by Virna DePaul
Although she felt and smelled the same, she didn’t look the same. She was still youthful and beautiful, but the spark of light that had radiated from her had dimmed so much it had all but disappeared. There was a stillness about her, a quiet acceptance, that put him on edge and made him want to rip apart whoever had hurt her, including himself.
He hadn’t meant to contribute to her pain again, but pretending he didn’t remember her had seemed the best course. Joel’s funeral had been over the weekend and the only thing that had kept him upright was his vow to find Joel’s killer. He was here to do a job and that meant he had to keep his emotions in check. Distance would be the best way of accomplishing that with Mattie. Her anger would be an even better way.
Tuning back to Deputy Pete Littlefield, who was rattling off about an escape attempt a few years ago, Dominic began making mental notes of his impressions. The first person to check out was Brenda. And Deputy Littlefield might be a pretty close second.
Unfortunately, once he’d seen her, Dominic couldn’t keep his thoughts off Mattie. He wanted to see her again, away from work and when she didn’t know he was watching. Moreover, even though it had been his idea to feign memory loss, he had the conflicting urge to shake her up. To see if she really was as different as she seemed.
Besides, it wasn’t as if he needed an excuse. He was here to check out the staff just as much as Judge Butler. He just needed to make sure checking out Mattie didn’t become an obsession.
Chapter 3
Mattie stared up at the rock wall in front of her and barely stopped herself from wincing.
What on earth had she been thinking?
The young woman next to her was about half her age and half her size, but had a big smile and confident air about her. “You ready to get going, ma’am?”
Licking her lips, Mattie closed her eyes and took a deep breath. The words “Are you sure this is safe?” were on the tip of her tongue, but she forced them back since the girl had repeatedly assured her it was. Of course, Mattie couldn’t just take her at her word. That was the whole reason she was here. She needed to test things out herself—several times—before she let Jordan anywhere near the rock climbing gym.
Grasping the nearest handhold, she fit her foot into a notch in the wall, grabbed onto another protrusion and pulled herself up. Surprised at how easy it was, she did it again. Then again. Until she was several feet off the ground and feeling a surge of accomplishment.
She kept going.
Her daughter wanted to climb mountains, so climb mountains she would, with or without a father.
An image of Dom flashed in her mind and one of her feet slipped. Gasping, she dug her fingers into their perches and hugged the wall. Heart pounding fast, she gulped in air and peeked down. She was only up about fifteen feet with plenty more to go and although part of her was tempted to stop, she clenched her teeth and moved on.
Her mind, however, was still on Dom and she couldn’t help remembering that day ten years ago when she’d let her fear destroy everything.
He’d been her first lover, the first man she’d loved, the only man who’d ever made her feel equal parts jittery arousal and rock solid contentment. Even though he’d been several years older and light-years more experienced, she’d known from the moment she’d seen him he was meant to be hers.
They’d been together about two months. Cuddling in bed, enjoying a lazy day after her last college final, he’d been skimming his hand over her body and face, the contrast of the gentle pressure and the intense, possessive gleam in his eyes making her oblivious to anything else. Then he’d gotten the call—his acceptance into the police academy. Just like that, Mattie had felt her entire world collapsing.
“Wouldn’t it be safer to be a lawyer?” she’d blurted out, trying to keep the panic from her voice but not quite succeeding. “Maybe a criminal prosecutor? They put the bad guys away, too, you know—without getting shot at.”
The grin he’d sported since getting the phone call had immediately faded and his brows had furrowed, which had only made her panic escalate. “The suits can’t put them away until they’ve been caught first, Mattie. I’ve wanted to join the academy for years. You said you were okay with that. What’s changed?”
Licking her lips, she’d been unable to shake her head. “It’s just, that kind of work…it’s so dangerous.”
He’d put his arms around her. Bent until his forehead touched hers and he could look straight into her eyes. “I love you, baby. You know that. More than I ever thought—”
She’d pulled away, wanting to believe what he was saying but unable to understand why he’d risk their future for a job. “Then don’t go. Don’t become a cop. Please.”
He’d closed his eyes, obviously striving for patience. When he’d opened them, his expression was gentle yet resolute. “Plenty of cops have families…?.”
“Yeah, I know,” she’d snapped. “And from what I’ve researched, plenty of them end up divorced or leaving their wives widowed. I don’t want to end up like that. I don’t want to end up hating each other.”
As soon as the words came out, she’d wanted to take them back. She’d sensed it immediately—the sudden distance between them. That had been the moment everything had changed.
Only he’d surprised her. Hugged her. Told her he loved her again. Made her believe that everything would be okay.
The next day, he’d broken things off, telling her they were both too young. She’d never had another boyfriend, he’d explained, and she needed to see other people before committing to one man.
A week later, she’d found out she was pregnant. When she went to see him, he was out on a date with Penny Miller. She’d cried all the way home, certain he couldn’t have loved her. Not the way she’d loved him. And she’d gone looking for someone who would.
When she met John Nolan, she’d believed he’d always put her first.
Only now John was dead and Dom was back in her life.
Dom’s sudden appearance had understandably sent her into a tailspin, but eventually she’d been able to relax a bit. They’d been in the courtroom together all day, but he hadn’t spoken to her except in the most perfunctory manner. Not once had his gaze lingered on her or reflected recognition. He hadn’t ventured near her, certainly nowhere remotely close to her personal space. It might have made her suspicious if he hadn’t kept his distance from the rest of the staff, as well. He was professional but aloof, as if they were all just pawns in a game of chess—his to manipulate, save or sacrifice at will. Except for their past and a natural curiosity, he made it easy for her to ignore him.
If only she could stop thinking about him.
“You’re doing great!” her personal cheerleader yelled up at her.
“Great,” Mattie muttered even as her arms trembled with the effort to pull herself up to the next level. Right next to her, a little boy, probably no older than Jordan, scampered up the wall like a spider. He gave her a boost of confidence.
She pulled herself up, enjoying the challenge of finding the best combination of holds and steps. She covered more ground and still more ground. Until she was sweating and exhausted but feeling powerful, too.
Then she realized exactly how high she’d climbed.
“Holy—” She bit off the rest of the curse and jerked her gaze up until she was staring straight at the wall in front of her. The sounds of her breathing echoed loudly in her ears. Feeling her grip slipping, she whimpered.
“Jump off,” she heard her spotter yell and immediately thought, not a chance.
“Oh God, oh God,” she chanted, afraid to look down again. Feeling dizzy, she closed her eyes and rested her cheek against the wall. This is why I don’t do stuff like this, she thought.
“Jump off.”
“Push back.”
“I’ve got you.”
Several people were shouting up at her now. For one crazy second, she actually thought she heard Dom’s voice.
It jerked her out of her p
aralysis.
“You’re doing this for Jordan,” she reminded herself. “What if Jordan was stuck up here? What would you have her do?”
Blowing out a breath, she imagined the situation and was suddenly enveloped by a sense of calm. She was strong again. She had to be. For her daughter.
Mentally, she recalled her spotter’s instructions. When she reached the point where she wanted to stop, she was to give her the signal, kick off the wall, and fall back, letting her harness and the attached cable lower her to the ground.
Lowering her gaze, she found her spotter and gave her a thumbs-up. She nodded and shouted, “Go ahead.” Somehow, Mattie managed to kick and let go at the same time. Barely stifling a moan, she hung suspended in air before being steadily lowered to the ground.
When she got there, she trembled with relief. Her spotter knelt down beside her. “So what do you think? Ready to do it again?”
The denial was almost out of her mouth before she pressed her lips together, effectively quashing it. She held up a finger. “Give me a few minutes, okay?”
“Sure. Just signal me when you’re ready. I’ll be right over there.” She motioned to an area just to Mattie’s left, where a much steeper and taller rock wall was set up for advanced climbers. Nodding weakly, Mattie watched the girl approach another female spotter, who excitedly gestured towards the top of the wall. Within seconds, a crowd gathered. Squinting her eyes, Mattie turned to see what everyone was so interested in. Her breath caught. Someone came to stand next to her.
“It’s amazing the guy can climb at all with cajones that big.” Despite the awe-tinged whisper of the stranger standing next to her, Mattie’s gaze never strayed from the man climbing up the wall, which was alternately smooth or obstacled with layered protrusions. She certainly didn’t respond to the colorful assessment of his bravery. Stupidity was more like it.
Unlike the climbers on her side of the room, he wasn’t hooked up to a harness and cable. There was nothing to stop him should a single slip or lapse in focus send him falling to the ground below. Just bulging muscles and determination.
He was so controlled. So sure of himself. It made her wonder if he’d be that confident in bed. Somehow she knew he would be. That when he decided to bed a woman, he’d give his full attention to pleasuring her. If he didn’t kill himself first.
She shook her head at her fanciful thoughts, equally annoyed and encouraged by them. She wasn’t the type to fantasize about strange men, no matter how hot they were. But at least she’d managed to forget about Dom for a minute. She chose to see that as a good sign.
Then the man turned his head just enough for her to get a clear view of his face.
Disbelief came first, then a flood of anger.
It was him. Had he followed her? Was he mocking her, trying to make her believe he didn’t remember her, then conveniently showing up at the same gym?
Bastard!
Turning away, she started throwing her things into her gym bag. She wasn’t going to let him get away with this. Tomorrow morning, she’d tell him exactly what she thought of his juvenile games…?.
“Damn!” The man next to her muttered the word, causing Mattie’s gaze to fly back to Dom. Her heartbeat skyrocketed out of control. His left leg had slipped out from under him, interrupting his reach for rock. He didn’t flail or kick the way Mattie would have expected. Instead, he hung suspended in air, his only lifeline his right-handed grip on the small overhang.
Panic reared its ugly claws. The tornado swirled to life inside her, just like it had when they’d been together and she’d imagined him being gunned down on the job. Only now, instead of him lying in his own blood in an alley somewhere, she pictured Dom’s body falling to the ground and breaking into a hundred pieces.
“Wait. He’s okay. Look.” The man next to her gripped her arm at the same time he spoke, and the human connection grounded her. She fought back her panic and focused again on Dom.
When he slowly pulled himself up the few inches necessary to gain a two-handed hold on the wall, she let out a shaky breath and her heartbeat slowed to normal. Dom began to climb again, and she was vaguely aware of the man walking away with a mumbled “crazy bastard.”
She agreed. He was a crazy bastard. She’d been right to question his chosen career—clearly being a cop was nothing more than a way to satisfy his suicidal urges—and to keep Jordan from him. At least now, the only one he was endangering by his crazed carelessness was himself.
Sitting back on her haunches, she closed her eyes and let her head hang. What was she going to do now? Confront him? Bring her past crashing straight into her present? Swallowing hard, she thought of Jordan and how impressed she would have been seeing Dom climb that wall. Of course, she wouldn’t think of the danger he’d been in or the danger in which he might thoughtlessly place others. He’d still be a hero in her eyes.
The stab of jealousy was unwarranted, but there nonetheless.
No, she wasn’t going to confront Dom. She’d chalk this up to being a huge coincidence because it would serve her purposes. It would keep her and Jordan out of the past and firmly in the present, and it would also keep Dom out of their future.
She opened her eyes, but when she looked up, Dom was gone. Surprised, she looked around and immediately saw him walking toward her. He’d donned a ragged T-shirt and was swiping at his face with a white towel. He stopped beside her, making her crane her neck to see him.
“Ms. Nolan, right?” His voice was strong though slightly breathless.
Purposely keeping her expression blank, she nodded. “Yes.”
“It must have been you who left the phone book in the break room open. I saw the ad for this place. I’ve been looking for another rock gym for awhile.”
Sure, he had, but she was more than willing to let him play whatever game he was pursuing. Still, she couldn’t stop herself from saying, “Why don’t you just step in front of a car and get it over with? It would be quicker that way.”
His expression didn’t change, but his gaze flickered. He looked over his shoulder to where another man was starting to climb the same wall. Again, without a harness or cable. “There’s a safety mat underneath the wall,” he said softly. “You just can’t see if from here.”
With that, he left. Mortified, Mattie stared at the floor beneath her.
Okay, so he wasn’t quite as foolhardy as she’d thought. Didn’t matter. He was still an adrenaline junkie and she didn’t want anything to do with him. That went double for Jordan.
“How are you doing?”
She glanced up at her spotter, who looked as cheery as ever. She swiped an arm across her forehead and took a long gulp of water from her water bottle. Then she nodded, her expression grim. “Let’s do it again.”
Chapter 4
Wednesday
If unwanted fantasizing could kill a woman, then Dominic had likely lured many women to their graves. Despite her best efforts, and whether he knew it or not, he had Mattie’s fantasies working overtime, taunting her with what she couldn’t have.
What she didn’t want, she corrected.
Unfortunately, Brenda was making it difficult for her to remember that.
For the past two days, it seemed no matter where Dom went, there Brenda was, throwing herself at him.
At lunch yesterday, Mattie had been sitting at the break room table nursing a Diet Coke when they’d walked in together. With every intention of leaving, she’d heard Brenda grilling him about his dating habits. Every muscle in her body had frozen and, curious in spite of herself, she’d listened as Dom tried to politely dodge the question.
Brenda had persisted, going so far as to say a “friend” of hers had bet her twenty bucks she couldn’t find out the most unusual way a woman had tried to get Dom’s interest. Mattie had been unable to stop herself from snorting and rolling her eyes.
Which, of course, had brought Dom’s attention straight to her.
Cheeks turning cherry-red, she’d forced her gaze to sta
y on his and even managed to cock a brow. “Well, Deputy Jeffries, don’t hesitate on my account,” she’d goaded. “We wouldn’t want Brenda to miss out on twenty bucks, now would we?”
Brenda had giggled and laid her hand on Dom’s arm. Dom hadn’t even looked at her. Instead, still staring at Mattie, he’d said, “Naked pictures.”
Shocked at his answer—that he’d answer at all—Mattie’s mouth had dropped open.
Brenda had slapped his arm. “Really? How’d she look?”
Her stomach rolling, Mattie had immediately dropped her gaze. Her knuckles had been white from where they gripped the edge of the table. Mortified, she could only listen to the rest of the conversation with dread.
After a brief hesitation, Dom answered quietly. “She looked…willing.”
“No surprise,” Brenda squealed.
When he didn’t answer, Mattie glanced up again. He was looking at her.
Pain and jealousy had pricked at her like needles, angering her.
Aware that Brenda was now looking at her, too, Mattie had raised her chin. “Was she good?” she’d asked, wishing she had the nerve to dump her Coke on his head. Or, better yet, down Brenda’s skintight sweater.
He’d shrugged. “She turned out to have a good heart, actually. But I never saw her again.”
“Why not?” she’d practically sneered. “Did her ‘good heart’ intimidate you?”
His mouth had tipped up on one side in the barest hint of a smile. “No, but my heart wasn’t in it. You see, I only wanted to be with one woman at the time. Things hadn’t worked out for us, but I never forgot her. I guess once I’d been with her, not even a bold come-on and a good heart was going to cut it.”
With a swift almost painful breath, she’d watched him walk away. Brenda had been right beside him.
