So, all I can do is tell you what I think and feel….
Right now I can’t believe that you expect me to have a taste of you and then walk away. Just forget how fucking sweet you taste, sound, feel. Fuck. No way. I’m not walking away. I can’t. I want this, I want you.
Joe
This was not what I expected to read at all. I felt the ache in my chest prickle or was that a sparkle? I didn’t know, but I couldn’t hide the fact that his email had hit me right in the heart and my fear was slowly waning. I had to deal with this head on, face to face and stop playing around. What I’d done today, hiding in the kitchen, it wasn’t fair. I had responded to him that day, I had kissed him back, touched him and tasted him, God it felt good even though he was an egotistical ass. Those few minutes had made me feel free, more alive than I had felt in years. I owed it to him to at least let him down gently and in person didn’t I? At least that way it wouldn’t be so bad doing face to face business from here on in.
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Title: Sorry
I’m sorry I have been avoiding you but I haven’t felt ready to deal with this until now. I do owe you an apology and I’d like to be able to give you that apology face to face. Would that be something you could agree to?
Please don’t take this email the wrong way though, I am single and intend to stay that way for a long time. Your flowers are beautiful but you must stop sending them to me.
Ella
To: [email protected]
From:[email protected]
Title: Okay….
Dinner tonight 8pm?
Joe
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Title: Not quite…
No, it’s not a date. Coffee after work? I finish at 6pm.
Ella
To: [email protected]
From:[email protected]
Title: Okay….
Fine. 6 it is. I’ll pick you up outside your office.
Joe
I forced back the urge to reply that I would meet him somewhere instead of him coming to pick me up, but I didn’t think I was in a position to barter seeing as how I was the one in the wrong here. I had to swallow my pride for an hour or so and be the polite girl my Nanna had taught me to be. I had better manners than to treat someone the way I had been, however frustrating and persistent they were.
When 5.30pm came I sneaked off to the ladies to freshen up my make-up, fluff up my curls and spritz some perfume. I’d do the same if I was meeting Robyn or Chris for coffee I told myself, ignoring the butterflies that had started to flutter across my tummy. I stared at my reflection in the mirror and reminded myself of an encounter in here not so long ago with a certain skinny brunette. Her warnings still rung in my ears, ‘he doesn’t do relationships’, and ‘you are nothing special’. I needed to remember this when he started using that lusty quick sand he was so good at catching me in. This was my chance to put right all the wrongs over the last few weeks and set my world back onto the right axis, get myself back onto a steady track. Things had gotten a bit crazy and I had let them. Now I had the chance to take back the control I had lost, be the bigger person and walk away with some dignity and decorum.
I did one last fluff and flick of my hair and checked my watch 5.55pm, better look lively and steel myself ready for what was to come. I had no idea how this was going to play out to be honest but I owed it to the company, myself and even him to be honest and up front.
As I headed for the exit to the office I got an attack of the nerves, what was I doing agreeing to see him, be in his car in such close proximity to his manliness? I’d probably end up saying or doing something embarrassing. Let’s face it I had a habit of being clumsy and putting my foot in it. I tried to switch off my brain as I let one foot move in front of the other on automatic pilot until I walked through the doors and there he was. Leaning against his Range Rover, one leg casually crossed over the other and his arms folded like before in the street. He smiled that cocky smile and opened the door for me.
“Thanks” I said not knowing what else to say.
He just widened his grin.
“My pleasure,” then he strode around to the driver’s side of the car settled himself in and turned straight towards me to say, “You look particularly beautiful today Ella, that dress makes your blue eyes sparkle.” He gazed seductively right into my eyes, “A man could get lost forever in those blue eyes of yours.”
God he was good. I looked down at my boring grey work dress with matching jacket. It was nothing special. How did he always have the knack to chip away at my resolve? To suddenly flip the tables and make me go from feeling dumpy and plain to desired and attractive all with a few words or a look? I needed to steer these peace talks back onto the right track. Otherwise things would be heading down the same road as before when I’d met him at the club that day.
“Let’s go get this over with.” I spat out a little too quickly as I gestured for him to start the engine and drive.
He cocked an eyebrow in surprise and replied, “You make it sound like I’m driving you to your execution.”
“That’s what it feels like.” I muttered to myself looking out the window as he pulled into the traffic. I couldn’t help but glance over to his arms as he was driving. What was it about a man driving and the way he held the steering wheel and manoeuvred a car that was so damn sexy? His white shirt had the sleeves rolled up to his biceps to show off the dark hairs running along his tanned muscular forearms, flexing and moving up and down, round and round. Fingers gripping the wheel, and letting it spin through his grasp as he turned the corners showing a hint of the magic they could perform in other ‘areas’. That look of power and the testosterone that was oozing from him into the air around us, putting me under his spell. Good lord Ella get a hold of yourself before you go back on everything you’ve promised yourself and you jump him right here in the car.
“Where are we going?” I glanced up at the profile of his face. He really was breath taking, with his chiselled stubbly jaw and lightly tanned skin, dark hair wavy and smelling so enticing he sent my brain into mush.
“There’s a bar I know just round the corner it’s not far now. You can have coffee if you like, I think I might opt for something stronger.”
“You’re driving remember.” I scolded sounding like my Nanna Jean.
He chuckled and replied, “Thanks for caring but I can call my driver to pick me up if I can’t control my ‘urges’”
I blushed at his reference to the ‘urges’, the comment about the driver on call totally bypassing me. He pulled into a parking space, turned off the engine and jumped out of his side of the car. Ever the pseudo gentleman he opened my door before I had time to do it myself and placed his hand on the small of my back as he led me towards the door of a trendy city bar. He thanked the doorman by name and led us to a private table at the back.
A stunning waitress came over with a very pronounced swing of her hips, eyes not wavering from Joe as she purred, “So what can I get you Sir?”
He didn’t even glance at her as he said, “My usual and…..” he held his hand out to me to answer and I kept my head down in embarrassment as I said, “just a latte no sugar for me please, I’m working.”
My comment merited a grunt from him as the hot waitress swaggered off back to the bar to get our order. Her furtive glance over to our table when she was out of ear shot wasn’t lost on me, she was so obvious it was shameful.
“So how has your day been? Good training?” He smirked at his reference to my lie and I sighed feeling awkward about what to say.
“I think we both know I wasn’t training today.” I looked up through my eyelashes at him but I couldn’t get a read on his thoughts, his eyes gave nothing away.
“I’m sorry, I haven’t been dealing very well with some….personal issues lately, but I can assure you I won’t let it a
ffect my work.”
“I’m not questioning your ability to do your job Ella, I just want to know more about you. What makes you tick? I thought we’d got past the bullshit after our ‘meeting’.” He smiled to himself at this then went on, “So why the cold shoulder? I thought you enjoyed out little get together the other day at the club, I didn’t hear any complaints at the time, in fact I seem to remember quite the opposite. So you got spooked when we were interrupted, I get it, you don’t like to be ‘on show’, I like privacy too. So tell me what’s going on am I not your type?”
The hot waitress chose this moment to saunter back over to us and pop a glass of what looked like scotch in front of Joe and a latte for me. Again she gave him her most sickly sweet smile and purred, “If you need anything else, anything at all, I’ll be just over there.” Joe completely ignored her.
“Let’s just keep this professional shall we? What I like and don’t like and who I find attractive is of no importance right now.”
“I beg to differ Ella, it’s all I can think about right now, that and what it’ll feel like when I eventually fuck you.”
“So it’s just a foregone conclusion for you, is that right? To hell with what I want.”
“On the contrary I will be putting your needs first, always.” He smirked and my tummy flipped over. I had to redirect this conversation fast.
“We’ve had some really great ideas for the launch of your health club and we are in the process of interviewing some top graphic designers to help us bring our ideas to life, everything is really coming together. I’m sure you’ll be pleased with how things are going our end.” I enthused.
“Tell me about your last relationship.” He replied throwing me totally off my game yet again and steering the conversation right back into an area I didn’t feel comfortable about.
“I don’t see what that has to do with our working relationship.”
“It’s got fuck all to do with work,” he replied, “but I want to know what I’m up against.”
I shook my head and gave a bewildered laugh at his tenacity. This wasn’t going in the direction I wanted at all.
“Listen, I’ve come here to apologise for my childish and frankly rude behaviour this week, I have better manners and I wasn’t brought up to treat others like that. But let’s get one thing straight right from the start I have no interest in anything other than a professional relationship and that is all this will ever be. I think you would do well to remember your manners Mr Madden.”
He leaned forward putting both elbows on the table and resting his chin on his hands.
“You’re a total enigma Ella Reid, do you know that? A walking contradiction. Will you still call me Mr Madden when I’m making you come on my cock?”
“Please, stop. I agreed to this meeting to make our professional arrangements more comfortable not to exacerbate matters.”
“You are one of the most baffling woman I have ever met Ella, do you know that?”
“How so?” I questioned, “I think I’ve made myself perfectly clear today.”
“You say one thing but your body tells me something completely different. I can see how your pupils dilate when I look at you, your nipples tighten when I get close to you……touch you. You’re lying to yourself but I can see the truth.”
“The truth is, Mr Madden, you want a bit of fun a one night stand and it’s never going to happen. Not with me, ever. I know your type, Anna made damn sure I was put in the picture about that. I got the message loud and clear, so I suggest you stop this right now.”
“What the fuck has Anna got to do with anything?” he snapped.
“She told me you don’t do the relationship thing, she was quite clear about what a man-whore you are.”
“She knows fuck all about me,” he was seething now, anger in his sparkling grey eyes. He ran his hands through his hair then looked at me, “I’ll be having some serious words with her in my office tomorrow, she had no fucking right to speak to you, it’s not true. She knows nothing about me, nothing. You Ella are a very special and beautiful lady and I have more than just a one night stand in mind for you.”
I had to get a hold on this now, “Regardless of anything Anna did or didn’t say, this, you and me, it’s never going to happen! End of!”
Just then my mobile started to ring, I grabbed it out of my bag and saw Chris’s name on the screen. I hit the reject button but instantly it started ringing again.
“You can get that you know.” He said irritated and nodding down towards my phone.
I rejected Chris’s call a second time but it just rung again so I answered, putting my finger into my free ear so I could block out the music from the bar around us.
“Ella you need to get home ASAP,” he said with urgency, “shits hit the fan and I don’t know what to do.”
“Calm down Hun, what’s happened?”
“Adam’s here and he’s pissed up and out of control. I’ve told him you’re not here but he doesn’t believe me. I haven’t let him in, but he’s pacing outside in the street Elle, shouting stuff up at the house and I’m scared he’s gonna do something.”
“I’m on my way Chris okay, keep the door locked and call the police if he gets nasty.”
I killed the line and stuffed my mobile into my bag, standing up to shuffle out from our table.
“I need to go, I have a home emergency. I’m sorry.” I went to grab my purse to get some cash for the drink, but Joe held my arm as he threw down a twenty on the table.
“It’s ok I’ll drive you.”
“No!” I spat out, a look of fear on my face. “I’ll get a cab it’ll be easier.”
“Fuck that I’m taking you and that’s non-negotiable especially when you’re talking about police and things getting nasty. I’m not leaving you on the streets to find your own way home to face that, what kind of guy do you think I am? On second thoughts don’t answer that”
I had no intention of answering, my mind was already scrambled with images of what I was going to find at home. So I let Joe lead me out of the bar and back into his car. I sat back in a daze trying to push down the nerves that were surfacing at having to endure another run in with Adam in the state he was in now. Drunk Adam scared me the most of all.
As we pulled into my street I could see Adam straight away pacing up and down the path to our house. His face twisted into one of pure anger and violence. I thanked Joe for the lift home and prayed he’d drive off as I made my way over to where Adam was. When he saw me his eyes went from anger to remorse instantly.
“Ella,” he gasped stalking towards me with his arms out as if I was going to run into them and tell him all was forgiven and run off into the sunset with him.
“Baby I couldn’t stay away, I can’t. I miss you too much. I need you to come back home now. Listen I get it, I screwed up and I’m sorry I should never have done what I did, but Elle I was under a lot of pressure and I just wasn’t thinking straight.”
“We’re all under pressure Adam, it doesn’t mean we fuck around.”
I hated him right now and looking at this sorry state for a man I couldn’t remember what I’d ever seen in him. Skulking up and down our path stinking of booze, he was a complete mess. He was skinny with an ugly weasel like face, I wouldn’t even give him a second glance if I saw him in a bar now.
“I wasn’t thinking straight Elle, I know I took you for granted but I won’t ever do that again, I promise. You’ve made your point now, so let’s cut through the crap, go get your stuff and let’s go home babe. Enoughs enough”
I couldn’t believe the audacity of the dick. Did he really think that all of this was just my way to prove a point and win him back? He was delusional.
The front door opened and Chris poked his head round the door, “You okay Ella?” he asked me. I nodded but he obviously didn’t believe it as he came down the path to stand beside me.
“Fuck off back inside gay boy, she’s coming home with me now, no need for you to get your pantie
s in a twist.”
“Adam, you’re drunk and I’m not going anywhere with you, not now, not ever. We are done, it’s over, finished. Do you hear me? I wouldn’t go back to you if you were the last man on this earth. I hate you, you disgust me.” I sneered at him and took a step back to show him how even being that close to him filled me with revulsion.
“Who the fuck are you?” Adam bellowed, and from the prickles on my skin I knew exactly who he was talking to and who I would find standing behind me.
“A work colleague.” I said quickly as I turned my head to look at Joe, my eyes pleading with him to stay quiet and not make a crappy situation worse.
“Are you okay Ella?” He asked me with concern etched on his handsome rugged face.
“Of course she’s okay, I’m here now so fuck off and leave us alone, both of you, this has nothing to do with either of you. It’s between me and my fiancée.” Adam puffed his chest out in a show of dominance. He was a complete joke.
“I’m not your fiancée Adam! I haven’t been your fiancée since that first time you stuck your dick in another woman whilst I was waiting at home for you. So just fuck off and leave me alone. I’m done.”
I crossed my arms and couldn’t stop shaking, I was so over this whole spectacle. Adam was making himself look like the fool he was, and my patience was wearing thin.
“You heard the lady, now fuck off.” Joe said stepping forward and putting a protective arm around my shoulders, which instantly ignited the violence I could see swimming in Adam’s eyes.
“You think you’re gonna take my place do you big man? Huh?” Adam glared at Joe then turned to look at me and I flinched because I’d seen that look in his eyes before. I was in for a verbal battering. I braced myself.
“You know what mate you’re welcome to her. She’s a crap lay anyway. Cold, frigid and fucking lifeless in the bedroom, why do you think I had to go look elsewhere to get myself off.”
There it was, that knife in my chest. Adam had a way of always annihilating me when I was at my lowest. He could always drag me down and put me into a state of total weakness and embed that lack of self-worth he so kindly gave me all those years ago. I felt the familiar tears pool in my eyes, my shoulders slumped forward; I couldn’t take anymore.
Obsessively Yours Page 8
