But the Amanda of now was still nestled back in bed, her bun all messy, like a bird’s nest atop the pillow. Susan’s heart dropped in her stomach. Throughout Amanda’s youth and into her teenage years, Amanda had never really gone through a “tough spot.” She had always been the number one student, a good and caring friend, a wonderful sister to Jake, and a dream of a daughter.
How strange to find the doldrums now, at age twenty-two. When she had announced that she wanted to take several of her classes online and not return to Newark, Susan had very nearly jumped down her throat. She’d felt the words bubbling in her stomach: What do you mean? Give up? Because of that idiot, Chris? No. You can’t.
But she’d seen the darkness behind Amanda’s eyes. This was the answer whether Susan liked it or not.
The floor creaked behind her. Susan whirled around to find Audrey in a big, light pink robe, the very one Anna Sheridan had worn before her death. It was overwhelming, all these memories at once. Susan shut Amanda’s door closed quietly and whispered, “Good morning,” to Audrey.
Audrey smiled sleepily. “I see you’re spying on Mandy?”
Susan shrugged. “I’m worried about her. It’s not like her to sleep in so much.”
“It’s only seven-thirty,” Audrey said. “Chances are that my own mother won’t be awake for another two hours.”
“Yeah, well. That’s Lola for you. Not Amanda.” She gave a sad shrug as Audrey turned toward the kettle and began to brew some tea. “Listen, Audrey. I’m going to head off for the morning.”
“You headed to the Sunrise Cove? I thought Natalie had the front desk.”
“She does. But I’m actually meeting with Claire and her husband, Russell.”
Audrey nodded, bored. “Okay. I’ll make sure Grandpa and Amanda get something to eat.”
“Thanks, Aud. You’re the best,” Susan said, before slipping toward the front door.
Audrey chuckled. “Not the best. Never the best. Just have to earn my keep around here.”
Susan gripped the steering wheel with bright red hands. She drove the familiar route toward Claire’s flower shop, where she had agreed to meet with both Russell and Claire regarding the charges against Russell and his apparent “thievery.” Susan had analyzed him in greater detail when she’d been able to at the wedding. In her eyes, he was just a loving, kind father and husband, a man who put Martha’s Vineyard above all things except his family.
He wasn’t the kind of guy to do this.
At least, Susan didn’t initially think so. She hadn’t gone over all the evidence. She had to put her “mother, daughter, and islander” brain on-hold and revert back to her criminal lawyer hat.
“Hey there,” she greeted them brightly as she entered to find Claire and Russell hunkered over two cups of coffee. Both looked like they had lost weight due to the stress. Claire had huge bags under her eyes, and her “hello,” was sour and strange. This situation had obviously taken a toll on them.
“Thanks so much for coming by,” Russell said somberly. He straightened himself and struck his hand out over the counter to shake Susan’s hand.
“We have some coffee in the back if you want it?” Claire asked. Again, she looked like a wounded animal.
“Absolutely,” Susan said, as though she hadn’t hung out at this very flower shop time and time again over the past six months.
A few minutes later, the three of them sat around a little table in the back while Russell described the evidence the prosecutors thought they had against him. “The minute this starts, there’s going to be non-stop gossip around it, and I don’t know if I’m fully ready for that,” he admitted. He placed his face in his hands and heaved a sigh. “All my life, I’ve avoided scandal. I don’t even know how this happened.”
“It’s just bad luck,” Claire insisted. “Or worse. Someone has it out for us.”
Susan flipped through the folders Russell passed over, which included information about his years of employment at the Chamber of Commerce, the various purchases he had overseen, that sort of thing. He also showed her the purchases that the prosecutors claimed he had made — none of which he had anything to do with. “I don’t know what any of this is about,” he proclaimed, pointing to a hot tub and a memory foam mattress and even a speedboat, which cost around $300,000.
It was an exorbitant amount of funds. Susan glanced back up and analyzed Russell, his clothes, his face. He was just an ordinary guy, with ordinary Martha’s Vineyard fashion, and shoes that seemed much more scuffed than other islanders’ shoes.
“I want to thank you both for letting me take this on,” Susan said a few minutes later after she’d asked a number of questions and recorded Russell’s answers. She shook their hands and nodded firmly. “Remember that before you really knew me as an adult, I was a criminal defense lawyer in Newark for the office of Harris and Harris. You can Google it; my picture still comes up. We had an excellent track record. I’m sure if you called my ex-husband, he would give you a stellar recommendation —”
Claire and Russell waved their hands. “No, no,” Claire interjected. “That’s unnecessary. We know you, Susan. We’re just surprised, with all you have to do, and all you have to take care of, that you even want to take us on.”
Something in the back of Susan’s mind began to burn. It was true what they said; she had a lot on her plate. Still, she grinned through the pain.
“I do what I love,” she replied with a renewed vigor. “I just wish there were more hours in a day.”
SUSAN DROVE OVER TO the Sunrise Cove to check in on Natalie, who was just as bright and happy as ever. She greeted Susan with a hug and told her about the rooms she had booked, both over the phone and online. “Looks like we’ve surpassed our previous January’s booking by two-hundred percent!” she announced. “You should really tell your dad when you get home. He always loved that number stuff.”
“I will, Nat. Thanks.”
“How is he doing, by the way?” Natalie asked. A little wrinkle formed between her eyebrows.
Susan thought back to the previous night when he’d stared listlessly at his clam chowder and then requested that someone wheel him back into his room.
“He’s doing okay. I think he’ll be back at it soon enough,” Susan told Natalie.
“That Wes Sheridan. He can’t be beat, can he?”
“No. He sure can’t,” Susan lied.
After she paid a few of the Sunrise Cove bills, then shuffled over to say hello to Zach and Christine, and hurriedly delivered lunch to Scott, where he repaired yet another wardrobe closet in an upstairs room, Susan drove back to the Sheridan house. Her plan was to cook lunch for Amanda, Audrey, and Wes. To make sure everyone ate enough — enough for baby, enough for depression, enough for healing.
There was just too much to be done.
But when Susan burst through the back door, she found her daughter — still in sweatpants (albeit, clean ones), hovered over a big pot of what looked like chili, her hair clean and brushed and dried, with a speaker system playing an upbeat song. At the kitchen table sat both Wes and Audrey, both dressed and fresh-faced, in the midst of laughter.
“Aunt Susie!” Audrey cried as she lifted a carrot stick into the air and wagged it around. “Will you please tell your daughter here that us pregnant ladies—”
“And those over the age of seventy,” Wes interjected.
“Yes. That’s right. That we deserve snacks that have a little more oomph to them, you know? Carrots aren’t cutting it. We’re thinking — Gramps? What are we thinking?”
“Cookies,” Wes affirmed.
“And crackers, of multiple varieties,” Audrey added.
“And chocolate.”
“Apparently, Gramps has a sweet tooth,” Audrey pointed out. “Which I have to respect.”
“You guys,” Amanda said brightly as she stirred the chili. “I have cookies for after chili. Remember?”
Audrey turned to Grandpa Wes and muttered, “She doesn’t seem to underst
and that we want cookies for pre-lunch, lunch, and after lunch, does she?”
Wes grumbled. “No way.”
Susan placed her bag on the couch and grinned madly at everyone. Amanda pretended not to notice Susan’s eyes, even as Susan’s mind burned with a million questions.
How did you manage to get out of bed today?
Did you switch all your classes online? Did Rutgers penalize you?
Are you starting to regret not going back to Newark?
Is there still a chance you can have your old life?
Have you talked to Chris?
But Susan knew these questions were unfair.
Amanda was able to cook, to clean, to keep the house in order and to care for the people she loved who lived in it. Wasn’t that enough?
“Can I help you with anything, Amanda?” Susan asked, finally.
Amanda flipped her hair and said, “No way. Nothing. Just sit. It’s almost ready.”
Susan found her way to the kitchen table, where Amanda poured them each healthy portions of chili, then added a freshly-baked loaf of bread to the center of the table, along with fresh butter with little glowing salt crystals inside.
“Wow, Amanda. Did you ask Christine to drop off this bread?” Susan asked.
“Naw. I baked it. There was a sourdough starter in the fridge, I’m assuming from Christine,” Amanda said.
“There she goes. A superhero,” Audrey said, teasing her.
Amanda rolled her eyes and pointed her finger to the chili. “Eat. That baby needs nutrients. I watched you wolf down a whole bag of Cheez-Its again last night. It has to stop!”
They ate and laughed together, an unlikely quartet of Sheridans. Wes continued to seem in good spirits and pointed to several of the birds that stopped at the little bird feeder outside and fluttered their bright wings.
“I can’t wait to get out there and see them again,” he said softly.
“Good thing they come here to say hello to you,” Audrey said. “It’s like they know.”
Hours later, after Amanda had cleaned up the chili and Wes had gone back to his room for a nap, Susan splayed out the various items from Russell’s case before her at the kitchen table. She was borderline exhausted from all the events of the day, yet knew she had to tap into this singular desire: she wanted to be a lawyer again. It had always been her dream.
As Amanda marched past, she eyed the various papers in front of Susan and stopped short. Susan could feel her daughter analyzing each page. Finally, after a horrible silence, Amanda asked, “What’s all this, Mom?”
Susan gave a half-shrug. “I’m just trying to get someone out of a bind. That’s all.”
“I see. Your lawyer hat, huh?”
“The finest of my many hats,” Susan replied, sarcastically. “All the more necessary now that I don’t have all that hair anymore.”
Amanda dropped a kiss on her mother’s head and laughed. “Don’t be silly. Your hair is glorious already.”
“Sheridan genes, baby girl. We all have them,” Susan said.
As Susan pored over the documents, she felt herself up against one strange, horrible sensation: all evidence actually did point to Russell being at least somehow involved in the stealing of the funds. He’d been on-location for a number of the purchases, which were listed to have happened from his very computer at the Chamber of Commerce. As minutes ticked past, Susan’s heart beat harder, like a drum in a punk band.
Hour after hour, she went through the pages. It wasn’t until she felt a hard weight on her shoulder, waking her, that she realized she’d fallen asleep, stretched out on the papers.
“Mom? Hey, Mom.” Amanda’s voice was soft, sweet.
“Oh, honey. Did I fall asleep?”
“You did. And I think you should head into my room and take a nap before you head back to Scott’s,” Amanda suggested.
Susan furrowed her brow and blinked up at her daughter. Without thinking, she said the worst-possible words she could have said.
“You’re really going to make an excellent mom someday.”
Immediately, Amanda’s eyes filled with tears. She fell onto the chair across from her and bent low.
Obviously, through the baking-bread and the endless cleaning and the cooking and the taking-care-of-everyone, Amanda had tried to hover above her own emotions — her feelings of loss. Her loss of marriage, of a potential family she’d probably dreamed of, over and over again.
Obviously, as Susan knew better than most, that didn’t always work out. It was like walking a tightrope.
Susan reached for Amanda’s hand, but Amanda swatted it away and draped her head forward. “No, no. I’m okay.”
“Amanda, I really didn’t mean to say that—”
“I know you didn’t.”
“I mean, it’s true. Whenever the time comes, you will be—”
“Mom!”
“Sorry, honey.” Susan heaved a sigh. She’d walked herself into a corner. She scrunched her nose and shook her head and finally said. “I’m going to go to sleep for a while. I love you, Amanda. I know you know that, but know that I will say that every day, no matter what, for the rest of my life.”
Chapter Sixteen
It wasn’t like it got any easier to wake up. Amanda dropped down on the floor beside the bed in her makeshift room, then immediately stretched herself in a Downward Dog yoga pose. Everything in her mind told her: You are unhappy. You will never be happy again. Why do you even keep trying? Even as she stretched longer and felt her muscles relax.
It had now been a full week since the biggest failure and embarrassment of her life. Still, she hadn’t bothered to turn on her phone and had operated only from her computer when she needed the internet: changing her classes to online, emailing her teachers, and sending messages to Brittany and Piper to let them know she was all right.
BRITTANY: Oh my god, girl. Are you never coming back?
PIPER: You know you shouldn’t let Chris get the best of you.
BRITTANY: One of our friends saw him, by the way. At the grocery store. Apparently, he looked AWFUL.
Nope. Amanda didn’t want to read any kind of news about Chris. Not yet. She wanted to operate in this other dimension, where Chris didn’t exist at all. If she awoke on Martha’s Vineyard, cooked breakfast for herself and Audrey and Grandpa Wes then dove through the rest of the tasks of the day ahead, she could almost pretend that she had the same kind of life her Grandma Anna had.
Not that Anna had really liked that life. She stepped out of her own marriage, remember? Stan Ellis existed for a reason.
Not all marriages are right.
They take work.
But I was willing to put in the work!
Amanda let out a long gasp as she erupted from her Downward Dog position and lifted her back. A few of the tendons cracked softly. On her bed, her phone buzzed, and she swept up to check it.
JAKE: Hey, sis. We just got off the ferry. Should we head to the Sunrise Cove or your place?
Jake, Kristen, and the twins had arrived. Amanda bucked up, cracked her shoulders, then texted back.
AMANDA: Why don’t you check-in? I’ll get the place ready. Grandpa will be happy to see you.
JAKE: As if we even know each other...
AMANDA: And isn’t this the best time to start?
Amanda could feel Jake’s annoyance, even without his answer. She dropped her phone to the mattress and then headed out toward the kitchen, where she began to bake up another loaf of bread, some cookies, and a big vat of pesto pasta. As she cooked, Audrey appeared at the bottom of the staircase with her hand on her stomach, and her lips widened into a massive yawn.
“Good morning. What’s up?”
“Jake and his family are on their way,” Amanda said.
“Oh, right. I forgot your overly-handsome and successful older brother was on his way,” Audrey teased. She collected a scone from the little basket on the counter and dove in.
“Ha. Yes. Jake, the engineer, and Kristen,
his doting teacher-wife,” Amanda replied.
To her surprise, her heart felt black with both resentment and jealousy. She’d never, ever felt these things toward her brother and his wife. She had only ever loved them.
What kind of monster was she turning into?
“Good thing you started showering,” Audrey remarked. It was almost like she had taken the words out of Amanda’s mouth.
Amanda gave a dry laugh. “You don’t have to point out everyone’s flaws, you know.”
Audrey shrugged. “If I do, then you’re less likely to focus on mine. You know. Like, how I’m pregnant at nineteen with a guy I hardly know.”
“You’re the only one who ever brings that up, Aud. Not me.”
“Why is Jake here again? He wasn’t so keen on the Vineyard last year,” Audrey said.
“I think he feels guilty that I was stood up for my own wedding,” Amanda affirmed as she kneaded the bread. “And probably, guilty about not being around so much when Mom had cancer? I don’t know. He was always closer to dad, and I know he kind of resented Mom for not sticking around Newark for free babysitting.”
“What! Susan Sheridan, a free babysitter? That’s crazy,” Audrey said in mock surprise. “Mom says she’s getting back into the criminal lawyer game.”
Amanda grunted. “Well, she had better drop one of her many other activities then. I keep catching her falling asleep on the table.”
“Look at you. Our Sheridan Mother hen,” Audrey teased. “Grandma Anna would be so proud.”
“And look at you. Wearing Grandma Anna’s robe like you don’t own tons of maternity clothes,” Amanda replied.
“I think it suits my complexion,” Audrey said.
“It suits all of our complexions. We’re all Anna’s twin,” Amanda stated. Still, her smile was electric. She loved these daily banters with Audrey.
They were the best form of medicine she could get in a time like this.
A Vineyard Vow Page 10
