My back hit the brick wall behind me with a thud. I struggled beneath him, anger still controlling my stupidity. My lungs squeezed tight as they fought for air but every single inch of me fumed with his inability to answer my question.
My heart rate pounded in my ears, the thump almost hypnotising as life drained from me quickly.
I implored with my eyes, begging him to let me go and allow me much needed air. He narrowed his eyes, enjoyment heavy in his expression as he once more overpowered me and took God’s place, deciding whether to let me live or die.
My fist slammed into his chest as I struggled to breathe beneath his hand. My legs started to tremble as my vision tunnelled and a whooshing sound echoed in my ears. He sneered at me, the curl of his lips mocking and cruel until he suddenly moved back.
I gulped at the instant availability of air, my mouth opening and closing like a damn guppy’s. My chest heaved painfully as my lungs powered back to life.
“Why do you do that?” I shouted. “Every damn time I upset you, you try to suffocate me. What the hell is wrong with you? I only asked a bloody question.”
He stepped into me but I didn’t notice his proximity as I still fought to bring back consciousness. Everything hummed around me as my brain struggled to cope with the sudden rush of oxygen.
I gasped when his body pushed against mine and the groove of each brick indented its shape into my spine. His furious eyes held me, overpowered me. “You never, ever use my name again.”
I blinked at him. “After all that, that’s all you focus on? You try and kill me, yet all you’re bothered about is that I called you Daniel?”
I was angry, confused, stunned; every emotion possible coursing through me with a speed I couldn’t keep up with. I stared as hard as he did, denying him my surrender and refusing to show him any weakness.
“Believe me, little lamb, if I wanted to kill you then you wouldn’t be stood there arguing like the stubborn woman you are.”
“What the hell is your problem with me? I can’t do this anymore. You have more sides than a Rubix Cube, each a different colour, a different mood. How do you expect me to surrender to you when I find it impossible to understand you? I never know what is expected of me, I never know how to treat you. I don’t even know what the hell I feel anymore. You confuse me, anger me, humour me… heal me.”
Tears pricked my eyes, burning my sight as much as they burnt my heart. My mind was shattering into various parts, each an assortment of different thoughts as my brain struggled to decipher each one.
He was silhouetted in the moonlight, each contour of his handsome face highlighted eerily until he resembled something ethereal and ghostly.
He dropped his forehead, his brow slotting against mine as we both fought with the commotion in our heads.
“You intrigue me, Mae Swift. You make me question myself.” His honesty grounded me. It took hold of something inside me and twisted it until all I could feel was guilt, his manipulation once more muddling everything.
“Please don’t use this to hurt me.” I whispered the words but my soul shouted them. I needed some sort of stability, something real I could take hold of. “Answer me one question truthfully.”
He regarded me for a while but when he nodded I plunged ahead before he changed his mind. “Do you… have you ever… regretted what you do to women?”
His eyes widened as though he had expected some other query. “Honestly, please,” I begged.
He swallowed heavily as his gaze locked with mine to show me the truth in his answer. “Not until now. I’ve watched you, Mae. Watched you struggle with life, and for some insane moments, I actually wanted to give you a smile. I’ve never felt that before, the want to please. You confuse me, make everything I know… knew, for once seem wrong and…”
“And?”
“And…” He gulped and ran the tip of his nose down the length of mine. My body shivered as something other than arousal caused the blood in my veins to flow freer. “Every year I came to you, you never changed. You still held a deep sadness. The first year you were beyond approach. You hid away in that dark, dismal home of yours and I barely caught a glimpse of you. I initially thought you had died and for the first time in my life I felt something other than the need to hurt and cause pain. I wanted to check you were okay and that confused the hell out of me. You hide from me and for the first time in my life I need to see all of you, feel all of you.”
My heart bled with his words. Memories stabbed my soul once more. A tear freed itself and rolled down my cheek, the taste of it bitter when it trickled onto my lips.
My hand lifted to his face warily, my palm cupping his cheek. “I’m glad you only visited me at Christmas, there are some things that… that are too hurtful to share with you. From the day you took my soul, you never left me. You lived inside me, more than you may think. You refused to leave my nightmares, your hurtful words and cruel taunts lived my life for me. I couldn’t push them away, you brought me down further than my parents’ and Connie’s death ever could.”
He swallowed, his eyes soaking up my words. “But you came back, refusing me any peace before I get to leave. My secrets will go with me, Master. They need to go with me. Please don’t push them from me, I will never forgive myself if…” Noise down the alley made us both jump, pulling us from our moment of honesty and connection.
“We need to go,” he said. He turned to take my hand once more. “I will not let you go until I know everything you’re hiding from me, lamb. I’m sorry if that grieves you, but you will make your peace before you leave. Whether it be with me, God or even yourself, those secrets will no longer be mysteries to the world before you leave it.”
I begged to differ.
Chapter Fifteen
‘Limits are limitless when you strive for more.’
Master grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the taxi. The fresh air had intensified my drunkenness, taking my stability and exchanging it for unsteadiness, the world beneath my feet as tilted as my posture. His arm slid around my waist when I swayed and bumped into the cab door. He rolled his eyes at the driver as he shoved some money at him. “Excuse my girlfriend’s attempts to destroy your car. Any damage, you can find me here at this address.”
The driver smiled and waved him off. “Don’t worry, mate. It’s dealt with more than a body or two denting the door.”
Master nodded and took hold of me, shutting the door with his hip as he led me towards the house. “How much have I allowed you to drink?”
I giggled as I fell up the first step. “You make a useless guide dog.”
He shook his head but chuckled as he slid the key in the door and it swung open. “I’m so thirsty,” I told him as I licked at the salt still lingering on my lips from the chips I’d greedily devoured. “I need a nice white wine spritzer. You know how to make them, Master?”
He didn’t answer. The door handle jabbed my hip as I tried to manoeuvre myself through the door and I turned to scowl at it; damn thing should have moved out of my way. “Maybe we could try different wines to make our own concoction. You have enough varieties down in your cellar to…”
I slammed to a halt when I witnessed our welcome committee. Master stood rigid before me but I didn’t miss how he shifted in front of me, shielding me from whoever had come to greet us.
The Demi-whore was stood with a smirk on her face, Frank beside her; great worry on his soft face as his eyes found mine. I waved to him, grinning at the sight of his calming features. “Hey Frank, you missed a great night out. Next time you must come with us.”
He frowned, his head shaking slightly from side to side as though warning me of something. His gaze flicked to the man next to him before he lowered his eyes. I turned to look at whomever Frank wanted me to see. He was a big bloke, his huge muscles contained in an expensive charcoal suit. His face was as dark as his attire, the deep rich chocolate of his eyes as familiar as the structure of his strong chin.
“Hi,” I greeted as I step
ped from behind Master. “I’m Mae.”
He didn’t move, his body locked as his hands clasped tightly in front of him. He slid his stern stare from Master to me. “I know who you are. I’m presuming you have no idea who I am?”
His dialect and accent was the exact same as Master’s and I frowned, pursing my lips as I studied him. “I’m gathering you’re a relation of Master’s.”
Master stiffened but remained silent. Tension rolled from him in waves but I couldn’t understand why. The man took a step towards us, his eyes still fixed on me. “Nadu!” He suddenly barked.
Instinct sent a potent warning through me. I couldn’t say what it was but I knew it was important that I follow orders from this man, for Master’s sake as much as my own.
I dropped into position beside Master, taking comfort from his proximity as fear drowned out the alcohol in my system and filled me with dread. He relaxed slightly at my obedience. I slackened further when he placed his hand gently on top of my head. “Good girl,” he whispered tightly. I didn’t acknowledge his praise. I remained still as was expected of me, my chin high but my eyes on nothing specific.
The older man circled around me, his steps rhythmic and heavy, hypnotising me. Master’s thumb stroked slowly across the crown of my head, soothing as well as supporting me. Something was off. Master’s apprehension, Demi’s delight, Frank’s anguish were all notifying me that I needed to behave for once.
“Tell me,” the man addressed me. “I’m intrigued. Where did your outing tonight take you?”
Oh shit. I knew instantly that we were in trouble. Panic rushed through me causing my heart rate to speed up as my stomach twisted with anguish. “Uhh…”
I yelped when his fingers gripped my hair. He stood behind me, his body close. His anger suffocated me, filling every fibre of me with fear as his supremacy ruled over everyone in the room. Master stepped to the side but I caught the tightening of his fist from the corner of my eye. “Father…” he attempted but the large man ignored him, bending into me until his mouth was beside my ear.
“Answer my question!”
“It was my fault, sir. I…” I cried out as his grip hardened, the pull on my roots burning my scalp as he yanked me upright. My hands instinctively rose to his, my fingers wrapping around his as I attempted to loosen his hold.
“Do not insult me with your lies, girl.”
“I’m not. I asked to get drunk one last time before I… before I die.”
He scoffed and started to drag me across the room. “Meet me in your office in one hour,” he spoke to Master without looking his way.
“Father, this has nothing to do with Mae. It was my decision.”
“Do you not think I already know that, boy? Your subject needs to know her place. I will deal with you after I have instilled some discipline into her. You both need to accept the consequences of your actions.”
What the hell was wrong with this guy? “We didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t leave Master’s side. I … Christ!” I squealed when he tugged harder on my hair. “If I’d have wanted to lose my hair I would have undergone chemo!”
“MAE!” Master barked, chastising me for my rudeness.
“Do not worry, Daniel. I’ll teach her some manners.” The certainty with which he spoke filled me with fear. I had no doubt he would stick to his promise.
I suddenly knew who had given the order for my auction. Master’s father managed the business, if one could call it a business. I was also aware of some deep control issues between father and son. However their relationship was the least of my worries. I was more concerned how far this man would take my punishment. It wasn’t difficult to presume he was far fiercer than his son, the way he dragged me through the house told me how self-important he was, how much he demanded respect and how he considered himself superior to anyone else.
“Demi,” Master’s father spoke kindly to the very person who didn’t deserve any respect. “Please prepare Lola for indulgence, but before that I require her presence to witness what her rival’s behaviour brings.”
Lola? Rival? I wasn’t aware of any rivalry going on. I knew there was another in the same situation as me, but rivals? I wouldn’t have exactly described us as that, more like allies who had both been thrust into a horrific nightmare.
My eyes caught Master’s before I was pulled through a door. His expression was of apprehension but mostly guilt. I didn’t understand the reason for that; it was my fault. Even though Master had made the suggestion, I knew it was because of our connection that he had relented and tried to give me something ‘normal’ before I died. His compassion had turned into punishment. But I needed to take it, if only for his sake.
It was this thought, that I was willing to take punishment to save my Master that caused me greater anguish than the reprimand that was coming. I couldn’t grasp why I wanted to shield him when he had done nothing but hurt me. The way my thoughts showed more concern for my Master than me worried me.
I did wonder if it was the tumour fogging everything that filled my head, contorting normality into make-believe, taking emotions that should be there and structuring something false in their place.
However, these thoughts didn’t last long when my punishment began. Every single thought in my head turned to pain and misery as Master’s father showed me exactly why he reigned above his son.
~~~
Lola turned out to be a pretty girl with long lustrous blonde hair and deep inquisitive blue eyes; piercing blue eyes that supported me throughout the duration of my Master’s father’s hour long rapes and beatings.
Lola’s sad face kept me going in the worst hour I had ever witnessed. I had thought once that Daniel’s rape couldn’t ever be matched in darkness but his father showed me just how naive I had been. He demonstrated that however terrible I thought life had become, there was a deeper more intense terror that could be found with each sick and twisted way he took me.
He lapped at my blood whilst he drove pain and torment through my brittle body. His sickening grunts of satisfaction filled me with a misery I had never experienced before in my short twenty one years. He took me with sickening objects, sex toys that belonged in some sick fetish club, as well as himself, and once as well as himself, many, many times; some so vile they actually caused me to vomit. But that didn’t stop him, he continued to torture with whips, floggers, a long thin crop plugged with barbed metal spikes until I was a wreck. My skin hung loosely from my limp body as my tears stung the numerous cuts and grazes to my face.
Yet, it was his cruel words of disgust and degradation that finally broke my will to live; the humiliating names, the shameful declarations of what he was doing to me and the insults about how useless I was for him. The way he used and abused me was nothing to the way he persecuted my self-belief and destroyed my character.
Each tear that spilled from Lola gave me the courage to hold on to my sanity. Each small smile she managed to give me throughout my ordeal showed me that someone was with me, embracing me spiritually and telling me to hold the fuck on to the end. She refused to let me go all the way through it as she knelt for an hour where she had been told, her strong stare linking with mine and telling me silently that I wasn’t alone during my travel through hell.
I held onto her gaze, greedily taking whatever she gave me until the suffering became too much and I sank into the misery my subconscious had waiting for me.
Chapter Sixteen
‘Preparing for death does not mean you are ready for it.’
I didn’t see Master for many days after our night out. He never came to me in my fevered days of oblivion. I put my state down to the fact that my poorly brain couldn’t cope with anymore; and I let it be, allowed it to rest.
I was somewhat aware of Pauline and Frank’s presence, sometimes the deep scratch of Dr Galloway’s medication pulling me from my frenzied dreams, but it was the fact my subconscious forever hunted for the dark man that had taken my soul that refused me any rest.
&nbs
p; I woke after four days to bright sunshine seeping through the window. My room was empty, my breathing the only sound in the room as the serenity of the wall of butterflies soothed the jargon in my mind. Before my vision was granted focus, the soft fluttery wings on each insect appeared to wave and flicker, their morning dance accompanying the deep rich song of the spring birds.
I frowned when one particular butterfly, the bright blue one I forgot the name of, pulled away from the rest and drifted along a ray of sunshine towards me. It landed softly on the very edge of my bed, its gentle black eyes staring at me. Its wings curled around its body, cocooning itself protectively as it considered me for a moment.
We held each other in a gaze of awe and amazement, as though neither of us had ever witnessed the other being before. It shifted slightly, its tiny body vibrating as it attempted to both protect itself but allow me access to its beauty.
Neither of us moved, both of us prisoners to each other and the room. It sympathised with me, I could feel its pity and sorrow. I could sense its promise of paradise, the fantasy of glory forthcoming and I knew its message was from the heavens, giving me guidance for the coming end.
“I’m ready,” I whispered, not caring how stupid or strange it seemed. I needed it to deliver my message and bring me the peace I so craved for. I hungered for death now, craved for the oblivion of the end. “Please. Hurry.”
“Mae?”
I blinked as the room finally came into focus and Pauline’s voice broke the spell of the moment. There was only myself seated on the large bed, the pretty blue butterfly once again housed on the wall next to its neighbours. I stared at it, willing it to move. I needed to know my brain wasn’t deteriorating further but it remained still, frozen in its own death as if it hadn’t forewarned me of mine.
The Decimation of Mae (The Blue Butterfly) Page 14
