by Amy Ruttan
“Unacceptable,” the commanding officer snapped. “He needs to be moved. He can’t stay here.”
Erica crossed her arms. “You move him and he develops a post-op fever, he could die.”
“I’m sorry, Commander. We have a mission to fulfill.”
“Not with my patient, you don’t.”
“I’m sorry, Commander. We’re under strict orders. I can give him eight hours before our transport comes.” The commanding officer nodded and moved back to his group of men as they filed out of the surgical bay.
Erica shook her head.
She understood the protocols. It was a covert operation, but she didn’t agree with all the regulations.
Their medic was useless. He needed medical care for quite some time and as a physician she wanted to see it through.
When that young SEAL had blurted out that the man she’d operated on was their medic, her admiration for her patient grew. He’d operated on himself, most likely without anesthetic, and probably after he’d removed the bullets from the other man they’d brought on board after him. That man didn’t have the same extent of infection but, from what she’d gleaned from a scrub nurse, the gunshot wound had been a through-and-through. It hadn’t even nicked an artery.
The man was being watched for a post-op fever and signs of the bacterial infection but would make a full recovery.
Her patient on the other hand had months of rehabilitation and, yes, pain.
I wish I knew his name.
It was a strange thought which crept into her head, but it was there all the same, and she wished she knew who he really was, where he was from. Was he married? And, if he was, wouldn’t his wife want to know what she was in for as well?
Her patient was a mystery to her and she didn’t really like mysteries.
She headed into the ICU. He was extubated, but still sedated and now cleaned up. There were several cuts and scratches on his face, but they hadn’t been infiltrated by the bacteria.
Erica sighed; she hated ending the career of a fellow serviceman. She grabbed a chair and sat down by his bedside.
She had eight hours to monitor him, unless she appealed to someone higher up about keeping him here for his own good. At least until he was more stable to withstand a medical transport to the nearest base.
USNV Hope was a floating hospital. It was not as big as USNV Mercy, but just as capable of taking care of his needs while he recovered. And it wasn’t only the physical wounds Erica was worried about, but also the emotional ones he’d have when he recovered.
She knew about that. There were scars she still carried.
Her patient had begged for his leg because he wanted to serve. It was admirable. Hopefully, he’d get the help he needed. The help her father hadn’t had.
She reached out and squeezed his hand. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.
He squeezed back and moaned. “Liam?”
Erica didn’t know who Liam was but she stood so he could see her. “You’re okay.”
His eyes opened—those brilliant blue eyes. “What happened?”
“You had a bacterial infection. Your leg couldn’t be saved.”
He frowned, visibly upset, and tried to get up, but Erica held him down.
“Let me go!” He cursed a few choice words. “I told you not to take it. You lied to me. You lied to me, Liam! Why the heck did you do that? I’m not worth it. Damn it, let me out of here.”
Erica reached over and hit a buzzer as she threw as much of her weight on him as possible, trying to keep him calm as a nurse ran over with a sedative.
It was then he began to cry softly and her heart wrenched.
“I’m so sorry.”
“It was your life, Liam. My life… I have nothing else. You left me. We promised to stay together. I need my leg to do that.”
Erica didn’t know who Liam was, but she got off of him as he stopped fighting back. “I’m sorry.” She took his hand once more. “I’m so very sorry.”
He nodded as the drugs began to take effect. “You’re so beautiful.”
The words caught her off guard. “I’m sorry?”
“Beautiful. Like an angel.” And then he said no more as he drifted off to sleep.
Erica sighed again and left his bedside. She had to keep this man here. He couldn’t go off with his unit.
He needed to recuperate, to get used to the idea that his leg was gone and understand why. He was a medic; he’d understand when he was lucid and she could explain medically why she’d taken his leg.
Pain made people think irrationally. She was sure that was why her father had gone AWOL during a covert mission, endangering everyone. That was why he had come home broken and that was why he’d eventually taken his own life.
“Watch out, she’s going to go AWOL like her father!”
The taunts and jeers made her stomach twist.
Block them out. Block them out.
“You need to get some sleep, Commander Griffin. You’ve been up for over thirty hours,” Nurse Regina said as she wrote the dosage in the patient’s chart. “Seriously, you look terrible.”
Erica rolled her eyes at her friend and bunk mate before yawning. “Yeah, I think you’re right. Do you know where Captain Dayton is?”
“He’s in surgery now the ship isn’t on silent running,” Regina remarked. “Is it urgent?”
“Yeah, when he’s out could you send him to my berth? I need to discuss this patient’s file with him.”
“Of course, Commander Griffin.”
Erica nodded and headed off to find her bunk.
She was going to fight that man’s unit to keep him on the hospital ship so he could get the help he needed.
There was no way any covert operation was going to get around her orders. Not this time. Not when this man’s life was on the line.
He deserved all the help she could give him.
The man had lost a leg in service to his country. It would take both physical and mental healing.
He’d paid his price and Erica was damn well going to make sure he was taken care of.
CHAPTER ONE
Five years later, Okinawa Prefecture, Japan
“CAPTAIN WILDER WILL see you now, Commander Griffin.”
Erica stood and straightened her dress uniform. She’d only landed in Okinawa five hours ago on a Navy transport and she was still suffering from jet lag. She’d flown from San Diego after getting her reassignment from the USNV Hope to a naval base hospital.
Another step in her career she was looking forward to, and the fact that it was in Japan had her extremely excited.
It was another amazing opportunity and one she planned to make the most of. Hopefully soon she’d get a promotion in rank but, given her track record, it seemed like she had to fight for every promotion or commendation she deserved.
It’s worth it. Each fight just proves you can do it. You’re strong.
Captain Dayton taking a disgraced young medical officer under his wing and letting her serve for seven years on the Hope was helping her put the past to rest.
Helping her forget her foolish mistake, her one dumb moment of weakness.
Erica followed the secretary into the office.
Dr. Thorne Wilder was the commanding officer of the general surgery wing of the naval hospital. They wouldn’t see as much action as they’d see in a field hospital, or on a medical ship, but she’d be caring for the needs of everyone on base.
Appendectomies, gall bladder removals, colectomies—whatever needed to be done, Erica was going to rise to the challenge.
Dr. Wilder had requested her specifically when she’d put in for reassignment to a Naval hospital. She’d expected some downtime in San Diego while she waited, but that hadn’t happened and she didn’t mind in the least. She’d spent almost a year after her disgrace at Rhode Island in San Diego, waiting to be reassigned, and then she’d been assigned to the Hope. Perhaps her past was indeed just that now.
Past.
It
also meant she didn’t have to find temporary lodging or, in the worst-case scenario, stay with her mother in Arizona where Erica would constantly be lectured about being in the Navy. Her mother didn’t exactly agree with Erica’s career choice.
“You’re in too much danger! The Navy killed your father.”
No, the Navy hadn’t killed her father. Undiagnosed PTSD had killed her father eventually, even if his physicians had had a bit of a hand in it by clearing him to serve in a covert mission.
Her mother wanted to know why she hadn’t gone in to psychiatry, helped wounded warriors as a civilian. Though that had been her intention, working in an OR gave her a sense of satisfaction. Being a surgeon let her be on the front line, to see action if needs be, just like her father. It was why she’d become a medic, to save men and women like her father, both in the field and in recuperation.
“Commander Erica Griffin reporting for duty, sir.” She stood at attention and saluted.
Dr. Wilder had his back to her; he was staring out the window, his hands clasped behind his back. It was a bit of an uneven stance, but there was something about him: something tugging at the corner of her mind; something she couldn’t quite put her finger on. It was like when you had a thought on the tip of your tongue but, before the words could form, you lost it, though the mysterious thought remained in your head, forgotten but not wholly.
“At ease, Commander.” He turned around slowly, his body stiff, and she tried not to let out the gasp of surprise threatening to erupt from her.
Brilliant blue eyes gazed at her.
Eyes she’d seen countless times in her mind. They were hauntingly beautiful.
“You’re so beautiful… Beautiful. Like an angel.”
No man had ever said that to her before. Of course, he’d been drugged and out of his mind with shock, but still no one had said that to her. Not even Captain Seaton, her first commanding officer when she’d been a lowly and stupid lieutenant fresh out of Annapolis. Captain Seaton had wooed her, seduced her and then almost destroyed her career by claiming she was mentally unstable and obsessed with him after she’d ended the relationship.
She was far from unstable. She had a quick temper, but over time she’d learned to keep that in check. Her job and her status in the Navy intimidated men, usually.
So his words, his face, had stuck with her. As had the stigma and that was why she’d never date another officer. She wouldn’t let another person destroy her career.
Dating, if she had time, was always with a civilian. Though she didn’t know why at this moment she was thinking about dating.
“Like an angel…”
As Erica stared into Captain Wilder’s blue eyes, a warmth spread through her. She’d always wondered what had happened to him. Since he’d been moved against her wishes, she’d assumed he hadn’t made it.
She’d apparently been wrong. Which was good.
Five years ago when she’d woken up, she realized she’d slept for eight hours. So she’d run to find Captain Dayton, only to be told that, yes, her request had been heard, but had been denied by those higher up the chain of command. When she’d gone to check on her patient, he was gone.
All traces of him were gone.
It was like the covert operation had never happened.
Those men had never been on board.
Even her patient’s chart had gone; wiped clean like he’d never existed. She’d been furious, but there was nothing she could do. She was powerless, but she always wondered what had happened to that unnamed medic.
The man who had begged her not to take his leg.
The man who’d cried in her arms as the realization had overcome him.
Now, here he was. In Okinawa of all places, and he was a commanding officer.
Her commanding officer.
Dr. Thorne Wilder.
Captain Wilder.
She’d never pictured him to be a Thorne, but then again Thorne was such an unusual name and she wasn’t sure many people would look at someone and say, “Hey, that guy looks like a Thorne.” His head had been clean shaven when he’d been her patient, but his dark hair had grown out. It suited him.
The scars weren’t as visible because he wasn’t as thin, his cheeks weren’t hollow, like they’d been when she’d treated him and his skin was no longer pale and jaundiced from blood loss and bacterial infection. She hadn’t realized how tall he actually was—of course when she’d seen him he’d been on a stretcher. She was five foot ten and he was at least three inches taller than her, with broad shoulders.
He looked robust. Healthy and absolutely handsome.
She couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen such an attractive man. Not that she’d had much time to date or even look at a member of the opposite sex.
Get a grip on yourself.
He cocked his head to the side, a confused expression on his face. “Commander Griffin, are you quite all right?”
He didn’t remember her.
Which saddened her, but also made her feel relieved just the same. Erica didn’t want him blaming her for taking his leg or accusing her of something which would erase all the work she’d done over the years to bring honor back to her name and shake the venomous words of Captain Seaton.
It was the pain medication. The fever. It’s hardly surprising that he doesn’t remember you.
“I’m fine… Sorry, Captain Wilder. I haven’t had a chance to readjust since arriving in Okinawa. I’m still operating on San Diego time.”
He smiled and nodded. “Of course, my apologies for making you report here so soon after you landed at the base. Won’t you have a seat?” He motioned to a chair on the opposite side of his desk.
Erica removed her hat and tucked it under her arm before sitting down. She was relieved to sit because her knees had started to knock together, either from fatigue or shock, she wasn’t quite sure which. Either way, she was grateful.
Thorne sat down on the other side of the desk and opened her personnel file. “I have to say, Commander, I was quite impressed with your service record. You were the third in your class at Annapolis.”
“Yes,” she responded. She didn’t like to talk about Annapolis—because it led to questions about her first posting under Captain Seaton. She didn’t like to relive her time there, so when commanding officers talked about her achievements she kept her answers short and to the point.
There was no need to delve in any further. Everything was in her personnel file. Even when she’d been turned down for a commendation because she was “mentally unfit”.
Don’t think about it.
“And you served on the USNV Hope for the last seven years?”
“Yes.”
He nodded. “Well, we run a pretty tight ship here in Okinawa. We serve not only members of the armed forces and their families but also residents of Ginowan.”
“I look forward to serving, Captain.”
Thorne leaned back in his chair, his gaze piercing her as if he could read her mind. It was unnerving. It was like he could see right through to her very core and she wasn’t sure how she felt about that.
Everyone she’d let in so far had hurt her.
Even her own mother, with her pointed barbs about Erica’s career choice and how serving in the Navy had killed her father. Her mother had never supported her.
“The Navy ruined our life, Erica. Why do you want to go to Annapolis?” Erica hadn’t been able to tell her mother that it was because of her father. Her mother didn’t think much about him, but to Erica he was a hero and she’d wanted to follow in his footsteps.
“I’m proud to serve my country, Erica. It’s the ultimate sacrifice. I’m honored to do it. Never forget I felt this way, even if you hear different.”
So every remark about the armed forces ruining their life hurt. It was like a slap in the face each time and she’d gone numb with her mother, and then Captain Seaton, who had used her. She shut down emotionally to people. It was for the best.
At lea
st, she thought she had, until a certain Navy SEAL had crossed her path five years before. He’d been the only one to stir any kind of real emotion in her in a long time.
“I have no doubt you’ll do well here, Commander. Have you been shown to your quarters on base?”
“Yes.”
“Are they adequate?”
“Of course, Captain.”
He nodded. “Good. Well, get some sleep. Try to adjust to Okinawa time. Jet lag can be horrible. I’ll expect you to report for duty tomorrow at zero four hundred hours.”
Erica stood as he did and saluted him. “Thank you, Captain.”
“You’re dismissed, Commander.”
She nodded and placed her hat back on her head before turning and heading out of the office as fast as she could.
Once she was a safe distance away she took a moment to pause and take a deep breath. She’d never expected to run into him again.
Given the state he’d been in when she’d last seen him, she’d had her doubts that he would survive, but he had and he was still serving.
Even though he was no longer a Navy SEAL, at least he hadn’t been honorably discharged. It had been one of his pleas when she’d told him about his leg.
“This is your life, Liam. My life… I have nothing else. I need my leg to do that.”
The memory caused a shiver to run down her spine. It was so clear, like it had happened yesterday, and she couldn’t help but wonder again who Liam was. Whoever he was, it affected Captain Wilder.
It doesn’t matter. You’re here to do your job.
Erica sighed and then composed herself.
She was here to be a surgeon for the Navy.
That was all.
Nothing more. Dr. Thorne Wilder’s personal life was of no concern to her, just like her personal life, or lack thereof, was no one else’s concern.
Still, at least she knew what had happened to her stranger.
At least he was alive and that gave her closure to something that had been bothering her for five years. At last she could put that experience to rest and she could move on with her life.
* * *
After Erica left, Thorne got up and wandered back over to his window. From his vantage point he could see the walkway from his office and maybe catch a glimpse of Erica before her ride came to take her back to her quarters on base.
