Two hours later, Dean and Emma headed next door, back home. She was stumbling a bit, and he grinned down at her as he took her arm.
“You tipsy, angel?”
“No. I’m actually smashed.” She gazed up at him blearily. “I think my tolerance for alcohol is shot to H, E, double-hockey-sticks.”
He laughed, thinking that she was an adorable drunk. “Come on. Let’s get you lying down. Last thing we need is for you to waste any of your time in remission in a full-body cast, huh?”
She nodded and hiccupped. “Uh-huh.”
He took her by the hand and led her down the hall to their bedroom. Dean undressed her, helped her in to bed. She smiled at him sleepily.
“Normally, I’d ask you to join me in here.”
He grinned. “Normally, I’d be there in a heartbeat. But I want our first time when you’re totally healthy to be when you’ve got the energy.”
“And I’m not drunk.”
“That too.” He pressed her head to his chest and dropped a kiss on her hair. “I have the day off tomorrow, so don’t make any plans, Emma. We’re going to spend the whole day in bed, celebrating.”
“Sounds good.” Her eyes gleamed up at him. “Sounds very good.”
**
It was already evening when Kat woke up slowly. She was warm and relaxed, and at first, she was puzzled at her calm happiness. Then she remembered: she wasn’t alone any more. She climbed out of bed, opened her bedroom door.
“Hi,” she said to Jim.
He glanced up briefly from his book. “Hi.”
She paused at the look on his face. He was distant and detached, and that surprised her. After what she’d shared with him, she’d have thought that they’d be closer now, not farther apart.
“What have you been doing while I’ve been sleeping?” she asked.
What Jim had been doing was working himself in to a slow but steady rage at the man who had hurt Kat so badly. He averted his eyes, not wanting her to see the anger still simmering in them.
Jim shrugged, trying to be as nonchalant as possible. “Nothing much.”
Her brow wrinkled. “You OK?”
Jim stared at her now, disbelieving. She’d been through a living hell with that fucker – he’d raped her, terrorized her, beaten her, killed her baby – and she’d been on the run, alone and frightened for years… and she was asking him if he was OK? Then he realized that he was being a closed-off, unresponsive dickhead. Again.
God, Alden. You’re being cold and hard and you’re worrying her. Stop being such an asshole.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” His voice was still too gruff, and he knew it. “You?”
“Sure.”
Kat had no earthly clue what she’d done wrong. He was barely making eye contact with her, and he looked really pissed off. All she could think was that he’d had time to really process her story while she’d been sleeping, and now he felt uncomfortable around her. It was heavy, she knew, and now she’d placed lots of stress and expectations on Jim and the guys.
They now feel responsible for keeping you safe, and Emma and Jenny and Liv, too. God, you’re a selfish bitch. You have no right to ask this of them, and Jim knows it.
She bit her lip and turned away. Jim watched her walk in to the tiny kitchen and put the kettle on the stove.
“You want some tea?” she asked, keeping her back to him. He could tell by her constricted tone that she was upset. Maybe even crying.
Cursing under his breath, he got to his feet. “Kat?”
“Yeah?” She still didn’t turn around.
“Can you just – can you look at me?”
She glanced over at him, her eyes bright.
“Goddammit,” Jim said. “Look – I’m sorry.”
“Why are you sorry? I’m the one who dumped all this on you, and now you’re stuck helping me.”
He blinked. “OK, what?”
“You heard me.”
“Stuck helping you?” His voice was rising again and she flinched. “Is that how you see it?”
She nodded.
“Come over here. Right now.”
She approached him, hesitated, stopped. “Yeah?”
“I’m not stuck with anything. Clear?” He moved closer. “Don’t you say anything like that to me, not ever again.”
Kat looked at her feet, totally confused now. “OK.”
“The thing is… well. The thing is that I have no idea what you need me to do, Kat. I don’t know what to say to you, what to do to help you. And I’m worried that I’m going to fuck it all up. Make it worse. Maybe even scare you.”
That startled the hell out of her and she looked up at him. “What?”
Jim ran his hand through his dark hair. “I’m not good at stuff like this, Kat. Leading anything, or coming up with a plan. I’m just – I take direction. That’s it, that’s all I know how to do. I can’t be trusted to think for myself.” His face was hard with his own self-loathing. “You have to tell me what you need me to do for you. I’ll do it, I swear… I’ll do any damn thing you ask of me, I don’t care what it is. But you need to come right out and ask. OK?”
“Wait.” Kat shook her head. “I still don’t get why you’re so angry.”
“Because you’ve been through a living hell and you deserve better than being stuck with me.” His laugh was a sharp bark. “I’m the most useless of the four of us, but you get me anyway.”
“Why do you say that?” she asked, genuinely perplexed. “That you can’t think for yourself? That you’re useless?”
He shrugged again. “Because I can’t and I am. Dallas has access to all kinds of staff and resources that can really help you… track this guy, keep eyes on him. That’s helpful, yeah? Dean’s a natural-born leader, and he’s smart and calm as hell under pressure, and always knows what to do to get everyone out alive. And Chris… well, Chris knows just what to say to people to make them feel better. He’s just – he’s got that way about him, you know? He’s gentle and people trust him and like him.”
“And you think you’re not as good as them?”
“I know I’m not.” His eyes were unflinching. “And I just feel bad that you get me and not one of them. I was thinking it may be better for you to move in with one of your friends for a while, so you can be closer to one of the other guys.”
“Jim,” Kat said. “If you want to get away from me, just say so.”
“No, I don’t want to get away from you. If you want better than me, you say so. Tell me what you want, Kat, and I’ll give it to you. Anything you want, anything you need.”
“I want you.”
The words came out of her without any conscious thought. Shocked, they gazed at each other for a few seconds, adjusting to what Kat had uttered aloud.
“You – you do?” Jim said.
“Yes.” She held his eyes. “I want you here. I want you to be the one that I talk to, alright? I don’t know why this is so hard for you to believe, but it’s true. The other guys are great, no doubt about that. But I want you.”
“OK,” Jim said quietly. “Then I’ll stay. Just promise that you’ll spell it all out for me. I swear, I’m a fucking moron when it comes to how people feel and what they need to feel better. But tell me what I can do to help you, and I’ll do it. I’ll do anything you need to get through this.”
Her eyes filled up with tears. “You can hold me.”
Without even one second of hesitation, Jim opened his arms to her. “Come here, baby.”
Kat almost stumbled forward, and he pulled her to him, wrapped those amazing arms around her tight. Immediately, she felt warm and safe, maybe even a bit cherished. She closed her eyes and held on to the back of his t-shirt, feeling like her whole world was a storm and he was offering her a safe harbor. A tiny calm. Kat felt her breath slow now, felt the tension star
t to leave her body.
How can he piss me off so much one minute, and then make me feel so relaxed the next? That’s truly a gift. Albeit an annoying one.
Jim stood totally still, felt her body grow soft and curved against his hardness. He didn’t know what to say to this tough, exasperating, hurt woman, so he didn’t say anything. He just held her, tried to communicate through touch, through his body.
My God, I want to kiss her. Touch her everywhere. Take her to bed, put my body between her and the world, make her feel good and safe. She deserves to feel safe; I don’t think she’s felt that in a long, long time.
A minute passed, then two. The kettle started to boil, and reluctantly Jim pulled back.
“You want me to make you some tea?” he asked.
Kat smiled up at him, and he stared down at her stunning face. Sometimes he got the sense that in her eyes, he was the man that he wanted so desperately to be – that maybe she saw him at his best. It made him want to try to be that man, for her.
“See?” Her voice was soft and a bit teasing. “This is all you need to do, Jim.”
“What’s that?”
“Give me hugs and make me tea.” Absently, she brushed her fingers over his chest muscles, not even aware what she was doing to him. But God, he felt the tips of her fingers straight through to his core. “You can do that, right?”
Startled at her grace, he smiled back at her now. Kat blinked: it was rare to see Jim genuinely smile, and whenever that open, warm expression spread across his gorgeous face, she had to stamp down hard on the urge to kiss him. When he looked like this, all she saw was his good heart, his fierce desire to protect and comfort the people he cared about. In these seconds, she always, always loved him, just a little bit.
“Yeah,” he said, letting her go. As soon as he did, his arms felt empty. “Hugs and tea, I can do, no major problem.”
“Good.” Her body felt cold away from his embrace, and she moved to the sofa, trying to ignore this fact. “Then I’ll be just fine. We’ll be just fine.”
**
Late that night, Kat was lying in bed, every inch of her body aware that Jim was out on the sofa-bed in the living room. He was less than eight feet away, just on the other side of that door. She couldn’t see him or hear him, but dear God… she could feel him.
They had gone to Jim’s apartment after a late dinner, and she’d waited while he’d packed a bag. She’d been to Jim’s a few times before, but she had never really looked around. This time, though, she tried to take in as many details about this rough, tender, infuriating man as possible.
The apartment was small, almost as small as hers. As a cash-in-hand hairdresser who set aside almost everything she earned in her ‘emergency fund’, Kat was pretty strapped for disposable cash a lot of the time, and she wondered if Jim was too. Odd that Dean would pay him so little, but then again, Kat had no idea what a fair rate for tattoo artists in Denver could possibly be. So maybe Jim lived in a tiny place because he was a single guy, and he saw no point in wasting money on a larger apartment.
Anyway, from the looks of it, the man spent every penny he had on books. They were jammed on to a couple of cheap bookshelves, and piled high on every available surface. God, he even had books on his kitchen counters and neatly lined up under his bedroom window. She peeked at a few of the tiles, and was amused to see the range of topics: mystery, action, contemporary literature, some horror. She even spotted a few military romance books, and she grinned at that.
Maybe he’s reliving his days as a Ranger, reading about bad-ass military heroes saving damsels-in-distress in a war zone?
Then it occurred to her that Jim was, in effect, playing heroic bad-ass to her distressed damsel right at that moment, and she sighed.
“What’s up?” Jim asked as he emerged from his immaculately clean bedroom. “You OK?”
“Yeah, sure,” she said. “You finished packing?”
“Almost.”
Jim walked over to the largest bookshelf, reached under it and pulled out a large metal box. Kat watched as he unlocked it, flipped it open to reveal a handgun. She gasped and Jim glanced up at her.
“You OK with this?” he said.
“Uh… I guess so. I mean… I think so.”
He studied her. “You don’t want me to bring it, I won’t.”
“No, it’s OK.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah. Sorry. It just took me by surprise.”
He stood again and tucked the gun in to the waistband of his jeans at the small of his back. Kat was shocked to find a jolt kick her in the stomach as he did that.
Fuck. I find that weirdly sexy. Holy shit… just sign me up for the lead female role in a military romance, huh?
“OK.” He glanced around. “I think I’m good. Let’s go.”
They had spent the rest of the evening on her sofa watching a movie. It wasn’t the world’s biggest sofa, so despite the fact that Kat was practically climbing the arm at her end, she and Jim were touching a bit. It made her tense, but not necessarily in a bad way. She wasn’t sure what she felt, to be honest.
And now here she was, alone in her bed, wishing that she had the guts to get up, open her bedroom door, and climb on to the sofa-bed with Jim. Or maybe invite him to join her in her own bed. Either way, she’d curl right up against that huge, solid body and raise her mouth to his. She knew his lips would be soft and gentle, his kisses hard and demanding, and God knows, she’d give him anything he demanded of her. Her pussy got wet at the thought, and she turned her face in to pillow to muffle her groan of desire.
Oh, Christ. Enough. Don’t make this whole thing more complicated than it already is.
Out on the sofa, Jim’s body was fighting the urge to go blasting through Kat’s door and gather her up in to his arms. He wanted her under him, wrapped around him, whispering his name as he thrust inside her. He’d make love to her slow and gentle and long, make sure that she loved every second of it. At the thought of her breathy sighs, his whole body tensed up: his cock was now rock-hard and he tried to reason with it, to no great success. He wanted her; he’d wanted her for so long, but he was sure that men and sex were not even remotely on her radar.
After what that guy did to her, she’d never let me near her. I’m sure of it.
They both turned over in their respective beds, trying to ignore what they thought and felt. That night, they had dreams about each other, wild, hot dreams in which they made love over and over again. In the morning, Kat woke up with a cry on her lips as her body jerked in a near-orgasm, and Jim woke up harder than he’d been the night before. He pressed his erection in to the sofa beneath him, wished that it was Kat under him. He buried his face in the pillow, took deep breaths, waited for his cock to calm the hell down.
When Kat felt her face return to its normal color, she came out in to the living room area. Jim had just gotten his body back under control, and so he managed a semi-normal morning greeting. Still… over their coffee, they had a very hard time meeting each other’s eyes.
**
Jim pulled up in front of the hair salon, glanced at his watch.
“OK, I’ll pick you up after work at about six. You don’t leave here without me. Clear?”
Kat looked over at him, annoyed at the alpha-male routine. “Jim. I’m sure that I can take the bus home.”
His eyes flashed. “And I’m sure you’ll still be here when I come to pick you up.”
“But it’s a major hassle for you.”
“Keeping you safe is not a hassle, minor or major. But you know what is a hassle? Listening to you tell me what a hassle it is.” He cocked his head at her. “So give it a fucking rest.”
She stared at him, then to his complete shock, she burst in to laughter.
“Something funny, sweetheart?” he asked.
“No. Nothing’s funny,” she s
aid between giggles. “I just – I really, really like you.”
That took him by surprise. “Yeah?”
“Oh, yeah.” She grinned at him. “So I’ll be waiting, Prince Charming.”
“OK, good.” Jim tried to keep the scowl on his face, but he felt it slipping off, felt his expression softening. She was just so beautiful, and she had this light and calm about her. He’d never really seen that in her before, and he was overjoyed that he was part of the reason she looked this way now.
Kat walked in to the salon, nodded at her co-workers. She went in to the staffroom and made herself a cup of coffee. Her boss, Benny, looked relieved to see her.
“Kat!” he said. “Thank God you’re back.”
“Hey,” she said. “Good to see you too, boss. Things been busy around here, or what?”
He rolled his eyes. “Nothing out of the ordinary. But customers kept calling and asking for you, and when I said you were on leave for a few days, they just hung up. Said they’d only make an appointment for when you came back.”
“Oh.” She took a sip of coffee. “So, I have a busy day today?”
“Girl, you have no idea. You’ll be run off your feet for the next week, I promise you.” The phone rang and he sighed. “I’m sure that’ll be someone else wanting you.” He flipped the appointment book open. “You’re fully booked until the middle of next week, Kat.”
“Cool. God knows I need the tips.”
Benny peered at her, took in her happiness. “OK, I’ve got to get this call. Welcome back.”
“Thanks. I’m glad to be back.”
She went out to her work area and started checking her equipment, thinking about the complete one-eighty that her life had taken since she’d told Jim and his friends the truth. She felt airy and joyful, totally at peace with things as they were. She hadn’t realized that people cared if she showed up or not, and that knowledge warmed her.
She was a part of something here, after all: she had really, honestly made a life, with a good job and good friends. It made her more determined than ever to hold on to it, to protect it. To stay, this time.
Enemy From The Past (Unseen Enemy Book 4) Page 7
