by Lisa Carter
That’s what she told herself. Repeatedly. Especially when her heart went pitter-patter at sunrise each morning.
Not that mornings were the only time they spent together. She took the kids to school, and he brought them home in the afternoon. They also got into the habit of sharing dinner while everyone helped Jade with her academic load. Kristina enjoyed cooking for a man again.
She tried telling herself it was great to just have an adult conversation. But the truth was, Canyon stirred feelings inside her she’d never believed she’d experience again. And left her heart yearning for more.
Such thoughts were not only futile, but dangerous.
Kristina lifted her chin. “Should I report for kitchen duty?”
In navy blue KFD T-shirts, Sawyer, her brother, Weston, and several other volunteer firefighters flipped pancakes on the griddle in the station kitchen. Clipboard in hand, Jade appeared to be supervising.
“Jade’s got that area under control,” Canyon mumbled. “Appointed by Queen Margaret herself.”
Kristina did a double take. “Jade and Margaret?”
“Hit it off like long-lost sisters. Go figure. Now there’s two of ’em. God save us all.”
Kristina nudged him. “You probably need supervision.”
“So says Jade.” But he grinned. “Which are you? Helper or supervisor?”
“Definitely helper.”
“Good.” He pointed to the long white tables running parallel in the bay. “We’re almost ready. Stack the plates on the end. It’s a self-service line. I’m on ticket duty. Wanna help me give out change?”
“Sure.” She deposited the plates. “All hands on deck for Kiptohanock. And for such a good cause—the BackPack Buddy Food Drive.”
He set out a tray of napkin-wrapped utensils. Filling plastic glasses with ice and sweet tea, Dixie, the waitress at the café and her engineer husband, Bernie, waved.
Emerging from the kitchen, Weston handed Kristina a pan of steaming pancakes and gave Canyon the head-up nod guys did. “Canyon.”
Canyon responded in like manner. “Weston.”
Which in guy talk meant they were cool with each other. As Wes returned to the kitchen, she sensed a hurdle had been overcome between Canyon and the other men.
Grabbing a set of tongs, she began transferring the hot cakes into the empty aluminum trays. “I love the sense of community here.”
He adjusted the position of the Sterno burning under the pans. “This program will ensure the kids get one good meal a day over summer break. Until Beech and I came to live with our grandmother, we were them.”
Kristina’s heart fluttered at the image of a little boy with curly brown hair and sky-blue eyes. A boy and his brother who understood what it felt like to be hungry.
In between getting her flight ready, he’d shared heart-rending glimpses of a chaotic upbringing. And his feelings of being an outsider due to a mother always on the move.
Each time she saw him helping Jade, he also proved—without meaning to—what a good man he was despite his rough beginnings. A man worth knowing.
Worth loving, too?
She frowned and set the lid atop the pan with a clang. Startled, Canyon smiled as he moved to intercept more pancake platters from Wes.
Canyon was proving to be a good friend. Nothing more. There could never be room in her life for anyone else.
There’d been moments, though—like the accidental touch of his hand against her skin. Her pulse accelerated at the memory. An intensity in his gaze.
As if he, too, felt these incredibly wonderful—and frightening—feelings consuming Kristina. She hid her face in the collar of her coat.
Returning, Canyon held the tray steady for her to fill another pan. She kept her focus on the pancakes, not the pilot. Was it hot in here? Maybe she didn’t need the coat.
Being with him drowned out everything but the heat of her flushed cheeks and the beating of her heart.
Despite the milling volunteers, her heart raced at his proximity. And as always, she was torn by the conflicting desire to flee and a craving to know what it would be like to kiss him.
Laying down the tongs, she fanned herself with her hand. “I may have to take off this coat.”
“Okay...” His brow puckered. “It’ll get cold through the open bay when it’s finally dark, though.”
But to her relief, he headed once more toward the cutout window between the bay and the kitchen.
She ditched the coat in favor of shirtsleeves. Sometimes she wished she could love and be loved again by someone after Pax. Loved by Canyon?
Kristina immediately dismissed the thought as disloyal. Pax deserved her devotion. Not this crop—She gritted her teeth. Not this aerial application specialist.
Canyon arrived with a pitcher of warmed maple syrup. “Last job before we open for business.” He leaned over the table and poured the contents into evenly spaced smaller containers.
She bit her lip, trying to shake her melancholy. “It’s my first community event.”
He glanced up. “Mine, too. Thanks to Sawyer and Jade.” He grimaced.
She smiled. “And long past time for you to get your head out of the clouds and overcome your antisocial tendencies.”
He played with one of the ladles, allowing the oozing syrup to drip slowly into the vessel.
“Stop messing with that.” She swatted his hand. “You’re going to spill it on the tablecloth.”
The corner of his mouth curved. “There’s nothing wrong with having wings, you know.”
Kristina’s insides puddled. It was so unfair when he looked at her like that. And so hard to think. “Nothing wrong with roots, either.”
His eyes went half-mast. “Perhaps people need both. Wings and roots.”
Kristina’s heart pounded. “Maybe so.”
She spotted Margaret, hovering within earshot near the EMS vehicle parked outside the bay.
Reddening, Kristina moved toward the cashier’s box on the ticket table. “Customers are arriving.”
He dropped into the adjacent folding chair.
“With your Coast Guard background, I’m surprised you haven’t been recruited before now. Jade’s pulling you out of your splendid isolation.”
“And of all places, a firehouse. Irony? Or penance?” He scrubbed his hand over his beard stubble. “I can’t decide which.”
She frowned as she accepted money from Charlie Pruitt and made change. Canyon handed the deputy sheriff and Evy their tickets for the raffle after the dinner.
Evy pushed her horn-rimmed glasses up the bridge of her nose with her finger. “We’re going to eat quick. Margaret told us to relieve you guys so you can eat, too.”
Charlie’s mouth thinned. “Good to see you performing your civic duty.”
The implied for once went unspoken. Kristina’s eyes ping-ponged between the men. What was with this town and Canyon?
“Don’t do me any favors, Pruitt,” Canyon growled.
“Sorry,” Evy mouthed as she yanked Charlie toward the food.
Kristina made change for a Coastie family. “What was that about?”
He blew out a breath. “Long memories is what that was about.”
The crowd kept them busy for the next thirty minutes. Amelia and her family shuffled through the line. Plates in hand, Caroline and Izzie also headed out to the tables on the green. Offering refills, Gray and other teenagers trotted tea pitchers back and forth.
At the next lull, she closed the cash box. “What did you mean about Jade’s involvement with the firehouse being irony or penance?”
Canyon slumped. “You don’t know?” He shook his head. “You flush the toilet at one end of Kiptohanock, and everyone at the other end soon knows.”
“Is this about what
happened with Jade’s father?”
He stared at her. “You really don’t know what Beech did?”
“What he did has nothing to do with you or Jade.”
“If only...” He squeezed his eyes shut and opened them. “I’d hate to see you and Gray blacklisted by association with us.”
“Small towns,” she huffed. “Why can’t everyone let bygones be bygones?”
Canyon raked his hand over his close-cropped hair, leaving it disheveled.
She coiled her hands in her lap, lest she give in to the urge to smooth his hair.
“Maybe if I’d been there—but I took off to help Hap make a run in the plane. Beech hung out with a rough crowd who carried a grudge against several locals. That was also the night Brandi told him she was pregnant.”
“It was so long ago, Canyon.”
“There’s no excuse for what he did.” Canyon’s expression became bleak. “The jury thought so, too. As does the town, and I can’t blame them.”
“What did Beech do, Canyon?”
His mouth tightened. “Beech set fire to a fishing boat. It burned to the waterline. A family’s livelihood, gone up in smoke. And he didn’t stop there.”
Kristina ached for Canyon and Jade living with this terrible legacy.
“He torched a farmhouse.” Canyon’s head fell forward. “The fire department was already on scene at the waterfront when they got the call. By the time the crew arrived, the house was engulfed. The guy Beech was so angry with wasn’t there. But his pregnant wife and two small children were asleep in their beds.”
She gasped. “Oh, Canyon.”
“One of the kids didn’t make it out.” Remembered pain darkened his eyes. “Our mother screwed up the both of us, but I’ve never understood how Beech—how he could...” Beads of sweat had broken out on Canyon’s forehead. “My brother doesn’t even remember setting the house fire.”
“And you’ve spent your life trying to atone for what he did.”
“I don’t want Jade bearing that burden.” Canyon clenched his fist. “Why did Margaret put us in the firehouse?”
Kristina searched for Jade and found her beside the fire engine, chatting with a boy from the football team. Seeing her, too, Gray had gone stock-still at the tea table.
“Have the firefighters been hostile to you or Jade tonight?”
“Actually, no.” His eyes shot toward the football jock as he laughed at something Jade said. “Maybe Margaret was right to force the issue.”
“Margaret’s an interfering busybody.” Kristina bristled. “You should be able to tackle the problem in your own way and in your own time.”
Chapter Ten
Seated at the ticket table in the fire station, Canyon fidgeted. “My way involves a lot of avoidance. Probably not the best approach if Jade is going to make a life here.” He shrugged. “Besides, Margaret has our best interests at heart.”
“Best interests?” Kristina blinked at him. “Margaret Davenport?” A brisk wind from the open bay ruffled her crinkly blond hair.
He shifted his focus outside to the twinkling lights of the gazebo in the square. “Margaret was a good friend to my grandmother. Especially after she was diagnosed with dementia when I was stationed in Florida. Margaret looked after her. I owe Margaret big time.”
“I didn’t realize your grandmother had dementia.” Kristina sighed. “Pax’s father died young from early-onset Alzheimer’s. It’s a terrible disease. It was hard letting go.”
His heartbeat quickened. Was she starting to put the past behind her? Or was he grasping at straws?
Canyon gulped past the longing clogging his throat. “Dementia brings a helplessness to the patient and family alike. I had to watch from a distance. Margaret was a lifesaver.”
Kristina pursed her lips. “That surprises me about Margaret.”
“Her bark is worse than her bite.”
Kristina cocked her head.
He laughed. “Okay, maybe not. But she’s taken Jade and me under her wing—” he rolled his tongue in his cheek “—and I’ll take what I can get.”
Canyon’s smile faded. Taking what he could get. Story of his life.
By eight o’clock, the crowds had departed. The fire truck and EMS vehicles were once more parked where they belonged. Under Margaret’s direction, the cleanup crew toted tables and chairs back to the fellowship hall.
It didn’t escape his notice only the single men remained behind to help put the kitchen to rights. How many firefighters did it take to unscrew a lightbulb?
More than a few, judging from the number of men clustered around Kristina.
Chagrined, he recalled Jade’s words. Should he stake his claim with the rest? He glared through the cutout kitchen window.
But what chance did someone like him have with someone like Kristina? She and Gray deserved far better than anything he could offer. He wasn’t in the same league as her late husband.
Yet his stomach knotted at the sight of her with those guys. Futility burned like acid in his throat. She stirred feelings in him that he’d not thought himself capable of.
Leaving him with a hunger for more. For those roots she claimed she preferred. As for his splendid isolation? Between Kristina Montgomery and Jade, that yearning had been smashed to smithereens.
Based on experience, he disliked needing anyone. And despite the strong defensive measures of a lifetime, he was fast coming to need Kristina, Gray and Jade in his life. But needing people only made you vulnerable.
In the end, people always let you down. And he’d already endured just about all the hurt he could carry in one lifetime. So he landed on his fallback emotion rather than acknowledge the pain.
Lips pinched, Canyon handed the cashier’s box to Margaret.
Margaret didn’t look up as she tallied the receipts. “Those lights aren’t going to take themselves off the gazebo.”
Jade leaned her chair on its legs. “Can you help Uncle Canyon, Kristina?” she shouted. “Miss Margaret and I are busy here.”
Chatting with one of the muscle-bound volunteer firefighters, Kristina jolted. And he detected a distinct gleam in Jade’s green eyes.
She winked. “You can thank me later,” she whispered.
Flushing, he pivoted on his heel and headed outside.
“Canyon, wait up.”
Kristina caught him as he crossed the deserted street. “I didn’t realize you needed my help.”
“I don’t—” He clenched his jaw. “There’s work to be done on the square. If you’re not too busy.”
Her eyes widened. “I’m not too busy.”
Canyon stalked toward the lighted gazebo. But some of his frustration seeped away. He bent over the electric outlet.
Her brow creased. “Are you mad at me?”
“Why should I be angry with you, Kristina?”
He pulled the plug. Darkness settled over the square. He waited for his eyes to adjust.
A half-moon silhouetted the town. Dock lights glimmered from the pier. And beyond the village square, the muted glow from residential homes.
She rubbed her arms over the sleeves of her pink sweater. A soft cashmere. Not that he knew firsthand whether the fabric was soft or not.
His mouth dry, he unwound a strand of lights from the railing. “I got this. You don’t have your coat.”
She frowned.
“You can go inside. I got this,” he said.
She didn’t move. “You said that already.”
Acutely aware of her, every fiber of his being pulsated at her nearness. He swallowed hard. He unplugged the cord from yet another entwined connection.
“I can hold that for you.” Her hand brushed across his in the darkness.
He jumped back half a foot. “I don�
��t need—”
“You’ve made that perfectly clear.” She yanked one end of the lights. “Canyon Collier needs help from no one.” She quivered. “Especially not from me. A friend.”
“A friend?” He abandoned his end of the cord. “Is that how you see things between us? As friends?” He took a step forward.
She took a step back. “Why can’t we keep things the way they are? The kids are happy.”
His eyebrows rose. “Are you happy, Kristina? Can you ever really be happy holding on to memories of your dead husband? Must get awful cold, especially this time of year.”
She held the lights awkwardly between them. “I don’t want to talk about Pax.”
“Friends or nothing, is it?” He threw out his hands. “Then I choose nothing.” He wheeled away from her.
She caught at his leather coat. “Canyon...please.”
“What is it you want from me, Kristina? I can’t go on this way.” He shook his head. “Not knowing how to act when I’m with you. Not able to tell you how I feel when—”
“Don’t say anything else.” She dropped the strand of lights and seized a fistful of his shirt. “Kiss me.” She tugged him closer.
Her breath brushed his cheek. He inhaled the light floral fragrance she wore.
Closing her eyes, she lifted her face in the moonlight. He fought the desire to lean into her. This was a bad idea. In so many ways.
He was sure it wasn’t him she wanted. She wanted to prove something to herself.
She wanted to feel alive again. And Canyon was the closest man available. A man she could trust. A man safe enough to kiss.
This would not end well if he kissed her. This could never end well for them, considering her heart was buried six feet under.
“Canyon...”
His heart lurched. He could no more deny his feelings for her than he could deny the instinct to breathe. Why was he fighting her? Why was he fighting himself?
Canyon cupped her face in his hands. His mouth found hers. Hesitancy gone, he kissed her.
And she kissed him back. Her hands wrapped around his neck, she melted into his arms.
