“Hey, I take offense to that,” Nate mock pouts. “I’m not nor have I ever been a bitch.” I don’t warrant this with a response, so he goes on to add, “Don’t be pissed at her, babe. She didn’t rat you out if that’s what you’re thinking. I used my awesome powers of persuasion on her, and she simply couldn’t resist spilling all the gory details.”
Ebonee and I have been friends since sixth grade, but we’re not nearly as close as I am to Scarlet. There’s no particular reason for that, other than Ebonee likes to keep to herself. She’s not the easiest person to get to know or have a conversation with, but I love her all the same.
Tiny, like Mia, my current houseguest, and new friend, Ebonee is the kind of woman men are instantly drawn to. She’s quiet in a non-assuming way, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t get her fair share of attention; she does. Ebonee can command a room without saying a word, all thanks to her stellar rack and the sweet, innocent, virginal vibe she exudes.
Punching Nate in the arm, I tuck my legs under my ass and stare out the window.
“You’re full of shit. The only power you have over Ebonee is her attraction for you, but you ruined that months ago so you’ve got squat, Nate.”
Nate hates being reminded of the callous way he treated Ebonee and her crush on him. After trying to let her down gently which is code for ignoring it and hoping it goes away, Nate resorted to desperate means to get his point across. In other words, he showed up with a skank on his arm when he knew she would be on shift at Glacier.
Ebonee was forced to watch Nate stick his tongue down the slutty blondes’ throat for hours. Nate didn’t stop there, though. No, he went for broke, feeling the chick up, practically finger fucking her at the bar while Ebonee was clearing glasses. It took Scarlet, Mia, and I to convince Ebonee to leave her shift early and come back to my place so that she could drink away the bad memories of a night that should never have happened.
Clenching his jaw, Nate’s hands form tight fists beside him.
“Not talking to you about that, babe,” he grits out.
“It’s not me you need to be talking to, Nate,” I shrug. “All I’m saying is, if you don’t want to answer the hard questions, don’t ask any. Fair’s fair, buddy. You want to stick your nose where it doesn’t belong, then prepare to have it bitten off.”
That seems to derail him for a second, making him think before speaking. I’m just not lucky enough that it renders him mute altogether.
“So how’s the new roomie working out?” He asks, figuring Mia is a safer topic of conversation than Ebonee or Knight.
But I’m not fooled. I know Nate better than that. He’s waiting until I’m distracted before he goes in for the kill, so I head him off at the pass.
“Best roommate ever, except for her being maybe a little too quiet. Give it another month or so and I think she’ll come out of her shell, though. But that’s not what you really want to know, is it?”
Nate tilts his head, staring at me intently.
“Not really, but you just said it’s tit for tat, and I don’t feel like playing that game today so I’ll leave it be for now.”
“No. We’re getting this out of the way and then you’re going to promise me you’ll drop the subject.” At his triumphant grin, I set out my terms. “No questions. No interrupting. I mean it, Nate. I don’t want to discuss this, but I will because I need your help.”
“How so?”
“After I explain, I’m going to need you to tell your brother to back off. I’ve made some decisions about my life recently, and they don’t include him or the gym. At least, not for the foreseeable future, anyway,” my voice wavers at the end.
Interlacing our fingers, Nate gazes at me with a look of raw compassion in his eyes.
“You know I’d do just about anything for you, Z, but you’re going to have to do a hell of a lot of convincing to get me to go toe to toe with my brother for you. That big bastard can be mean when he wants to be, and I don’t think my being his little brother will save my ass if I come in between him and you.” Taking a deep breath, Nate huffs, “I probably shouldn’t be telling you this at the risk of my balls no longer being attached to my corpse, but Knight’s been in love-lust with you for years, babe.”
Gasping, I cover my mouth and my eyeballs nearly pop right out of their sockets.
“Ah, say what?”
“Jesus, Z. I expect you to give a fucking awesome eulogy if he kills me, okay?”
“Sure, sure,” I mutter, waving off his dramatics.
Nate’s shoulders slump in defeat as he confesses,
“The kind of guy Knight is doesn’t afford him a whole lot of wriggle room on his morals and beliefs, babe. He’s hard, rough around the edges, barely housebroken really, but he’s got a shit ton of principles. More than any other man I’ve met. He fought it, Z; his attraction to you. In his head, all Knight could think was how people would react to an eighteen-year-old, just legal, not yet graduated high school girl being with an ex-Army lieutenant who also happens to be a washed up boxer eight years her senior. Your dad and Pop would have had a shit hemorrhage if he’d approached either one of them asking for their permission to date you. And let’s not forget, he was still married to the bitch from hell back then too,” Nate sneers, openly hostile toward the woman who broke his brother’s heart.
How much Nate despises Lena is the worst kept secret in the state of Colorado. For a while, Nate felt indebted to Lena for throwing herself on the proverbial sword by not disclosing his location to the men who kidnapped her. But that gratitude has long since disappeared after finding how deep Lena’s manipulation of Knight and her deceit runs.
When Lena was first found by, Lord, a nomad Black Widows MC member, and brought to the only place he thought she would be safe, Vengeance MC’s clubhouse, he didn’t know who she was. Boss, Vengeance’s President, took one look at the badly battered woman and recognized her immediately.
Knight was called to the clubhouse, along with his friend Jonas who was in the Army with him. It took Fury, Cash, Jump, and Sarge – all MC brothers – to hold Knight back when he learned his wife was hurt but he wasn’t allowed to see her just yet. My heart still breaks at the image of the man I’ve always believed is invincible being restrained and in pain. Especially when I know the whole story surrounding Lena’s disappearance.
I told you before, but I’ll tell you again. Knights gym began to suffer when its owner and namesake took months off to help his wife recover from her physical and emotional ordeal. I won’t deny Lena needed the assistance, but I’m still torn whether she deserved it or not.
The reality is, Lena wasn’t held captive for the entire six months she was missing. Not even close. Instead, she was living it up on what was supposed to be a permanent vacation. One which was funded by money she had been siphoning from her and Knight’s joint bank account into one in her name.
The whole thing was planned out in detail. Okay, so maybe not the kidnapping portion of Lena’s road trip, but the rest…hell yeah, it was. Lena must have been arranging her departure starting around the time she had her last abortion. So by my estimation, a minimum of five months before she actually up and left. There was one thing Lena overlooked, though. She underestimated how much her husband truly loved her.
It didn’t matter how long it took, Knight had no intention of ever giving up looking for his wife. If he had to scour heaven and hell to find her, he would. Shit, he pretty much did.
Knight spent hours searching hospitals, free clinics, and shelters for Lena. He talked to homeless people, soup kitchen operators, and prostitutes without getting one single, solitary lead and he still didn’t give up. Every night, he wandered aimlessly, no idea where he was going or where to look next, but Knight didn’t let that stop him. I went with him several times, which is why I knew it was a lost cause. Lena was gone, and I didn’t think she was ever coming back.
Now I wish she hadn’t.
Nate clicks his fingers in front of my face, grinnin
g like a crazy person.
“You were thinking about all the ways you want to hurt the psychotic witch bitch, weren’t you? Come on, you can tell me, Z. I won’t say a word. Promise.”
A short burst of laughter escape before I can swallow it, and I reply,
“Oh, you poor misguided man. I don’t want to hurt her, Nate; I’m going to. The question is when and how badly.”
“Well, if that’s the case, then let me know when and where this bitch smack down is going to happen because I want front row seats,” he smirks, high-fiving me when I stretch out my palm for him.
Both of us settle back into the couch and take sips of our scotch, sitting in comfortable silence for a few minutes.
“Just saying, but you’re the fucking master of distraction, Z,” Nate muses out loud. “Here I was talking about Knight’s feeling for you and how long he’s been fighting them, and then you somehow manage to steer the conversation in an entirely different direction. I don’t know if I should be proud or scared right now.”
“You’re welcome,” I nod, smiling widely.
“Fuck you, and your little dog too,” Nate chuckles. “Seriously, though, Z. Cut the man some slack. He’s strung tight enough as it is, and with you finding out about him shaking his moneymaker for big bills, my brother’s got to be close to losing his shit if he hasn’t already.”
That has me straightening in my seat.
“Fact; I found out about Dark Knights from Pop when he handed me the paperwork outlining my forty-nine percent ownership of the business.”
I don’t miss Nate’s slack-jawed expression, but for now, I ignore him in favor of getting all of this out in the open.
“Fact; I signed my interests in it over to Locke weeks ago with the provision that if you wanted it, half of my share would become yours,” I state, shocking him even more. “Fact; in the same conversation that I found out Knight was working as an escort and owned the majority share of the most successful all-male entertainment company in Colorado, your brother propositioned. You don’t need the precise details, but needless to say, he was explicit and very thorough in describing all the ways he’d like to fuck me. But only for a night. One night, Nate. And fact; I took this job to give Knight time to get used to the idea of me not being around anymore. I’m leaving, Nate. I need a break, time to myself to think, and I can’t have that in Lower Falls. Ashleigh’s sister, Sarah lives in Las Vegas. She’s an event planner and needs an assistant for six months. Maybe more, who knows? What I do know is that I care about Knight too much to watch him leave my bed for another woman’s, regardless of if it’s his job to fuck them or not. I’ve given it a lot of though, and that’s not something I can live with.”
I place the empty tumbler of scotch on the floor by my feet and wring my hands together in my lap. Nate struggles to find the words to respond, eventually saying,
“Have you told him that? I mean, have you laid it out for him just like that, Z?”
“I shouldn’t have to, Nate. Knight should never have asked me for one night of what could only be meaningless sex, let alone ask me to accept him sleeping with other women,” I mumble sadly.
“Wait. Just think about it for a second before you make any rash decisions, babe. Let me talk to him.”
Leaning forward, I grip Nate’s forearm effectively cutting him off.
“This isn’t about the money if that’s what you’re thinking, Nate. I don’t give a shit if he gets paid to stick his dick in one woman or a thousand of them; it’s about Knight being willing to treat me the same way as he treats them.”
“No!” He shouts. “That’s bullshit, Z, and you know it. Knight would never treat you like a client.”
“Really, Nate?” I question, raising an eyebrow at him cynically. “Don’t the women he has sex with have a time limit; an hour, a few hours, one night of being able to use his body, however, they see fit? Because the way I see it, that’s exactly the same thing he offered me. One night of no strings attached sex in which he can do whatever he wants, however, he wants with no questions asked on my part. I can only assume that after he’s done with me, I’m expected to clean up, get dressed, and leave never to speak of it again.”
“Babe,” Nate pleads. “It’s not like that; I promise you it’s not. Knight cares about you. A fuck of a lot. He would never do anything to hurt you, and if you’d told him how you felt about his proposition, I know for a fact that my brother would have kicked his own ass for making you question how he feels about you.”
“But that’s just it; Knight didn’t make me question anything. It’s called acceptance, Nate. I might have taken longer than most to reach it, but now that I have, I’m giving up.”
“I’m not following, Z?” Nate scowls.
Standing up, I wrap my arms around my middle protectively. I feel vulnerable admitting this seeing as I’ve never said the words out loud before, but I trust Nate implicitly so here goes nothing.
“Before I drove up here, I broke things off with Cooper. I told him that what we had was great, and it was, but I also told him I needed more. Do you know what he said?” I don’t let him answer because of course, Nate doesn’t know. He wasn’t there. “He asked me to marry him. Me. As in the girl he knows will never love him the way he deserves to be loved. Me, the girl who has stupidly been pining away for a man that will always belong to someone else. Whether that’s first or forever, Knight will always be Lena’s, Nate. It’s not a competition, but regardless, I can’t compete with that. Especially when I’m not on the same playing field. You were right earlier, you know. There is eight years between us, a whole lot of life experience, a divorce, and so many lies that I don’t even know what the truth is anymore.”
“Zara, please,” Nate tries again, but I’m done listening to him make half-assed excuses for his brother.
I bend down and kiss Nate softly on the cheek before backing away from him. I shut out the searing pain in my chest and blink away the sting of tears from my eyes and whisper,
“I’m not being selfish, Nate. I just want more. I need more. More than a man I have to share. More than one night I know I will never forget or be able to move beyond. This isn’t his fault, Nate. Knight isn’t driving me away; this is all on me. I wanted more from him than he’s capable of giving because it’s not his to give.”
Nate looks at me with an expression of resignation etched on his altogether too handsome face, slowly rising and walking toward me until he’s wrapped me up in his strong arms. And only then in the safety and security of his embrace do I let the tears I’ve held at bay fall.
I cry for what I never had and never will. I cry because I’m going to miss Nate, my dad, Pop, my brothers, and Knight when I’m gone. But most of the tears I cry are because I’m finally letting go. Letting go of a dream I held onto far too long because it was only destined for one thing; failure.
CHAPTER TWELVE
~ Knight ~
“The only reason I would kick you out of bed is so that I can fuck you on the floor.”
– Knight’s idea of romance
I heard everything. Every single devastatingly heartbroken word that slipped from Zara’s perfect lips. And on hearing them, something inside me breaks wide open. It tears through all of my doubts, instantly erasing my plan to take this slowly and prove to Zara I can be the man she needs.
When I told her exactly how I wanted to fuck her, how much I needed her writhing underneath me screaming my name all of it was true. But I lied about it only being for one night. I knew then just as I’m aware now, that one night with Zara wouldn’t be enough. A thousand nights of her soft, willing, wet body taking my cock and giving me everything I’ve ever dreamed of wouldn’t be enough. I’ll need a lifetime, maybe two before I come close to sating the blazing desire I feel for her every minute of every day.
I’d love nothing more than to walk in, throw her over my shoulder, and take her to bed so that I can prove everything I can’t say with words with my body. That is going to have to wa
it an hour or so, though, because Zara was right when she talked about all the lies. They’re hanging above us like a toxic cloud. The air needs to be cleared before we have a chance at anything more, starting with where I was two nights ago.
Cracking the door open, Nate’s knowing gaze meets mine, and I’m shocked as shit to see tears shimmering in his eyes. Nate doesn’t cry; in fact, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him shed so much as a tear even when he broke his arm in five places when he was ten.
However right now, my brother is looking at me as if he was waiting for me. I bet he’s cursing me to hell and back for making him responsible for an emotional woman. They are his weakness after all. Any and all emotion, especially a woman’s tears, has Nate coming dangerously close to actually feeling something himself, which is why he usually runs in the opposite direction at the slightest hint of them.
Nodding at me cautiously, careful not to let on to Zara that I’m present just yet, Nate motions for me to take her from him. I don’t hesitate in making my way to his side and allowing him to transfer my woman into my arms because this is where I’m meant to be. Now and always.
Vengeance MC Box Set - Volume 2: Gage ~ Cash ~ Knight (Vengeance MC series Book 8) Page 64
