by JoAnn Durgin
“Better not. I’ll talk to you later,” she said in a quiet voice, hurrying away. Whether Natalie was more touched by the sight of the calf’s birth or the fact that he and Sam were there for Reagan, he couldn’t be sure. Pulling on his gloves and tugging his hat down over his ears, Marc smiled. In spite of the temperatures, it seemed his wife’s heart might be starting to thaw.
Chapter 25
Sam leaned against the counter, talking with Lexa in low tones when Marc entered the kitchen. Seeing him, Sam grabbed two mugs and headed for the coffee. Lexa waved him away. “I’ll get it. You and Marc sit and talk.”
“That’s why you’re the boss.” Sam smiled and dropped a light kiss on her cheek.
Looking away, Marc pushed aside his sudden pang of jealousy and focused on the clock above the sink.
Lexa carried their mugs over to the table and poured their coffee. “There’s sugar on the table and I’ll get the cream. Do you want something to eat, Marc? You must be hungry. I heard you two had quite the adventure this morning. They’re already calling it the ‘Miracle in the Barn.’”
“I’m fine, but I appreciate the offer.” Unbelievable as it seemed, he wasn’t hungry.
Sam dropped a spoonful of the sugar into his mug and stirred slowly. After putting the pitcher of cream on the table, Lexa quietly departed. Letting out a loud yawn, Sam stretched his arms high. “Only a day here, and you’re already becoming a TeamWork legend. Good work. I’m glad you were there this morning.”
Marc shook his head. “Like I told Natalie, I did nothing.”
“Sometimes your presence is all that’s needed.”
His eyes widened. “That’s exactly what she said, too.”
Those smile lines deepened. “Then it must be so. It’s also a good thing that she initiated the conversation.”
“An encouraging way to start the day, yes. I invited her to join us for coffee, but she hurried out of the barn like a bat out of . . .” Marc stopped himself.
Sam yawned again, bypassing the comment. “It’s hard to believe it’s only a little after seven. Whether milking cows or rebuilding homes, when I’m at a TeamWork camp, it feels like I’ve already put in a full day by noon. I’m sure you’ll know what I mean soon enough.”
“I understand it now, but in a lot of ways, it’s also very satisfying.” The look on Sam’s face confirmed his sentiment. Whether sharing about the Lord or leading a work camp, Sam thrived on what he was doing. As much as anyone he’d ever met, he was completely at ease with himself and the world.
“That’s why the TeamWork camps are so challenging,” Sam said. “For one thing, you never know what can happen, but every one of them is a learning experience, in a number of ways.”
“I envy you, Sam.” Maybe it was more admiration than envy.
Sam’s eyes narrowed as he sipped his coffee. “You’ve got everything you’ve ever wanted, too, Marc. You just have to be patient a little longer.” He shook his head. “I can’t imagine what it’s been like for you.”
Marc savored the hot, flavorful brew as it slid down his throat. “To say it’s frustrating is an understatement. It’s like finally getting something you’ve always wanted, and then it’s ripped out of your life without warning.”
Sam shook his head. “If anyone told me right after Lexa and I married that I had to start all over again with her, I’m the first to admit I wouldn’t handle it well. I’m generally not a very patient man.” Sam’s eyes met his. “I think that’s something else we might have in common.”
“I’ll be honest with you, Sam.”
“Please do.”
Marc took a quick breath. “Because of her background and religious upbringing, she won’t . . . enter into a physical relationship again. And she won’t until she loves me again. Fully loves me, whether or not she remembers loving me the first time around. I understand, but it also cuts me to the core.” His shoulders slumped. “The night I got back from Houston, she waited for me at the house. She’d prepared a special dinner and then invited me upstairs.” He looked away, gathering his thoughts. “She was . . . willing, but I couldn’t let her.”
Sam nodded. “Neither would you want Natalie coming to you without that love in her heart. It wouldn’t be the same.” That deep voice resonated with compassion. “I know it’s about much more than the physical longing you feel for her. Now that she’s pregnant, I’m sure you feel the added pressure to reconnect.”
“Exactly. As much as anything else, I want her back with me in the house.” Sam would understand his deepest yearnings. “It’s the house we picked out together. I don’t want a child of ours going off with Natalie to some apartment. She needs to be back home, and I need to be there for both of them.” Marc shrugged and shot a helpless glance across the table.
“Like I told you, I’m a pretty direct man, so I’m going to spell it out for you,” Sam said. “From my perspective, anyway. Take it or leave it.”
“Sure. I admire direct. Works for me. It’s what advertising’s all about, after all.”
Sam fixed him with that piercing, blue-eyed gaze. “You need to get everything out on the table with Natalie. Based on what I’ve seen and heard, I can only assume you didn’t tell her everything about your relationship with Ashley—or anyone else—before you married. And, that’s obviously now a problem. Confess everything, be completely honest with her. That’s the best way to start and move forward from here. You won’t be totally free to reconnect otherwise. But tell Natalie while we’re in the beginning stages of the work camp. I know it’ll be hard, and please know I’m here for you in any way I can. Just as Lexa’s here for Natalie.”
Marc stared at the table. Tell this man. He cares and wants to help. “I think you know why I haven’t told her.” He cast his gaze downward, ashamed to look Sam in the eye, this man who was quickly becoming his mentor. He was unworthy of Natalie, aware he didn’t deserve her love. Just as he never measured up to his dad, he could never measure up to her ideal of a husband.
“Marc,” Sam said, leaning forward in his chair, his tone more gentle. “Natalie fell in love with the man you are, not the man you were. The Natalie I know is a very forgiving, loving woman. Surely she knew—at least could have guessed—that a man in your position would have had opportunities and temptations.”
“Call it what it was. Like I said, I was a player. I’m not proud of it, but I was everything Natalie hated, everything she was raised to avoid. I used women for my own selfish pleasure.”
“You’re being too hard on yourself.”
“Am I? You don’t know that.”
Sam sat back in his chair and blew out a breath. “Like I said, given your background, she couldn’t expect you to be a saint.” He settled that penetrating gaze on him again. He’d make a good cop. “If I hadn’t invited the Lord into my heart when I was knee-high to a grasshopper, I don’t know that I might not have given into temptation. It’s everywhere. I understand.”
Those last two words meant the world. As much as another man could, Sam understood his inner conflict. “Sex outside of marriage is unforgiveable in Natalie’s eyes. That’s why I never told her in the first place. I couldn’t bear the thought of her being hurt, and the thought that she’d push me away forever.”
“How do you know she won’t forgive you unless you ask?”
Marc shook his head slowly, his heart sinking. “She won’t forgive me, Sam.”
“Well, then, it sounds like you don’t trust your wife very much.”
He swallowed the quick rise of anger. “How can you say that?”
“Because I’ve worked TeamWork missions with her. Those are experiences that reveal true character, show where the heart lies.” Sam’s gaze narrowed again, pinning him to the chair. He couldn’t move if he wanted. “I’ve seen Natalie sing and rock a child to sleep while her mother lay dying of HIV in the next room.”
Marc’s breath caught in his throat. He never knew that, although his wife was a great humanitarian who put her f
aith in action.
“Natalie’s raised some of the most heartfelt prayers I’ve ever heard, beseeching the Lord on behalf of someone she’s never met. She’s been a great friend and confidante for Lexa, and all the other women of TeamWork.” Sam’s eyes softened. “I admire how she wants to help shape young minds. She loves them unconditionally, and children respond to that love. She can reach them on a level most adults don’t, either because they don’t want to, or because they can’t. I’ve seen glimpses of the nurturing mother she’ll be when she takes a small child by the hand and leads them in a prayer, asking Jesus into their heart.” He leaned closer. “I’ve seen what a great mother she is now.”
Marc swallowed hard. “Natalie will be an incredible mother. I’ve always known that. She’ll want to share about the Lord with our children, but sometimes I wonder exactly how the amnesia affected her faith. She says she can feel the love of the Lord, and even though she remembers certain verses of scripture, others are gone.”
“I like to think the Holy Spirit takes over in cases like Natalie’s. There’s a basic trust she placed in the Lord in coming to Him, and He’s carrying her through.”
“Sounds like that ‘Footprints’ poem. He’ll carry her, but I want to be there, too, holding her hand along the journey, or at least waiting for her on the other side.” Marc’s eyes misted. “I only pray she’ll want me there.”
Sam leaned back in his chair, his arms crossed. “You need to be there for Natalie and your baby, every single step of the way. Whether she knows it or not, she wants you beside her. Believe in that, brother.” His gaze lingered. “Now, then, you know what you need to do.”
“It’ll hurt her. I don’t want to cause her any more heartache.” He hated the indecision in his voice, the hesitancy. It wasn’t like him, but this was unlike any business decision. It affected his heart, not just his brain.
“Trust me, it’ll cause both of you more pain in the long run if you don’t tell her. For whatever reason, the Lord’s giving you a fresh start. Grab the opportunity, be honest with her, and move on. Otherwise, you run the risk of running into another . . . ghost . . . somewhere down the road. I don’t think you want to live with that fear hanging over your head.”
Sam was right. “I’ll talk with her, but be prepared for another long talk afterwards. I’m sure I’ll need it.”
Rising to his feet and coming around to stand beside his chair, Sam lowered his large hand to his shoulder. “That’s why I’m here.” The fingers squeezed. “Thanks for your honesty. I want you to think about something. It’s not sex outside of marriage in the traditional sense. You hadn’t met Natalie, weren’t married, and weren’t a Christian. Big distinction. Remember, the blood of Christ paid for your sins. Trust me, Natalie knows that, too.”
His heart swelled with affection. Sam’s counsel was so wise, and it was difficult to believe they were about the same age. His shoulders dropped a bit. He felt so inadequate and had so much to learn. “Thanks, Sam.” Marc rose slowly from the chair, his heart beating fast. “Is Natalie in the schoolroom now, do you know?”
“I believe so. I’ll be praying.”
With a small salute and a nervous smile, Marc prepared to walk across the ranch to the schoolroom. In spite of the temperatures, it might be a long walk.
Chapter 26
Stepping inside the schoolroom, Marc closed the door against the howling wind and rubbed his hands together. The smell of wood burning and pine permeated the room, and the warmth from the fireplace was comforting. Amy and Winnie worked in a corner with a small group of kids as he scanned the small makeshift schoolroom, but Natalie wasn’t in view. A door led off from the main room. Maybe she was back there? He prayed she wouldn’t be upset that he’d interrupted a teaching session. Even though it was only a temporary assignment, Natalie would approach it as seriously as her teaching position back home.
A little girl who looked to be about nine or ten with long red braids and freckles looked up from her work. Closest to the door, she sat at a table by herself, her pencil poised above her paper. Big brown eyes followed Marc as he traversed creaky wooden floorboards. When he turned and smiled, she quickly moved her head down, embarrassed to be caught gawking.
“Looks like you have an effect on little women, too.” Winnie’s native Texas drawl was charming from the sweet, pretty blonde nicknamed the “Mother Hen” of the group. “I’m sure you’d like to speak with Natalie.”
“If she’s free. Sorry to just barge in here, but it’s important.” He pulled off his gloves with considerable effort since they were almost frozen to his hands. Pulling off his hat, he ran his fingers through his tousled hair, smoothing it down.
Winnie’s smile was understanding. “I know it is, or you wouldn’t be here. I can’t imagine how tough this must be for both of you.” She nodded her head toward the door at the back. “Natalie and Beck took a couple of the younger boys in the other room. They were acting up, but I haven’t heard a peep out of them in close to an hour. Your wife has a very calming presence.”
“That she does.” Marc hoped that held true in a few minutes when he spoke with her. When he winked at the little girl, she blushed ten shades of red.
“If you can wait, I’ll have her come out as soon as possible. It shouldn’t be long.” Winnie glanced at her watch. “We have a break in a few minutes. Do you want a cup of coffee?”
“No, thanks. Just had a cup with Sam. Got enough fuel in me for now.” Amy gave him a bright smile, and he waved. Lowering himself onto one of the small chairs, he teetered on the edge. Catching himself, he heard Pippi Longstocking’s giggles as he righted his adult-sized frame on the kid-sized seat. “Almost missed the chair,” Marc said with a sheepish grin. Glancing around, he counted six children, all belonging to the ranch hands. It looked like they were equally divided between boys and girls, but most looked to be older than kindergarten age, the age Natalie preferred to teach.
It was silent in the room except for the sounds of scribbling on papers and the popping embers in the fireplace. The girl’s brow furrowed, and she appeared to struggle with a math problem. Tilting his head, Marc tried to get a good look at her paper. She looked at him and released a sigh. “You any good at multiplication and division?”
Well, that’s a question loaded with irony. We’re having a baby and multiplying, and yet Natalie and I are very divided.
“I’m excellent at it, young lady.” He looked around and whispered, “Am I allowed to help? I don’t want you to be accused of cheating.”
“I think it’s okay.” She gave him a cute grin as he moved his chair closer. He didn’t have much experience with children, but felt drawn to help her.
“I’m Marc. What’s your name?”
“Ashley.”
He swallowed the sudden lump in his throat. “Very nice to meet you.” Of course, she couldn’t be a Mary or Lisa or any other name under the sun. He couldn’t even say the name aloud. Good one, Lord. You don’t need to beat me over the head. Crouching beside her, he scanned the page and pointed to one of the math problems. “Let’s start with this one.” Mustering his most patient voice, he helped her work through it. Wanting her to reason it out on her own, he waited until she reached the correct answer.
Her brown eyes widened, and she started on the next one with renewed interest. It was true—knowledge was empowering. Ashley worked through it, saying each step out loud, looking at him for reassurance and encouragement. The grin of satisfaction on her face said it all. No wonder Natalie loved working with children.
“I think you’ve got it. Try the next problem.” As Ashley began working through it, Marc heard a noise behind them and turned. Deep blue eyes met his. He rose to his feet, almost losing his balance again. “Sorry. I didn’t know you were here.” Ashley ducked her head with another shy smile and continued her work.
“I think you might have missed your calling.” Natalie’s voice was warm, her eyes equally so, warming parts of him he thought were dormant since arr
iving in Montana.
“I need to ask you something.” With a smile for Ashley, he took Natalie’s arm and steered her over to the closest corner. He felt many of the eyes in the small room on them. Catching Rebekah’s attention, Marc nodded, grateful when she took the lead in engaging the other children in conversation. “I want to take you to dinner tonight. Just the two of us, away from the ranch.”
She pondered the idea for a long moment. “Is something wrong? Everything okay with the agency?”
The question surprised him. “I wouldn’t know. I haven’t talked with Trevor since we’ve been here.” It hadn’t been as hard to keep his word as he’d thought, but better for Natalie to focus on the sacrificial aspect. “Trust me, we need to do this.” He implored her with his eyes.
“Well, that’s enough to get my heart pumping. You’re scaring me a little bit.” Reaching for his hand, Natalie squeezed it for reassurance. A good sign. Even more so since it seemed a natural reaction, instinctual.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I need . . . we need . . . to talk.”
A frown creased Natalie’s brow as she released his hand. “I have to get back to the kids now, but I’ll meet you by the main house at six tonight.”
~~**~~
As they worked out the horses later that afternoon, Marc and Dean discussed the joys and pitfalls of starting a business and advertising revenues. A native of a small town outside San Antonio, Dean owned a small but thriving chain of leather goods stores throughout Texas. During the course of the conversation, he made an offhand comment about having to rearrange his schedule in order to attend the work camp.
Marc looked up sharply. “Aren’t these camps usually planned well in advance?”
Dean’s brown eyes grew wide and he blanched. “Ye-e-e-s,” he said, drawing out the word. “Normally they are.” Without saying more, he climbed onto one of the horses, saluted and galloped in the opposite direction.
