by Sara Marion
A knock on her bathroom door pulled her out of her stupor in the shower. She realized that the water was now ice cold. She shut it off and grabbed her towel. Only two people would be able to knock on her door, Duke or Ryan, she was sure it wouldn’t be Duke. A louder knock sounded this time. She wrapped her towel around her and opened the door. The face that appeared as she opened the door amazed her.
“Duke,” she was in utter shock.
“We need to talk.” His voice was firm, the look on his face meant this wasn’t a pleasant social call.
Paxton opened the door so she could step through and went and sat on her bed. Duke stood there aggravated. He ran his hand through his hair as he paced in front of her. He turned and faced her. He had dark circles under his eyes too. He was still in last night’s clothes. He more than likely didn’t go home. It looked like he was about to say something but then he turned and faced the window. He paced some more. It was like watching a tiger pacing back and forth in its too small cage.
“Duke, I-”
“Don’t.” he cut her off. “I don’t want your apologies and I sure as hell don’t want your sympathy right now.”
Paxton fell silent again, just watching him. She was feeling uncomfortable sitting there in her towel, but she didn’t want to move, she was too scared to. She had prepared for this moment a long time but she never imagined it falling out the way it did. He stopped suddenly and dropped to his knees in front of her. He placed his hands on her thighs and looked her in the eye.
“For two years, you knew?”
She could tell he was trying to keep himself calm. Paxton suddenly lost her voice, she didn’t want to hurt him anymore. She cast her eyes down and nodded slightly. She heard him sigh and then his hands were gone. She looked up and saw him by her dresser.
“How could you keep this from me?” He raised his voice. Paxton flinched. She knew she deserved everything she was about to hear.
“I thought it would be better than -”
“Better? Are you serious right now Paxton? You kept my child a secret from me!” Anger filled his voice.
“I know!”
“My child, MY child, not yours!”
“Duke, I wanted to spare you the pain of-”
“Of what? Of losing my wife and child? Of losing the future I always imagined Ella and I to have?”
Paxton let out a sob and couldn’t respond to him. Nothing she said would matter anyways.
“How far along was she?” He looked at her.
Paxton sat there not knowing what to say.
“How far along was she, dammit!” Paxton flinched as he raised his voice. She had never seen Duke like this before.
“Maybe three months. We didn’t get an ultrasound to determine her due date. She wanted to wait and tell you first so you both could go.”
Paxton felt her heart aching for him. She knew that Ella knew in Texas but she wanted to wait until they were all together so Jack and Duke could celebrate together. Duke would never see the reasoning. He would never see why Paxton decided to keep it to herself.
“What about the other secrets you have been keeping from me?”
“There aren’t any others.”
“Really? Are you sure about that?” She didn’t miss his mocking tone.
Paxton looked away. She wouldn’t say anything to him about New York, not in this state. “Really, nothing right now.”
He scoffed at her and shook his head. She wasn’t sure what he thought he knew or if he was just testing her. Paxton found a small amount of courage and started towards Duke. He watched her then looked away. When she touched him, trying to wrap her arms around him, he shrugged her off. He left again. She heard the door slam and Link bark from outside.
She padded over to the balcony and saw Link was outside. Duke must have let him out. She decided Link could stay a few moments longer. She picked up her cell and stared at it. She wondered if she could handle any more emotional breakdowns today. She had only been up for about an hour, how much worse can it get?
It rang once, then twice, voicemail picked up. Just hearing Jack’s voice did something to her. This is Jack, leave a message! Beep.
“Jack its Paxton. Listen, I know we haven’t spoken since…well since the funeral. I need you right now. Please, just please call me back. It’s about Duke.”
She tossed her phone aside and went to get ready for the day. She knew she needed to keep herself busy otherwise she would drive herself crazy with worry about Duke.
***
Jack looked at his desk. His phone flashed Paxton’s name and he couldn’t bring himself to answer it. Over a month he had been rejected, what does she have to say now? He threw out the box of memories he kept in his closet. He moved out of Kenleigh’s and came back to his mother’s house. He had been there for her ever since the funeral, it only made sense that he moved in to help her out. The house was way too big for just her. His phone buzzed, signaling to him that he now had a voicemail. Sighing he got up and reached for the phone. He debated on whether to just delete it without listening or hear what she had to say. He hovered over the button and finally decided just to delete it. She made her point clear when she left without a word, then continued to ignore his calls and texts. He still loved her but there was only so much chasing that he could do.
He stared at his phone a few moments longer and decided to call the one person he could always count on. She answered after two rings.
“Jackster?”
“Hey Kitten.” He found himself already smiling.
“What’s up?”
“Nothing, just needed a distraction from things around me.”
“Oh, want me swing by? I am just about to leave the boutique.”
“You’re working this late?”
“Yeah, you know how we creative people are. When an idea pops in our head, we are fixated on it until it out of our system. I just drew up some new designs.”
“Sexy ones?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know?”
Jack let out a small laugh. Although they were never really serious, his chest ached a bit. He hadn’t seen Kenleigh for about a week now. She stopped by Oasis to help him with some redecorating ideas, check out the bands he booked.
“You okay?” she asked. He realized he had grown silent.
“I miss you.”
“Move back.”
“I can’t, my mother…”
“We both know it’s not because of your mother, she’s just an excuse.”
He winced at her statement. She wasn’t lying. He moved out because of Paxton. He was hoping that she was finally coming back to him and he would be in Kansas with her right now, but here he was, still in New York.
“What are you going to do Jackster?”
“I’m not chasing her anymore if that’s what you are asking.” He waited for her response. He drew in a deep breath and looked out the window.
“You’re done with her?”
“I’ll never be done with her Kitten, never.”
“I know.” Her words hung in the air.
Jack could hear the hurt in her voice. He wished that things were different, that he could really move on with Kenleigh but Paxton permanently carved her way into his heart and there was nothing he could do to extract her.
“Hey listen, I need to close up here.”
“I need you right now, come over when you’re done?”
“How about you meet me at my place?”
Jack thought about it for a moment, but he knew he needed to get out, to take his mind off things. “Okay.”
It didn’t take him long to get to Kenleigh’s house. She wouldn’t let him return his key so he used it to let himself in. He noticed he beat her to the house. He went to the bar area and poured himself a drink. He hadn’t touched one since the funeral and he could sure use one right now. He thought about everything that has happened lately. His father’s death, his mother falling apart, Paxton leaving him without a word. He poured himself a sh
ot after thinking about Paxton.
The liquor burned going down his throat. He grimaced as he poured another. He found himself in his own version of hell. He couldn’t get Paxton back, she was done with him but she was still in his system. Kenleigh sure as hell wanted him but he couldn’t do anything until he could fully commit to her. It wasn’t fair leading her on when he asked her to pretend. She wasn’t pretending on her side before his father’s death. Kenleigh is sure as hell not now. Somewhere along the lines of their friendship, she fell in love with him. He poured another shot. He smacked his lips trying to get the burn to subside. He grabbed his scotch he poured and headed over to sit down. He felt the warmth spread through him. He laid his head back on the couch and closed his eyes. He focused on the warmth and the silence around him.
Within a few minutes, Jack heard a door close and the familiar clicking of heels walking across the floor. The sound came closer and he lifted his head to down the rest of his drink.
“Rough day?” Kenleigh appeared before him.
“You could say that.” He felt the need to pull her in. He wanted some sort of physical contact right now but images of Paxton kept making his way in his mind.
“Anything I can do for you?” Kenleigh straddle his legs.
He knew the look in her eye. The longing to be with him. Her skirt gave him the view of her long, smooth legs. He brought his free hand up behind her knee. He slid it up behind her thigh. He looked her straight in the eye, “Make me forget her.”
Kenleigh stared at him for what seemed like forever. Jack pleaded with his eyes. She ran her hand through his hair, much like Paxton used to do. She leaned down and he felt her lips on his temple. He closed his eyes in response. “I can’t,” she whispered.
Jack’s eyes flew open. Her words sobering him. “Kitten-”
“No Jack, I’ve tried before. It’s not fair of you to ask me like this.”
Jack placed a kiss on her cheek. She fell into his lap. He knew she was right but he didn’t care. He just needed to get lost tonight. He kissed her jawline. He brought both arms around her. Jack felt her give in slightly. She faced him and stared at him. Her pleas would go unheard tonight. He crashed his lips against hers. She tensed for a moment in his arms, then gave into him surrendering herself to him and his needs.
TWENTY-SEVEN
Jack woke up to the sound of his phone on the coffee table. Kenleigh was wrapped around him sleeping. He wrapped his arms around her to reposition them. Sleeping with her made him feel guilty. He used her. What made him feel worse was the fact that she let him.
He was able to grab his phone without disturbing Kenleigh. She nestled in closer once he relaxed again. He had several missed calls from Paxton. No doubt the voicemails were from her as well. She had also texted him a few times. He took a deep breath. Something was wrong, he felt it deep within his chest. He slid out from Kenleigh’s side. He needed to find out what Paxton needed.
Jack stepped into the kitchen. He started making coffee as he dialed to retrieve his voicemail. The first two Paxton pleaded for him to call her as soon as he could. She didn’t say what was wrong, but she was upset with something she said it was about Duke. The third she just hung up. Jack hadn’t heard her this upset since Ella’s funeral. He then looked at the text messages. The mirrored her voicemail pleas to call her back. His interest peaked. What happened to Duke?
He called Duke’s number. It ran but no answer. He didn’t bother leaving a voicemail. He tried again, no answer. He texted him. He waited for a response but nothing came. A very bad feeling washed over Jack. He knew he had to call Paxton and find out what happened.
He only heard one ring before her voice, “Jack?”
“It’s me.”
“I’m so glad you called.”
Jack could hear the strain in her voice, she was trying not to cry. “Yeah, you said it was about Duke, is he okay?”
Her sob broke through, “Physically yes.”
“What happened?”
“He found out.”
“About us, he knows about us. I called him.”
Paxton was silent for moment, “Everything is so bad right now.”
“What are you talking about Paxton?”
Her sniffles were her response. Whatever it was, he knew Duke must be in a bad place emotionally. “Paxton? What the hell happened?”
“I…I, oh god what did I do?”
“Dammit, tell me what is going on!” He raised his voice. He heard shuffling behind him. He turned and found Kenleigh standing there.
“He found out about the baby, his baby,” more sobs escaped her.
Jack froze. Could it be that Paxton was pregnant and didn’t tell him? The look on his face must have said something was totally wrong because Kenleigh moved towards him. She pleaded for some sign of what the call was about.
“What do you mean his baby?” he growled at her. No response. “Paxton, if you don’t answer, I swear-”
“Ella was pregnant when she died. I was the only one who knew.”
Jack closed his eyes and sighed. Ending the call, it took every ounce of control not to throw it across the room.
She lied to everyone. She kept a secret she had no right to keep. He immediately called Duke. Still no answer. “I know what happened Duke, call me when you get this.”
Jack slammed his phone on the counter. He hung his head and Kenleigh wrapped her arms around him. She didn’t say anything and it only made him feel worse. He must have woken her up. He took a deep breath trying to calm himself. He needed to talk to Duke, he needed to check on him but he was not answering.
“Hey,” Kenleigh squeezed him. “What was that about?”
Jack sighed and turned wrapping his arms around her. “I need to go to Kansas.”
“Jack you cannot keep chasing her-”
“It’s not her this time, I need to check on Duke,” irritation filled his voice.
“What happened?” Kenleigh pulled back to look at him.
“Paxton, uh, I don’t know. She kept the secret about Duke’s baby from him and he just found out.”
“Why are you getting involved? She’s the pregnant one. You should be done with her now, she made her decision.”
“Kitten, he’s my best friend. I have to go help him out because it was Ella who was pregnant, not Paxton. I just need to go see him. Yesterday was Ella’s anniversary, I’m sure he’s in hell right now.”
“Stop cleaning up her messes, but go be with your friend. He must really need you.”
Jack watched Kenleigh walk off. He knew that Kenleigh was tired of this game, she didn’t want to play it anymore. He didn’t want to play either, but he was going to be there for his best friend. Paxton was in the wrong this time and he couldn’t help her but he could help Duke as best as he could. Kenleigh was right though, this was one mess he couldn’t cleanup for her.
***
Paxton sat in her living room. It had been a few days since Jack hung up on her. Duke still wasn’t talking to her. She was alone. Her mother took Link for a couple days as Paxton just needed time alone. Her mother understood her need to keep the secret although Jenny wasn’t happy about it. Paxton stared out the window. She was due back at the hospital today for a late shift. She would be on a 48-hour shift with Steve. She hoped that it would take her mind off of things. She looked at her phone. She desperately wanted to see if Duke was okay but neither he nor Jack would speak to her. It was time for her to go, she needed to get to work.
Paxton walked into the hospital and let the familiar sounds comfort her. She dropped her stuff off in her office and sat in her chair. She checked her emails but nothing new came in. She put on her lab coat and went to see if Steve was in yet. She knocked on his door.
“Come in,” she heard through the door.
She peeked through the door before entering. Steve gave her a smile but it quickly faded as she didn’t return it. She didn’t want to have to pretend with Steve.
“You okay?”
> Paxton sat down and looked at him. She was not going to cry over her situation. She made a choice and now she has to deal with the fallout. “I made a bad decision a long time ago and now it’s coming back to bite me.”
“Anything I can do to help?”
Paxton gave him a half smile, “Unfortunately not, this is something that I can’t even fix. I just have to deal with it.”
“Wanna talk about it?”
Paxton looked at his name plate, losing herself in her thoughts. “If you were to have a child and lose it, would you want to know right away or be spared the pain of knowing because only one person knew about it and that was the person who was pregnant?”
Steve was silent. Paxton didn’t dare look up at him. She didn’t want to see the reaction to her question, if it made sense at all. She shifted in her seat still waiting for the answer.
“I would want to know, better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.”
“Does that even fit here?” Paxton asked.
“Yes, I would love my baby the moment I found out about it.”
Paxton didn’t know what to say. She never thought about that but Ella was gone, Duke didn’t know. He would have been in more pain, that’s what she was trying to avoid. Paxton just needs to talk to him, to make him understand why she kept it from him. He was going through hell and she put him there.
“Paxton?”
She looked up at Steve. She heard the question that wasn’t asked. She tried to hold the tears in her eyes but they spilled over. “It was Ella’s baby and I never told Duke. I never told a soul. Then he came over and I was battling my feelings about Jack and I just pushed Duke away. He insisted he loved me and I had enough. I let it slip about the baby without even thinking about it. You should have seen the look on his face.” She shook her head trying to dispel the image. “He left in the same manner Jack did. Jack’s words repeated in my head.”
Before they could go any further in the conversation, their pagers went off. Paxton quickly wiped her face and took a deep breath. She followed Steve out of the office.
TWENTY-EIGHT
Paxton threw herself on the couch. She just got home from her 48-hour shift at the hospital. She had picked up Link from her mother’s. He was excited to be home and she heard him running around the house. She still hadn’t heard from Duke or Jack. She sent both a couple messages. She wished one of them would answer. She still just wanted to explain herself to them. She really did want to protect Duke from feeling more pain. A knock on the door startled her. Link barked and came running to the door.
