by Leah Braemel
She had to admit she enjoyed lounging around in the evening with Dillon and waking up with Brett in the morning. She prized the time she spent with both of them, both in the bedroom and out of it. Never in her life had she felt so treasured, so loved.
We can make it work if you trust us, Brett had said.
She did trust them, but what they suggested was so…huge that saying yes, actually saying it out loud, was impossible.
Two weeks after they’d first proposed the arrangement, Dillon caught Nikki at the waist and swung her onto his lap at the kitchen table. “Hey, Brett? Are you hungry?”
Brett leaned against the counter and crossed his bare feet at the ankles. Even with the top button of his jeans undone and his chest bare, he had an air of danger about him. Or maybe she was confusing danger with the wolfish quality he brought to their bedroom some nights. “Yup, I could do with a bite.”
“After that lunch your mom made?” Nikki poked Dillon in the belly. “Where do you keep all that food? How do you not weigh three hundred pounds?”
She paused when she caught the look between them. “You’re not talking about meat and potatoes, are you?”
“Nope.” Nuzzling her throat, Dillon slid his hands beneath her top. “I’m thinking I’m hungry for some dessert. Maybe a little Nikki à la mode.”
Giggling, she jumped off his lap and raced for the back door, the wooden screen door slamming behind her. “You’ve got to catch me first.”
She’d barely made it to the first step off the porch before Brett snatched her from her feet with a chuckle. “Looks like we’ve got some fast food here, Dill.”
Her breath escaped softly when he caught her mouth with his. Dillon stepped behind her, his hands once again beneath her top, stroking her breasts. When her knees gave way, she sagged against him, giving in to the sensation of both men pleasuring her under the warmth of the October sun.
Her hands sought a path down Brett’s chest to his unbuttoned fly. They’d just delved beneath the denim when a throat cleared from the path a half-dozen feet away.
It took a moment for her to recognize Tiny, considering he wasn’t wearing his uniform. He took off his baseball cap and turned it in his hands, looking everywhere except at them.
“Didn’t mean to interrupt.” He frowned and hitched a thumb toward his battered pick-up. “I figured you’da heard me drive up.”
Nikki jerked her hands away from Brett’s fly and clutched them to her stomach only to realize Dillon’s hands were still beneath her blouse. A whimper escaped her as she frantically searched for some way to explain that Tiny hadn’t seen what he’d seen, but realized it was already too late. He’d seen them. All three of them.
Let the earth open up and swallow her now.
“Breathe,” Dillon whispered. He slid his hands from underneath Nikki’s top and put himself between her and their visitor, while Brett turned away and fumbled with the buttons of his fly. “What can we do for you, Tiny?”
“I just dropped in to see if Brett wanted to go to the shootin’ range with me.” Tiny cleared his throat twice while bright red flags of color appeared high in his cheeks. “I, uh, guess not. See you later, Brett.”
Brett rubbed her shoulders as she stood on the porch watching Tiny drive away. “He won’t say anything to anyone, Nik. Don’t worry.”
“But he saw us fooling around. All three of us.” Reaching up to her shoulder, she clutched Brett’s hand. “He knows. I know you believe he won’t tell anyone, but suppose he does?” Thank God Tiny hadn’t arrived five minutes later. She’d been that close to going down on Brett, and Dillon probably would have gone down on her at the same time. “Even if he doesn’t, you still have to work with him. How will you be able to face him after this?”
How would she be able to face him again without turning beet red? Aw hell, he’d probably tell the guys in the police department, and she’d not be able to go into town again without everyone knowing.
Brett turned her to face him, then cupped her jaw and lifted it so she couldn’t look away. “He won’t say anything. And he won’t judge either of us. There’s no reason to panic. Trust me.”
Dillon hitched a hip onto the railing. “This is your home, Nik. You can kiss who you want without having to explain yourself to anyone.”
Brett leaned down to brush a kiss over her cheek. “As long as it’s one of us you’re kissing.”
Shaking her head, she pulled away. “I don’t think I can do this.”
Without thinking about it, she headed to the barn.
“Nik—” Dillon started after her.
She faced him, holding up her hand to stop him. “No. Don’t. Just…just give me some space, okay? I have to think about this.”
Though they didn’t say a word, they followed her to the barn and watched her saddle Bashir. She couldn’t look at them as she swung onto his back and rode away from the barn, leaving them behind.
Bashir sensed her impatience and soon, they were galloping across Dillon’s land. A check over her shoulder showed Dillon and Brett standing shoulder-to-shoulder at the barn door, watching but not following.
What was she doing? Had she just made her decision?
When she reached the section of fence they’d cut to let her animals through, she climbed down and unlatched the gate they’d put there in its place. She ran her hand along the steel. They’d worked so hard to help her. Both of them had helped her day and night, mucking out the stalls, feeding and exercising her horses.
More telling, they’d been concerned about her. Cared for her. Both of them had been more concerned than Phil or Wade had ever been. Or in all honesty, more concerned than her parents had been. Not only this past year, but when they found out Wade had been fooling around on her and her marriage was faltering. Or even when she’d lost the baby.
So why was she having such a hard time accepting their solution?
What was that saying about having her cake and eating it too? Damn it, that’s what living with both of them was—an indulgence. They were a chocolate fudge brownie with whipped cream on top. She sure as hell loved the combination, even though she knew it would take one helluva lot of sweat in the barn to work off the calories.
She had no doubt they loved her, and she loved them equally in return. But was she being greedy holding them both to her, instead of letting them find someone they deserved? Someone who could give them kids of their own? Despite Dillon’s protests that adoption would be fine with him, she longed to give him golden-skinned, dark-haired babies that looked just like him. Though Brett had worried about passing his father’s genes on, with the right woman to encourage him, he’d be a great father.
The doctors had assured her that while getting pregnant might be easy enough, staying pregnant was a long shot. Neither of them should settle for damaged goods. They deserved better than her.
So why couldn’t she give them an answer? The yes she longed to give them, or the flat-out no they needed to set them back on the right path.
With a sigh, she swung back into the saddle and urged the gelding through the thigh-high weeds. She pressed Bashir to jump the stream trickling through the middle of the property. His tongue hanging to one side, Rascal splashed through the water behind them.
Once they were in the main pasture she dismounted and headed to the front of the house. Her boots echoed on the worn planks as she approached the front door, Rascal’s nails clicking on the wood behind her. Once she opened the door, he shoved past her. Nose to the carpet, he snuffled and snorted following unseen paths while she wandered through the deserted rooms.
In the few weeks she’d lived at Dillon’s she had more happy memories than she did here. Wade had never lain beside her on the couch and cuddled late at night. Most nights he’d fallen asleep in the chair. The nights he had come home. How many times had she gone to bed alone, wondering where he was?
She wandered into the kitchen. She ran a finger along the counter, remembering the dinners she’d prepared, trying n
ot to remember how many she’d eaten alone. Wade had never laid her flat on the kitchen table and made love to her the way Dillon had.
Had this house ever been more than a shell? A place to shelter her from the rain and the storms and the heat? Had it ever been a home?
Once. For a short time.
She walked to the picture window, remembering her excitement choosing the fabric for the curtains she’d made right after they’d been married.
She stopped at the door of her office, the room she’d originally chosen to be the baby’s room. Those first few months of their marriage, she’d spent a lot of time in this room, painting it, picking out baby furniture, dreaming of holding a baby in her arms. A week after she’d discovered she may never have another child, she’d insisted Wade paint it from the soft pink it had been to a dark green, wiping any trace of her hopes for motherhood from her life.
“Are they good memories or bad?” Mrs. Barnett asked quietly from the far end of the hall.
“Both.” She’d heard a car drive up and the front door open, but was surprised it wasn’t Dillon or Brett. And relieved.
Using the boot of her toe, she nudged a box of papers she and Brett had packed. She’d already salvaged her notes on her horses, the vet bills, their blood lines. The rest of this was…trash. Like so many of her dreams from when she’d moved in. “How did you know to look for me here?”
Mrs. Barnett followed her into the office. “I stopped off at Dillon’s. The boys told me you were upset and that you’d gone for a ride. When I drove by, I saw your horse outside, so I took a chance. I brought you a copy of that apple crumble pie recipe you said you wanted.”
Nikki took the folded paper Faith held out and glanced at the neatly written recipe. “You could have left it with Dillon, but thank you for taking the trouble.”
Faith tilted her head. “I’ve got some pretty strong shoulders, hon. Do you want to share whatever’s weighin’ you down?”
You mean tell you how I love both Dillon and Brett but am afraid I’ll let them down? How I feel like I’m running from my problems to the security they offer? Like I’m selling out?
“I don’t know where to start. It’s hard to explain.”
How could a woman with a husband who loved her and five beautiful children—six, if you included Brett—understand what even she didn’t understand?
“Why don’t you try me? No judgments, I promise.”
She squared her shoulders and faced Dillon’s mom. “Remember that conversation we had a couple weeks ago? About me having to choose between Dillon and Brett?”
Faith nodded. “I figured that was the trouble.”
If she were seriously considering the permanent arrangement, she supposed this was the best person to start with. If Faith couldn’t accept it, she’d have her answer. She’d walk away from them both before causing them problems with their family. “I’m sleeping with them both, Faith. Sometimes at the same time. Now they want me to stay with them. In a permanent threesome.”
Faith pursed her lips and exhaled softly. “Oh. Y’all took Gramma B’s suggestion to heart, didn’t you?”
“It just sort of happened.” She wouldn’t dare blame Dillon. Or Brett. She’d been as much a part of the decision that first night they’d had the threesome. “I won’t apologize for what we’ve done—I love them, Faith.”
“And yet you’re here, while they’re waiting for you back at the Double Bar.”
“Can you imagine the talk when it gets out that the three of us are involved that way? If Brett’s ever called to testify in court, the lawyers will tear him apart. People may shun Dillon. I could cause him to lose his business.”
“Hon, people will always find things to talk about. Yes, there’ll be some who will give you the cold shoulder. Dillon may get more business if it gets out—who knows with the people around here? But if the three of you decide that’s what you want, then I can guarantee the whole Barnett family will stick up for you. You’ll always be welcome in our home.”
“Why?”
Faith looked confused. “Because that’s what families do for each other. They support each other, whether they agree with the other person’s decisions or not. It’s called love.”
“Not in my family. Not in most of the families I know.” She took a deep breath. “I’m afraid, Faith. I’m afraid what’ll happen to us if I stay, but I’m afraid I’ll lose them if I don’t.”
Faith caught her hand, something even her own mother hadn’t done since she was a child. “Hon, it’s time to put on your big girl panties. You have to stop living your life trying to please everyone else. I know it’s tough—as women we’re trained to put ourselves last. But there comes a time when you have to think of yourself. When you have to listen to your heart.”
“What would you do? If you had to decide between Jackson and someone you loved just as much?”
“To be honest? I don’t know. I doubt I’d have been brave enough to be with two men at the same time in the first place. But times are different now. And you’re not me.”
“If Lilly came to you and told you she wanted to live with two guys, would you support her? If they came to visit, would you let the three of them sleep in the same bed under your roof?”
“I’m sure Jackson will have some issues with any boy she brings home, even once she’s married. But it would be Lilly’s decision to make. So if they made her happy, then yes, I’d fully support her.”
“So how do I know I’m making the right decision?” In staying with them? Or not?
“Do they make you happy?”
“Yes.” The last few weeks she’d been the happiest she’d ever been. They’d been a large part of that. It wasn’t just the sex—although she wasn’t about to trade that away—but the sense of teamwork as they mucked out the stalls and looked after their animals. The conversations both lively and quiet. Even when they didn’t agree on a topic, they could always find some common ground. They were not only her lovers, they were her friends too.
“Can you picture your life without them in it?”
She glanced at the empty house and realized that’s what her life would be like without them. “No.”
“Then stop running.”
“But—”
“Brett is more relaxed than I’ve seen him in ages. Of all the people I know, that boy deserves to be happy.” Faith clasped both of Nikki’s hands. “He deserves to come home to a house that is filled with laughter and love.”
Dillon was right, Nikki realized. His mother loved Brett as much as if she’d given birth to him. Blinking back tears, she squeezed Faith’s hands, feeling the strength in them.
“And while Dillon has always been responsible when it came to his business, to looking after his men, there are times when he’s been a bit of a wild child.” Faith released Nikki’s hands and hitched her purse on her shoulder. “Lord knows he’s challenged us on occasion and sometimes we’ve had to get tough and lay down the law with him. But he’s always come through.” There was no bitterness or rancor in her voice, only warmth mixed with humor.
“Like when you grounded him ten years ago for sneaking out to see a concert?”
“Oh, honey, that was just one of a long list of boundaries he’s tested.” Faith’s earthy chuckle had Nikki smiling. “It took quite a few doses of tough love to get some of life’s lessons through his bullheadedness, I don’t mind telling you. Oh, his intentions were always good, but he can be stubborn if he thinks his way is the only way of doin’ things.”
Like him not wanting to let her move back here, insisting she stay with him. Even though it meant moving out of his own bed. “He’s a wonderful man. He’s done so much for me for nothing in return.”
“Thank you. He did turn out well, didn’t he? They both did.” Faith smiled then sighed. “I’m not saying you won’t face challenges living with them both. You’ll need to be tough with them. Not let them get away with not doing their chores around the house. You make sure they pull their weig
ht. Let them know when you’re not happy, and you have to make sure to listen to them if they’re not. There are going to be a lot of compromises ahead. For all of you.”
Nikki stared at her toes. “There’s one more thing. I may not ever be able to have children. You may never have grandchildren if they stay with me. And if we are in a permanent threesome, we’d never be approved to adopt.”
“I’m so sorry, sweetie.” Faith reached out and stroked her arm. “But you love them both, and they love you. In the end, that’s all that matters.”
“But they deserve their own children.”
“Have you discussed it with them?”
“I have with Dillon. And Brett knows I can’t carry a baby full-term.” He’d known that from one of the first times the police had been dispatched to stop one of Wade’s drunken tantrums.
“Did they ask you to stay with them before or after you told them?”
“After.”
“Then what’s the problem? They’re two grown men who know their own minds. I’d say they’ve given you their answer, so who are you to question their decisions?”
“You make it sound so easy.”
Faith tsked. “Hon, falling in love is easy. Staying in love is the tough part.”
Lord, she knew that already.
“I will tell you I know they both love you. It’s plain on their faces when they look at you. So don’t you dare walk away from them thinking you’re not good enough or because you think others may not approve.”
“But—”
“If you walk away, it would destroy Brett, and I have a feeling Dillon wouldn’t fare so well either. If they don’t make you happy then you have to leave, and I’ll support your decision. But don’t you dare run away from them because you’re scared of what people might think, or because of what you think my boys might want in the future. Oh, and if you’re worrying I’d be bugging you about makin’ me a grandmother, don’t forget I have four other children to give me lots of grandbabies.” Her mouth twisted up at one side. “Hopefully they’ll wait quite a few years before they do though. I’m not ready to start wearin’ old lady shoes quite yet.”
