So I didn’t wait, I didn’t think. I stepped into her space, her back hit the side of her car, my hands went into her luscious hair, and I finally did what I’d been dying to do for years.
I kissed her.
Our lips met, my tongue surged in, and I stole everything I wanted. I tasted beauty. It was everything and nothing like I’d imagined. Quinn groaned into my mouth, the sound spurring me so I took more.
Best goddamned kiss of my life.
Bar none.
The taste of her.
The feel of her.
The way she smelled.
All of it perfect. All of it worth it. None of it mine.
I wrenched my mouth from hers, not wanting to end the kiss but knowing I needed to.
“I fucking know you, Quinn. I won’t avoid you or pretend shit. And it feels so fucking, goddamned good for you to be in my arms, because that’s exactly where you’re meant to be. The problem with that is, it is me that’s not good enough for you. The promise of you, so fucking spectacular, I can’t live up to it. But just so you know, I didn’t fuck the redhead. I dropped her off at her house, came home, and waited up like an idiot until I heard you come home. I didn’t hear your bed knockin’ against the wall all night, so I assumed you were alone. And if you weren’t, don’t ever tell me. I never want to know.
“Go see your niece, and while you’re there, I want you to think real hard about what just happened. You feel like slummin’ it, you know where I live. You wise up and realize I’m no good for you, which I hope like fuck you do, I’ll see you around. But what I will not do, is pretend I don’t know who you are.”
I left Quinn in a daze against her car, knowing I’d fucked up huge. I shouldn’t have kissed her, I shouldn’t have offered her more. I knew better. I was not the man for her for a variety of reasons. So many I couldn’t put my finger on which was the most pressing. What I did know was Quinn Walker was something special. Something so sweet, I was mesmerized.
I needed to fucking move before I took us both down.
5
I drove to my sister’s house in a haze of confusion. I remember none of the fifteen-minute drive. I don’t remember parking down the street because there were so many cars. I stayed in that stupor until I was at my trunk getting out baby Emma’s presents and I jumped a mile when my dad approached.
“Whoa there, Quinnie.” My dad put his hand on my back. “You’re not paying attention to your surroundings.”
My eyes lowered to the blacktop and I gritted my teeth. First Brice and his constant reprimands about my stupid door, now my dad’s rebuke. I was so over the men in my life being over-protective.
“Brice kissed me,” I blurted out and watched my dad flinch before the muscle in his cheek twitched.
It was not lost on me that Jasper Walker was a good-looking man. He was when he was in his twenties and he still was in his fifties. My mom had told me the story of how they met, how they struggled, and how they’d fought to get back to one another. She also told me that the moment she’d laid eyes on him, she fell in love. With all that was my dad, it would be hard not to fall in love at first sight.
“And was that kiss welcomed?”
Jeez, that was all Jasper, always going to the extreme.
“Um. Yeah, Dad. He’s hot.”
That declaration earned me another recoil and I wanted to smile. See the thing was, I told my dad everything. Well, almost everything. I didn’t tell him when I’d lost my virginity, though my mom must’ve because shortly thereafter my father had a conversation with me. It wasn’t uncomfortable, I was close to my dad. He didn’t get into the nitty-gritty, he talked to me about respect and imparted wisdom from a man’s perspective.
So even though I would always be my daddy’s little girl, sharing that Brice kissed me wouldn’t come as a surprise.
“You know I like Brice. Good, solid guy. But, baby—”
“I don’t want to hear about his reputation. I’m well aware. Jackson has more than warned me. I’m also not stupid and I’m not going to put myself in a position to be played. I’m telling you about it, because he said something I didn’t like and I need your opinion.”
Dad’s eyes narrowed, the over-protective beast coming to the surface, and I had to admit as annoying as it was, it felt awesome knowing my daddy loved me so much.
“What’d he say, Quinn?” His growl made me smile. Oh, yeah, my dad loved me.
“He said that he wasn’t good enough for me. That I deserved better than him.”
“Agreed.”
“Yeah, you would, because I’m your daughter. And in your eyes no one is good enough for me, Hadley, Adalynn, or Delaney.”
“So that’s it? That’s what’s troubling you?”
“No. He also said something about me slumming it with him.”
“Sweetheart—”
“No. Listen, Dad. I know who he is, I know he’s got women lined up. There’s no way he’s missed how hot he is. Pair that with the uniform he wears…well…you know all about how women lose their minds for that. Forget that I’m your daughter, there’s no way a man like him should think that any woman would be slumming it when she’s at his side. I don’t get it. So, I’m asking you as a man, not my dad, why would he say that about himself?”
Dad looked uncomfortable and like he was struggling to come up with the answer. There was only one reason he ever got this look, when he was thinking about his past and figuring a way to give it to me gently.
“Two things,” he started. “The first is easy he’d say that to you, because you’re you. Sweetie, you are gorgeous, you’re sweet, you’re funny, and to a man like Brice, a woman like you is untouchable. The second I can’t be sure of because I don’t know his story, I only know mine. But I’ll tell you this; men feel used just like women do. Only we don’t handle it the same way. We twist it in our heads, and as a way to protect ourselves, we lock down every emotion. We hide. Somewhere along the way, Brice was used, and probably not from one woman, from many, so to stop that feeling, he shut it down and became who he is. No promises. No relationships. Sex only.”
“Were you used?” I asked, even though I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer.
“As you said, I wore a uniform and women lose their minds over that. It didn’t take long for me to understand the game they played. Never feels good to know that someone wants to warm your bed because they want that notch in their belt, not because they like you. Not for a woman. Not for a man.”
“Sorry that happened to you.”
Dad’s lips twitched and I knew that if I was my brother or one of my male cousins, Dad would have a smartass retort. But me being a girl and his beloved daughter, he wouldn’t dare tell me he wasn’t sorry, because I was sure my dad had plenty of women before Mom who’d warmed his bed. The thought was disgusting, but nonetheless, true.
Totally gross.
“So what do I do with that comment? Talk to him about it? Pretend I didn’t hear it? I hate that he thinks of himself as slumming it.”
“You know Jackson might lose his ever-loving mind.”
“Dad, I’m almost twenty-five. I think I’m well-past worrying what he thinks.”
“You shouldn’t be. Not with this. Brice and Jackson work together. Not only that, they’re close. You starting anything with Brice may put him in an uncomfortable position with Jackson.”
“Dad—”
“Listen to me, Quinn. Just think about it. Can’t say I’m all fired-up about my girl being with a man like Brice—”
“Uncool!”
“Sweetie, I know his reputation. I’ve seen it. That said, I also know he’s damn good at his job, respectful to the family, and a loyal friend. I got nothing against Brice. What I have issue with is my girl getting swept up in something that’s gonna make me wanna rip his head off. And straight up, sweetie, he takes you to his bed and tosses you out of it the next day, that’s gonna piss me off. And know this; after I take my pound of flesh, I’ll let Jackson loo
se and he’ll take his. After that, your brother’s up. So what I’m saying is, think on it. Then think on it longer.”
So, it could be said, my dad was a badass—having him up in Brice’s face would not be good. Having Jackson and Jason there would be worse.
“Thanks for the talk, Dad.”
“Anytime. You ready to go see Emma?”
I looked at my dad’s bright smile and my chest warmed. “You happy, Dad?”
“Baby girl, twenty-eight years ago, I met the woman of my dreams. Since that day, every day she’s given me beauty. Every day better than the day before. So, yes, I’m happy. My girl, giving me a granddaughter, icing on an already seriously kickass cake.”
“I love that you and Mom have that. That Delaney and Jason have found it.”
“And one day, you will, too. The day will come when a man sweeps you off your feet. Throws your life off-course and makes you the center of his. Don’t settle for anything less, Quinnie. Never take pieces of a man, demand all of him. Because you deserve nothing less than to be a man’s everything.”
My eyes started to prick and my nose felt funny when I told him, “You’re gonna make me cry.”
“Can’t have that.”
Dad pulled me into a tight embrace and I knew when he finally noticed all the presents for my new baby niece when he muttered, “Jesus. Am I gonna have to give you a raise so you don’t go into debt spoiling Emma?”
“Might be wise,” I mumbled back.
“Christ.”
Seriously. I had the best dad in the world.
* * *
Me being me, I did not think long and hard about my next move. I did give what my dad said consideration during my visit with baby Emma. Though not much, because my niece was seriously adorable, so it was hard to think about much else other than cuddling her and kissing her chubby baby cheeks, which were not just adorable—they were freaking perfect.
I’d also gotten lost in the new-baby smell as I’d hogged her for the two hours I visited my sister’s. At first it was because I loved my niece, but it had turned into a joke because Carter was getting seriously annoyed I refused to give her back. This aunt stuff was gonna be so awesome. I couldn’t wait for Jason and Mercy to start popping out babies. I wanted twenty of them to spoil rotten.
The best part of the day was watching my sister. Finally, freaking finally, she was at peace. Total serenity. After all that she and Carter had been through it was so beautiful to watch, a few times I had to swallow back the funny feeling in my throat. She was a great mom, just like we all knew she was gonna be. We had the best mom in the world, so Delaney had a great role model.
But like any good auntie who planned on spoiling her niece, I knew it was time to leave when Emma started getting fussy and rooting around for her lunch. I passed Emma off to Delaney, gave Carter a smirk—which he didn’t appreciate but would get over because he loved me—said goodbye to my family, and headed home.
During the very short car ride, I didn’t think harder about my dad’s warning. Instead I practiced what I wanted to say to Brice when I knocked on his door. And I was totally knocking. The only thing I worried about was damage control, or more to the point, cutting off any possible damage before it happened. Most importantly, bodily damage from my dad, brother, and best friend, but coming in a close second was protecting my heart.
I had a plan.
I knew what I wanted.
I wanted Brice.
I parked my car, locked it, and went up the stairs. By the time I made it to the top, I was breathing heavy and it had nothing to do with the climb. I passed my door, went to Brice’s, and knocked. And waited and knocked again.
No answer.
Damn.
I turned to go to my apartment and my breath caught when I saw Brice standing at the top of the landing, a pile of mail in his hands.
He was silent as he walked past me, opened his door, and gave nothing away as he entered. But he left the door open, so I took that as an invitation and followed.
I shut the door and hadn’t turned to face him when he began.
“I see you didn’t take the time with your family to wise up.”
I didn’t take that as an insult toward me, I took it as a dig at himself. Stupidly thinking I was better than him.
“We need to talk.”
“Right.”
“I thought about what you said,” I started. “Then I realized it was all bullshit.” Brice’s eyes narrowed but undeterred I continued. “So instead I thought about how it felt. How I felt when I was in your arms. How it felt when you kissed me. How I’ve felt every time I caught a glimpse of you at the station before you tucked tail and bolted. All of that told me I needed to knock on your door. Something I plan on doing a lot. Can’t say I know you, Brice, because you keep yourself locked away. What I can say is, there’s no hiding the fact you enjoy a woman’s company and you enjoy it frequently. So before I knock on your door I need to ask a few favors.”
There was something working behind his eyes. I didn’t have the experience with men in general to understand what it was but I did know it was important, so I gave him the time he needed and remained quiet. Thankfully, he didn’t make me wait too long.
“Those are?”
“You treat me with respect—”
“Quinn—”
“Just listen. I’m not asking for a promise. I’m not asking for a commitment. What I’m asking for is respect, honesty, and kindness. That’s all. For however long this lasts, me knocking on your door, when you’re ready for that to stop, I want your honesty and kindness. All I’m asking is you talk to me, and not shut me out, ditch me, or scrape me off like a piece of trash so that we can remain friends after. I’m not asking for a ring or a promise of exclusivity. I’m asking if you take a woman home, don’t come knocking on mine the same night. That shit is nasty and whacked and I will not be disrespected like that. If you’re cool with all that, I’ll be around tomorrow knocking on your door seeing if you’re up for company.”
“Quinn, you get what you’re doing right now?”
“I do. I’m laying out some ground rules so I can enjoy some really great sex with my hot neighbor who also happens to be a really great guy, so I reckon he’ll give me what I need since I’m not asking for a whole lot. Though, I also think he’d give me those things without me asking because again, he’s a really great guy.”
His lips started to curve up before they tipped down and his brown eyes became guarded.
“I’m not looking for a relationship, babe.”
“Phew. That’s a relief because neither am I. It’d totally suck if you fell head over heels in love with me and I’d have to break your heart and let you down easy.”
“I’m being serious. Now’s not the time to be a smartass.”
“I beg to differ when you’re talking crazy. I know you’re not looking for anything. Thought I made that clear when I asked you not to take me to your bed the same day you’ve taken someone else.”
God, that thought made me sick. Not just taking me the same night, but him having other women at all.
He was studying me and I needed to end this conversation before I started squirming and he figured out I was full of shit. I wasn’t sure about any of this. I thought I could carry on an affair with Brice and keep my head on straight but I wasn’t positive. But like everything else in my life, I jumped in because I was reckless. I was impulsive and I’d wanted Brice for a very long time.
And if nothing else—even if he left me broken-hearted—I was on a mission to fix him. No man as good as Brice Lancaster should ever refer to himself as slumming it. Come hell or high water, I was gonna show him he was more than what he thought he was.
Not that I had the first clue how I’d do that, but I was a Walker; when someone set a mission out in front of us, we accomplished it. We did not quit. We did not give up or back down. Dad taught us that.
“I’ll leave you with this, since I see you’re having second thoughts.
Trust me to know myself and what I want. If you want company tomorrow, knock on my door.”
“You got plans tonight?” he asked. A chill ran up my spine and sent goose bumps down my arms.
“I do. Hopefully my hot next door neighbor will be knocking on my door soon, so I have to spend some time exfoliating and moisturizing so I’m ready.”
“Exfoliating?”
“And before that, shaving.”
“Babe, you think I give the first fuck if your legs are prickly?”
“You might not but I certainly do.”
It was then the miracle happened. Brice’s head tipped back and he roared with laughter.
Damn, that felt good. So good, hope started to bloom.
It was also in that moment I realized this was going to backfire and I was going to get hurt. But if in the time between now and the heartbreak I got Brice’s laughter, his smiles, and his company, I’d take it.
“See you tomorrow, Brice.”
“See you tomorrow, Quinn.”
I barely made it through his door and onto the landing before I let out the breath I was holding.
On wobbly legs I made it to my door.
Shit, I was doing this.
6
I didn’t see Quinn the next day.
Though I did text her to tell her I’d picked up a shift at the station.
Her response was immediate: Bummer. Shaved for no reason. Then before I could stop chuckling from her disgruntled message, a second one came in: Stay safe.
Those two words showing her concern fucked me up for the rest of the night. She wasn’t the first woman who’d told me to be safe while I was on the job. Though the effect of her regard wasn’t something I wasn’t prepared for. I hadn’t expected it to feel so good.
That meant I laid in my rack at the firehouse and tossed and turned all night. Then I did something wholly uncomfortable—I examined my life and how fucking selfish I was to drag Quinn into it. How horrifying it’d been to listen to a beautiful woman ask me not to fuck her the same day I fucked someone else. And if that wasn’t fucked-up enough—and it was—told me all she required of me was respect, honesty, and kindness.
Keeping Quinn: The Next Generation Page 4
