowed slightly as Rose left the room again.
“Okay. Let’s try it again. I’ll grab your shoulder like this.” With his left hand, he reached for her right shoulder.
“Then I push your arm away and wrap my hand all the way around your arm with my right, push your shoulder up to the point of pain and use my left hand to control your head movement away from me.” She held him that way for a second. “Ha! That’s it.”
“You really do have me in a grip there.” There was no wiggle room at all.
“Now try to get free.”
He struggled to move and extricate himself, but he couldn’t, not without causing himself pain. “You’re hurting me. No matter which way I try to move, it’s painful.”
“I’m not hurting you. I’m simply holding you still. When you move you
are causing yourself pain. Eventually an assailant will learn to hold still because he is causing himself pain. Even if it’s a woman who is holding him.” She released him, and he rolled his shoulder around, easing the joint, and the pain ceased.
“Wow. That’s really impressive.” Eyes wide, he looked at her anew. “You’re really amazing. Do you know that? I mean really know it? How powerful you are?” He was just beginning to understand it himself.
She stared at him, met his gaze straight on. “I wouldn’t have had to become any of this if I hadn’t been raped.”
That statement punched him in the gut like he’d been assaulted himself. His chest tightened and it felt like a vise clamped around his throat. He swallowed, hard, emotions strangling him. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault a serial rapist broke into my apartment, beat me up, raped me and tried to kill me.”
He swallowed. There it was. The statement of what had happened. What had nearly killed her, but had made her stronger, had broken them apart and nearly destroyed him. “I don’t know what to say. In the past everything I said was wrong.” Why should it be different now?
“There’s not a lot to say.” She sighed and the energy seemed to puddle out of her. “I think I’m done for today.”
“Is it because of what I said?” Again.
“No.” She dropped her gaze away from him and withdrew into herself. She began to walk toward the door, and he followed, his heart heavier than it had been in a long, long time. There was nothing he could say to change the past, nothing he could say to change the present either. Time healed some wounds, but others stayed raw forever.
They found their shoes and headed to the parking lot. “Do you want me to take you to get your car now?”
“Yes. I think that’s best.” She sat in the passenger seat, looking out the window, as Chase started the car. By now the sun had passed its zenith and was on the long, slow decline down to the horizon.
The radio played low in the background, but it was the only thing that broke the silence in the vehicle. Emily had withdrawn, and Chase didn’t know how to bring her out. He didn’t know if she would ever recover from her assault. Was it reasonable to expect that she would? He just didn’t know.
