by Dana Pratola
Cal was almost drawn back to her, when she swiped her tongue over her lips for a final taste of him. That, combined with her passion-weighted eyelids, was enough to drive any man over the edge. He took another step back and drew in a long breath.
“Now, I guess I should apologize,” she said, after a few moments.
He shook his head.
“I’ve never done anything like that,” she said, eyes wide. “Even remotely like that.”
“Never apologize for kissing a man,” he said, with a forced chuckle. “Especially like that.”
He brushed the pad of his thumb over his lips. A poor substitution for her soft, delightful mouth. He watched as her breasts rose and fell, drawing his gaze to the pulse beat at the base of her throat, evidence that her heart pounded as frenetically as his.
“Why did you kiss me?” she asked, quietly. “I mean now.” She clasped her hands behind her back. “I’ve wanted you to.”
Cal draped his hands on his hips, then lifted one, palm up, before resettling it. “I couldn’t not, any more.”
Winsome opened her mouth to express the confusion in her eyes, but he raised a hand to silence her.
“It had to be done,” he said, and walked away.
CHAPTER 12
Winsome was probably never more perplexed in her life. The laundry forgotten, she stared out the window at Caleb and Darryl as they drilled into the trees, banged in steel rods and hooked up some kind of rigging and pulley system. Every so often, Caleb would glance at the house, and though she was hidden from view behind the Irish lace curtains, she felt that he sensed her watching.
Her lips hummed with the memory of their kiss. Kisses. One of them instigated by her. She wanted to believe her own boldness added to the experience, and looking back on it now, yes, she liked having been the one to zero in and take what she wanted. But honestly, taking the initiative had been the furthest thing from her mind. All she’d felt in that moment before kissing him was the absence of his lips from hers, and she’d wanted them back.
There was no shame in admitting that she hoped to do it again. She had never been kissed that way before, like he wasn’t just taking, but giving something to her at the same time. She’d felt his need and his power, his body tensed against hers, but there was tenderness beneath the strength, entreaty beneath the yearning. His careful restraint, more than his words, assured her he wasn’t going to take anything she was unwilling to give. She was eager to discover just how much that was.
“Wow,” she murmured, watching Caleb’s back and arm muscles bunch and flex beneath his sweatshirt as he knelt on the ground beside Darryl and positioned wood boards to screw them together.
They were building what looked to be the floor of the treehouse, and she didn’t see how it was going to be possible for the two of them alone to raise it up into place, even with the pulleys. Yet, several hours later, they had not only raised the floor, but had begun adding other pieces, some built at ground level and hoisted up, others added where they were.
The sun moved by steadily, drawing shadows across the front yard to merge with the waning light, while she divided her time between watching Caleb, and reading the book held open in her lap. When she saw him put his drill down and gesture toward the house with his head, she got to her feet, nervous to be caught sitting here. He may have surmised she was watching, but would know for sure if she didn’t relocate.
As he and Darryl started packing things up, she hurried to the kitchen. The stove clock said nearly six, and she knew the men would be hungry. It wasn’t really her place to play hostess to Caleb’s friend, but Darryl had been so helpful, she should do something.
Unfortunately, a quick scan of refrigerator and cabinet contents revealed limited choices. It was too late to defrost chicken, but she could throw some pre-made beef patties in a skillet. There were rolls, onions, and canned chili if they wanted to doctor them up a bit.
The screen door opened with an elongated squeak, and Caleb came in. He didn’t speak, but watched her, his expression curious, maybe a little leery. Winsome’s heart gave a small flip and she smiled.
“I was going to put some burgers on for you guys,” she said, taking three onions out of the wood bin.
Caleb took the onions from her and put them on the table, then set his cell phone beside them. He started to speak, but Darryl came in behind him.
“That’d be cool,” Darryl said. “I had an early lunch. I’m starved.”
Caleb looked slightly disappointed for a moment, and then smacked Darryl on the back. “You worked really hard, man, you deserve a good, hot meal. Why don’t we order something?”
Winsome laughed. “He’s trying to spare you a visit to the hospital with a bout of food poisoning.”
Caleb winced, and presented her with a sheepish curve of lips. She offered him a reassuring smile.
“It’s true, I’m not the best cook,” she said.
“Those are her words, not mine,” Caleb clarified.
“Well, it’s been too long since I had a beautiful woman make me dinner, but I’ll take a meal any way it comes,” Darryl said.
“I’m not half bad at burgers.” Winsome nudged Caleb away from the cabinet and took out a pan. “Even frozen ones.”
“Suit yourself,” Caleb said, with a wry smile.
“Since you’re injured, I should help,” Darryl offered, taking the heavy pan from her to place it on the burner.
“That’s okay,” Caleb said, quickly. “I’m the one who put you to work, so I should cook.”
Winsome and Darryl looked at him. There was something in his tone that spoke of embarrassment and apology, but Winsome let it go and smiled up at Darryl.
“If the man wants to cook, let him cook,” she said, turning her palm upward.
“There must be something I can do,” Darryl said.
“You want to make the salad?” she asked. “Most everything’s in the fridge.”
Caleb stepped between them. “Uh, I owe you beer,” he told Darryl, reaching into his jeans pocket to remove his wallet and credit card. “Why don’t you run down to Pike’s and grab some while I catch a quick shower?”
“Sure, what—”
“Whatever you want,” Caleb said.
Darryl sent a long look between them, then took Caleb’s card and backed toward the door. “You got it.”
“What was that about?” Winsome asked when she heard Darryl’s truck start up.
“What?”
“Rushing him off like that. It was rude.”
For an instant, her insides recoiled, like they did when she realized too late that she’d said something to set Dante off. She swallowed back the apprehension, and foolishness for having thought it. This wasn’t Dante. Caleb’s eyes narrowed a fraction, perhaps sensing her anxiety—he was good at that.
“What was rude about it?” he asked, as the truck pulled away. “I’m making him dinner.”
Winsome shrugged. “It seemed like you were trying to get rid of him. I think he noticed.”
Caleb took the box of beef patties out of the freezer and set it on the table. “I was.”
Those two words fell like a heavy drape, abruptly separating them from the rest of the world, cocooning them in this shrinking room where the walls seemed to suddenly press in, accelerating the beating of her heart, intensifying the need to draw close to him, to have him kiss her again.
But he remained where he was, staring at her with a hunger that should have frightened her. Should have, but didn’t. A muscle twitched in his jaw, when she rose to her full height and walked toward him. She only came to his chin, but he backed toward the door like she was a viable threat.
Winsome opened her mouth to ask him why he’d sent Darryl away, but he moved past her.
“I really need that shower,” he said, and hurried from the room.
Before she had time to finish the salad, while she was still contemplating his odd behavior, Caleb came back in the room, wearing only a pair of gray sweat p
ants, and overlooked droplets of water on his bare, muscular chest. Her eyes roamed over him, down his torso and sculpted abs, following the sparse path of dark hair that ambled lower and lower until it disappeared into his waistband.
Promiscuous was the last adjective she would ever associate with herself, yet that was how she felt right now, as she wondered what the rest of his anatomy looked like. She blinked and looked at his face, giving her brain something other than his beautiful form to focus on.
“So, why were you trying to get rid of Darryl?” she asked, refusing to let him off the hook.
Caleb’s shoulders slumped with his long exhale, clearly disappointed she wouldn’t let the subject drop. “Because I think he’s interested in you.”
His bold honesty gave her pause. What was he saying exactly? That he was trying to protect her from Darryl? Or that he was jealous and wanted her for himself? There remained the possibility that he was just being selfish and possessive, but that would mean his kiss had been a kind of manipulation. She refused to believe that of him. No, he’d been as moved by it as she had. And still was.
Her pulse scrambled through her extremities before centering in her chest as an erratic, thumping entity, reminding her of a video she’d seen of water and cornstarch paste “dancing” on a stereo speaker. Winsome rubbed the heel of her hand against her breastbone, but the strange little entity kept right on dancing.
“And that’s a problem?” she asked. “That he might be interested?”
“Yes,” he fired back, then dragged a hand through his hair. “I mean, you can date who you want…. It’s not my business….”
“I don’t even know him. We just met,” Winsome said. “He seems nice enough.”
It took several beats before Caleb looked at the floor and nodded. “He is. He’s a real nice guy.”
“Then why don’t you want him interested in me?”
When he raised his gaze to hers, she felt the heat in it, though without menace or anger. He appeared as mystified by his own reaction as she was, just as wary and hesitant to admit the truth. But she needed him to say the words, to tell her that he wanted her for himself.
“Because I don’t want you interested in him.”
Winsome couldn’t help it, she smiled, overjoyed. “Oh?”
That muscle in his jaw jerked again. “Come on, Winsome, you have to know after that kiss…. Even before the kiss…. I would like to pursue…. Damn.”
This time when he hung his head, she closed the gap between their bodies. When he looked up, she closed the gap between their lips.
Fire shot through her like a flare, illuminating her from the inside out, making her acutely aware of every fraction of her skin that was in contact with his. His hands brushed the sides of her face on their way to slip into her hair, and his lips, back on hers as though they belonged there. She’d never felt this way before, as though she belonged in someone’s arms. But when he wrapped them around her and pulled her close, it was like coming home. Not like the home she’d known growing up, but a real home built of safety and love.
That thought alone was suddenly overwhelming, and she felt her stomach dip to the floor. Safety, maybe. They were just two people at an odd crossroads in their lives, seeking comfort, looking to assuage a physical need with someone they could trust. Love had nothing to do with it, even though she knew that this need was more than physical. If it wasn’t love, what else could it be?
She thought she knew. Security.
Her hands, that had come around his waist, slowly slid back to her sides. Caleb was solid and secure, the kind of man she’d always wanted in her life but had never had. She couldn’t afford to luxuriate in the feeling of security he brought her. It would be too easy to fall into his strong, capable arms and let him care for her. That would be a huge mistake. As soon as she was able, she would have to make her own security and get back to the way she had lived before Dante, where she relied only on herself and whatever blessings God bestowed on her.
“What’s wrong?” Caleb asked, lightly grasping her upper arms.
Winsome gave his chest a light bump with her head, then looked into his eyes.
“I just don’t want to start anything I might not be able to follow through on.”
“I’m not trying to make you do anything you don’t want to do,” he said, letting his hands slide away.
“Not that,” she said, shaking her head, hoping she hadn’t offended him. “I mean…here.” She moved a forefinger to and fro between their hearts. “Emotionally. I’m not looking for…romance.”
He began to speak, but she cut him off.
“I don’t want there to be any misunderstanding, Caleb. I mean, I feel close to you, yes, even when you try to distance yourself. I’m just not expecting to start a long-term relationship.”
Even as she said the words, they sounded hollow and sad. They lacked something. When she recognized that missing element as truth, she shook her head and smiled. Not expecting one didn’t mean she didn’t want one.
He tilted his head and narrowed his right eye. “So, you’re telling me you’re all right with just sex?”
She nodded. Swallowed, and nodded again.
He looked at her for a long moment. “I do that? Distance myself?” he asked, finally.
She smiled. “You know you do.”
“Hmm.” Caleb reclaimed her right hand and rubbed his thumb over her wrist bone. “You’re right, I do.”
“I know part of it was because you had a girlfriend.”
Caleb looked her in the eyes. “No, it wasn’t.”
Winsome pulled her shoulders back.
“It should’ve been, but it wasn’t,” he said. “I just didn’t want to be responsible for someone.”
“I’m not asking—”
“I know. You didn’t ask me for anything, but I couldn’t look at you and not want to help,” he said.
“So, you feel sorry for me,” she stated dully.
“Felt. I felt sorry for you, yes. Come on, who wouldn’t?” he asked when she tried to pull away. “You looked like something animal control found on the side of the road. But you’re not that girl anymore.”
She slipped her hand from his and looked up at him. She wanted to be insulted, because insult was easier to deal with than the humiliation of being looked on as a helpless puppy. But she wasn’t insulted, or even hurt. Knowing she wasn’t that helpless pup any more, she suddenly felt empowered.
And why not? She’d been through hell and here she was, standing toe to toe with a gorgeous, powerful hunk of man-flesh, discussing what she wanted for her life. Her choice, not his. Though he had been the one to help her get here, to this place of choosing her own destiny.
She questioned whether she would make all the right decisions that would steer her life in a new, positive direction, but she knew that she so wanted to make the one that felt absolutely right in this moment. But did she have that right, when it would impact Caleb’s life as well?
“These days I don’t know who I am, or if I can be a normal person,” Winsome said. “Some days I feel happy, more like my old self. Some says I still want to jump out of my skin and run. I don’t even know where. I don’t want you to feel saddled by someone who’s not…all there.”
In reply, Caleb took her face in his hands and studied her face for a moment. “I don’t want to distance myself from you anymore. Whoever you are,” he told her, then touched his lips gently to hers.
The slight contact sent tingles of electricity down her tailbone and straight to her core, ending the internal struggle once and for all. The decision made, Winsome pulled away to open the freezer and toss the burgers back in. She took his phone off the table and handed it to him.
“Call Darryl,” she said. “Tell him you’ll see him tomorrow.”
CHAPTER 13
Cal did as he was told, then followed Winsome upstairs into his bedroom, and waited for her to close the door and turn to face him. He watched silently as she grasped the botto
m hem of her T-shirt and slowly worked it up and off, to land on the floor by the closet. He remained still and silent as she undid her jeans, slid them down her toned, slim legs, and kicked them away. She stood before him now in only matching pink bra and panties. He’d chastised himself when he’d bought them for her, for wondering how she would look in them. Now he knew. Beautiful.
Half of his brain told him this wasn’t right, that though he was sure she liked him, she had been too damaged—too recently—to be ready for a step of this magnitude. She’d told him as much just moments ago. The other half of his brain told the first half to shut up and mind its business.
In the end, it was his need that decided. He took a step toward her, closing the distance between them with only inches to spare, and placed his hands on her shoulders. His entire body felt like steel, rigid, immoveable, forcing him to loosen his grip on her and take a long, steadying breath. Not easy when he stared into Winsome’s dark, smoldering eyes, so intent on his that he could feel them willing him closer. But he wanted to take his time and not frighten her with this rapidly increasing thirst for her.
His gaze followed his right hand as it moved behind her head to remove the clip from her hair. Once freed, he paused to rub the silky tresses between his fingers, before letting it fall behind her shoulders down her back.
After that, all he could do was stare.
He’d seen her naked before—mostly—but this was different. She wasn’t semi-conscious or chilled to the bone. This time she was fully aware of her surroundings and of him, her body full of life, warm and welcoming. His own was heating to the point of unbearable, but he wanted to look his fill, just a little longer.
“You’re sure about this?” he asked, immediately regretting giving her a chance to rethink the situation, and dreading her reply.
She walked ahead of him to the bed and looked into his eyes. “I want this, Caleb. Don’t be afraid.”
